Hi. Well il start from beginning.
I knew him for 5 yrs at school. He had asked me out however I was wit sum1 else. He waited. Anyway I ended up single and he asked me out. That was great for me because he meant a lot to me. We got 2geva July 2005 was engaged by sept 2005 (his choice and asked me). He wanted us to be 2geva 4 ever. We started arguin after about 9 months. Anyway after being let down agen I finished him outa anger. I apologized and explained y. I ddnt want 2 loose him and we got bck 2geva. Anyway we wa meant 2 meet up agen on da weekends as we don't live tt close. He let me down each week for about 4 weeks. Then I text him 2 find out why he wasn't coming down. I got a reply where he finished me. All he said wa tt he couldn't do it anymore and tt he will always love me. So I ask if there would be chance we could get bck 2geva after a break he said yes. Now this is where I get confused. 1 min he sez he loves me and misses me. Then he h8s me, ders rumors going round and wants nowt 2 do wit me. Wel I text him asking if we could tlk. He said he wanted to be friends. Anyway we got tlkin and wa OK. He asked me 2 call so I did. He wa reali sweet and said he loves me, misses me, misses spendin time wit me and everyfin. He asked me 2 text him da nxt day. And I did. He promises 2 text me da day after when he got paid. Wel he didn't and now I've heard nowt from him. He sez he wants us 2geva but nt yet and wants 'space'. I hv heard rumors tt he has been sleeping around, tt he got off wit a lass while wit me. He's very friendly wit lasses and most of his m8s r lasses. However when I saw da email. It wa from a mate (lass) of his. Asking what happened and did he get off wit her and tt he should end it wit me if he likes her and if nt den tel her. But he replied saying tt he doesn't like her in tt way and loves me. So does this mean he did? Does he want us 2geva? Y is he messin wit ma head? I don't no what 2 do. I love him 2 pieces. He sez he's got problems and tt. But so hv I. he doesn't realise tt I'm der for him. We wa best m8s n he sez he doesn't ever want 2 loose me. So what am I 2 do? When I ask he just sez yeah we will get bck 2geva but he needs time. We and I ask how long he sez soon. Why is he not telling me nefin? I told him I wa planning on moving away. Da day he ended it I wa guna ask him 2 move in wit me. He now knows tt. He told me 2 luk for a flat away from where we live and we will hv a fresh start but now he hasn't mentioned it and I can't even get him 2 meet up and keep a simple promise. Where am I going wrong? Please please please please please please help. I'm so torned up by this. Sori it long. Tried 2 shorten it as much as poss. Anyway thxs 4 reading.


(for those unable to read this please read further down where it is in full english thank you)

Hi,
It's rather difficult reading your question, when it's using shortened abbreviations, like "neway", luk, whatever.
Typing on here might get you more answers if you type in plain English, instead of texting type stuff for cell phone, and chat.
I am 64 yrs old, married 29 yrs, and do know that life is wonderful. But, sometimes one gets "good" and "bad" in relationships.
Do you think it's time you moved on? Find someone else?
Your boyfriend isn't that interested in you. If he were, he would be caring, love you, want to be with you all the time, and he would do anything to make you happy.
It doesn't sound like he is the one for you. We don't always get what we want, or who we want. My first marriage of 7 yrs ended in Divorce. So even with marriage, life isn't always the way we want it.
My suggestion is to start talking with other boys. SMILE, and it shows you like yourself... others will like you, too. It takes awhile to get over someone, but you can do.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Yes, It is hard reading your question. Please re write it without any short form and it will be easier to answer your question.

I'd like to help, but can't read that.

My true advice is to forget about this guy AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO WRITE!! That's MORE important than some guy you don't get along with and don't share the same interests.


Education IS a LOT more important than some former love. If you were educated better you WOULD not have heartache as you WOULD have other things in life to keep you busy.

Hard to spread the love to everyone who answered so far all at once, so I'll do it this way!!

What the heck? I don't understand either. As everyone has said, please rewrite in plain english, and we can give you better answers.

