My wife and I just got married and she has a two year old. I want to adapt him but don't have money for a lawyer. The biological father doesn't think that the kid is his and has not taken any reposibility in raising him. The last time the father saw him was when he was 3 months old. The father's mother has called and talked to my wife a few times but now the phone is no longer in service. We went over to her house after our honeymoon and nobody was home. We left a message with an e-mail address, phone number and home address, that asked for the father to give his rights to me. We put on the letter to respond within 30 days. I don't think that they will and I'm not sure where to go from here.

My wife and I just got married and she has a two year old. I want to adapt him but don't have money for a lawyer. The biological father doesn't think that the kid is his and has not taken any reposibility in raising him. The last time the father saw him was when he was 3 months old. The father's mother has called and talked to my wife a few times but now the phone is no longer in service. We went over to her house after our honeymoon and nobody was home. We left a message with an e-mail address, phone number and home address, that asked for the father to give his rights to me. We put on the letter to respond within 30 days. I don't think that they will and I'm not sure where to go from here.


Varies slightly from State to State, whether the father is on the birth certificate, etc. but the general rules are: you have to be in a stable marriage for over one year; father has to consent to adoption (and you cannot force him to do that. Of course, if he allows the child to be adopted he will get out from under child support); father may very well want DNA testing - if he is NOT the father then it's a whole other situation.

Does he pay support? Has there been an action for support? You could hurry this on its way by having your wife file for support, the father will probably demand DNA testing, if he's the father support will be ordered and in a year he very well may be thrilled to get out from under that obligation.

The father has no duty or responsibility to respond to you in any manner. You are, in fact, a legal stranger in this at the moment. "We" should be "She," referring to your wife.

You should have posted first, before you sent him the "30 days deadline" letter which is very likely to simply antagonize him and make him resist (if he chooses to do so) because your demand has absolutely no teeth.

Anyway, you can do nothing unless you have been married for a year. If you are considering abandonment, the father has not abandoned the child. He may not visit, he may not pay support, but that is not legal abandonment.

The adoption process HAS to go through a court. A judge must approve the adoption.

Your wife cannot make any demands on the bio father, so your 30 day notice was out of line and has no legal standing.

The first thing you need to do is check your local laws to see how long you have to be married before you can file for adoption. Once you determine that, you can then check to see if there are forms that you can prepare on your own to file for adoption. I don't recommend that, because if you don't have an attorney draw up the papers you could get stung later on.

You have time to save up, so you can check on costs now.