My ex husbands son has been having alimony and child support auto deducted from his check for years. I am sure in California that she should only have received it for half the time they were married which was only 2 years. She had custody of their son who is now 17--she abandoned him at 16 leaving his homeless and moved to Thailand. The only way the son can contact her is a cell phone or email. She won't divulge an address claiming she doesn't have one.

Last summer the paternal grandfather (my ex) took the boy in and is raising him--the son wants the support money to go to the grandfather. The court said he needs to get an address so they can mail her a letter with a court date. What happens when she is out of the country and there IS no address?

Can't he file something to stop the payments AND the alimony of which she certainly cannot be entitled two 10 years later. The attorney sure hasn't been of help--and neither has the judge if they can't get it through their head that she abandoned the boy and is out of the country.

I'm just trying to research and find help for them--any advice would be appreciated

My ex husbands son has been having alimony and child support auto deducted from his check for years. I am sure in California that she should only have received it for half the time they were married which was only 2 years. She had custody of their son who is now 17--she abandoned him at 16 leaving his homeless and moved to Thailand. The only way the son can contact her is a cell phone or email. She won't divulge an address claiming she doesn't have one.

Last summer the paternal grandfather (my ex) took the boy in and is raising him--the son wants the support money to go to the grandfather. The court said he needs to get an address so they can mail her a letter with a court date. What happens when she is out of the country and there IS no address?

Can't he file something to stop the payments AND the alimony of which she certainly cannot be entitled two 10 years later. The attorney sure hasn't been of help--and neither has the judge if they can't get it through their head that she abandoned the boy and is out of the country.

I'm just trying to research and find help for them--any advice would be appreciated



He files a Petition with the original Court citing changed circumstances and asks for whatever relief he is seeking - end support, end alimony, increase/decrease either, change the person who receives the payments.

If the Court won't listen, well, then this has to run its course. It's hard to say about the alimony/spousal support without the exact language in the original order. If alimony is deducted from a paycheck SOMEBODY is mailing it SOMEWHERE and has someone' s address.

Your son doesn't need an Attorney - he can file his own Petition and might do better than if he has a disinterested Attorney.

What State?

Hi--thank you much for your response--

We are in the Los Angeles area. I feel the same way---petition the court without an attorney and request it on his own. I also told my ex husband who is now retired and living in Phoenix to bring the grandson with (he's just turned 17) so he can tell the judge what happened. She's basically been getting child support for at least a year when she had tossed her son out. I personally feel she should be made to give back the support she collected, but I know it would be like getting blood out of a turnip. I might add here that she had an older son by two years who she claimed was my ex step son's which is why he married her. They divorced two years later (maybe four, can't remember for sure) and it finally came out when the first born was 14 that he was my step son's (something I tried to tell them the whole time! ) She got support for him too. Wicked!:mad:

My ex and I are friends (he was not only my 2nd husband but my 3rd) :D and I didn't take much at all the first divorce and nothing the second. He took good care of me and MY kids--and as I said we are still friends. I just don't like to see the step son getting taken advantage of and neither son nor ex are good at researching and fighting for their rights--I always did it for them and still will if I can. That's why I told my ex to come to the next court hearing in January from AZ to CA and bring the grandson--he not only has the grandson but has legal papers that he is the guardian! What more would a judge NEED for gosh sake?

As for the alimony? It's probably going direct deposit in the states somewhere--now we're talking PI I suppose--they would never bother.

Thanks again--


He files a Petition with the original Court citing changed circumstances and asks for whatever relief he is seeking - end support, end alimony, increase/decrease either, change the person who receives the payments.

If the Court won't listen, well, then this has to run its course. It's hard to say about the alimony/spousal support without the exact language in the original order. If alimony is deducted from a paycheck SOMEBODY is mailing it SOMEWHERE and has someone' s address.

Your son doesn't need an Attorney - he can file his own Petition and might do better than if he has a disinterested Attorney.

What State?

My ex husbands son has been having alimony and child support auto deducted from his check for years. I am sure in California that she should only have received it for half the time they were married which was only 2 years. She had custody of their son who is now 17--she abandoned him at 16 leaving his homeless and moved to Thailand. The only way the son can contact her is a cell phone or email. She won't divulge an address claiming she doesn't have one.

