Hey everyone.
Ok here is the situation, me and my girlfriend were high school sweet hearts. Im 20 and a sophomore in college, she is 18 and a freshman in college and we go to different colleges 20 miles apart. Anyway we dated for almost three years, and then after three weeks of school she decides to break up because she says she doesn't love me anymore.
We both cried and hugged as it was a hard on both of us. Fast forward to today and its been two months with limited contact. I don't talk to her unless she starts to conversation. Anyway I the first month I tried apologizing, and wrote her a letter saying I know where I screwed up in the relationship and how much she means to me. Anyway last Monday my friends called me and told me that they heard from what they called a reliable source that she cheated on me like a week before we broke up.So I called her and asked her this and she said no she didtn and she knows the truth and don't care if I believe her and that that guy is lying. Ido believe her cause she only once lied to me in the relationship of 3 years that I know of. Anyway I asked her if she missed me and cared for me and she said yes but didn't love me and just wants to be friends. I asked her if she has done anythign and she has said yes but just kissing/making out with a few guys. I really would like another chance with her, but I'm trying to move on at the same time. Also, I know she she likes to go the bar and dance and do things that I didn't get a chance to do with her last year, cause I didn't get an opportunity this year to take her dancing and the things she wanted to do. I planned this year to be different now that we are both in college, but she broke up with me at the beginning of the year before I got a chance and I let her know this.
It just seems like a completely different person that I feel in love with. She now parties all the time and I know she gets a lot of attention from guys and hangs out with guys every night I understand that she is beautiful and funny and easy to get along with. Ive tried getting her back and didn't seem to work. What should I do now? I was thinking of just keep giving her space and moving on and maybe she will realize what we had later down the road or what? Any help or comments would be great thanks!

I think she's changed but I also think you've changed. You both are still very young my friend. I would say most likely this wasn't going to be your only one true love. Trust me in this. When you're in your 30's and 40's you see people differently. I can't imagine dating someone that I was seeing in my 20's right now.

You need to do No Contact -- 100% no contact. You need time to fully heal for yourself. Does it really matter if she cheated or not? At this point its not going to change anything you're currently dealing with and basically it'll only make things harder. Sometimes people tell us our ex's cheated cause they think it'll be easier for us to get over them if we hate them.

I know there's pain. I know its confusing. She hasn't changed.. she's moving on. She cares enough about you to not want to lead you on. Don't go to places she goes to... esp. clubs and bars. Those are really awful places when you have a broken heart and your ex is at the same place. I wish there was a easy, painless solution but there isn't. It's going to take time, pain and suffering to be through it. But there is an awful lot of people who struggle with this situation everyday.

Wish I had other advice but I think there is already a lot of advice in this forum to help you further. Just realize how young you are... don't think of all the things wrong with you and reasons she didn't want you... just focus on no contact and give it time to heal.

Best of luck!

Also, just some other quick facts, my parents, brother, grandparents and aunt and uncle, loved her to and thought she was a sweet girl, my family always treated her like one of their own. I know that we had arguments and stuff and that yes, when she went to school I got jealous and a little upset that she wouldn't talk to me as much, and this summer I took some of our time for grantide, and didn't show her all the time that she was special to me, but for the most part I believe our relationship was a good one.

You keep stating the way YOU saw it. Well she saw it differently after some time. People do change.. especially when there's a life changing event -- like going to college.

Try to keep busy with things that keep your mind off this for a while. I think you're over thinking things and causing yourself more pain.

Well I know I have changed. Ive tried to change, I've tried to be a better person and work on not putting pressure on my friends, being more considerate and etc, I also have lost about 30 pounds and switched my wardrobe a bit. I know most people will say that we are young and all of that, I know doing no contact is for me to heal, but would doing no contact also maybe bring her back? I know that quote if you love something let them go and if they return and that stuff. Also, can a person change that quickly in two months or was she never really herself with me or is this just a phase and she will realize maybe that what we had was special

It's good to reflect, but bad to dwell. Stop thinking about this. This relationship is done. Release all hope of getting back with her. It wasn't only your fault things ended. It takes TWO to make a relationship work.