He disappoints you over and over, Doesn't call at the agreed time, And messes around when ever he pleases and all your friends know this. The problem isn't him its you. If you let him treat you any kind of way then he will and has. Leave this guy alone and stop listening to anything he says because he hasn't kept his word not once as well as not respecting you at all. If you think he'll change and are willing to be his personal door mat then stay and pay the consequences, otherwise In my opinion you should get out and find a much happier and HEALTHIER relationship.;) :cool:
Thank God my daughter was here to translate this mess and she even had a hard time! :confused:

I refuse to answer on the grounds that I don't have a clue as to what the question is. This is a message board so please type out your message accordingly. There is no limit to space. Put down the cell phone and step away. Get back in touch with communication in the form of full wording. Please for your own sake.

I wnt to be 8bl 2 rd your pst- b I cnt. I wnt 2 get 2geva with you on this. Please rewrt.

Ok. If u must know I have got a good education. I choose to write in text, as that is how I talk to my friends and find it a lot more quick. However to help you all out I will write in full English.
Hello.
I will start from the beginning.
I knew Dan for 5 years at school. He had asked me out during this time, however I was with someone else. Anyway I ended up single about a year after leaving school and he asked me out again. That was great for me because he meant a lot to me, as we had been friends for 6 years by this point. We got together in July 2005 and were engaged by September 2005 (it was his choice and asked me).
He wanted us to be together forever. We started arguing after about nine months over small minor details. We live approximately 35 – 40 miles apart. Anyway after being let down again by him not turning up to see me or going to the pub when he had made prior arrangement with myself, I finished him just out of anger. I apologized immediately and explained why. I did not want to loose him and we got back together straight away. Anyway we were meant to meet up again on the weekends following, as this is the only time we have available. He let me down each week for about 4 weeks. Then I text him to find out why he wasn’t coming down to see me. The only reply I got was that he ‘could not do it anymore and that he will always love me’. So I ask if there would be a chance we could get back together after a break he said yes. Now this is where I get confused. One minute he is telling me that he loves me and misses me etc. Then he hates me, there are rumours going around and that he wants nothing to do with me. Well I text him asking if we could talk, He said yes and he wanted to still be best friends. Anyway we got talking and were OK. He asked me to call him so I did. He was really sweet and said he loves me, misses me, misses spending time with me and us generally being together and the things we did as a couple. He asked me to text him the next day and I did. He promises to text me the day after when he got paid. Well he didn’t and now I have heard nothing from him. He said he wants us together but not yet and that he wants 'space' to sort his head out and the problems he is having. He has told me there is nobody else and he still wants to be with me. However I have heard rumours that he has been sleeping around, and that he got off (kissed) a girl while with me. This is not like him and I am not sure what to think of it. He is very friendly with lasses and most of his mates are girls. This is not a problem for me if I know them. However when I saw a certain email. It was from a mate (lass) of his asking what happened between this other girl and him and did he get off (kiss) her and that he should end it with me if he likes the other girl and if not then tell her. But he replied saying that he doesn’t like her in that way and loves me. So does this mean he did? Does he want us together? Why is he messing with my head? I don’t know what to do. I love him to pieces. He said he has got problems. But so have I. He doesn’t realise that I am there for him. We were best mates and he said he doesn’t ever want to loose me. So what am I to do? When I ask he just tells me that we will get back together but he needs time. When I ask how long he said soon. Why is he not telling me anything? I told him I was planning on moving away. On the day he ended it I was going to ask him to move in with me. He now knows that. He told me to look for a flat away from where we live and we would have a fresh start but now he hasn’t mentioned it and I can't even get him to meet up and keep a simple promise. Where am I going wrong? Please please please please please please help. I am so torn up by this. I don’t want to loose him, as I really do love him. Sorry it long. Tried to shorten it as much as poss. Anyway thanks for reading.
Sam
p.s. I am new to the site and did not realise that full english was require. As I'm sure you are aware that many people my age write in text format and it is very common. Terribly sorry for any inconvence.

