I’m a college student 21 years old and have a very emotional/physical attraction to my roommate. I have come to the realization that I am bi-sexual, however I am befuddled when I try to figure out whether my roommate is gay or bi. We have been roommates since about a year and half ago and the signs that he is gay or bi are an everyday occurrence; or it seems this way too me. He has been in a long relationship with his girlfriend off and on for the past two years as well. But some of the signs: he always touches other guys... if they are lying in their bed, usually he will join them. Other little things like getting up too leave dinner and he will lean in with whomever he is sitting by and act likes he wants to kiss them as they are getting up. One of my friends was reading an ESPN magazine with a guy on the cover and my roommate said he was cute. Now, the happenings between him and me. Since we are roommates we are constantly by each other, when I am watching a movie on my computer he will come sit very close to me, usually laying his on my shoulder for a minute or so. I have slept in the same bed with him for a night, and he didn’t act as if he cared. He told his g.f though, so I didn’t know what to think of that. Allot last year he told me he loved me, and most of the time on breaks I will tell him I love him, and he will text back the same. Now its Christmas break again and I feel the same feelings towards him. I am currently in a relationship as well with a girl and he understands this. It seem as though it’s a "switch" with both of us... around people we are straight... there is a gay couple in our dorm and when they are made fun of by our friends we usually chirp in as well. The other night I was working on HW and he curled up in my bed. I rolled my chair over there and kind of "lay" there with him in my chair. During this time my mom called and during this conversation I kind of rubbed his back and touched his arm for about 4 min. When I got off the phone... we sat there and talked and during this time I played with his hair and teased him about his beard, he played with my shirt and also twirling my hair with his fingers. Eye contact during this time was on my part intimate... on at least 2 occasions we kind of looked into each other’s eyes and one of us would usually stop it when it got past like 5 sec. It seems so hard for me to think a straight guy would do this and countless other things I have not typed in this question. When breaks such s thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, and summer are approaching it seems as though he makes an effort to be by/with me and to make our time together meaningful. I want to tell him so bad how I feel, and I had such a peace of mind the other night, because after the chair bed incident I thought there was no way a non-gay bi person would do that. He does have 3 sisters so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with how he acts. He does tell me/friends that, that girl is hot, and "who wouldn’t be cut friends with her". So, those type things frustrate me and seem too confuse me more. We have discussions about our g/f's and deep life issues, and our friendship is fairly deep. When I’m not around him I feel a great deal of heartache... it seems as though he can turn on and off the switch when we don’t see each other for awhile, but it’s so hard for me. If I do open up and tell him, it could destroy everything we have; so I’m not sure what to do. I love my girlfriend, but it seems as though I connect on a more emotional level with him. Is he gay? Any advice to for me? :confused:

There could be a deep attraction there but I only know what you told me. Be careful young grasshopper. He is probably either...

A. bi
B. gay and very very secretive about it (nobody likes being teased for who they are)
C. a close friend to you

My guess from what you tell me is bi BUT I never have met him or seen you two together and he hasn't told me anything. As far as your girlfriend goes... has the relationship been well? Are there any problems?

It may be you're more gay than straight but still bi. Like on a scale of 1 to 6 (6 being gay, 1 being so straight it's scary) you may range a 3-4

This being you like women but you just like men slightly more

You need to tell your girl though if you honestly feel this way. I think anyone prefers the truth over living a lie.


Please note my advice is not a replacement for a real consular, or medical advice, or any professional recommended help. It is my own opinion and can be faulty

Just out of warning, this is a very very dicey subject. I'd recommend you tread very carefully.

This is an adult sexuality board, not a teen relationship board.

So, from an adult sexuality point of view... you and he are flirting with each other almost constantly. Living in close quarters such as a dorm room can allow close, intimate feelings to evolve between roomates and a rich fantasy life to develop between those who don't have a firm sense of identity.

You aren't homosexual until you actually have sex with a man.

Get into sports and expand your life in various directions so you don't dwell on sexual fantasy. :)

You aren't homosexual until you actually have sex with a man.


While I do agree with you on your other points, I believe homosexuality is attraction to the same sex but gay is having sex with the same gender. Or at least that's the way I hear it from my friends that are glbt.

Hum... really tricky subject. Weather or not you think he is gay, bi, or whatever, you will never know unless he tells you. Some easy ways to get a better idea would to ask questions about homosexuals. For example, you could ask weather or not he saw broke back mountain, and if so, what did he think? Did he watch it for the drama? The romance? You could also just start a conversation about homosexuals. Like, "what do you think about proposition 8 in califorina? was voting yes the right think to do? would u have a problums if one of your friends was gay?" also, let him know that he is in a safe envirement, and tell him that you will love[or what ever word you want to use] him nomatter what. Even if he is gay or bi. Telling someone that you love them is no easy task. You must weigh the risks and benifites. For more info, I sujest you check out about.com, and look for teen sexuality. It gives you a lot of advice and resources. Hope this helps, amd I home things work out for u!

While i do agree with you on your other points, i believe homosexuality is attraction to the same sex but gay is having sex with the same gender. Or at least that's the way i hear it from my friends that are glbt.

I believe you are homosexual, bi or gay when you are attracted to the same sex and have accepted that. Acting on it is only the physical manifestation of your feelings. What about the people who experiment? Does that make them gay? No. They experimented that doesn't make them anything. We are not defined by our action or inaction.

Sounds like you have a crush, but assumptions don't help anyone. As of right now he has not told you he is gay/bi or anything else so no matter how hard it is you have to take it as that. If you act on this it could

a) go great

b) he will not reciprocate your feelings and be offended, thus affecting your friendship adversly

c) he will not reciprocate your feelings but will be OK with it.

Any way you want to look at it, it will more than likely not help your friendship. I take it this man knows that you consider yourself bisexual yes? Well if he does then let him act on it if he wants to. If he doesn't tell him that and leave the ball in his court. It's not easy but it will leave everyone involved with the least amount of hurt and confusion

This is an adult sexuality board, not a teen relationship board.

This man is asking a sexuality question and looking for advice so I believe he is in the right place.

Moreover he states that he is in college so it makes it highly unlikely that he is a teen.

I think this part of your comment needlessly lowers his question and is rude.

No he does not know Im bi or whatever... its kind of hidden from everyone, but me.

Thanks for all the replys I appreciate it! I feel better

If you feel comfortable enough to tell him then I definitely would.
That leaves the ball in has court, if he wants to follow it up he can.
If not you don't lose your friendship with this man

Hope it all works out.

I'd tell him that you think you are Bisexual.

He can process that how he wants to.

After that, it's his decision and yours to ACT on those feelings.