View Full Version : My girl is thinking of breaking up with me. What do I do
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 01:01 PM
My girl and I have been together for 15 months and she's thinking of breaking up with me. One night she went to a party and when she came back she thought I was mas(I wasn't) and now she thinks io don't trust her, which I do. I can't sleep and I have a throwing up feeling all the time, I love this girl and I don't want to lose her. I'm a little clingy when she gets upset or mad at me , I really love this girl and need help please...
kctiger
Dec 22, 2008, 01:03 PM
COMMUNICATE with each other!! You guys seriously need to sit down, talk about the issues, and work it out, otherwise, jump to the next possible solution... break up.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 01:38 PM
What do I do when the girl I love thinks I can't trust her and is now thinking of breaking up with me, but I love her and don't want her to
cbsf
Dec 22, 2008, 01:58 PM
Why does she think you can't trust her? Does she feel crowded? Need some more info.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 02:05 PM
She went to a party one night and when she came back she thought I was mad but I wasn't and she thought I didn't trust her when she went the party
asking
Dec 22, 2008, 02:08 PM
How were you feeling when she came back from the party? You can be honest here, since no one knows you.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 02:10 PM
I was tired from shopping all day with her and I was a little down because she got to go out and I didn't
whatsmyyname
Dec 22, 2008, 02:13 PM
Well no, you need to talk to her obviously, what reasons are there for her to feel you don't trust her? I doubt she would break up with you just for that unless it seems to her you are acting quite paranoid and possibly 'clingy'. Just ask her what's wrong and tell her you like her a lot and are willing to change/ 'work on it' and if it is because you are being paranoid or clingy then give her room or it will never work...
You need to give a little more info.
asking
Dec 22, 2008, 02:13 PM
Okay. So you were more feeling left out than distrustful. It sounds like a misunderstanding. It also sounds like she is supersensitive to this issue.
I would give her some time to cool off, then ask her to tell you how she felt when she got back and really let her know you are listening. Then when she feels like she's been heard, you can explain again that you were not distrustful, more envious and you are sorry for being negative when she got back. Hopefully, she can open up and let you know why she reacted so strongly to this. It's important that you listen to her first before you justify yourself.
Good luck!
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 02:16 PM
But when she says to me"i need to think about our relationship" it scares me and the other day she also told me that she also had feeling for someone else and now I djust don't no what to do
whatsmyyname
Dec 22, 2008, 02:24 PM
It maybe seems like she is making up some sort of excuse to break up. The way she is acting comes across as quite childish. Talk to her, listen to everything she has to say just tell her everything you are feeling if you love her you should be able to. I am not jumping to conclusions but she could possibly (THIS IS ONLY A POSSIBLILITY) she could already be seeing someone and is reflecting her 'negativity' on you by saying you are can't trust her as she may feel guilty... I hope this makes some sense... To me the way she is acting is a little out of order and she should tell you the truth. Now act calm relaxed, positive and willing to let her speak. However I personally don't think she is worth it if she is having other feelings and is generally acting a little 'bizare'. (But talk to her but don't be mean/judgemental just be mature and relaxed about it all and hopefully she will open up a bit)
amricca
Dec 22, 2008, 03:00 PM
How old are you?
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 03:01 PM
19
amricca
Dec 22, 2008, 03:06 PM
Every girl is different, there is no one thing to say. Give us some more info on you relationship and why do you think she is going to break up with you and maybe we can help you more.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 03:08 PM
Well um.. she thinks I don't trust her which I do and we do have little fights over nothing and sometimes one of them will build up and be really bad
xoxaprilwine
Dec 22, 2008, 03:13 PM
well um.. she thinks i dont trust her which i do and we do have little fights over nothing and sometimes one of them will build up and be really bad
Ok and what are her reasons for you not trusting her? If it where little fights over nothing then you wouldn't have posted this thread... obviously you are concerned so please elaborate a bit so we can accurately assist you. Is it over other males? Going out? What are the fights about? Is there a pattern? How long have you dated your girlfriend? Do you two have anything in common? Or is the basis of your fights related to difference of opinions? To what extent of seriousness is your relationship? What is the main issue around the un-trustworthiness from your position?