She was thinking about doing this for a while before she actually broke-up with you. Feeling don't change over night.

Go out with your friends and have a good time. Start to talk and date other girls. They are out there. Now get yourself out there with them.

You never know what will happen in the future, but you must proceed thinking that you will never get back with her again!

Don't worry about seeing her... it will be very unlikely. If you do see her, politely waive and smile at her and keep walking.

You can get through this!

No contact is for you. It might bring her back.. it might not. You can't be good to anyone until you move past this. She's probably changed a little but my experience is that a broken heart (a little depression thrown in) makes the world seem a little different and a little scary. She's different with you because she probably hurts a little to see you. She knows you're sad and she probably doesn't like knowing your sad. People can still care for each other without wanting to be in a relationship.

The change you describe... while its great... it isn't the change I'm talking about. The change you'll feel in one year or two years when this is all behind you will be something you've never felt before. You're still holding hope that she'll return and that is keeping you from moving forward... from fully healing. Its very hard to let go. I know. She can't comfort you through this. She probably feels pain when she's around you... you make her feel bad. If you start to move forward... start to let go... she just might see you in a healthy light. Right now she just sees her ex who is still longing for her and it doesn't sound like that's what she wants right now... or ever.

100% no contact. If you do 100% 24/7... possibly forever... it'll kill for the first few weeks... but it'll get easier.

I came to the conclusion on that Monday when I talked to her, that there is nothing I can do I know, I also came to the fact that after I heal 100 percent that maybe we will get together down the future, but I'm not going to go with that anymore. Each day that comes is another day closer to healing or figuring out my future. I understand what you mean, that she can't talk to me or anything because you are correct it hurts her to talk to me, and I don't blame her. So what I'm understanding is that if I ever want another chance with her that I need to move on with my life and not hope for another chance, that if it happens it happens

Also I'm a lot better off then I was 2 months ago. I feel like I'm letting go of control, and starting to come around again, I can actually do stuff with out feeling upset all the time.In the 2 months we have been separated we pry only have talked maybe 9 times and she started 4. We usually go 3 weeks with out talking so I know I can do nc

Congratz.. you sound like you'll be fine. Love is great... we all know that... but it packs some teeth when it decides to bite back.

Thank you john for your responses. You very true, just seems like this one left a couple of teeth in my skin lol, just curious what other people think keep doing no contact and moving on and maybe once she sees I'm through she will come back?

Honestly pal, do NOT worry about her coming back I understand that's the only thing you think about, even when you convince yourself you don't want her back you deep down know all you want is to be holding her at that very second, trust me, been there, still am there.

Act like she does NOT exist do you really want to be with someone who looked you in the face after a 3 year relationship and goes, I don't really love you! Like what the hell kind of crap is that, love does NOT go away I whole heartedly believe love is an everlasting feeling and does not fade or change.

My bottom line advice to you my friend is move on with your life, you can do better then the "hot party girl" go for the "attractive smart chick" that's more up all of our alleys, best of luck to you, I'll be around to help I'll try and stay up on your situation.

The thing is she is extremely smart lol and very attractice also, but I understand what you mean. U said loves does not go away, so is she blind by getting all this attention from other guys, and being in a new environment and she needs time, or do u think she never really loved me?

All right, I feel like my situation is VERY similar to yours. I would say she's got a taste of freedom and fell in love with freedom! Like hey look at me I can go out do what I want and don't have to answer to anyone, if you can say that you think she's in some sort of "party phase" it shouldn't last very long for most people, and I think from what I read she just is convincing herself she doesn't have feelings for you because it makes it easier for her to let go.

I mean 3 years right? Not loving someone you better have a hell of a lot of money or be really good at sex. Lol

You I got what you are saying thank you very much. She did say she cares and she wanted freedom so maybe your right its just a party phase. But I know what I have to do is just give her space and go on with life and if she comes back ill deal with that situation when the times comes but I hope it does come lol and I knows she cares and misses me but I don't know how strong those feelings are so maybe she is just lying to herself, but if she is lying to herself eventually she won't be able to hide from her true feelings can she if she is hiding feelings for me?

