How do I get my 17 year old son to be more respectful toward me? He uses a lot of cuss words towards me. I have taken things away that he really enjoys but that doesn't seem to bother him. Very disrespectful.

How do I get my 17 year old son to be more respectful toward me? He uses a lot of cuss words towards me. I have taken things away that he really enjoys but that doesn't seem to bother him. Very disrespectful. What should I do to gain his respect?

I feel like there's more here. Why is he disrespectful towards you?

Is his dad around, or do you have a male figure you can talk to?? Uncle, brother? Grandfather??

By 17 they have learned how they are going to act. Has this issue "just" happened, or has it been going on for a long time just getting worst.

I feel like there's more here. Why is he disrespectful towards you?

It seems like when he does not get his way.

Well, have you ever tried hitting him, he mouths off to you, smack him in the back of the head, that all ways gets me to shut the hell up, "dad, your a fat f###" *pow* "I'm sorry, wahaaaaaahaahaa!"
My dad is a bad , ex navy seal, seal team 6 mastercheif pety officer, and he's not afraid to kick my @$$ when I'm outa line, so why don't you, just hit him

Can't do that. Not the right thing to do.

OK this may sound really stupid but have you come right out and ask him why he's disrespects you? If we had more information we might be able to help you better. Could you answer the questions that other posters have asked?

Can't do that. Not the right thing to do.
Why's that?

Why's that?

Lol, you can't hit kids these days, its illegal. I think you can go to jail for it.

I have 13 and 15 year old boys and I don't have a problem with them. Try what I do. Make sure he know you're the adult your in charge but respect the fact that he practically an adult, he's going to have strong point of veiws on things and let him express that. Make deals and don't break them.

As a kid my mum would tell me if I did (example) the dishes I could go to a friends sleepover and I would do them. Then I wouldn't do something small I was told to do later and she would tell me I could go to the sleepover. She broke the deal and I would act out on her because of that.
I've learnt from that and never break deals and respect my children as I would respect anyone else.
And make sure he knows this and express your love for him more, kids pretend they don't like that but they really do.

Why's that?
Because then you create an angry kid who punches at the drop of a hat, abuses his own body with alcohol and cigarettes, and doesn't respect women and authority.

There is no way that ANY 17 year old is going to keep the same personality throughout their whole life. Disrespectful spoiled brats = bad parenting.

I'm 18 years old and though I might fight with my parents occasionally I NEVER cuss them out and if they ask me to do something then I do it.

Could you give me an example of a time when he was disrespectful? Different situations call for different punishments so if you give me an example, then I could tell you what my parents would have done or what would work.

There isn't one general rule for parenting. If there was it would be consistency.

I didn't read the other posts so I am not sure where everyone stands but have you checked to see if it could be a mental issue.
Ie: sociapathism

This is caused by trauma in a child's life. Has your son experienced any sort of trauma.(loss of fatherfigure) Was he adopted/foster care? If so attachment disorder or RAD (reactive attachment disorder) can have serious affects on a child even at 17. I was adopted at age 7 as was my brother and sister and too this day (I am 21 now) I have rage issues I blame on trauma (things I've seen that a 5-6 year old should never see) displacemnt from many homes and 7 different schools bfore I was 7 years old. This may not be the case but it makes you wonder!

I am just throwing out another option!

Also communicate more with him, ask him what's wrong, what makes him mad and when does he CLICK! I always wished my parents would talk to me more, as much as we act like we are badasses and don't need your help WE DO, I loved it when my dad would talk to me about things and my mom too!

ITstudent2006,

What were you referring to?

you stated spoiled disrespectful kids=bad parenting. That's why I disagree my parents were great aprents and I had a rotten brother who suffers from sociapathism and it has nothing to do with my parents parenting technques.

To say that a disrespectful child is bad parenting is an opinion and in no way can be proved. And to tell the OP to tell YOU n scenario and then you could tell the OP the proper way of handling it ludacris, you're an outsider looking in and in no way have you got the right and/or knowledge to handle a situation so unknown and uninterpreted!


p.s. what time is it in Colorado

I think you need to sit your son down and tell him that you are the one putting a roof over his head, and that you are the one feeding him and giving him what he needs and wants so if he keeps acting this way by the time he is 18 you won't be doing everything for him... seriously, he is almost a full adult, able to move out, just let him know you are his support system and you won't be for longer with his attitude.

There doesn't always have to be a reason for him to be disrespectful and what not. Most likely its just a phase because you have not mentioned that it has been going on for a long time now. If it really gets that bad, all you can do is talk to him. Punishing a teenager never gets anybody anywhere. All punishment does is lead them to do whatever they did again. Seventeen is quite the rebellious age.

Lol, you can't hit kids these days, its illegal. I think you can go to jail for it.
And that's what's wrong with kids these days! They know they can do whatever they want with no real responsibility for their actions. When I was younger and I acted up I got my handed to me and I deserved it. Eventually I learned that if I didn't want an kicking then I should behaved.

Engee182 disagrees: Beating is another form of negative reinforcement.

BS! Complete and utter BS! The problem is that all you new age liberals make it a crime and punish the parents for what might be the only course of action on some kids. Beating a child is NOT the same as busting his A$$ for acting a fool. I got my butt whooped a lot when I was a kid and not only did I deserve every one I got but it taught me respect. This is why some parents have children that just walk all over them.

How do I get my 17 year old son to be more respectful toward me? He uses a lot of cuss words towards me. I have taken things away that he really enjoys but that doesn't seem to bother him. Very disrespectful.

I suggest you watch the Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milan. He talks a lot about setting boundries and limitations, if your son is acting this way now it's because you haven't been setting them. Love is not giving your kids whatever they want or allowing them to act anyway they want. Love is setting boundries and limitations that help them grow into responsible functioning adults. It's possible that you have your own self love issues if you find it difficult to set those boundries with your son as you likely fear that he won't love you anymore. If you were more secure with your own self love you wouldn't need his approval and you wouldn't put up with his crap for fear of losing that approval.

I will recommend a book called Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. I think it's a great book to help you understand the family dynamic you are in right now and how to start loving yourself and setting boundries.

When you're getting along, talk to him about it. Also watch how you interact with him - are you swearing around the house, too? How do you interact with your spouse in front of your son? Have you set the tone?

If this is an all of a sudden thing, I'd be snooping into his business to find out if something else is up - sudden changes like this can be a sign of drug involvement or drinking or huffing. Or he might just be trying to get some distance from you. Try to talk to him about giving him some space and privacy, And about how doing that requires that he be responsible and treat you respectfully. If he's irresponsible and rude, then you have a responsibility as a parent to find out what's the problem, which means you will be in his business.

It's a lot like having a toddler. If he asks for something rudely, the answer is always no. If he refuses to take care of something, take it away. If he won't pick up his room, throw all his stuff in garbage bags and take it to work for a few days or a week until he gets the point that if it's left for you to pick up, you will take full control over it. If he's rude to you in front of friends, he stays home and the friends have to leave. If the friends are rude, they have to leave. And so on. Don't get into big discussions, just dispassionately and calmly implement the appropriate responses.

The suggestion of hitting him is very stupid. Responding to one form of disrespect with another will get you nowhere and may backfire - most teenage boys are soon bigger and stronger than their mothers.

I think u should just ask him wats wrong. Just sit him down and talk to him about why he shouts at you

At 18, and living at home breaking rules, he has to go. The problem is he should have to pay the consequenses for his actions, or what's the point in talking? At 18 he is his own man.