Let me start by saying that, while I don't have a serious issue with strip clubs, the idea of my boyfriend going bothers me, as I think it would most girls. It's one part insecurity, one part jealousy. That said, I think I'm relatively chill about it. If their were special circumstances, e.g. a bachelor's party, all the guys were going because someone got dumbed, whatever, I'd be okay with it. Not pleased, but okay. I'm not the type to outright forbid anyone to do anything.

My boyfriend and I agreed: no strip clubs. I didn't tell him that he wasn't allowed, I said it would bother me and I didn't want him to. It didn't seem important to him so I didn't think it was asking that much. In fact, the conversation went like this:

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't go to strip clubs anymore."
"No strip clubs? Okay."
"Cool. Thanks."

Well, I found that he did in fact go to strip joint in town, and when I confronted him about it, he said, "I didn't lie. I said I was going to get a drink with a friend. I just didn't say where."

He is 100% convinced that he did nothing wrong. I'm pissed because a) he went to a strip club, b) he lied (or "failed to mention," whatever) c) now he's lying about lying. I understand why he lied in the first place, but to deny that he lied adds a whole new layer. If he just acknowledged that he screwed up by lying, even if he said he was still going to go to strip clubs, I would feel much much better. I have a hard time trusting boys to begin with, and I was doing a pretty good job with this one. Now I'm truly concerned about how I'm going to trust him at all. What else has he lied about? How do I know that he isn't doing this every time he's just "grabbing a drink with a friend?" I'm having a hard time understanding why he thinks that what he did is okay. I know that it's a somewhat minor transgression, but how are you supposed to have a relationship with someone that you can't trust?

I know that it's a somewhat minor transgression, but how are you supposed to have a relationship with someone that you can't trust?

To answer your question, it's hard to have a relationship with someone you can't trust. A lot of people base their relationship on trust. I know I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't trust him. Has your boyfriend ever given you any reason not to trust him? I understand you're not happy that he lied, but maybe instead of pointing fingers right now (which tends to turn into a fight) you should ask him why he didn't mention where he was going for a drink.

If drinking with his buds is more important to him than being with you, he doesn't love you. He might think he does, but he doesn't. Sorry, bu you should get rid of him. It will be better for both of you. Maybe he will find the woman that he does love.

If drinking with his buds is more important to him than being with you, he doesn't love you. He might think he does, but he doesn't. Sorry, bu you should get rid of him. It will be better for both of you. Maybe he will find the woman that he does love.

First part is not true.

Drinking with friends is acceptable but if he continues to ignore the girl, there is a problem. As for the lying part, tell him to stop talking nonsense.

You are entitled to NOT trust him 100% anymore.
Let him slowly regain your trust.

I have the answer
Put on your own private strip show for him
Then tell him, if ever goes to another one with his "friend" that he won't get any more from you!
Guys are dumb that way, he'll never go out to a show again

Oh the lying part? He is dumb :D

Let me put a male perspective into this.

Since it seems that suddenly the guys are complete idiots by the rest of these answers or opinions, which is NOT true.

First of all, why does a strip club bother you that much? He's not doing anything with them. You can't be so hypocritical and say it's okay he goes under certain circumstances but the ONE time he goes "randomly" say it's not okay.

For all you know, his buddy was having a really bad day, maybe he lost his job, maybe he got dumped. He's not going into a strip club to "get some".

Second of all, did you ever think that maybe he didn't know at first that he was going to a strip club to drink? (just throwing it out there). Do you honestly expect him to 1.) Tell his buddy he can't go because his girlfriend told him not to? 2.) Call you immediately and tell you he's going to a strip club just so he can listen to you getting all angry at him over the phone?

Come on, give the guy a break elena6, at the end of the day, he's coming home to YOU right? He's telling YOU he loves you. You need to be up front with him and just ask him if he's gone any other times and not said. If he says no, just trust his word. Certain circumstances come up, and to be technical in this situation, he doesn't tell you where he goes to drink any other time, so when he goes to a bar with women dancing is no different than any other place. Would you get pissed off if he went to a bar and the bartender was female and wearing skimpy clothing too? Come on, cut the guy some slack.

How did you find out he went to a strip club anyway? Did HE tell you? Why are you so busy keeping tabs on him? I think there's a bigger issue which should be resolved in yourself (being unable to trust men. ) Just to clarify things, women can be just as shady too. That doesn't mean you can't trust your boyfriend anymore because of one silly time.

Kevin

I love what Kevin said, let me just add...

A strip club is where men can go and know that their significant other won't follow them and nag at them. Boys night out so to speak. He didn't tell you the 100% truth because he knew that you would react just the way you are.

