I have 3 kids with my first husband. He moved to CA from NC a few years ago and would like to see them over Christmas vacation. I agreed because the kids have not seen him since last Christmas and they miss him so much. My problem is he gave me a confirmation number for the tickets flying out there but he seems to be beating around the bush about the tickets coming back. I have no confirmation number and he says he is going to send me what the airline sent him and says the paper says 3 passengers no names the flight number and arrival times and price. Well in my research you have to have a confirmation number anytime you buy tickets and I can go on Southwest.com and pull up the same info and print screen and have the same piece of paper he has. If I do not send them will that legally be keeping him from visitation?? We do not have binding documents stating visitation all we have is the separation papers and in the divorce decree it states custody will be handled at a later date. I am afraid he is either trying to keep them there or at last minute say that I have to buy the tickets for them to come back and I do not have that kind of money (right now they are $383. Each) What are my rights??

I have 3 kids with my first husband. He moved to CA from NC a few years ago and would like to see them over Christmas vacation. I agreed because the kids hav not seen him since last Christmas and they miss him so much. My problem is he gave me a confirmation number for the tickets flying out there but he seems to be beating around the bush about the tickets coming back. I have no confirmation number and he says he is going to send me what the airline sent him and says the paper says 3 passengers no names the flight number and arrival times and price. Well in my research you have to have a confirmation number anytime you buy tickets and I can go on Southwest.com and pull up the same info and print screen and have the same piece of paper he has. If I do not send them will that legally be keeping him from visitation??? We do not have binding documents stating visitation all we have is the seperation papers and in the divorce decree it states custody will be handled at a later date. I am afraid he is either trying to keep them there or at last minute say that I have to buy the tickets for them to come back and I do not have that kind of money (right now they are $383. each) What are my rights?????


If there is no custody/visitation order in place and the children live with you, you are in control. If you don't send them your "ex" would have to go back to California to raise the issue in the Courts.

If you are not comfortable and it is not a vindictive act on your part, do not send them. On the other hand, you'll find out if the tickets are valid if they don't allow the children on the airplane.

I would get myself to Court and get visitation/custody/support set down on paper - soon. I can't believe a "later date" never came, but all Courts are different.

Sometimes you have to look at your motives, look at what makes sense, do what is best for the children - and if they think they are going to see their father and spend time with him, only you know what is reasonable and sensible for them.

I am not trying to be vindictive, I am only looking out for the safe return of my children. I really want them to have a relationship with their dad and I have pushed that fact since day one. Just because he has done bad things to me does not mean that he has to them and I know he loves them as well as they do him. I feel bad because they are excited to go but everything in my heart tells me they do not have that ticket. I called the airlines and explained and they say in order to make a reservation with a credit from a flight not taken they need the confirmation number and credit card number and he says he has neither. He says they never gave him a confirmation number and he no longer uses the credit card, so how did he make a reservation. If I send them there (if I get the confirmation number) could he legally keep them?? Do I have any rights with no binding agreement? They have lived with me in NC since the divorce except for one year about two years ago he moved back to NC and we had 50/50 custody (verbally) until the kids asked him to live here and visit him on weekends so we got angry and moved back to CA. They have lived in NC all their lives. Can I claim jurisdiction on them and he can't take them or do I already have rights??

Why is there no custody order in place,
What about child support order?

But without a firm court order, he can keep them and you will have to go to court to fight the issue.

There is child support order, they garnish his wages. We only have separation papers stating they live with me, then I fired my lawyer because she never was doing anything to get custody settled. She was the only lawyer working there with a ton of cases and mine I guess was not important enough and she would make appointments and I would drive 2 hours to meet her and she would not show up! Then he moved to CA and did not have much to do with them so I didn't worry. Then he got married moved here and we split the custody and I didn't worry because he was only 10 minutes away. Now I do not have the money to hire a lawyer, we are suffering because the business my husband worked for shut down and he got another job but a cut in pay. What if I claim jurisdiction does that account for anything??

The kids live with you, so you would go to court where the kids live.

But without a order saying you have prmiary custody, or that you have sole custody, once he gets them, he files for a temp custody order in his state, and you will have to get into court before you can get them back.

There is child support order, they garnish his wages. We only have separation papers stating they live with me, then I fired my lawyer because she never was doing anything to get custody settled. She was the only lawyer working there with a ton of cases and mine I guess was not important enough and she would make appointments and I would drive 2 hours to meet her and she would not show up!! Then he moved to CA and did not have much to do with them so I didn't worry. Then he got married moved here and we split the custody and I didn't worry because he was only 10 mins away. Now I do not have the money to hire a lawyer, we are suffering because the business my husband worked for shut down and he got another job but a cut in pay. What if I claim juristiction does that account for anything???


It's a legal board and personal advice is uncalled for. I'm the first person to remind people of that - :D

If these were my children, in this situation, if I had the slightest inkling there would be a problem getting the children back they would not be going.

Your "ex" has to go where YOU are if he wants to fight for custody or visitation. You don't need an Attorney to respond and you don't have to go anywhere.

If your "ex" has them wherever he lives and doesn't return them YOU need to go THERE and probably need an Attorney because it won't be a simple custody matter. It will be a matter of getting them back.

Call it mother's intuition, call it whatever anyone wants to call it - when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up for no reason, I assume my instincts are right.

The kids live with you, so you would go to court where the kids live.

But without a order saying you have prmiary custody, or that you have sole custody, once he gets them, he files for a temp custody order in his state, and you will have to get into court before you can get them back.


Can't he only file temp custody if there is reason of abuse or neglect?? I anm not sure but he did try that right after we separated and the judge did not aprove it because there was no reason that they should not live with me.

The kids live with you, so you would go to court where the kids live.

But without a order saying you have prmiary custody, or that you have sole custody, once he gets them, he files for a temp custody order in his state, and you will have to get into court before you can get them back.


Can't he only file temp custody if there is reason of abuse or neglect???? I anm not sure but he did try that right after we seperated and the judge did not aprove it because there was no reason that they should not live with me.




He can file on any grounds. That's not saying he'll win... but can he file? Yes. And then you are frozen in time until the hearing.