Don't worry about her feelings. Worry about yourself and your feelings.

Worrying and thinking about her all the time will just slow the healing process.

Moving forward is very hard when your looking backward!

As much as you think you can control her feelings or influence her, you can not. She can choose to be coldhearted and leave you out of her life forever if she chooses that path, all I'm saying is your young she's young it is OKAY to live for you right now.

Look at it this way if it helps you, we'll go worst case scenario she goes out tonight and sleeps with some dude, do you think that guy means an absolute thing to her? And does he even compare to you? Ask yourself those questions.

Breaks up happen, they are natural, what is important is how you decide how to take care of the situation, you can

A) sit around mope cry and wine that's she's gone
B) go crazy trying to stalk her and crap
C) pester, text, call her, until no end.
D) Live your life for you, and love yourself.

I know I can't control her, and I know I can't make her come back, she HAS to want to come back on her own.and I know we are both young and have a lot of life yet, and have to live my life. Maybe she will have to try a few people until she figures out what we had was special and then she will maybe want to come back, I know I have to move on and if she decides to come back ill see where I'm at in my life, and we would have to take it slow and talk cause there is no way could just jump back into a relationship else we would be in the same boat again, and that is why I feel giving her space might be for the best so she can live her life and I can live mine and maybe she will fell the void and miss me even more.

There you go pal. Let her go, go do you and if she does comeback you probably won't even want her back honestly.

Talaniman rule # 147- Never hold your breathe waiting for an ex to come back, NEVER, ever!

So talaniman what do you recommend, to maybe get another shot with my ex?

I never recommend getting an ex back after a break up.

What I do advise is get yourself in order, and learn to cope with your own feelings, in a realistic positive way.

Then you can make some good decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.

That means to let her do her thing, and you figure out your own thing to do, without her.

It doesn't matter what she is doing, what matters, IS WHAT YOU DO FOR YOURSELF.

She is gone but your still here. I know, not what you want to hear is it?

...was thinking of just keep giving her space and moving on and maybe she will realize what we had later down the road or what?

This is one of those questions that older people can really help with since they often can say they've been there and done it. When that's true they have the benefit of hindsight and can see what they did and didn't do right by simply looking back over the years.

You know so much of the time we already know the answers to our problems but just need to hear it from someone else. With what I quoted above I think you answered your own question.

All right cadillac I understand I guess you were right I just started to second guess myself is all, and after rereading it that is what I need to do and I need to stop second guessing myself. Time to move on YAy!

So I think I made the ultimate mistake last night, I was at a friends party, having fun and my ex shows up with some of her friends, and I had already been drinking so I go up to her and start talking and things seem to be going OK I get her to laugh and all, but I ended up apologizing about 5 times for everything and she got annyoed and pretty much stopped talking and gave me the cold shoulder. And started to go talk to all of my other friends, so I think I had a great opportunity to leave a good impression but blew it and I feel so stupid about doing that, and knew that I pry didn't leave a good impression, this sucks

So, do we close this chapter and open another or what?

I guess I have to, I don't got any other options that I haven't tried.
Maybe once I finally let go and move on she will come back but can't hang on to that hope either because no one knows my future

Also, do people ever get "blinded" by getting attention from the opposite sex that they can't see what they once had, and if they do, is there a good chance that they will figure out o this guy actually did love me and treated me pretty well and has a good future in front of him?

She's moving on. She probably tried to make the best of last night seeing you but you made it perfectly clear to her why she needs to not be with you. At this point you have no option but to stay away from her. If you make any other gestures towards her she'll start to hate you. In the future my friend... if you're somewhere and an ex walks in... you graciously make your departure. It's not rude. It helps you and it would have made her happier. Remember... no contact means no contact.

Do not try to "fix" this... its over. Focus on you.