I do have a good education and I have just finished my course. Got a new job and further interview. I was also looking for a flat but that has changed my future plans due to the break up of my last relationship. However I find relationships rather important in my life and if someone is special it hurts a lot. As for interest we do have similar interest and hobbies. Obviously not exactly the same. We do get on and can be very good together when alone.


I wnt 2 b 8bl 2 rd ur pst- b I cnt. I wnt 2 get 2geva with u on this. Pls rewrt.

As it happens I can read what you put perfectly well. As I am only 18 I am used to this sort of format. I have re written it in full english.

Thank you for retyping it.

If you are still at the stage where you think you have to do something to make someone like or love you, then its really wise to back up a bit. That is a sure indication that "YOU" haven't fullly developed enough to handle a full-on relationship. A wise person told me we crawl before we walk and we walk before we run. This is especially true of relationships.

Be friends first and get good at that, then date and get reasonably good at that, then IF you find someone who really interests you, date them some more, show them off to your friends, eventually meet their family, freak out over meeting their family, get over being freaked out, date exclusively, have them meet your family, freak out over them meeting your family, get over being freaked out, and then one day become engaged. By then you should know each other very well and have some SIZABLE measure of trust established along with the love. If you do not have the kind of trust where you would trust them with your very life, then you are probably not ready to be engaged.

Rushing that process is a recipe for disaster. It means you don't have enough foundation under you, you are easily freaked out trust-wise and now you are resorting to looking at every little detail as a clue, which is what your post is all about. It may seem unfair but I think you two missed a few very essential steps and now you are paying for it. It might not turn out salvagable but in either case... back up, regroup and sloooooow down. Love simply does not rush well.

Thanks for posting and I hope that helps.

Had to spread it around Val, but I think this is an excellent post to a good relationship, old fashioned, but the best way! Youngsters seem to want everything now and it doesn't work that way. I have a few red flags about this fellow though and I think that she should really be sure he's worth it in my opinion.

I personally think you should focus on getting your new place, getting your new job. Without having this person in the picture at this time or maybe not again. If you focus the flat and job and eventually everything else will come in place. Please do not rush it. Maybe both of you need some growing apart and growing up before any moving in together. You need to find your own way and obvously he needs to find his own way. You move, he knows where you are. Right. Let it be. IF it is meant to be it will work out, but you have plenty of time in your life for a relationship. Your mistake is you put so much into a relationship and need for it, you do not slow down to enjoy it, or even to realize that maybe just maybe this person is not for you. I am not saying that is the case but just giving you examples of what could happen if your focused on the wrong things.

Joe

Thank you for your reply. I cannot get my flat now as it is not possible for me to pay for it on my own. I have got the job and have tried moving on. I do feel very strongly for dan. To be honest he moved faster than me. I had not considered getting engaged or anything more than dating. However this is what he wanted and it felt right. It was going OK and I still do not know why he ended it. I have backed off in case I was to forward with him or he felt like I was pushing him. I really think that we could be a wonderful couple. My problem is I don't know why he is telling me two different things such as the 'loves me, misses me, wanted to get a flat' and sometimes its ' makes promises and breaks them, doesn't speak to me'. I don't know what to do.

Like I said, in my opinion. Leave him alone. Do not look desperate by trying to chase after him. This advice has been given time and again and I think that is why I give it as well. If he does not keep his promises and keeps breaking them, what does that tell you about Dan? If and when you speak to him be honest with him. One minute he is promising things and the next he is changing his mind. Ask him what is the deal and you want him to be able to talk to you with whatever is on his mind. After that I really do think you should leave it alone. You did your best. You need to leave him alone. Step back and just not put such an importance on a relationship right now. Focus on your job.

Joe

It seems that in the age of 'fast texts' we've also gotten used to 'fast relationships'.

You put him off in the beginning because you were not 'single'. Then, you let him into your life... after that , you hastened - even though you said it was his idea - into an engagement (sort of). To me, it comes across that neither of you have had enough experience in relationships and how to treat your partners, and that you both need more time with 'independence' before being dependent on each other.

You should both work on further education, values of friendship, gossip-control, and just plain getting to know each other.

