Hey guys,
Id really appreciate any response to this. Im in need of an un-bias opinion. Sorry its long..

I starting dating my ex in high school. He was quite a bit younger than me, I bring that up because it will explain for some of his immaturity. I am now a junior in college and we have been the typical "on and off, unhealthy couple" for 3 years. We've seriously been through everything.. there's no emotion I haven't experienced from/with him. He wasn't my first love so I wasn't completely caught off guard by heartbreak. However, he's lied to me and messed around with other girls which was a painful process. It more or less was always the typical 'rachel and ross situation' ("but we were on a break"). HOWEVER, this past summer we shared an amazing 3 months together in which he was completely dedicated to me (upon choice) and we were basically a relationship without the title and at the end of the summer he told me he loved me for the first time in over a year (since we officially were dating). We have gone months without talking at times, but ALWAYS come back. We joke that we are eachothers weaknesses.

There are still parts of his personality that peeves me. I think its because he's still young. But I feel like this 3 year process grew him up so fast and molded him into a good person/boyfriend. He hardly desires a one night stands or hookup buddies. I was his first love so I feel he has grown a dependence on me. And although I think he's changed, I feel like id be a fool to try things up with him because of the we've been through. Plus, I'm pretty sure everyone would be against the notion. He tells me he loves me and gets jealous when I show interest in other guys... but were not dating. I need things to be black or white with him, being friends never worked in the past. I either need to drop contact with him or take a chance and rekindle that specialness we share. I do believe he may need me and hold on to me for selfish reasons, but I'm not sure.

It would be taboo if I dated him again because of all the times I told friends I was done with him. It also sucks that I have to keep what we share a secret but I don't know what to do...

Is he old news? I think I deserve better, but he's showing a whole new side... dare I pursue?

Honestly, listening to your story is EXACTLY like mine, 3 years, high school, all the , ended with him being devoted, first love. The truth is... yeah you deserve better but not just a better relationship a better yourself you're a junior in college and your about to start your life so get that all together... I mean when he goes off to college things are going to REALLY change and he could dump you the way mine did me. He does need to grow up and if you keep letting him come back to you this will just become a pattern until he decides to move on. You move on first, stay friends, talk about it to him... you guys might end up together later... but now its time for something more for you.

This is a distant relationship
Possibly meeting up every now and then
It's not serious (yet)
It may be one day, but for the moment let him grow more

As old Dr.Phil is fond of saying *the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior* So...
If you want more of that same on again off again relationship than go for it but that kind of drama gets lame after a few years and it steadily goes no where. And instead of wasting three years soon you find you have wasted 4 or 5.
As for the friends and keeping your relationship secret I say it is none of their business.Regardless of how many times you told them you were done.
If you deserve better and know it than go for it but remember that you need to first be happy or at least content by yourself before you can fully commit to a healthy relationship.
Best of luck!

It sounds to me like both of you like the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You break up, you get back together and everything seems great. Then the honey moon period passes, and you break up. Then the cycle starts again!

To me it just doesn't sound like this will work. You guys have too much baggage in your relationship! Can you honestly say that you forgive him for past mistakes? Can you honestly say you trust him not to make the same ones again? Can he say the same?

Unless you can tell yourself 100% yes to those questions right now, I would lay bets that you are wasting your time, having another go at it!

Don't waste years you can't get back by travelling down dead end street!

I just want to thank you guys for your input... it really helps and means a lot!

Feel free to keep commenting if need be..

-Ashley