Also, the women at strip clubs aren't looking to hook up with your boyfriend, but rather they look at the men like dollar signs $$$. I know, I would make over $200 in a 4 hour shift and I was only a WAITRESS!!

Would you get pissed off if he went to a bar and the bartender was female and wearing skimpy clothing too?
That depends
Would you get peed off if your wife had a male stripper come around for afternoon tea, and you didn't know?

By the way, I agree my reply was not written well above. But my point is still the same, lets just try to stop the guy going to strip clubs, as he promised he would. Otherwise he should say that he doesn't care for this promise anymore

And if he "didn't know"! :rolleyes: Yeah right! Now that would be dumb!

I love what Kevin said, let me just add....

A strip club is where men can go and know that their significant other won't follow them and nag at them. Boys night out so to speak. He didn't tell you the 100% truth because he knew that you would react just the way you are.

Also, the women at strip clubs aren't looking to hook up with your boyfriend, but rather they look at the men like dollar signs $$$. I know, I would make over $200 in a 4 hour shift and I was only a WAITRESS!!!

Eh you'd be surprised, I've heard a lot of stories where guys end up dating or in a FB relationship with these strippers.

Eh you'd be surprised, I've heard a lot of stories where guys end up dating or in a FB relationship with these strippers.

Yes, but it's not as common as one would think. I worked at one for over 2 years and only one or two of the dancers ever got into a relationship like this.

Most likely. A guy has to have tight game to land a stripper right there at the club, or be amazingly good looking, from what I've heard.

Most of the guys are still $$$ in our eyes, even as waitresses. We knew who had the bucks and who would tip well, so we would pay more attention and give better service to those guys. We knew how to "work the crowd."

When the night was over it would just be another night at work.

That depends
Would you get peed off if your wife had a male stripper come around for afternoon tea, and you didn't know?


Okay... totaly different situation.

This would be in the privacy of a home. Anything inappropriate could happen.

In a strip joint, lap dances costs way too much and guys would much rather pay for the expensive beer instead of the expensive lapdance.

I went to a strip club for my birthday this year and my girlfriend was the same way she didn't like the idea of me going but was cool with it cuase of the special occasion.. and its not like I would just waltz back in on a regular day cuase it's a waste of money. But I think he's just got himself caught in a lie and is trying to get out of it. I would just talk to him about it more, mention that you guys talked about it and he knew that you didn't want him going there. Talking is the best way to resolve these things

Personally if I'm with a girl in a relationship, I have no desire to go to a strip club. I don't see why other guys would either.

Personally if im with a girl in a relationship, I have no desire to go to a strip club. I don't see why other guys would either.

It really depends on the situation. If its just a normal day and you want to go and your dating someone that's kind of werid. But if its like a birthday party or bachlor party etc. then it's a little bit different don't you think

Lets be real, the only reason he agreed to her demands ( as with most guys) was not to sleep on the couch, or catch some other kind of boohoo treatment.

If he had simply talked, and said no, they may not get together. What a set up. Still its her problem to deal with, and guys, don't make promises you can't keep.

His logic is good male logic for avoiding being confronted by a mad female, who is holding all the cards, and right, and wrong, have gone out the window.

I think it's just about male bonding. If they go once a week, yes. I think it is a problem.

I think it's fun to go with my boyfriend. I can remember two times that my boyfriend went without me, and it was because his friends invited him. It was cool with me. I trust him. That is the key. He came home to me and had great sex with me. I know he wasn't throwing dollars are getting a lap dance.

Some of those girls aren't all that great anyway!

Like I said, I think it's just a male bonding/ harmonal thing.

i think it's just about male bonding. if they go once a week, yes. i think it is a problem.

i think it's fun to go with my boyfriend. i can remember two times that my boyfriend went without me, and it was because his friends invited him. it was cool with me. i trust him. that is the key. he came home to me and had great sex with me. i know he wasn't throwing dollars are getting a lap dance.

some of those girls aren't all that great anyway!

like i said, i think it's just a male bonding/ harmonal thing.

Exactly and its not like anything would happen with a stripper they just want your money they wouldn't do anything other than dance for you. And a lot of those girls arnt that great.. kinda gross actually when you see them in the light haha

exactly and its not like anything would happen with a stripper they just want your money they wouldnt do anything other than dance for you. and alot of those girls arnt that great..kinda gross actually when you see them in the light haha


Haha... yes. Please. Don't turn on the lights!

This one that we went to had the nastiest smell too! It smelled like too much nasty pu**y!

Yeek. Who would want a lap dance then? It's just for Sh**s and giggles!

haha...yes. please. don't turn on the lights!

this one that we went to had the nastiest smell too! it smelled like too much nasty pu**y!

yeek. who would want a lap dance then? it's just for Sh**s and giggles!