I'm not going to try to fix this anymore, there is nothing I can do I figured out. The only way I can get her back is to move on correct and let her figure it out for herself. Also, I know no one wants to be with a desperate person and that is pry what I appeared, as a clingy/needy/desperate person. The question I have is has anyone after going NC and having their ex already move on and talk with the other sex had their ex come back down the road?

Brad, for as good as you think you were to her, that didn't matter not one bit did it?

She left for her own reasons and doesn't want what you offered, it happens so get over the false hope, and get on with your options YOU DO HAVE, like a life without her in it.

Your fishing for more false hope. Even if it has happened, and I'm sure it has, what good does that do you?

Does no good cause everyone situation is different I'm a fool. I guess I just want someone to tell me that it will be all right, that we broke up for a reason so we boh could learn things in the future that could get us back together, but I realized I'm a dumb sh*t for thinking that way. Just so blind by the fact that I love her and want her back that I could forgive her for all the pain she has caused me

Your not dumb Brad, just a hurt human who needs some time to heal and cope with his loss.

We all have to go through it at sometimes or another. Some of us several times, UGH!

And Brad.. no matter how bad you feel... don't call her to apologize... I think you've done that enough... ; )

Yeah, brad, we've all been there and of course the situation you talk about right now about distance and growing apart and hoping everything will get better, COULD happen, I'm not telling to you to sit around and wait for her, go live your life and by the time she realizes what she had you might not even want her back... who knows?

Check out my story if you got time, it might help you a bit https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/story-could-end-like-280105.html

I know what you guys are saying and I want to say thank you so much! I'm not going to apologize again I realized I did this too much! I figured out something. The best thing is to go on with my life and not wait for her and to heal and move on and its weird but the best way to get her back is the same thing so its win win situation. I move on get stronger and heal, and maybe at the same time down the road she will come back but can't hold on to that hope if it happens it happens

Very good.

Its just its hard, yes I really do love her, and yes I want her to be happy and I hope she realizes what we had, but there is nothing I can do, I have to walk down the path of my life right now with out her and maybe some day our paths will cross again. THe question I got for anybody is how did you guys finally give up control and figure out there really is Nothing you can do to bring her back she has to do it on her own. Like how did you guys just let go? Cause boy do I want to I'm just having a hard time, like I know what I have to do if I ever want a chance but how to actually just let go give her space and move on

I think we'll all agree that we didn't just let go. It's a very slow, painful process. There were days I didn't want to even look at a person I was so miserable. All the things I loved to do suddenly weren't fun anymore. I had a lot of trouble with doing No Contact. I believe that comes from not valuing myself too much... and thinking I wasn't worth my partner treating me better. Like we've all been saying.. it takes time. A LOT of time. A lot of reassuring yourself that you're doing it right helps. I guess that's why this board is here. You sound like you're doing it the way we've all done it... you do it right... you screw up... you get back on track... that's the process it takes. I know that feeling of thinking if you could just tell them exactly what you mean they'll understand and the more you try the more you spiral into that hole and it just get worse.

Well we live and learn. I'll watch to see if anyone else has a miracle solution to just letting go... but suspect they won't... life would be too easy that way Brad.

Dude I'm telling you, you got time on your hands read my story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/story-could-end-like-280105.html

But honestly, dude it can be any number of things, your probably just going to wake up one morning and be like everyday the sun is going to rise regardless of her being here with me or not, and I can either sit here and moan and cry everyday or I can take all this spare time I have received and do something successful with my life.

Make a list of all the negative and positive things about her, and see what list is longer.

Basically, the most important thing is what you already know, and that's there's not a thing you can do about it. As much as you think you can, you can't.

I know, I got a question for all of you. What does everyone think about God working in mysterious ways and that we broke up for a reason I know that. But does anyone think that maybe we broke up so we both could grow and learn things so we know for sure we are meant to be each other. Like that quote if you love someone let them go and if they return they are yours.

