Here's the story:
My ex and I dated for a little over 2 years. I'm 19 and a soph in college. We were head over heels in love. We dated senior yr of HS, and freshmen year of college. When I got to college, I stayed madly in love with him, and had a great first year, but started getting attention from men that I never got in high school. This made me question whether I was missing out by not being single a lot. He went headlong from high school rowing ( crew ) into college crew and quickly became a star athlete on the club. I joined a sorority and he joined a frat.. which he ended up deactivating from. We broke up semi mutually in September.. 3 months ago because we had been having several disagreements about life and especially crew.. but I still loved him and was under the impression that he still loved me and that we needed a break. Well, that break turned into a break up. We tried to be friends in the beginning but it hurt too badly. I soon realized. I lost 20 lbs.. Bad news on my thin frame, and became very depressed. I never asked for him back, but I think he knew that I did want him. He never said it but made it clear that he was relieved to be single and doing crew and mostly only crew. We stopped talking all together. Now, after claiming that "he really wants to be single and cannot be in a relationship for a very long time," has a girlfriend on the team.. one that he was close friends with before that I knew. The team is basically a cult - and he is fully absorbed in it. I have tried to move on, and started dating a guy officially just a little while ago. I told myself this isn't a rebound, because we were good friends before and he made me truly happy, forgetting my ex most of the time. But now, as its winter break, the feelings for my ex haunt me. What should I do? Do you think we'll have a chance in the future, just not now? We were so close, and shared such an incredible bond - we used to talk about getting married after college. He's going out of state to row in summer, and then to australia next fall for study abroad - aka more crew. I know the smart thing for me to do is to move on forever, but part of me still believes that we could have a future someday. Help!

Its not unnormal for past relationships to haunt us especially during the holidays so I would allow yourself to feel the haunt for maybe 30 minutes write something about it.. then forget it and move on... do it once a day if you need to... realize that its normal and does not mean your new relationship is a rebound.
First loves are hard to get over I am still getting over mine and I can relate.. I feel the same way about the future and getting married but if you want that future you need to let him go for now and grow and love yourself and be open to the possibility of love having a different plan for you... focus on your sorority and soround yourself with activities and live college and singledom or coupledom to the fullest you only have college once :D focus on loving and learning about yourself right now and stay open and life will take care of you... if you want to talk about anything message me id love to listen

I dated my first love from when I was 14 until I was 19.. we broke up semi mutually because of college and after about three weeks I was devastated and wanted to get back... we said we just needed a break and then we would get back. Well this also turned into a break up when she met another guy and has been seeing him. It is killing me because I love her and it is the holidays, but let me tell you this. You never want anyone who doesn't want you. I wrote her a letter that I plan on giving her someday that tells her just how I felt at this moment and how I was so hurt and so sad. Moving on is the only thing we can both do. I hate the saying that if it's meant to be then it'll be... because to me.. if its meant to be then it SHOULD be and if he doesn't want that then you can't waste your time hoping for a future.. I catch myself hoping to but it only lengthens the greiving time.. We officially split 2 weeks ago and the holidays have been hell but I'm getting through... and the longer I go without talking to her the better chance I have to move on and find someone who will love me as much as I love her... we talked about marriage as well... and I believed it, but listen... you need to cut communication which is the HARDEST thing in the world... and you need to focus on living and finding someone who wants you and doesn't need time or space because he's only holding on in case things don't work out... you need to find someone who has you pegged as number 1 and wants you NOW... were both in for a long tough road... but there will be a day when both my ex girlfriend and your ex boyfriend will feel the pain that we feel now and we will be long over this and comfortable with our lives... ready to find someone who didn't choose someone over us... goodluck and I hope we both come out stronger people

Look, sometimes relationships just don't work out. Matter of fact, most don't, as much as we thought they would or had hoped they would. No one goes into a relationship thinking it will not work. That is why break ups suck. Your first love is the hardest (I am in that boat now) because it is the first everything, and it is hard to get rid of a feeling that you are literally addicted to. There is no need to be mad at the other person for it not working. Things fall apart because in the end, they weren't strong enouugh... you will find that a better life awaits, and unfortunately you had to go through this to become a better person. I know how rough it is. I am on month four of my love breaking it off with me, but that doesn't mean you stop living. Learn to love yourself, build a life around yourself that you love, and trust me, things will happen. Merry Christmas to you all! Have faith that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Don't be angry at anyone for it, just accept it. You have the world to offer, and the world is waiting for you. Live it, love it and enjoy it! Talk to you guys later!

Thank you everyone for your advice. I've cut communication long ago.. and technically done this whole healing and break up thing right, by the books even.. it just is taking a long time for me to not feel that stab of pain in my stomach every time I learn about his current happenings and to stop that sinking feeling every time I think of him. I know I'm stronger because of the break up, and I know that I'm a catch - sounds vain, but I've got a lot going for me and am proud to say so! Hopefully one day I'll be able to look back and appreciate it for what it was and fall in love again.

Once peoples feelings change, and they go in other directions, they seldom come back, especially when they are to busy having fun. He is doing just that, and building his life, and that's what you must do.

My exes still haunt me too, from time to time. Enjoy the memories, and get busy making new ones. That and time usually does move you forward.

On your last post about te stab of pain I know what you mean hun my chest turns red and blotchy and my stomach does flips whenever someone even mentions my exs new relationship.. . and I was successful in the heartbreak thing too I guess the best thing is what you are doing and just embrace the feeling it means you loved you know? How many people can say that? Lol besides on this site... haha but seirously just keep going the way you are and give yourself time you are doing a fnatastic job