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 03:21 PM
Well me and my girl have been going out for 15 months now and the fights are about stupid little things that we disagree on and sometimes I don't say the right things and I make it worse, I live about 20 nminutes away from her and cause of school and everything I can only see her on the weekends, when we don't fight we have an awesome time. Its just I think I can't say the right things and its really messing things up with us and the other night she thought I didn't trust her because she came back from a party and she thought I was mad but I wasn't and last nigh she said that she also had feelings for someone else which I don't no is true or but it makes me scared. I really love this girl and I don't want to lose her
xoxaprilwine
Dec 22, 2008, 04:28 PM
well me and my girl have been going out for 15 months now and the fights are about stupid little things that we disagree on and sometimes i dont say the right things and i make it worse, i live about 20 nminutes away from her and cause of school and everything i can only see her on the weekends, when we dont fight we have an awesome time. its just i think i can't say the right things and its really messing things up with us and the other night she thought i didnt trust her because she came back from a party and she thought i was mad but i wasn't and last nigh she said that she also had feelings for someone else which i dont no is true or but it makes me scared. i really love this girl and i dont want to lose her
Ahh, well she said she may have feelings for someone else and this may be true. Has she officially broken it off? You both sound very, very young and love is not the term you should be using after 15 months but rather you care a great deal and have serious interest in her... possibly evolving to love in the future. Thing is if you two have not a lot in common many disagreements can occur. You of course must mind your temper and value her difference of opinion. If she is difficult then I suggest you let it go... if you are putting out more energy into the relationship then you have another dilemma. You can start by telling her how you truly feel and apologize for any wrongdoing you have made in the relationship and involve her by asking how you could improve on being a better boyfriend. Embrace yourself for hearing things you don't want to (keep an open mind and don't become angry... let her talk) and make a promise to her and yourself to start making changes or compromises and how you intend to carry it out.
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 04:38 PM
If someone wants to break up with you
There is nothing you can do to change there mind. And why would you want to?
If someone does not want to be with you. Why waist your time on them
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 04:46 PM
But she says she still has feelings for me and I don't want to lose her
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 04:50 PM
B.S
Girls say that all the time when they break up with you
100 girls I was with kid. They said the same thing..
Oh I love you.. Oh you will always be special!
Geee I wish we could be together forever!
They are just words! And they are cheap
Actions speak louder than words..
The reason why people say these things
Is to make themselves feel better
And less guilty
If she had feelings for you.
She would not like someone else and she would still be with you wouldn't she?
The odds are stacked.
You live far away from her
She has feeling for someone else? I man come on
Don't get blind kid ;)
Open your eyes
And move on
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 04:59 PM
BTU she hasn't broken up with me yet she says its about 50/50 I just need to no the right things to say to make her believe that I do trust her and that I can fix things to help our relationship
wolfgangqpublic
Dec 22, 2008, 05:14 PM
She's coming up with an excuse to break up - there is someone else and she wants to give them a spin. Something may have even happened at the party and attacked you as a way to displace attention.
No guarantees this is the case, but it reads like that to me.
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 05:46 PM
Tell her this then..
Tell her how you feel about her.
How you love spending time with her.
And how you are willing to really work at this relationship.
Then Ask her. If she is willing to put the effort in as well
Because you can say and do all the right things in the world dude.
But if she is not willing to work at the relationship and if she is 50/50
Then you a fight an up hill battle
You need to know where you stand.
talaniman
Dec 22, 2008, 07:04 PM
Three threads merged, so don't be confused, just don't start anymore about the same thing.
mikedem7
Dec 22, 2008, 07:08 PM
Move on
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 07:23 PM
Okay hers my story.. im 17 and I'm dating this magnificent girl who I think is the one I no uim young but to me it just feels that way. Now this weekend we got into a really big fight, we sometimes have little fights but this one takes the cake. This weekend she was asked to go to a party and she asked me if she was allowed to go and I said yes but than she asked if I would be mad, being an idiot I said you a little but I'm not going to say that out loud. Now for most of that day she kept debating if she was going to go or not , but I told her to go and have. Now the reason I was a little mad was because she got to have fun that night and I got to sit at home. When she came back from the party she thought I was, and I said no, then I asked who she was texting and she said some names and I knew she was lying but she wouldn't tell me the truth, and we kept arguing about it and she said I didn't trust her but I do I just wanted her to tell me the truth, after awhile of fighting she finally told me and I was all right after that but she kept saying I didn't trust her but I do and she started to cry and being the nice boyfriend I tried to make her feel better but she was mad by now and kept saying I can't trust when she's out with her guy friends. The next day we barely talked when we did I tried to tell I was sorry for what I did that night and tried to make things better but she said she needed time to think about things and is now decidingwhether or not to break up with me. During the rest of that day I kept trying to give me another chance promising that I will fix things and make things better, but that didn't work, so I thought I was being to clingy so I tries to give her space and I did.. so when I got home that night I started texting her and asked if she also had feelings for someone else and she said "i might im not gonna lie". Now today I have been giving her space and talking to people trying to get advice on what to do. Now she said that's its 50/50 and that she still loves me and I'm scared to lose her.. I love this girl and I just don't no what to do... please give me some good advice
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 07:36 PM
Ok, let me get this straight. You're with a girl who has feelings with some other guy? Is it just me or is this girl walking all over you?