And LCM yes your story does sound familier to mine. The thing is have you gotten any updates on your ex or anything, and the one thing that we have on our exs that no guys can take away from us is history. Yes, my ex is hanging out with other guys all the time and flirting and texting all kinds of guys cause for the first time in her life she is free to do whatever and not answer to anyone. And I understand she needs space to figure out what she wants in life and learn. But the thing is I need to move on while she is doing this and hope I get another opportunty

Hey pal, I see your struggling a little bit today with this. For the big G - O - D he's a great person, always there, works in mysterious ways, yada yada yada, I believe in God 100% and you can look at what happens to you as God's plan or you can look at it as fate, either way I do believe in God doing things to help us, or in fate working out to make our lives better.

I'm not sure about your last post to my story basically just let her go and try and do better then you man, have confidence in yourself. Look at it this way say you starting dating a supermodel tomorrow, you going to keep that on the lowdown? Heck no, you want everyone to see that, she's not going to let anyone know about who she's seeing because they will probably be like wow, she's an idiot she went from you, to him, yuck.

And for my girl and other guys, I don't care. I don't need to know. Neither do you. Don't hurt yourself, if you find out tonight it'll crush you, if you find out a few months down the road it won't hurt you as much, or at all, and just chalk it up as she's not the person you gave your heart to for years.

Just have confidence in yourself, and keep your head up. I'll try and be here for you through this all pal.

Hey thanks, yes I really am having a tough time today with all of this. I just keep questioning everything and I know what I need to do is move on but can't seem to do it lol. The best bet to get her back is to move on so why am I so stubborn to do so, why am I so stubborn to not let go and let fate do its thing? I was so used to feeling in control and now I don't have any, it sucks is that why I can't move on or is it cause I'm so stubborn lol

Stop thinking about her coming back, just stop, you got to realize if she comes back it's probably going to be when your over her and moved on, or when you absolutely least expect it completely.

Just wake up tomorrow, look outside, smile, and be grateful for your life and everything you have, and had. I promise you it'll pass, and fade, and you don't think it now at all but it's quite possible there's someone better out there for you, but that's your decision when the day comes.

Just have FAITH in your love for one another.

Not quite possible LCM, there is someone better for you out there brad.

Take her off her pedestal!! You need to see the relationship for what it really was and who she really is. You even said she is a completely different person than who you fell in love with. You need to see the reality in all this... not your fantasy of future possibilities, or more than likely impossibilities.

What you have to do now is find some NEW activities that take your mind off her.

Hang out in NEW places. Make some NEW friends. Take up a NEW hobby or sport. Something NEW to keep you from thinking about the OLD. Just stay as busy as possible.

The more you let time do its work, by staying busy, the faster you will move on from this. Not saying it will happen tomorrow... but it will happen.

Brad you have been broken-up for two months... just look back and see how much progress you made from day one till now. I'll bet it will amaze you. Everyone has bad days... but notice how the bad days are fewer and far between now then they were two months earlier. You lived with out her for TWO MONTHS already! Look back on your progress. I bet you will notice how far you have come, and I bet you will feel better.

Your right, I'm not still in the same pain as I was, but it is because I have learned stuff and figure out things like there is NOTHING I can do to bring her back, that I have to move on the first month and half all I did was obsess on how to bring her back, and every effort I got shot down, now its just like if she comes back ill deal with that when the time comes, but I need to move on now, and your right 2 months seems so long ago it really does and at least now I'm starting to do things I used to enjoy once again

There you go! Now keep moving... it can only get better from here.

There you go, your learning!

Yea I know I'm learning, but it doesn't seem to help, I just found out she went to another town to another party that one of my friends is at and asked if I wanted to go. All she cares about it seems like is getting as much attention from guys and getting numbers. It hurts really bad when it seems she doesn't even give a sh*t about you and you care about her

Got any video games??

Do I got video games? Hell you I got video games been logging some serious hours this past week and watching a lot of football with the guys.

Now your talking the good life. Just got Guitar Hero!

Stop getting information man, just let it go tell your pals you don't want to know.

A fan of guitar hero how old are you talaniman. YOU got to love this time of year though football on almost everyday! And LCM I didn't plan on getting that info it just comes out.