Do you even know what it was that attracted you to each other? What do you really know about this young man, and what does he know about you? If you communicated with each other as you do in your messages, then I don't think that you've had the opportunity to share anything else but your bodies. If that's the case, then don't count on this or any other relationship in the future to work out for you.

Any relationship, no matter what your age, takes a lot of communication, understanding, sharing, and caring. In order to do that, you must be sure of yourself before you can be sure of a partnership.

So, just relax, give him space, give yourself space. Move into the new flat, organize the rest of your life first, then invite him into it again and see if he's worth your time and effort.

He also has a bit of growing to do, and it might be to both of your advantages.

When you rush into things, and always want them your way, and there are two people involved - you'll wind up having just as many negative experiences as a crash-dummy.

Good luck, and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_3_206.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) You can't ride together if you don't know each other, you'll set yourself up for a fall.

Thx for the re-write. Much clearer now. I can only say that I don't think you are doing anything wrong - so lighten up on yourself. Suggest you take several of the question syou have put in your post here and ask HIM those very questions. If he can't share with you what is going on with him, then my guess is your relationship is not as developed as you think it is. You can also say that you need answers to help you make your own choices - that you can't just wait around while he sorts out his issues. First things first - get him share what is going on.

i cannot get my flat now as it is not possible for me to pay for it on my own.

Could you get a roommate or a girlfriend to share a place with?



to be honest he moved faster than me. i had not considered getting engaged or anything more than dating

Next time could you assert yourself more? A woman who simply goes along with whatever he says can turn into something of a drag eventually?


it was going ok and i still do not know why he ended it.

Someone here spoke of a terrific book you might find interesting... here it is Its Called A Breakup Because Its Broken (www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/). Says gently to you... as hard as it is, you have a reality happening that says its not going okay and it seems as if he is reluctant to tell you why. If he won't tell you, then you will end up having to move on not knowing. Having been there I can tell you it's a survivable event... it feels crappy all right but eventually you right yourself like a knocked down sailboat standing back up. That takes time and the hurt subsides slowly. I know, more of what you don't want to hear but it is the truth... you will eventually be fine.

"If you are still at the stage where you think you have to do something to make someone like or love you, then its really wise to back up a bit." Oh my god that soooooooooooooo huge! Thank you Val for writing that - why didn't you tell me that 15 years ago?

Leave him alone for now. You can NEVER convince someone to like you - ever. You shoul also never try to impress someone ever.

Well I would just like to say thanks. I made a decision last week that by the first of July I would move on and not chase after him anymore. Well here it is and I'm not going to. Wel before we got together he managed to called me after 6 months of no contact and if he wants it to work he can do it again or leave me alone. As I said it did feel right and I guess I did go along with it with the thought that it would work out. Well if I've learnt anything from this its not to rush and look at my future as myself only. If someone worth it comes along then they can be adjusted. I will not be moving out at the moment but will be saving up and moving away for a proper fresh start. I will call, text, email him etc no longer. I'm moving on. Free and single :) thanks again.

"valinors_sorrow agrees: errmmm when the student is ready . . . .? LOL, I love your net appearing statement too, have I told you that yet, Kitty?" - Student?? Haha! We're all students here!! The 'net' quote is one of my favorites - you did not tell me that. We all need to think that way about relationships - ESPECIALLY DEEP DOWN WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S OVER.

xxsamxx110 - glad fpr you - you do need to do those things. Keep us posted. You WILL be so much more happy in 6 months.

No contact - keep it up.

Well I wrote on here back in June / July. My ex had broken up with me leaving me heart broken and depressed. I had been looking for a flat however the break up meant that I was unable to afford the flat and have not got another person to share with. I also started a job which I found out was not for me. Anyway I am now training in another course and am staying at home until I have enough to move out on my own.

Anyway my problem is not this as I can deal with being unhappy at both home and at work. My problem is that I decided that I would move on and not bother with my ex. Well that's easier said than done. I miss him terribly. It is now nearly 5 months and I am still not over him. My feelings are all still there for him even though he has a girlfriend and has told me he wants nothing to do with me. This hurts more than ever. I know a lot of you think that because I am 18 I know nothing about relationships and need to grow up etc.
Well that isn't what its like and it isn't helping me. I took on what everyone said but it is still not helping me to move on.