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 07:38 PM
But the problem is I love this girl... we have been together for 15 months and I really don't want to break up with her I think I just don't no how to say the right things.
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 07:40 PM
LOOK ENOUGH!
honestly if this is how you act with her.. keep going on and on.. about the same thing
you have like 29 posts of the same thing are you trying to spam as much as you can just so you can get a reply that you like? look kid no one is going to tell you to CHASE after someone who LIKES SOMEONE ELES!!
I know your young I know your in love.. Problem is you love her? And you have been together for 15months
With all due repsect. So what.. yeah it happens we have all been there... it hurts... We move on.
OK but if you keep going on about the same thing. And keep on posting
Its like you are just ignoring all of us.. who have tried to help you out.
You want to love with all your heart fine?
But be ready to move on with all of your heart as well
And leave her
This will be my last message on this subject
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 07:40 PM
I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and we broke up a couple days ago. I know how you are feeling. Stop panicking its not the end of the world. Relax for a minute and think about the actions you are taking, because they are going to sculpt whether there will ever be a chance with this girl. Like I said, are you guys still together?
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 07:42 PM
You we are still together
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 07:43 PM
Oh geez, let me give you some advice. LEAVE HER.. How disgusting, to string you along while she has interests in some other guy. I want to puke.
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 07:44 PM
Dude... I don't know if there is anything you can really say to her... if she is thinking she has feelings for someone else, then its up to her to decide... no matter what you do or say, she has to make up her own mind on who she wants to be with...
Even if u act nice to her now, and say all the right things, next time she goes out, of next time you have a fight, she might go find someone else, or she might think she made the wrong choice staying with u...
So I'm sorry to say, but there is nothing much more you can do than just tell this girl you love her, and you'd like to be with her, but the choice is hers, and whateva she decides, u'll be OK with it. It's the only way... Sorry dude...
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 07:44 PM
Coming from someone that has just learnt how to shave.. you would think.. would listen a bit..
But sadly no.
I'm done with you kid
Enjoy your pain
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 07:46 PM
Ouch, true faith. But I see where you're coming from.
Anyway.
Honestly, I'm younger then you and I can handle these situations in a more mannered way. Doesn't that tell you something?
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 07:50 PM
I don't know if age is the issue here... love or "love" makes us do some crazy things, and no matter how old you are, it has control over you.. so give the dude a break...
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 07:53 PM
It has nothing to do with AGE!
It's a MIND SET!
And the mind set of this kid has pisst me off
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 07:57 PM
It has nothing to do with AGE!
Its a MIND SET!
and the mind set of this kid has pisst me off
So he is strung up on a girl who he really cares about, but she is treating him like dirt... we've all been there man... fallen for someone who wasn't worth it... this is just something he has to work out for himself..
But I do understand what you mean... this boy has to face facts...
ITstudent2006
Dec 22, 2008, 07:57 PM
Truefaith as blunt as you are and to some you may seem mean, but I agree 100%. At 17, there are other things RUSTY could be doing to pass his time.
RUSTY
She is walking all over you. She does not respect you! She is wasteing your time, time you could be doing things that shape the man you're going to be the rest of your life.
You may not see it now but believe me, I am 22 years old and have heard all of this before and at the time I was like heck no but hinesight showed me I should listen.
Hope This Helps
satswid
Dec 22, 2008, 08:22 PM
First of all, I appreciate your love
Your story says that, you are a true lover.
You care for her but she thinks you don't trust her.
And one thing you may not know is that
"She thinks you are someone who loves her so much that you will accept everything and no matter what she does, you will surely return back to her.", In simple words, your value in her eyes is next to nothing.
Imagine how much would you care for a dog, who comes back to you even after several kicks you gave.
Don't mind, it was just an example.
The basic idea is that "you have bowed so much for your love that she is taking you for granted"
Its up to you to now decide but remember.