Last summer the paternal grandfather (my ex) took the boy in and is raising him--the son wants the support money to go to the grandfather. The court said he needs to get an address so they can mail her a letter with a court date. What happens when she is out of the country and there IS no address?

Can't he file something to stop the payments AND the alimony of which she certainly cannot be entitled two 10 years later. The attorney sure hasn't been of help--and neither has the judge if they can't get it through their head that she abandoned the boy and is out of the country.

I'm just trying to research and find help for them--any advice would be appreciated


Your case is a bit more complicated than you realize.

First, you CANNOT retroactively modify child support to any date earlier than the date a motion for modification is served on the other party (Cal. Family Code Section 3653(a)). This is a matter controlled not only by state but also federal law (42 USC Section 666(a)(9)). So forget about ever trying to recover any support paid before your motion was served. The law precludes it. Spousal support may be modified as early as the date a motion for modification was filed with the court but not before.

The easiest way to correct this situation is to have granddad file a guardianship petition (I think you said he already had that in place?). Jurisdiction over the guardianship might not be proper in AZ (even if the mom moved to Thailand) if the boy's dad continues to reside in California unless it were obtained on a temporary emergency basis (and even then it would be time-limited). So there might be jurisdictional issues here.

Any motion for modification needs to be personally served on the mom since this is a post-judgment matter (the parties are divorced, correct?) and if her whereabouts are unknown that can be hard to do. You may need to obtain an order for publication of summons, which is time consuming and costly. Plus it's service involving a person in a foreign country, which complicates matters more and may require compliance with the Hague Convention Treaty on service in other jurisdictions. Some judges require strict compliance with the treaty, others are a bit more flexible.

I would not recommend bringing the 17 year old to the hearing unless you were told by the court or an investigator in a guardianship action to do so (I'm not sure what the hearing is for since you did not say). The judge is not going to listen to what the boy has to say (unless the judge specifically ordered he attend) and he may not even be allowed in the courtroom (he's still a minor and one subject to child custody orders and most judges will not allow kids in the courtroom on cases involving their custody).

There is no rule in California that spousal support may only last half the length of the marriage. So even if the marriage were short (2 years) that doesn't mean that support cannot go longer. But either way, there's no modification before a motion is filed anyway so that's a non-issue.

Even without strict compliance with the service requirements you should be able to get at least a temporary guardianship in place (and like you said maybe you've got that already). But I still think the court is not going to order a modification of support until there has been some sort of proper service on the mom of the motion for modification. Once that is done you will get the child support mod, but not necessarily the spousal support mod (that's a bit more tricky-where are the change of circumstances justifying the mod and what does the judgment say?). It might be possible to apply for a stay of the wage assignment (you can sometimes get this if you've got extraordinary circumstances) and that seems to be what you are really concerned with more than anything. Take a look at Family Code 5260 but even then it might be a long shot).

Sorry, but this is a fairly complex situation. I'd recommend you consult with a lawyer who is a certified family law specialist (I'm one myself in California).

My ex husbands son has been having alimony and child support auto deducted from his check for years. I am sure in California that she should only have received it for half the time they were married which was only 2 years. She had custody of their son who is now 17--she abandoned him at 16 leaving his homeless and moved to Thailand. The only way the son can contact her is a cell phone or email. She won't divulge an address claiming she doesn't have one.

Last summer the paternal grandfather (my ex) took the boy in and is raising him--the son wants the support money to go to the grandfather. The court said he needs to get an address so they can mail her a letter with a court date. What happens when she is out of the country and there IS no address?

Can't he file something to stop the payments AND the alimony of which she certainly cannot be entitled two 10 years later. The attorney sure hasn't been of help--and neither has the judge if they can't get it through their head that she abandoned the boy and is out of the country.

I'm just trying to research and find help for them--any advice would be appreciated


When did he find out that the mother left the country and left the child behind ?

There may be an easier way to deal with this depending on the answers.

I don't know---I'll have to find out---another reason to call the ex ;)


When did he find out that the mother left the country and left the child behind ?

There may be an easier way to deal with this depending on the answers.