I miss him so much. I don't know what to do. Will he ever want me back if I just leave him alone or will he just find someone else and forget about me. I know I've made a lot of mistakes with how I've done things e.g. telling him I want him back and that I miss him. Now he hates me. My life is falling apart and every aspect is going wrong. Everything from my parents divorcing, not finding a job where I can do my training, being in debt, not having friends, to losing the person that meant everything to me and having no other person interested. I feel so depressed I don't think life is worth living.

Well thanks for reading. Any help would be really appreciated. Thanks again

Dear Sad and Lonely in the UK,

After all of this, you are still, say it with me, ALIVE!

At the moment things may seem bleak, endless and its like everything around you sucks more than a black hole the size of Russia (I would say Texas, but Russia is larger, and closer to you. ;) )

Life IS worth living. Your parents divorced, but they surely do still love you. You will find work again, at least something to keep you occupied enough to get your mind on other things. Debt will start to come down slowly, just give it a little time and patience. Friends are the ones who stick by you no matter what, and aren't worth a fig if they abandon you because they simply feel like it so tell those people to bugger off! :)

That person may not reciprocate the feelings you have for them, but that doesn't make you worthless. It doesn't make you horrible, or dirty or unworthy of love or affection from someone else. Learn to love you; at this point, 'you' is the one person you have so love the 'you' as much as you can.

18? Don't start thinking of yourself as an old maid! Heavens no! You are young, strong, and mature... prove it to yourself.

My parents are slagging each other off to me. My dad moving away and I'm left to choose who to live with. The job I hate and am not paid for. I'm sat in an office so my mind wonders and I'm sure you can guess who to. As I am not earning my debt is increasing not slowing down. As for friends they are the ones I needed and I have none now. I have gained so much weight and look awful. I can't seem to get rid even when working out each week etc. I hate who I am not love me. I'm not going to love me until things get better and that isn't looking good. I'm not a strong and definitley not a confident person.

I am very glad you brought you dilemma here for us to assist in, there are good people here ready to support when you need it. Take care.:)

You just have to pick yourself up and DO it. The hardest part is motivation for me. Sit down. Write down a plan for yourself. Schedule it. FOLLOW THROUGH with it. Once you start your own self improvement by doing this, you will begin to think of him less and less.
This is the benefit of focusing on yourself. And yes, you are very young. In a year (probably less) you will be looking back and saying "What was his name?" -Only if you get yourself motivated, and only you can do it.

There are also some that only make me feel worse. For example being young and stupid. Them saying I don't know what I feel. Yes some are great and really friendly so thanks. But I need help.

Hey I know exactly what you are going through right now. It is the one of the hardest things to get past especially when you were in love, and now he is with another girl. My sister had went through the same thing, and you just have to find people close to you to lean on. Keep yourself as busy as you can. When you start to think about him, get up and do something, don't sit there and allow yourself to think about him, no matter how hard it is, and I know that you want to think about him and you say that you can't stop. Your going to have to make yourself. Call your old friends, just talking to them, will keep your mind off him. I know it is tough, but you have to force yourself out of this depression, and it may go on for a while longer, but if you are trying your hardest to stop thinking about him, then one day you will realize that your not depressed about it anymore. Just keep really busy. Good luck and let me know how things are going!

I am sorry your sad : ( This happened to me too in June/July. Everyone is right, you have to keep busy. You have come to a good site for advice, I received good advice on here. I actually felt a bit down tonight, this is why I am on here. Don't blame yourself too much for calling him and telling him you wanted him back. This was what you felt was right at the time, you just feel a sense of panic when it happens, and it is hard to deal with.

I haven't got any close friends or someone to call or lean on. He was the person I was closest to and told everything to. I try keeping busy and yes sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of and what has been suggested. My home life and work isn't really helping at the minute. Just wish I had the money to just go and leave everything.