When you love someone true heartedly,
Set her TOTALLY free
If she reurns, she's yours
If she doesn't, you are luckier than her
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 08:30 PM
But look at it at my point of view I love this girl so she says she has some feelings for someone else I'm a positive thinker and I think I can make things work out with her you might think I'm immature or stupid or dumb but I love this girl with all my heart and you telling me to just leave her out of my thoughts is harder than you think.. trust me I'm trying and when I do I just think of all the fun times we've had iand I just tear up. I'm not immature I'm not stupid or dumb I'm in love its what I feel
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 08:33 PM
I know dude... but the best thing for u to do right now is let her make up her mind and decide for herself... u can't decide what another person does... it's their life, their choice...
ITstudent2006
Dec 22, 2008, 08:34 PM
Don't tell me I think you're dumb. I am 21 years old and I am engaged. I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. I am not telling you to straight up leave, you need to step back and think about what is going on. When she starts having feelings for another guy that to me is a sign of giving up on you 2. You can be positive all you want but that desn't change the facts. It is what it is.
P.s. Try capitalizing and using proper punctuation, it makes it easier to read.
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 08:35 PM
The more you push the issue, the more you will push her away. I've been there, LISTEN TO US, please!
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 08:37 PM
Hmmm seems like we are all speaking from experience... seriously dude... if she has feelings, or thinks she has feelings for another guy, then something is very wrong here... even if she does stay with u, things will never be the same again... so no point... best to cut your losses and live your life...
ITstudent2006
Dec 22, 2008, 08:38 PM
To be honest I re-read your post and it sounds like you are young and nieve. You're afraid of rejectiona and loss, you got mad because she went to party while you were stuck at home playing playstation! Sounds to me like you have a control problem and can't stand being by yourself.
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 08:39 PM
Dude, get RIPPED for the summer! Trust me.. Set weekly work out goals, this will HELP WONDERS.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 22, 2008, 08:40 PM
But it's so hard I may be young but it's just really hard
BlackVY
Dec 22, 2008, 08:42 PM
but it's so hard i may be young but it's just really hard
Nothing in life worth doing comes easy...
411Help
Dec 22, 2008, 08:43 PM
I'm young too man, I'm dying inside too, I'm having sleepless nights, I wake up from dreams with her by my side. BUT I'm mature enough to accept the fact that only time will heal me. YOU NEED TO DO THE SAME.
BobbyVandeyar
Dec 22, 2008, 09:42 PM
Hey if you want another example to give you another word of thought. Take me. I been in a long distance relationship for 5 months. In the beginning. Was all cool. We fell in love because we knew each other for a while. I know its different because we lived in different states. But I started to not trust her. And I would become more and more clingy as well as insecure. Thinking that at times I might not be good enough for her. And because of all this the relationship ended and we both moved on. It just was not working.
Look man. I ono how many posts you have put up about this issue. But whatever the case. You can't be so uptight over her. You got your friends and she has her friends. No matter how many guy friends she has. You need to be the better person and TRUST your girl or whatever girl you ever start to have a relationship with. No trust. No relationship. Period.
Only thing you can do. Is let her be. And at the same time. Evaluate yourself on how you handled things.
Hope this helps you out sir.
TrueFaith
Dec 22, 2008, 10:30 PM
I feel for you bobby.
But it's a good lesson learnt. Isn't it.
And your mind now is so much stronger!
And that is my point here.
Life, Relationships.. they never get easy!
There is always going to be something that knocks you for six.
But it is how you deal with it that counts.
Yes we all fall.
But we don't stay down do we?
So come on Rusty. Get out of that PIT of self pitty, and move on
I know. You know it's the right thing to do
All the best
talaniman
Dec 23, 2008, 01:11 AM
Last warning, any more new threads on this subject will be deleted, Stick to this one rusty.
learnintolikeme
Dec 23, 2008, 04:10 AM
You say she is thinking about breaking up. Well then there is still room for improvement. She is warning you not threatening you. Talk to her in a calm manner and tell he what you are worried about. You have to have trust or you won't get very far. I know that it is very hard when you are crazy about someone. You have to believe that she loves you I she stays with you, if she wants someone else then it will be over anyway.
Focus on the things she likes about you and forget everything else. Give her what she needs. As I said she is still hanging around and that is a good sign.
Best of luck.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 23, 2008, 01:05 PM
I have tried to talk to her and just have a decent conversation like last night she went to the movies with some guy friends and I trusted her and I stopped talking to her for a bit because I didn't want to annoy her and when I did start talking to her again its like she is confused and doesn't no what to do. Its really hard from talking to her everyday to not talking to her at all. And today I tried to talk to her again and she said she didn't want want to talk. And she does say she still loves me but I don't no if she means it or not
ITstudent2006
Dec 23, 2008, 01:14 PM
RUSTY RUSTY RUSTY!
