aras1989
Jul 14, 2006, 11:02 AM
Hello,
I'm in a dilemma and hope I can get some unbiased advice. I have been married 10 years now, no children. We have always fought over money (he seems to spend it, whether we have it or not-using credit cards). After many years of this and other things such as his binge drinking, and all the threats of leaving, I finally left in December. Recently I came back because he said he would do anything to make it work.
His job is a seasonal job as he is in construction. I told him I wasn't going to deal with his being laid off in the winter months and only depending on unemployment checks during that time. ( I do work full time and now also picked up a part-time job). This has not changed and I don't see him trying to change it. All I get is "don't even go there". Recently work has been slow so he's been on & off for work (more off than on). This of course is leading to money fights.
I have transferred his credit card twice ($5,400 & $3,600) to a lower interest rated one to try to get it paid off. When I came back this time, it was agreed that we needed to get out of debt. So we transferred another $3,600 to a lower rate card. There was only $115 left on it. Because I don't trust him about money, I called on his cc and in just over 30 days there is now $1800 on it! Our property taxes have not even been paid yet. I just paid 2004 taxes this last Feb out of an inheritance from my grandmother, which is now gone.
He wants to go on a trip to Alaska with another couple because this is the last year his good friend will be up there. I said "no way, there is no money, we have bills & stuff that need to be taken care of 1st". He said he was going to go whether I went or not. Well the tickets are bought and he knows I'm not happy at all.
I'm at my wits end. There are times I look at him & I think "I don't even like u". I feel we have changed, our priorities have changed and he doesn't. We're both 35, we do want kids, but would we ever be able to afford it? I think about leaving again & then I think "do I really wana start over with some one else?"
There are many more things wrong also, but too long to get into. I know I'm not perfect. I'm tired of worrying about money, being a b---- about everying. I feel like I'm the only responsible party in this relationship.
Is this all worth it?
TIA, Aras
I'm in a dilemma and hope I can get some unbiased advice. I have been married 10 years now, no children. We have always fought over money (he seems to spend it, whether we have it or not-using credit cards). After many years of this and other things such as his binge drinking, and all the threats of leaving, I finally left in December. Recently I came back because he said he would do anything to make it work.
His job is a seasonal job as he is in construction. I told him I wasn't going to deal with his being laid off in the winter months and only depending on unemployment checks during that time. ( I do work full time and now also picked up a part-time job). This has not changed and I don't see him trying to change it. All I get is "don't even go there". Recently work has been slow so he's been on & off for work (more off than on). This of course is leading to money fights.
I have transferred his credit card twice ($5,400 & $3,600) to a lower interest rated one to try to get it paid off. When I came back this time, it was agreed that we needed to get out of debt. So we transferred another $3,600 to a lower rate card. There was only $115 left on it. Because I don't trust him about money, I called on his cc and in just over 30 days there is now $1800 on it! Our property taxes have not even been paid yet. I just paid 2004 taxes this last Feb out of an inheritance from my grandmother, which is now gone.
He wants to go on a trip to Alaska with another couple because this is the last year his good friend will be up there. I said "no way, there is no money, we have bills & stuff that need to be taken care of 1st". He said he was going to go whether I went or not. Well the tickets are bought and he knows I'm not happy at all.
I'm at my wits end. There are times I look at him & I think "I don't even like u". I feel we have changed, our priorities have changed and he doesn't. We're both 35, we do want kids, but would we ever be able to afford it? I think about leaving again & then I think "do I really wana start over with some one else?"
There are many more things wrong also, but too long to get into. I know I'm not perfect. I'm tired of worrying about money, being a b---- about everying. I feel like I'm the only responsible party in this relationship.
Is this all worth it?
TIA, Aras