I am curious why you work at a job that does not pay. Why don't you look for a job that does pay!?

I too went through a bad break up, but that was many years ago. I understand the pain you are going through.

I know we say pick yourself up, keep busy. But that is really hard to do sometimes, I understand that. You know the old saying, "easier said than done." But you have to try.

You say you don't have any close friends, maybe you put too much into this relationship and lost old friends? Time to rekindle the old friendships maybe?

Parents splitting is a real downer too. They like to talk bad about each other to the kids. Not a good thing. If your Dad does this you have to stand up and say, "Well, she is still MY mother and I love her. Don't you see it hurts me to hear you say that about her?" Do the same to your mum if she talks about your dad. You should not be put in the middle of their problems.

You are 18, things will work out in life, and you will be a better person. You have experienced rough times, you will come out much stronger than those who have had it easy all their lives.

My dad doesn't slag my mum off. Only my mum slags my dad off and she does not listen as she is too bothered about how she feels as she is only interested in going out with friends. No my old friends are not worth bothering with. I heard what they said about me and only two bothered staying in touch and I stay in touch with however they work and live about 7 hours away from me. I work in a job that does not pay for my qualification until I find a full time paid job. I have applied to many and am waiting to hear from them. Of course this does not help my debt. Dan was the person that comforted me and was there for me. Knowing that I would see him was what keep me going through the week and now he has gone.

Do you like sitting on the pity pot, and have someone comfort you? Oh that's right the old ex use to do it. All I hear in your post is oh-woe is me and until you take an active roll in making your life better then the results will be nil. We all go through hard times and have to make adjustments, we all have hardships we must go through. That's the challenge of life that brings out the best and tough of us. For some it makes them cry and give up!! Never give up on yourself!! Negative or positive attitude, YOUR choice.

I understand. Some things are at emotional level and not at mind level. Only time can heal, however a lttle bit of acceptance that he has moved on helps in focusing.

I think you are feeling really low about yourself and I think you need to work on this. This guy obviously felt you were attractive and had a good personality. You seem to have forgotten the positive sides of yourself and have started to see yourself in a negative way. You have criticised yourself a great deal, your weight etc. I think you would benefit from either reading a book about possitive thinking, or any library book that would help regarding breaking up with a boyfriend. You are very young and you need to develop a sense of independence and you don't need to feel that you need a boyfriend at all times in order to have a good time or life won't be as good without one.

It is always difficult for anybody to concentrate whether in a new job or not when you suffer the breakup of a relationship. Be careful that you are not running away from problems in saying that you would like to have enough money to go away. I think we all feel like this at some point.

It would heop you to talk ti either a GP, priest, minister, surgery nurse, trusted friend or somebody regarding your problems as at eighteen these can be really stressful. It can also spoil your concentration by hacving flashbacks and thoughts of your previous boyfriend. It is not a good idea to contact him and think that you may get back together I know this from past experience and that of my daughters. You only drive them ffurther away. Its better to develop a positive attitude to yourself and realise that there are plenty others out there and possibly better and will treat you as you deserve and be on a better wavelength than before. Sometimes we meet people who just click when we least expect it. You should also talk to someone regarding your career prospects. If you feel that your finances are getting a bit out of control you should aldo talk to somebody regarding this.

You could also let your Mum and Dad know just how you feel about their quarrels in front of you and how it makes you feel. It could be that they are totally unaware of how this affects you. They definitely shoyuld not waste time with this. Make it a rule for them tha\t they don't discuss one another when you're there. I think you are lonely too and should seek out something you could do that occupies your time and will not cost a lot. Maybe a course towards a career. Not sure that you're overweight or whether you are just comfort eating and don't feel good about yourself generally - I think that is the key to how you feel about everything. Work on feeling good about yourself. Were you this lacking in confidenc e before this - I don't think so or you would not have attracted your boyfriend. You're only 18 and have a lot going for you if you can only work on seeing this for yourself. Move on and make it that you have learned from this don't let it drag you down instead of that make it make you stronger, pick yourself up move on! And you'll look better than ever. Pay attention to healthy eating.

