Hi, I'm in early thirties and yesterday my G/f of over a year told me she has to break up or go on a break with me because its wrecking her head. She says she can't sleep and is so angry at me sometimes. She gets mad because of what I consider small things such as not ringing her enough or not going out with her and her friends as much as she'd like. What amazes me though is that she never really calls me that often either and we meet 3/4 times a week (as much as we can) and get on great and never fight. Right from the start she has said to me that she feels I will be one the break her heart (unfairly, how can she say that?). I am 100% faithfull and really care about her. I have told her I loved her twice and she has never said it back to me. Her big issue is that I have missed some of her friends parties, even though I know her friends far more than she knows mine and have been out with them way more times. I am a serious sports player and sometimes feel like keeping away from bars in preparation for matches. Sometimes these clash with there friedns 30 birthday or something like that.

I am the opposite of clingy, but she has no faith in me. She thinks I don't care and that I would be at all these events if I really cared. For me the real important things are friendship, and the little conversations, the time we spend together, and the time listening to her problems and just the meaningfull stuff in general. I am nearing the end of my sporting days and will then be more than happy to go to as many parties as possible. I have told her this.

My question is as we are now on a break. Do I just leave her alone (I would prefer to do this) or do I pursue her and make her feel wanted. I feel she is making a fool of me and just to give an example of how she freaks out unfairly. Last week I was getting a train home into the city. She was out with friends and I really wanted to stay with her. I texted her boarding the train saying I'd be in by twelve and would call her to find out whrere she is. Between 12 and 12.45 I rang her four times and she did not answer. I even checked one or two of our regular places. Eventually I went home to bed because I had been working since 5 a.m. that morning. She gave out ot me about this too last night saying I diidn't want to spend the night with her that time either. That too me seems crazy. Why did she not answer my calls, why did she not rings me? Anyway I never really get angry with her and I would consider myself really laid back. I also am a really affectionate person and always have to be the forward one. She rarely show me affection.

Am I wasting my time here. Sorry for the boring story but I really do care and feel if she could see my true feelings that we could be very happy together maybe?

Do not contact her. It is what she asked for. She initiated the break/break up. She will either come around and contact you or she will not. I might be wrong but it sounds like you wouldn't mind if she never contacted you again.

Do not contact her. It is what she asked for. She initiated the break/break up. She will either come around and contact you or she will not. I might be wrong but it sounds like you wouldn't mind if she never contacted you again.

I don't know about that. I am really upset and don't want to lose her.
I'm agonising all day whether to go for broke or just leave her be as she does want a break to think things out. I can't work out why a girl who supposedly is mad about me wants to leave me.

Go for broke? NO! Leave her alone. If she wants to "think things out" then you let her do that. Now is the time to act like you can survive without her (you can), and be your own man. If she comes back, then fine, but don't dangle yourself on a string while waiting for her to decide YOUR future.

I would say leave her be... I think she will definitely come back. Your story is kind of similar to mine. I acted like her in a lot of ways, and I realize now how crazy I acted. And my ex isn't taking me back (yet). And the longer I am away from him, I realize even more all the things I did wrong and how much he actually did love me even though he wasn't with me all the time and had his own life.

So you are into sports and is she? Sounds like she is the clingy needy type. How does look in say 5, 10 years? I see this as her wanting everything, and you doing all the sacrificing to keep her happy. Sorry, I don't see this going anyplace but down hill. Don't call her and in fact really consider moving on with your life without her.

Thanks for the advice people.. I'd appreciate any opinions from others too. It is big junction in my life at this age and I really want to sort it out either way..

Do I just leave her alone (I would prefer to do this) or do I pursue her and make her feel wanted.

Give her what she asks for, and leave her alone. No way do you put up with flakey treatment to keep someone in your life, especially since you don't have to.


I can't work out why a girl who supposedly is mad about me wants to leave me.

Her actions don't match her words, so pay attention to the actions, not just the words. Just something to think about.

Me, I disappear from her life, and rebuild my own, and enjoy my freedom from this loo-loo bird.

Hi.. thanks for replies.. just an update.. I didn't contact her since. She texted tonight and said ' sorry about the last night but I couldn't go on the way in was, it's a pity because we got on really great, I'd like to meet up for a drink over Christmas if you wanna'

I deleted her message and her number. I'm really angry because I feel I did nothing wrong to deserve this. She knows the last few months have been hard for me financially and to add to my troubles, she breaks up with me before Christmas.

I'm really confused as to what I should do? Did I treat badly. I keep having doubts but if I did it came down to the previous issues. Should I have gone out with her friends more? Should I have called her more. Should I have made more of an effort. My ex girlfriend before her also mentioned my so called apathy. Only after 5 years of long distance. Is it my fault I'm laid back and Am not all over my girlfirend. Is it my fault I'm just myself. Should I blame myself for this?

Should I maintain no contact. I have nothing really to say. I feel I did no wrong. She was worse than me for contact and effort in my opinion.

Should I just leave this go?

Once the emotional dust has settled you'll see blaming yourself is not the way to go. Not compatible with this dingbat, that's just it. In the long run, she would have driven you crazy with her inconsistencies.