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View Full Version : What does she need?


romantic9979kay
Dec 24, 2008, 08:01 AM
SO I have been living in with my girlfriend for the past couple of months with no issues or problems until the past couple of months. The reason I have been here is she has been struggling making her monthly bills and I have been paying them. All of the sudden she is claiming that she doesn't have any space and needs to have some time to herself more often and less of me so she can miss me... this is her idea of being able to meet some of my personal needs in a relationship... she claims this will allow her to be more affectionate. She has also said unprompted that she dreams about marriage kids, house, dog picket fence with me blah blah blah... her idea is if we have more time apart for the next several months then this will allow her to grow closer to me and understand me better on a relationship level... there has never been anything said about not being able to have her own time while Im with her till now. I don't feel comfortable continuing to pay all her living expenses while Im being asked to sit on the sideline and only stay with her when she feels she needs to see me. None of my personal needs have even been addressed by her cause she says she needs this in order for her to give me my needs. She claims she is not falling out love with me... but needs more time to herself too. Am I crazy or does this sound like laying the groundwork for separation?. Again she has always told me from day one she loves having me around and enjoys having me over for the night.

nitelight198073
Dec 24, 2008, 08:08 AM
Wow that is tough but if you feel uncomfortable paying her bills when she wants more time to herself then don't... you definitely don't want to get used

artlady
Dec 24, 2008, 08:10 AM
It sounds like she is trying to play you.

The argument that she needs space to miss you so she can be more affectionate is lame to say the least.It makes no sense.

When you love someone you want to be with that person,not to the exclusion of having your own time alone, but for the most part you want to be together.

I would rethink this relationship and tell her that there has to be a compromise that includes your wants and needs as well.

It sounds like a very one-sided relationship and she is reaping all the benefits while you are just paying the bills and getting the boot as well.

Stand up for yourself and don't let her play you.A good relationship is about both people being content ,not just one.

Good luck!

tolerance
Dec 24, 2008, 09:41 AM
First, stop paying her bills. Let her pay them herself. Your not her husband. Spend the money that your spending on her on yourself.

Secondly, the space thing is a lie. Couple work through their problems together not apart. Don't be her fool.

Of course she's going keep you around because your paying her way. If she wants space then give it to her by not being around her and let her pay her way.

Move on and don't sit around and wait for her. Be careful of people bs and when your being use.

xoxaprilwine
Dec 24, 2008, 10:08 AM
Yikes, get out while your ahead. You said that you started living with her a couple of months ago and that the problems started a couple of months ago... pretty much you are experiencing these problems immediately. It's one thing if you two have been dating for a long time and then lived together to find its just not working out but to be having these issues in such a short time is a call for reality check. I know you said that you moved in to help her... how is this helping you? Her needs are being met financially but your emotional and physical needs are being extremely neglected? There isn't any fair play here and seems to be one-sided, beneficial for her. Now she wants space? So you continue to live there, settle for being unhappy while she gets her personal space to miss you? I don't think so! You are being used and her excuses to avoid intimacy with you are ridiculous (sorry to say). Moreover for her to say she has dreams about you two being married and blah, blah is her way of telling you she wants you in her life permanently... keep you around. I don't know, maybe she is being honest about that but I think you should take a step back, re-evaluate your situation, move out and maintain the relationship as it was prior to. At that point she may have no use for you and you should be prepared to move on but maybe she does want space and can manage herself and continue the relationship. Don't financially assist her, save your money for your future because you honestly don't know if she will be apart of it.

JBeaucaire
Dec 24, 2008, 03:07 PM
The problems have started, she's pressing for "space"... this is going the wrong direction. I believe your fears are founded.

Don't ignore them. Your future is still waiting to happen. The more time you spend chasing an "ending" relationship, the further away that future stays.

talaniman
Dec 24, 2008, 03:21 PM
This is easy, if she needs more space... leave, and she can get a job, and pay her own bills.

Dude, if she doesn't have enough space while your at work, and she ain't, then she is full of it.

How long have you been together again?? How long have you know her?