I've always had low self confidence. I have been picked on all my life so I know the points that are bad about me. I arnt very good looking however things had improved and I was not overweight and myself confidence was at its all time high. As I'm sure uve guessed I have gained a lot of weight l8ly probably from comfort eating as well as feeling generally low.
I am doing a course to do with my career my problem is finding a job that will allow me to continue this. I have tried many things to help me move on and keep the weight off. I love going to the gym unfortunately I can't afford this now and am limited to what I can do.
As for my parents my dad isn't bad with it. It is actually my mum. We isn't that close and she does my head in. anyway I can tell her over and over and it makes no difference. If she doesn't tell me she tells my younger brothers and so they come to me. So either way I hear about it. I don't think she will ever change and is one of the reasons I want to move out.
I have not contacted my ex in a while and its hard but he didn't reply the last time so I don't think there is a chance he will ever bother with me again. :( for some reason I don't attrack guys and never really have done. Yeah I am lonely now as I don't have someone that I'm close to now. But never mind.
Love hurts.

I find running is good, try that, it doesn't cost anything. Or you could join a council gym, or if you are doing a college course, does the college have a gym? When I used to text my ex he wouldn't text me back either. I had to take his no out of my phone, maybe u should too. Just a thought.

I can't run as I have problems with my knees. I walk a lot and bike quite often. As for my college is doesn't have a gym or any discounts for using one.
My ex had made me believe we would be back together and then changed his mind. He did this over and over until a friend told him to stop messing me about. Well now he won't speak to me at all. Well I never bothered after that and neither did he.

Oh, if he messed you around like that, that's not good at all. Mine has never said anything about anything! That makes me feel rotten, at least if he wanted me back I would feel a bit better! A dance class would be good, I don't know how your knees would be with that.

Swimming is good : )

I do swim just not often as last time I got asked if I was pregnant. Kind of put me off. I'm looking for a modern dance class but haven't managed 2 find 1 around here.

Exercise videos maybe? How weird, that was rude of them, don't worry about what anyone else thinks

Unfortunately I do listen to them and it does get to me. I duno I try and don't get much further.

Why do you have a negative excuse for every suggestion?. Maybe you need a professional to help you or a trusted friend or priest? A doctor even.

Hun, do you even WANT the help we have been giving you here? Cut yourself some slack, no one is born perfect and the mistakes we make as we go through life should be looked on as lessons learned, to keep us from NOT doing whatever we did in the first place and to prevent others from doing the same.

1) You are listening to what they say and take it to heart, let me say that from this point on you are only doing it to yourself.

2) Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and open your eyes to the opportunity to change around you before its gone.

3) Smile. From horsesh*t grows flowers.

Yeah maybe I do need help. But telling people to move on or ' pick youreslf up' doesn't actually help at all. The reason I have 'excuses' isn't because I don't want to but because I either can't or I have tried. If something was suggested that I could or haven't already tried then that would help me. The people that actually help are those who suggest ideas.

Don't worry Sam. You are of course free to reject all the wonderful advice listed here. And this may solve itself. It gets better when you get a few more years under your belt. That tends to help people to better see things as they are. And once you see things are they are, the solutions come faster. I'm sorry Sam but you can't solve what you don't see. Time: it's a marvelous thing really.

yeh maybe i do need help. but tellin people to move on or ' pick youreslf up' doesnt actually help at all. the reason i have 'excuses' isnt because i dont want to but because i either can't or i have tried. if something was suggested that i could or havent already tried then that would help me. the people that actually help are those who suggest ideas.

After 3 pages and 21 people posting with excellent ideas may I ask what is it your holding out for? At some point you have to realise WE KNOW our suggestions are easier said than done and the only way to accomplish is to do it and not sit waiting for someone to come along and do it for you. You are your biggest problem and you do yourself a big disservice by That I can't stuff. All I can do at this point is pray for you.

