I am a 34 year old mother of 3 wonderful boys. I have been married to their step-father for 51/2 years. During this time he has had problems with drinking and abusing his meds. He was diagnosed as bipolar-manicdeppressive last year. He has thrown me and my children out numerous times and I have also left. I kept coming back hoping he had changed. Another reason I have stayed is I have had a hard time making it financially on my own. I have no family where we live and they are mad at me anyway so their not an option. His parents condone everything he does. If he shot me it would be my fault for getting in the way. His latest event has just killed all feelings I ever had for him. He tells me to just get over it, but I have reached the point where I can't. He had his dad take him to his es-inlaws to get drunk and they took his 8 year old with him. His ex-wife lives in the same yard, but she wasn't there. This is not the first time he has ran back there since we have been married. He doesn't work and won't help take care of the kids anymore so I can work. He thinks because he gets social security he doesn't have to do anything. I have to take care of the kids, work, and take care of the house. When I told him I wanted the house and he could leave he said no! He had the house before we were married and would never let me put my name on it. I am not the only woman he has done this to. I have talked at length with his ex-wife and she has told me similar stories. Please give me advice on where to start the leaving process. I'm very unsure of myself.

Are you in the USA?
Are any of the kids yours biologically?

He is not going to change it is an ingrained pattern that his parents have reinforced in him all his life by enabling him, it always being the other persons fault, etc...
You need to take care of yourself and quit being a verbal whipping post for this guy. He doesn't love you he loves that you make it convenient for him that is it!

Look for shelters and programs that will help you get away.

Yes, I am in the USA and the children are biologically mine. He says he's sick of their behavior, but they are sick of his. I told him I have more reason to leave than he does. Your right, he doesn't love me or anyone else for that matter. I have finally realized this. I'm just concerned about the money situation if I leave to soon. Can you offer any advice about specific things I should do. When I left my kids father(much for the same reason) I just left, but I'm to old for this now and I don't want to disrupt my children's lives.

If the kids were his you could possibly fight for your right to be there and him leave but if you moved in HIS house with YOUR kids I don't know how much rights to the house you would be able to claim.

There are shelters that can help but that can be something of a pain even more than picking up and moving. How old are the kids?

Depending on where you live there are probably shelters for families in your situation. Take the kids and get out. Maybe do a little groveling and get your family back in your life.