Haha finally a girl that understands. Most people that go there just go cause its funny and soemthing to do. I'm in chicago and they have this one called the admiral its pricy but id rather pay the extra buck then go to like Wisconsin and pay cheap and see buck tooth girls that smell like old tuna

Thanks guys, for all your answers. Let me clarify a bit. I am well aware of what goes on in a strip club, I've been to a few, with boyfriends and with friends. I live in Oregon, which has the largest concentration of strip clubs in the country. They are as popular as they are because the girls take everything off, they don't leave their underwear on, and as a result it gets pretty raunchy. These are not just go-go dancers.

While I am not for one second worried that my boyfriend will cheat on me with one of them, I am still bothered by the whole situation. This is primarily because there IS an interaction between the girl and the patron. There's eye contact, giggles, flirting, and that's just when they're on stage. I would have a problem with it even if they kept their clothing on. I don't even want to think about lap dances.

To answer a few questions, my boyfriend knew where he was going, it wasn't like his buddy said "hey I know a great little place" and it happened to be a strip club.

I found out because I found a receipt for the place on his dresser. I wasn't snooping, it was lying in plain sight.

I do NOT have any problem at all with him going out with his friends without me. I give him plenty of space to do so (I'd say this happens 2-4 times a week).

It might very well be a male bonding thing, which brings up another issue. Why does male bonding so often translate to doing things that they know would bother their girlfriends, talking sh*t about their girlfriends, and objectifying women? I'm not saying this is how it always is, but too often, especially with this particular boyfriend, I've found that doing "guy stuff" involves treating women like they're either the enemy or something lesser than men (or both.) If I'm totally cool with him getting a drink with the guys and not inviting me once and a while (or even every other night), why does he still have to find someway to rebel (and lie)? Maybe rebel isn't the best word choice, because it's not like I keep him on a tight leash.

Oh geez let the guy be a guy, and blow off some steam every now, and then.

You keep saying your cool with this or that, but your really not. I can understand it, but young guys do these goofy things, and if it was all the time, you may have a point.

But if its not, you put him on the defensive, and usually we do just the opposite of what you want, just to say we aren't henpecked, and FEEL like we are free.

Pick your battles with care, as there will be better things to make a stand on and make him sleep on the couch for (JK).

Trust me, he probably has his peeves with you too.

That depends
Would you get peed off if your wife had a male stripper come around for afternoon tea, and you didn't know?

By the way, I agree my reply was not written well above. But my point is still the same, lets just try to stop the guy going to strip clubs, as he promised he would. Otherwise he should say that he doesn't care for this promise anymore

And if he "didn't know"! :rolleyes: Yeah right! Now that would be dumb!

I think you're missing the point of this thread. He's not taking dancers (I don't really like to call them strippers... demeaning in my opinion, even if they are technically "stripping") home, he's gone to a strip club (it could have been a "gentleman's club" which tend to be more classy.)

You're comparing adultery to seeing nudity. When I was with my now ex girlfriend, she came with me and my buddies to the strip club! It doesn't MEAN anything, it's entertainment.

Telling this guy he can't do something is completely different than saying she doesn't feel comfortable with him doing it, no? Yes, he didn't happen to tell the OP. Everybody makes mistakes.

To the OP:

I think your best bet (if you want him to be more open with you, and rather be around you) is maybe offer to go with him, even if you don't like it, you'll do one of two things; First, you'll either get his gears working and want to go behind closed doors *meeeowww*, or two, you'll make him realize that strip clubs aren't all that great (they honestly aren't in my opinion.) and he'd rather be spending his time with his NUMBER ONE girl ;).

You tell a man he can't do something, or nag him about doing something you don't like, you're going to just push him away.

This is really not that big of a deal.

This really comes down to a matter of personal ethics and morals, so I don't think that there is a real answer to this question. I personally don't like the idea, as I wouldn't want my girlfriend going to a male strip club, I wouldn't expect her to like me going to a female one..

Lets be real, the only reason he agreed to her demands ( as with most guys) was not to sleep on the couch, or catch some other kind of boohoo treatment.

If he had simply talked, and said no, they may not get together. What a set up. Still its her problem to deal with, and guys, don't make promises you can't keep.

His logic is good male logic for avoiding being confronted by a mad female, who is holding all the cards, and right, and wrong, have gone out the window.

Good points. I always like your crisp analysis of things:).

He obviously has no respect for you, if he still goes despite you asking him not to. If he loved you he wouldn't even be interested in going. (and this is a comment from a straight male)

You might not have a problem with him going out, but this does reflect on how he thinks of your relationship

Spoken like a true man...