I am 54, and my grandkids and I spend a lot of time on Wii! Check out Gamefly.com, and save a lot of loot.

Life is to short to worry over things you can't control, and think of all the cool stuff you can be doing, if your head is screwed on right. Motivate yourself, and enjoy the football games. I mean enjoy everything you do, why not?? I do!

Let's just all face it, tal's the man.

I thought I was doing better I really did, it just seems like I can't get her out of my mind. I know she is out of my life and not causeing me pain, I'm the only one allowing me to cause pain, its just I miss her!

World Of Warcraft

PS.3 grand theft auto

I must admit. Some games just really take your mind of the world. Sometimes it is a good thing

I know you miss her.
You will miss her for a long time

But the pain will go trust me

I don't know, its like she is trying to cause me pain. At that party I was at this weekend she came and talked to one of my friends that she has never met, and talked to him for like two minutes, and already is telling him she should go to her place and party some time. They just met for like 2 minutes but they go to 2 different colleges like 10 minutes away.It's like I didn't mean anythign to her at all!

And she guaranteed that it would be a great time for him if he did come.

Don't let her get to you man. I know... easier said than done. Too often do we let our ex girlfriends screw with your mind. That is just garbage. If your friend is any kind of friend, he would blow her off. Leave her trashy, low class a$$ in the past. She isn't worth your time or your heartache.

i thought i was doing better i really did, it just seems like i can't get her out of my mind. i know she is out of my life and not causeing me pain, I'm the only one allowing me to cause pain, its just i miss her!

Hey Brad... if it makes you feel better... I've been all about No Contact etc. etc... I received two emails recently from my ex and did a great job of not opening them... until this morning. Of course neither gave me anything... and I felt the enormous pain that 4 or 5 stupid words can cause. So even those of us who think we know how to do it... screw up. I felt the pain and boy it hurt. Now the challenge I have is to learn not to do that.

If you were a kid and you burned your hand on the oven... would you run back and touch it again... nope. For some reason emotional pain causes just the opposite... we run back over and over - even though we know how much it will hurt.

Just letting you know you aren't alone this weekend feeling pain. You know what else helps take your mind off the pain ? Stupid TV shows... like the really dumb holiday movies that they show each year...

Hope your Sunday is better than your Saturday buddy.

John what did she want? I just want to be over her, in high school she was a classy girl, like I know I'm 20 but like marriage material, she was so sweet and thoughful and I felt so blessed to have her, and now in less then two months its like who the are you? Who is that girl that I feel in love with? Who is this stranger? I know I got to get my mind off her I think it was just a hard time cause I was home for this week and I have thousands of memories of her so hopefuly when I go back to school it will be better. It just sucks our 3 year anniversay is coming up in a week and then christmas. Whatever I won't worry about that now. I know I'm dumb for asking this but will she ever feel this void that I'm feeling right now, I know she is doing a great job getting her mind off everything by hanging out with all these guys, but will she ever feel the viod I feel or pry not?

Take a page from her play book, and fill the void with things you enjoy as she has.

Just because you don't see her boohooing doesn't mean she isn't. That's your mind playing tricks on you, seeing her pleasure, through your misery. I guarantee, if you get up right now and get busy having fun, you wouldn't be hear crying to us.

Not to be harsh (okay maybe a little) but being in pain doesn't mean you can't do other things, as its about the actions you take for yourself that counts.

Got to go the Colts are on!!

OK talaniman sorry for putting my problems on you guys. I know you guys don't even know me and why would you care about someone you don't even know. I just find it helpful to vent at times I feel better about posting my feelings then I do keeping them in. The thing is I don't want to bother my friends with this problem so I was coming here looking for support that is all, and just to let you know colts suck. You got to cheer for the BEARS!

Brad let it go pal.

And cheer for a real football team like the giants.

Wow I got a good laugh on that one. The giants that's hilarious

Yeah, 11 - 1 hysterical... must be nice to make the playoffs being in the worst division in football, that's cool though.

