Ok so here's the deal.
Today my husband goes to court to modify visition orders.
We currently have 1st and 3rd wkends, 1wk at Xmas, 1wk in June, 1wk in July, and any other reasonable visitation. Which is a JOKE! (Theres no such thing as reasonable visation when the two parties don't get along very well) No time is EVER reasonable for her. Ever.
Anyway we go in there asking for an added 5th wkend, half of all school and major holidays, and for two months in the summer with support stopped for those two months(y pay child support when we are fully supporting him? )
Well for some reason we got the very crappy end of the deal!
Even though the ex agreed to the 5th wkend and to half the holidays, we were denied it!
The only thing we got was an extra 2 weeks in the summer.
So tell me , how is it both parties agreed to visitation and yet we were denied it?
Also we came to an agreement to drop/pick up child at the nearest police/sherrif station of equitable distance. (To save all the drama)
Currently we were required to pick child up from her residence. Im sure you can see how that was a problem.
Im not happy with this decision at all, is there something, anything we can do about this?

Most visitation orders I hear of alternate Holidays.

I don't see you being awarded all major holidays if that is part of this - I can't be sure what you are asking about that.

Were you represented by an Attorney? Was the other side?

Also its an odd request to ask that child support be stopped for 2 months. Its suppose to be averaged out over 1 years time. It doesn't look like a lot of forward thinking went into this request. A judge makes the decision based upon best interest of the child. It really doesn't matter what you two agree on. Changing hands at a police station isn't the best environment either because of all the happenings there. You really need to think things out a little better and also keep in mind you can't keep changing too ofter unless there are circumstances that allow for it. General rule of thumb is 2 - 3 years unless something drastic comes up.

Judy:
Yes both parties were represented by an attorney.

We didn't ask for all holidays in whole, we asked for all holidays to be divided evenly.
(Such as here for one, we have a fall intercession which is two weeks long. We don't get to see him any of that time. We also don't get to see him any on Thanksgiving, which in our family is considered a major holiday.)


Cali:
Your right about the child support. That's not really my main concern though.
I realize its all about what's in the child's best interest, but isn't spending equal time with his daddy in his best interest?
The reason we decided to change hands at the PS is because legally we were required to go to her house, there she would cause a lot of drama and always tried to start fights between her current boyfriends and my husband. It was always a bad experience for everyone when we had to pick/drop him off. We offered to exchange him at the local grocery store here in town, or some other public place, but she would not agree to it. This is the best we could get her to agree to. :(

We just want the time we agreed up to be put into paper so she can't take it back.
All we want is more time with our son, What do we have to do to get it!


We know you can only change it so often. We are changing it now, or at least trying to because when the original papers were drawn my husband was literally days away from deployment and was rushed into it. He only got the minimum visitation. He is back home now and wants more time with his son. Plus his son is 5 now and is reaching a very impressionable age where he needs his father in his life.

Judy:
Yes both parties were represented by an attorney.

We didnt ask for all holidays in whole, we asked for all holidays to be divided evenly.
(Such as here for one, we have a fall intercession which is two wks long. We dont get to see him any of that time. We also dont get to see him any on Thanksgiving, which in our family is considered a major holiday.)


Cali:
Your right about the child support. Thats not really my main concern though.
I realize its all about whats in the childs best interest, but isnt spending equal time with his daddy in his best interest?
The reason we decided to change hands at the PS is because legally we were required to go to her house, there she would cause alot of drama and always tried to start fights inbetween her current boyfriends and my husband. It was always a bad experience for everyone when we had to pick/drop him off. We offered to exchange him at the local grocery store here in town, or some other public place, but she would not agree to it. This is the best we could get her to agree to. :(

We just want the time we agreed up to be put into paper so she can't take it back.
All we want is more time with our son, What do we have to do to get it!?


We know you can only change it so often. We are changing it now, or at least trying to because when the original papers were drawn my husband was literally days away from deployment and was rushed into it. He only got the minimum visitation. He is back home now and wants more time with his son. Plus his son is 5 now and is reaching a very impressionable age where he needs his father in his life.

Does the child go to daycare ? If so then that's the ideal place for exchanging as far as picking up the child. Dropping off would be different unless you have him overnight and can take him to school. Instead of equal you might think about words like alternate that way its " sharing " by the odd / even system. See and this is only a guess... if there is a lot of drama taking place and you want more face time with the ex through the child the courts don't look on that as best interest. Im not throwing fault Im just trying to give you some educated answers ( if that's possible ). Something else that can carry weight with the courts is to have mediation ordered and they both go till an agreement is reached or until there is such an impass it has to go through a judge. Like you said they agreed but the mediator if skilled can teach them how to reduce the drama and reinforce best interests of the child and keep that focus there.

If you are saying your stipulation for visitation was denied I find that extraordinarily odd. I frankly have never seen that happen.

There's a presumption in the law that agreements parents make regarding the custody/parenting plan for their children is in the children's best interests. Judges are loathe to make decisions regarding visitation where parents disagree because they will tell you that they don't know the kids and neither of the parties and can never be sure (absent some expert opinion in the form of an evaluation) what is really best for the kids. Therefore, anytime judges are presented with an agreement for a parenting plan they are happy to sign it.