Don't worry Sam. You are of course free to reject all the wonderful advice listed here. And this may solve itself. It tends gets better when you get a few more years under your belt. That tends to help people to better see things as they are. And once you see things are they are, the solutions come faster. I'm sorry Sam but you can't solve what you don't see. Time: its a marvelous thing really.

I posted before I could read this and you are so right on the money Time is a marvelous thing. Thanks for putting myself righteous feet back on the ground.

Well if you know that they your suggestions are easier said than done then when I say I can't do that suggestion I might have a valid reason and as for the more years thing all I've heard is that the older you are the more you think you know it all. If you have been in my situation with all the problems I have then fair enough but I seriously doubt you have. And to let you know I'm not waiting for someone to solve it for me I was hoping for some suggestions that I could do that I have not already tried or that are not possible for me to do. Life is crap and saying things like that helps no one. Thanks to all the people that have given ideas and suggestions.

If that's your picture, then you have nothing much to worry about : )

How about taking dogs for a walk? And then you can charge people money, and get exercise at the same time? (my mum's idea : ) )

Unfortunalty that isn't exactly how I look now. That is from about 4 months ago. Yeah I might try it not sure if that would work well round here people are not very friendly but I do work my own dog every morning so maybe I could find someone else's to work at the same time.

4 months ago is not too long, you are pretty. It is best to try and stay positive : )

Keep busy, that's the key. If I didn't keep busy, I wouldn't have got out my bed at the beginning of the break up. You need to give yourself things to look forward to, watch films you like, go bowling, go to a zoo, learn a new language : )

I'm not very positive. When you have had people all your life telling you the bad things that's the things that you pick up on. I don't enjoy doing activities on my own which is why I don't go out as much. Luckly I was able to learn Spanish last year so that was good. Unfortunalty things today cost a lot and there is not much that you can do for free. As for being pretty the way I look now and from what people that know me have said I am deffiently not pretty and am getting 'huge'. Might go bowling if I save up though lol. Its more closer to 5 months now and feels to long. Every other break up I have been over within 2-3 months. I was enagaged to ma ex and did love him. Just wish it was easier to forget and move on.

Hey,

Its been six months since my boyfriend of 2 yrs dumped me, and I'm still having a hard time letting go and moving on. I'm much better, and everyday I do get a little better but I still am a little depressed and sad that it is over. Its OK to feel sad- and it doesn't matter how old you are or how long its been. Different things take different people different amounts of time. I know its hard but you need to look at what you do have. Stop concentrating on your ex coming back- what I'm going to say might hurt but you need to hear it ( I know I needed to hear it too)- your ex is not going to come back to you. He has moved on and made it perfectly clear to you. You need to let go a little each day. Its hard- its painful, and you will cry and struggle- but that's normal- and I and lots of people in this world are doing it each day along with you. If you need to talk message me on here, anytime. Work on yourself- and try to put it out of your mind at times- its unhealthy to just sit and depress yourself- something I used to do. Get out meet new friends, and just be single- don't get involved too soon, just be you! Goodluck!

Thanks nice to know other people are going through similar things. I do have the occasional good day when I don't think about him much or think I'm better off without him. But its taking me along time. I know he doesn't want me and that hurts a lot. He was my best friend, boyfriend and fiancé its hard to move on from the person you love.:(

See - you need to change - work out A LOT. EAT RIGHT!! Vitamins.

IF he ever came back - he needs to see things differently -

People want what the ycan't have - he had you - he still has you. He needs the feeling he doesn't have you.

So how do I make him think he can't have me? I want to look good and feel good so how?

Do you have an exercise program? Do you eat right? Vitamins?

If you don't workout - start by walking 1/2 to 45 minutes 6 days a week. It's discipline.

You need feel good - and that will come across big.

I say date, date, date. Meet new guys. Do you have an internet profile?

He knows what he has with you - IF you improve yourself - a little every day - that's BIG!

You walk 15 or 20 minutes away from your house - then walk back. Then eventually join a gym - exercise is part of life - it clears your mind!

Anyway thanks for all the help il give it ago. Hving a bit of a bad day but il do the same as always and just get on with it.

Well - exercise is doubly important on bad days.