I'm just giving u sh*t man come on

No doubt pimpin, keep that head up, everything will be All right

I really am trying to keep my head up, today is better than yesterday so that is good, same time this still sucks lol

Update: its been 2 weeks since I've made any contact with her at all. Do I still think about her yes, is it getting easier I don't know, but I feel like I'm healing very slowly

Two weeks isn't that long. It takes a long time, especially if you have strong feelings for her. You are doing good... so just keep the boat floating forward! It will get easier and easier as time goes by.

She will come back dude! Seriously my girl did the same thing to me man about two months ago, and I just got over her and I found another girl that I have a lot in comon, and now my Ex keeps calling me saying she screwed up and she wants to be with me in forever, I got over her and told her to leave me alone or ill change my number because what she put me threw and I do not love her anymore, if you love your girl then you can take her back! Just hold it out!

WRONG!! Do not hold out hope your girlfriend will come back. It may be a cool thing to happen, but it isn't reality. Don't listen to people that tell you that, otherwise you get this stupid false hope in your head. Move on as you are doing... 9 times out of 10, like FMX stated, if they do come back, or by that time, you are over it and have found even more happiness with someone else.

I understand, and who knows if she does come back I might not want her, but for right now I know I haven't learned all the lessons I need to learn quite yet, or made the improvemnts that I want to for my future. But the question I got is fmx how long did you go NC before she came back or she just told you one day that she wanted to try again?

Also fmx how long where you broken up for before she came back?

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3460825)

He is a bit busy with his own problems.

O all right, I was just wandering didn't mean anything negative about it

None taken, it is what it is.

So been about a month now with NC and I was at the gym today with some buddies and out come out of the locker room and my exs mom is right there I just smile and say hello, and then walk to go to the drinking fountain and saw my ex running on the treadmill, just glanced and acted like I didn't see her. This sucks, it hurts to know that I can't talk to her really or id pry screw everything up that I have worked hard on. You know this sounds stupid but I still would like a second chance with her, just not sure what to do. Every time in the past I tried talking or anything seems like I hurt my chances. You know where the part of you is torn from never wanting to be with her again, and having a second chance kind of torn in the middle of the two. Like I know there is nothing to bring her back, she would have to want to come back so I think I did the right thing by not going to talk to her

Actually you did, and whether it was your instinct, or her mom being there, you did the right thing.

Just figure the emotions seeing them out the blue has stirred up, then multiply that by a hundred, and you can imagine what you have saved yourself, by not talking to her. (Or was the treadmill intimidating?! )

Well done, by my reckoning.

So cause I do kind of want a chance you know, I didn't hurt my channces at all by not going to talk to her did I

Your chances... quit thinking like that. You didn't hurt your chances of healing, if that is what you mean, but I hardly doubt that is what you are talking about.

so cause i do kind of want a chance u know, i didnt hurt my channces at all by not going to talk to her did i
Oh boy, the sight of her, gives you hope of another chance, or is that why your doing this No Contact thing. I thought all this was done, and settled 7/8 pages ago. Do we have to start all over again or what? I sure am glad she didn't smile, or wave at you, now that could really drive you nutsy bozo!:eek:

Perhaps it is time you find another health club to utilize...

I agree with KC... I'm sure there are a number of other health clubs near by that have some smoking hot women in them. :D Those are the ones I need to find.

She cheated on you man. She lied to you about it.

Move on! ANYONE deserve better than that, regardless of the situation.

All right all right, I got it I'm a dumba** . The thing is though you some of those feelings came back when I saw her, but not nearly to the extent I would have thought. And to answer the question I'm doing NC to heal, think yesterday was just a set back and I didn't think before I came on here, I had some time to think and not even sure why I posted that. Im sorry for wasting people's time on here,

You are wasting no one's time on here... how do you think I occupy myself at work? I know how it feels to run into the ex and have the feelings come back, samething happened to me a few weeks ago. You handled yourself well! Be proud that you are making progress.

Your not wasting our time. We all understand, and under the circumstances you really did great, despite the shock.