Not knowing more of your situation I cannot say why a judge would exercise veto power over your agreement. It's very odd.

Exchanges are often done at the police station. It is something that Children's Services often recommends when parents do not get along. Another one of their options is to have relatives do the exchanges.

No he don't go to daycare. He was in pre-k at the same school my other son goes to and even rode the same bus. For a while we had it worked out to have him ride the bus home Friday n return via bus on Monday, But then she moved and now were back to this..

You said:
"if there is alot of drama taking place and you want more face time with the ex through the child"
What do you mean want more face time with the ex through the child??

All we wanted is for her to send him outside, us buckle him in and us leave. But she was not letting this happen, like I said.

If you are saying your stipulation for visitation was denied I find that extraordinarily odd. I frankly have never seen that happen.

There's a presumption in the law that agreements parents make regarding the custody/parenting plan for their children is in the children's best interests. Judges are loathe to make decisions regarding visitation where parents disagree because they will tell you that they don't know the kids and neither of the parties and can never be sure (absent some expert opinion in the form of an evaluation) what is really best for the kids. Therefore, anytime judges are presented with an agreement for a parenting plan they are happy to sign it.

Not knowing more of your situation I cannot say why a judge would exercise veto power over your agreement. It's very odd.

Yes that's exactly what I am saying.
I don't understand it.
We both openly in front of everyone agreed to the 5th wkend and to equally share all holidays.
Yet all we were granted was to 2 extra weeks in the summertime..
I don't get it and I am very upset about it.

Yes thats exactly what I am saying.
I dont understand it.
We both openly in front of everyone agreed to the 5th wkend and to equally share all holidays.
Yet all we were granted was to 2 extra wks in the summertime...?
I dont get it and I am very upset about it.



Was there some sort of legal guardian or guardian ad litem for the child who did not agree?

Judy, I do not understand.
The child is 5yrs old.

Problem is the parents agree to a visitation stipulation and then the judge does not grant it.

Judy, I do not understand.
The child is 5yrs old.

Problem is the parents agree to a visitation stipulation and then the judge does not grant it.



OK - I can only address NY. Here the parents can agree but if the Court decides the child should have a law guardian for that particular hearing or series of hearings the law guardian evaluates all the information and makes a recommendation to the Judge.

For example, if you and your "ex" agree that the child should live in your house every other day and in the "ex's" house on alternate days and the law guardian does not agree, he/she recommends against it to the Judge and that greatly influences the Judge's decision.

This, of course, is a bizarre example, but I have seen parents agree on something and the law guardian/Court disagree and write the Order in accordance with what the Judge believes is appropriate.

Does that make sense?

Yes that makes more sense to me.
I have never heard of a law guardian though.
We did not have one.

I think the judge should have gave us the 5th wkend and shared holidays that we both agreed upon. How could that not be in the child's best interest.
Can we do anything about this?

Any more Judges seem to just decide according to what they feel at the minute. I don't think it would be good to do anything as someone previously said 2-3 yrs between modifications is about all you should do.

Well Im not happy!! If the two parents agreed to something then it should be granted. Good dads always get the shi**y end of the deal and it makes me sick!!

Well Im not happy!!!!! If the two parents agreed to something then it should be granted. Good dads always get the shi**y end of the deal and it makes me sick!!!!!


Unfortunately for you, the Law is not about "happy." I'd be curious why the Order came out this way but without an Attorney to look into it, possibly petition the Court for a re-hearing, I see no easy solution.

Re-hearing? How do u do this?

Re-hearing? How do u do this?



The Attorney - if he/she feels there are legal grounds - petitions the Court for a re-hearing. This does not always make the Court happy and it's not always granted.

My "ex" petitioned for a re-hearing following our divorce. I had waived spousal support but he was unhappy (of all things) by which car he got. Second Judge ruled I could not wiave support under NYS law, left the cars asd they were and so in the end my "ex" was ordered to pay support (which had, of course, been waived). Of course, he never did so it didn't really matter but the re-hearing "thing" can be dicey.

Hmm. OK. I'll keep this in mind. I have some serious thinking and researching to do plus,
Well I think Ive ranted n raved enough for today.
I do thank all of you very much for your thoughtful advice and time.

Hmm. ok. I'll keep this in mind. I have some serious thinking and researching to do plus,
Well I think Ive ranted n raved enough for today.
I do thank all of you very much for your thoughtful advice and time.


Hey, if you can't rant and rave to your friends, who can you rant and rave to - :D

You said:
"if there is alot of drama taking place and you want more face time with the ex through the child"
What do you mean want more face time with the ex through the child???


Your asking for more visitation. Your having real problems when you have to trade off your child ( face time ) for drama to occur. A lot of times that's how a judge will see it. Creating yet even more conflict because you must face each other more in order to rear your child. So what your inadvertently asking for is more conflict through greater visitation. If the mom wasn't being so witchy then it wouldn't be a problem. Sometimes judges make decisions based upon how close to lunch it is. Its sad but true. To me they should have ordered something along the lines of parenting classes and conflict resolution so you both can move on instead of you being the only one to focus on the child.