Wow I honestly don't know where to begin. I am desperate & in need of advice.

For me to fill you all in in order to get an accurate suggestion/pointer/input or words of wisdom would mean me writing a 200-page-book called 'The Man I Can't Live Without & The Other Side of the Story', hence I'll be putting some of the main info/issues into bullet points to avoid any boredom I may have created while trying to ask 'the' question. Keep in mind that your opinions are very important to me and that I am one very unhappy girl.

Ready?
FYI

We are both 23.
I've been with him for 4 years.
We were madly in love, at least I 'was'.
He was very overprotected, though he managed to loosen up 'for me'.
We've been living together for 2 years after moving to another country to study.
He graduated 6 months prior.
I still have another year to go.
The only reason he's still in this country is me.
I love him but not 'in love' with him.
He's very isolated.
Hates people, hates socializing.
Has no friends in this country, always staying home hardly goes out.
I love socializing, meeting new people, creating new experiences but haven't done that with ease for the past 4 years cus he wants to be with me and only me, resulting him getting upset with me when I do go out with other people.
He loves me more than anything in the world.
Even when I was allergic to BC pills and had big yellow pimples all over my face for 6 months (it was severe) he still finds me beautiful and constantly telling me how gorgeous I look everyday.
He's very loving, would make a great father, adores his family and is a family man.
He's very smart and devoted, willing to make changes when I do ask him to.
I feel trapped.
I want freedom.
I feel I am not making progress with my life because of him.
All he wants to do is smoke pot and chill
I care about him immensely
I know I love him but I want out
Everything is too complicated and I don't know what to do.


I don't know if what I told you helped you to understand my situation at all but basically I've been feeling like I am wasting my time with him. I want to go to the beach without him being overly upset just because guys kept checking me out. He kept saying that they strip me with their eyes and he just can't take the pain. I found that very sweet when we first dated but now its just too much, I couldn't even go to the beach with ease. I need to breathe and he can't seem to change even if he had promised me that he would many times.

I don't know what to do.
If I do break up with him then that means he has to move back to his country, moving everything out of our apartment. It just seemed like a big decision and I would be very upset knowing that we won't be together anymore because I love him but at the same time I can't stand him. I'm so confuse. What should I do? Please help. :(

Well talk to him and let him know that there are some other things that your not happy with tell him what's on your mind and see if it changes you said he will make changes when you ask him to

We've talked more than 3 times but we ended up being 'us' again. Nothing's changed, I think its becus we live together.

When a person is not into socializing it is not something they can change. That is like trying to make a person with a phobia or OCD to quit their behavior.
You are two people that are too much not alike that I don't see it working. He doesn't want to have an outgoing life so he expects you to stay home for him and you end up a bit resentful.
I think you should maybe tell him either to go back home because you can see he is not happy there or else stick it out with him until you both go back.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, especially when they are comfortable in the recliner.

Take a break, just you by yourself, and find out if your ready to change yourself, and stay, or if your freedom is the most important thing right now.

Making a big decision for yourself, is something we all have to go through, so take your time, and give it a lot of thought, without his influence.

Then you can honestly express your concerns, and stick to your own plan. Be very honest why you need your time, and he will have something to think about too!

I don't really know if its fair to blame him for all your feelings, and clearly he needs to let you do your thing...


He's very smart and devoted, willing to make changes when I do ask him to.
I feel trapped.

... and if he is willing to make changes, but hasn't, then its up to you to motivate him. He does need to understand your social life is important to you, and him getting upset about it, squashes that hope.

You seem so close to resolving these issues, that I would hate to have you not be able to make these changes you need, thru honest communications, rather than drastic action, and three times talking about it, seems hardly enough to even start the process.

Time apart is what I recommend though, as maybe missing you a bit would get his attention, and push some positive changes.

Just because he is isolated, and happy, doesn't mean you have to be, and you aren't.

Reading this seems identical to what happened to me earlier this year. Aside from being in another country, everything is the same. I was your boyfriend in this situation, so for what its worth, the best advice I can give you is to tell him exactly what you're thinking and that you need some time apart (not necessarily with other people). I wish so much that my ex girlfriend would have told me straight and to the face that she was having doubts about us and that time apart was needed to help figure everything out. Otherwise, you're going to just bottle this all up and it's going to explode and he's going to be much more hurt and resentful than ever.

Thank you so much for all the advices. I just need to let it out, I needed someone to talk to. I was bottled up inside and was so depressed but reading all this have made me feel like this is not the end of my life and that I should focus on the positives rather than the negatives.

I will try to sit down and open up with him, I just wish I could avoid the painful bit. The last thing I want is for him to feel lonely and broken.

You guys are gorgeous for taking the time to help me pick up the broken pieces. I appreciate it tremendously. Thank you :o

Do most guyz have this problem of not going out and socializing, I thought it was only me.hmmm.My advice is for you is to talk to him, tell him he needs to make changes etc etc.I wish my ex had.
Good luck

I feel I am not making progress with my life because of him.

That's reason enough to break-up. Anyone who stifles progression, even a friend, is not worth your time.

Talking to him won't do any good, he sounds too immature to empathize with you. No one likes anyone who's jealous and angry, hence, he has no friends.