We just like to nudge those that need it every now, and then, so your not a dumba$$, you just got a needed nudge.

That's what family does, and your among dumba$$es just like you! Hehehe!

Yes, I especially can be labeled a dumba$$. I've done many dumb things and will probably do many more before I'm done... especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex and messed up relationships.

You just have to roll with the punches and do the best you can. That's all anyone, even yourself, can ask. We all make mistakes. In this case you didn't make a mistake, you did the right thing for yourself.

Your brain just got overloaded when you saw her and the feelings of hope came back. After thinking about it, and dealing with the situation you realize that you made the proper choice.

I think anyone who recently went through a break-up would have probably reacted the same way you did. I know I would have.

Thank you all for everything. It is so nice to have people to talk to and help you out even when I keep making stupid mistakes. Yes, I know its dumb to want another chance with her, but I'm not going to do anything about it I'm going to keep moving on and if she decides she wants back ill deal with it than. Ive learned so much about myself that I'm in shock. And if she ever does decide to want to come back she is going to have to do a hell of a job earning trust back. It would be dumb to just jump into a relationship again and not fix what needed to be fixed you know, but its also dumb to wait around. Got to live life and continue to do what I'm doing. Thank you everyone for all your help I know I would be having a lot harder time if it wasn't for all of you

::applauds::

Stick to what you said man, don't go back on it...

We're all here for you, I hope you realize that now...

Take Care,
LCM

I'm not going to try and go back, but why am I so stupid that I would actually consider going back with her if she ever came back, after all she has done to hurt me and after making out with a few guys, why is it that I could find it in me to forgive her?

That's normal given your level of involvement and a sign your still struggling with letting go. Takes time.

Hek dude, if my ex came and said she wanted to give us another shot, I would seriously consider (however we pretty much mutually broke up). Like Tal said, it is normal. Just keep moving forward, and NEVER look back.

Same with me. Even though my ex is with someone else right now... if she came back and realized what she did, how she hurt me, and proved to me, over a period, that she is genuine in her wanting to come back, I would consider taking her back as well. However, you cannot move on with this type of thinking. You have to move expecting her to never come back to you. Anything otherwise will give you false hope and delay any progress you may make to finally moving on.

I got you guys, so pretty much try and stay strong move on, think that she won't come back and if the opportunity arises sometimes deal with it then

Yep. You got it.

Wow this past week has been eventful. 2 times I go to parties at other towns thinking there is no way my ex will be there and both times she is. Once on Monday when I would have left but I was so drunk I couldn't so I ignore her most of the night except for a little bit I go say hi how was christmas just things like that. Then tonight I'm the dd went to a party and she's there grinding on some guy and the guy keeps grabbing her , and then they go to a corner and talk for like 3 hours and make out the whole night. Im glad I wasn't drunk cause I might have gotten into a fight but I kept my cool I tried to show her that I wasn't interested at all or bothered by it, I talk to her for one mintue asked how she was and how was new years and that was all. The thing is though I got mad right away when I first saw her making out cause she knew I was there and I could see her, but then after a walk to cool down I came back inside saw them making out and it didn't seem to bother me at all, but what was weird she kept glancing at me sometimes to see if I was looking or not it seemed. But I'm very proud of myself for keepings my emotions intact like some of my friends could tell I was upset but like I didn't cry or get angry I just tried to shrug it off to the best of my ability.Maybe I'm finally making a little progress?

If it didn't bother you as much seeing her like that --and you are being honest with yourself-- then you are making some progress. However, the fact that she did something like that in front of you to deliberately hurt you tells you a lot about the type of person she really is. She has every right to do whatever she wants, but to do it right in front of you knowing you are hurt... wow... One day you will realize this and be glad you got rid of her. Believe me, you're better off alone then with someone so selfish and immature.

Yeah give her space, FOREVER. Move on and be happy, find a girl that truly loves you and respects you. G'luck!

Geez Brad that was handled very well by you. I almost think there is hope for you to be happy. Well done buddy!