Hi there,

I've asked so many questions on this site, but there is a lot I need advice about, that's why...

Anyway, I wish to get married to my fiancé. I proposed to her almost 3 months ago, and we decided to get married in March. Just seemed like a good day to us and stuff.

Well, the problem is, I'm a very traditional guy, and since we are both Christians, I wanted to get married in a church. She would have wanted too, except the only person from her side that would attend would be her mother. She doesn't have any bridesmaids and nobody to walk her down the isle. She is also depressed and has anxiety which prevents her from meeting people or spending enough time with my friends or family. She had to push herself just to see them when we got engaged and hasn't seen them since.

Now I love this girl a lot, more than anything, and I want to make her happy. She told me a few times she'd rather have a little courthouse marriage and not make such a big deal about it, because she doesn't want to be reminded that she has nobody there and she doesn't want to feel embarrassed in front of my friends and family who will be strangers to her.

I understand where she is coming from, but then again, I've always wanted a traditional church wedding, and stuff like that. I believe it is a celebration of 2 people's love. Furthermore, my parents would like a big wedding too, firstly because they are Indian and that's just what Indians do, but secondly because they have lots of people they would like to invite, and so do I.

My fiancé is trying her hardest to do this for me, because she knows how much I want a nice big traditional wedding, but I feel so sad, knowing how upset she will be on that day, and it makes me not want it anymore. I want her to be happy to marry me, not dread the day and be depressed when it happens.

I was wondering if it is possible to have a small courthouse wedding in March, just so we'd be married, just have family and maybe close friends, just a few people, max 20, without a reception or anything, then maybe in a year or 2, when she is feeling better about herself and not depressed, when she has gotten to know my family and friends a little more, and when she has friends of her own, and her life is more stable, then maybe we could have that nice big church wedding.

Just wanted to know if this is possible. People have told me maybe she is not the right girl for me, or maybe we shouldn't get married, but I know she is the right girl for me, I love her more than anything, and she loves me too... because we are Christians, the only way we can really be together and spend more time together is to get married, because we just can't move in together, that would be wrong for us.

So I'm wondering if I can have a small courthouse wedding, get married to the girl I love, then live with her for a few years and if she feels like it one day, we have a nice big wedding. I'm not sure if a Christian can really call themselves married if they have a courthouse wedding though... so that's my worry. I want this marriage to be right by God first, because He brought us together. Please help me... :(

How about talking with your minister, and explaining your situation and dilemna? I don't know where you live, but maybe your pastor would agree to hold something like a small backyard or park ceremony, with just close friends and family. It would seem to me, to be a little more intimate and special. I believe most ministers wouldn't have a problem with doing this, and blessing your marriage. The nice thing about a backyard wedding, is that you can keep it casual, and the guests to a minimum, and still have a small reception at the same place.

Then a few years down the road when she is ready, you could renew your vows in the church, and have the bigger reception.

Does you fiancée not have a close friend, (could even be female, there are no steadfast rules) or brother, uncle, a family member she is close to, that could walk down the aisle with her to make it more comfortable?

Hmm... thanks for that...

Nah... she doesn't really have anyone else to walk her down the isle... she has a brother, but he doesn't want to even be at the wedding, because he doesn't like me... and that's his opinion... can't change the way people thing...

Was on the phone with her for about 2 hours just now, and we decided to hold off on the wedding, and just stay engaged for a while... and try to sort ourselves out, get closer to God and see what happens then... its very hard for me, because I do love her a lot and just want to be with her, but I have to think about how she feels and stuff, so we will take our time with the wedding... :(

Would she be open to speaking with a counselor, or your minister to try and get through her issues? That would probably help both of you a lot. You don't have to have something "wrong" with you to see a therapist. They are just there to help people work through their fears and concerns.

Good luck to you with whatever the two of you decide.

Thanks a lot... yeah... both of us are going for dinner tonight with my church pastor and he said he will give us some counselling for anything we need, so that's good... we both got issues to work through and he will help us if we need it... but we just want to get closer to God first, so he can help us with that too...

Thanks... we'll probably need all the luck in the world...

First, I think it's good you've decided to wait a little longer to get married. Her social anxiety needs to be addressed. It's good you are meeting with your pastor, but she should consider a therapist as well.

As for walking down the aisle - many women now choose to walk down the aisle alone. There is nothing wrong with that.

As for where to get married - if your faith is important to you, then I'm sure you would not be comfortable getting married anywhere else. Does she understand the significance for you? Does she attend church with you?

I think your compromise should be not having a large wedding. Obviously something in her life has led her to have no friends or family other than her mother. Be sensitive to her and only invite immediate family and very close friends.

Good luck with everything!

I do mostly private weddings, still in church, still at the alter, but with only the bride and groom. We did not require witnesss besides the pastor.

Thanks a lot...

Yeah it is good that we decided to wait a little longer, and seeing my church pastor should help her. She does come to church with me, and she does know I want a traditional wedding and stuff, and so does she, but she is finding that hard now because her family won't be there, other than her mum, and she doesn't have any friends to invite because she lost contact with all of them when she lost her job when she got sick... and that made her depressed and feel bad about herself, which led to her social anxiety... its all just a series of unfortunate events...

I can compromise on having a small wedding, no worries there... but I'm going to wait for her to actually want a wedding and stuff... try to feel better about herself first...

Thanks for the advice...

I do mostly private weddings, still in church, still at the alter, but with only the bride and groom. We did not require witnesss besides the pastor.

Wow... OK then... didn't know that was possible...

But then I'd feel bad cutting my family and her mum out of the wedding... and I would like people there actually... so I'm just going to wait for her to want a wedding...

Some Minsters will do a small elopement form of a wedding. So you get your church part and she gets her small court house part. However court house really isn't to bad. Some pastors will allow mom and dad there but not to many people

The type wedding doesn't matter but the person you're marrying does

Yea what you can tell them is between the economy and shyness you two couldn't afford the huge $20,000 and you were shy to boot.

Plus weddings kind of are like public speaking... it's kind of normal to be scared of. Most of us only do it once and yea... it's a pretty common thing

Thanks for the advice ppls... but its all not happening now anyway... so Oh well, thanks anyway..