Hey guys.

Just some thoughts of mine. And no its not me screaming or getting pisst off at people :)

But the one thing I have learnt, in all my relationships.

I use to really lose myself in them.. and I hated the person I became when I was in a relationship. I became this wimpy needy. Mess. All the stuff I scream at people not to be!
Because I use to do it.

And then as I went into more relationships I was like. Ok this time! I will change. And you know what I did.. for the first 6 months. Ha! Then the girl would be like
Ohh you never open up!

So I open up and lose myself again. Then guess what happens. --Yeahh your no fun anymore--


Now I have learnt that. It is so important to have your own goals in life, and your own plans.
Because you are working towards something, and when that happens. At least for me. Relationships
Are not... the most important thing in my life. I find if I balance everything. Social and work together. It works out really well.

You know the old saying. You can't keep putting wood on the fire. Or it will just burn out.

Anyway I use to make my girls life. My life. Which is just awful..
There is no guide to a healthy relationship in my view
But I feel that if we do follow our life goals. No matter what bumps we hit in the road. Women.. family.. etc. if we keep on going we will get there.
And at least for me. The bumps aren't that big when I know where I am going.

Basically I have learned pretty much the same thing.
Like I just left my boyfriend because I started realizing how much (as usual) I got wrapped up in what he wanted, when he wanted and lost myself (once again) in his needs. I started becoming someone that I always advise to avoid being. Like he had me crying a lot and just letting him believe he could always turn everything into being my fault.
I have realized through the years that I am much happier on my own being independent and having my goals. Guys seem to distract me and then I get lost in their wants only.
In the past couple days since I left him I have been thinking about when am I going to go visit my friends that I haven't seen for awhile, when am I going to catch up on my reading and my art, when am I going to get started on this project or continue working toward my goals.
He was okay with me doing these things BUT he played these games like he wouldn't come home. Then when I didn't bother coming home because he never bothered coming home then he would start coming home and getting mad that I wasn't there,
If you are right for each other there should be harmony and synchronicity without the confusion, problems and misunderstandings. You should both be working together toward your goals not smothering and suffocating each other to the point you hinder each other.