THe past couple days I've been reading your posts and just imagining the situation and the more you write the more obvius it is that she is not in the same place as you emotionally.
The other niht she hung outwith guys while you stayed at home and did NOTHING but worry. Last night she went out with guys and you probably stayed at home and did NOTHING but worry To me it sounds like she's over you but she's cared to tell you. Why would you want someone like that, I realize you have strong feelings for her but look at her behavior, there is no effort on her part to revive this mangled mess. If this is a look into your two's future then I would suggest get out NOW!
Later man!
kctiger
Dec 23, 2008, 01:16 PM
I have a great idea... instead of sitting on your butt and worrying about her, why don't you get up and have fun with your friends? Or... you could just sit there and let her play with your emotions awhile longer, until she selects another guy to be with. Up to you...
What to do while my girlfriend tells me she wants to think about breaking up with me?
A. Sit at home crying until she makes up her mind (While she is seeing a movie with her guy friends)
B. Go out, have fun, and don't let someone use me constantly
C. Break up with her first, and tell her that I am a human being and not some dog
D. None of the above
TrueFaith
Dec 23, 2008, 02:58 PM
Its in one ear and out the other for you isn't it rusty..
I give up.
End.
411Help
Dec 23, 2008, 07:26 PM
Rusty, I'm really trying to have some patience here with you.. You need to take the time to evaluate all the responses that are given to you.. . How many times do we have to tell you that this girl is no good for you until you even bother to listen? SHE'S with OTHER GUYS while your at home sitting on your butt like a sad little puppy waiting for his owner to come home. Geez, make your life more productive go work out, get ripped for the summer. Improve yourself in the things you love to do. Learn something new, Go clean the house.. ANYTHING to keep your mind off this female.
ilovepumba
Dec 23, 2008, 07:42 PM
OK well you should give her some space and say well in a little bit can you get back together with me and let her think about her answer girls hate it when man makes them speed up theur answers. How do I know this because I am a girl.
Bye
Hopes this helps
ITstudent2006
Dec 23, 2008, 07:42 PM
To be honest Rusty as many times as you posted this same dilemma I'm starting to think it's a joke! TONS of people have given you advice (all saying leave the wench) and you still act like you're 10 years old and in love.
I hope to god you're not wasteing our time by playing a little joke. If it's not a joke think hard about what the people on here are telling you!
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 27, 2008, 05:01 PM
Well this wasn't a joke this was for real. And believe me its really hard trying to figure out how to fix things and what she is going to say when you see her cause she will only break up with you in person. And all in all who just have to think positive to get through the night. Because you can't eat, or sleep, and sometimes you might feel like you have to puke but you can't cause you have nothing in your stomach. I'm 17 and this is the first girl I have ever loved I might be young but I know what I want. And this weekend I talked to my girl to try and work things out and of cousre she was mad but all you have to do is try to make her have fun and tell her how she means to you and tell her everything she does it will be okay. People come on this site to get help with there problems and there concerns and to some people the things you tell them they might not like. Like me for example I did not like the answers you guys gave me but I figured out that you shouldn't have to let people or get advice from people to help you with your problems. Everyone is smart and can always find a way themselves. That's why me and my girl are still together because I found out I didn't need anyone's advice. So you I do thank everyone for the advice but people do need to know they can alwys solve things on there own.
411Help
Dec 27, 2008, 05:25 PM
I wish you the best of luck.
R1U1S1T1Y1
Dec 27, 2008, 05:26 PM
Thanks that means a lot
talaniman
Dec 27, 2008, 06:01 PM
I hope it goes well, keep us updated.
Kkross
Jun 26, 2010, 09:41 PM
Ah, the long distance relationship. Trust is very important in an relationship regardless long distance or not. It's hard to express emotion on a long distance relationship. I know a lot of guys have a hard time expressing there emotion in general. For example, I'm dating a girl at the moment that took me a year to figure out I loved her. Right now we are in a little issue because I said something that wasn't to great for me to say but, she needs time. I'm giving her time, the best thing you can do is give her time. Don't get all clingy and worry about saying things. Just be yourself. If you are being yourself then you won't have to worry because if she loves YOU, then she will love you for YOU. Being away from you partner makes you realise what your missing. It's all good and fine to be clingy, but being to clingy is a problem because girls get bored quick. It's not a fact of why she is doing this, it's a stage that everyone has been there and all girls go threw during there relationshps. They feel a lot of emotion on a regular basis. I had a girlfriend that told me she loved multiple people and it waas hard to decide which one sshe wanted to be with. The besst thing to do is give them time/space and not say a thing. Rmake them realise what there misslng