I really don't know where to start... first off, I am 17 years old, and dated an amazing girl since last September. Everything was great. First, she told me she wanted a break. For no reason, all she said is we fought too much. And she wanted to let loose with other guys. My friends tell me she isn't worth it, but I always thought she was the one. Yeah I'm young, but I feel like I could never feel like this with anyone else ever, soooo many memories. We pretty much planned our whole life together. We "thought" we were so in love. I still feel like I am. Just a little bit on her, this is the girl I've been totally drooling over for 4 years now. Everything was going great I thought, I treated her like royalty. But at times she was very mean and cruel to me. She got mad about the smallest things.

Now this past weekend, 3 days after she dumps me, she hooks up with 2 guys in 2 days, and now thinks she has a lot of feelings for this guy. She told me I'm never allowed to talk to her again. But a week ago she told me maybe we could date in a couple months. Now she never wants to talk to me again. Just because of our past I feel like maybe we could get back together in a few years. She already has moved on after 3 days. I just can't get her out of my head, everything I do reminds me of her. She really makes no sense. But I am so lost, and really don't want to move on, some girls are so shallow, and I really don't see anyone right now who could replace her. I just need some help on how to move on for this specific situation, and hopefully move on without her. I just can't help but think about all of our amazing times together, and can never think of the bad ones. Believe me there was a lot of bad times. But we had so many magical times together, she was definitely my first love, and I wanted her to be the one. I still think she is. Do you think she will realize I am the one for her and come running back? Or is it over?

Also, I forgot to post this, she said she has absolutely no feelings for me anymore, which is hard to hear, but is really hard to believe because she has said things she didn't mean in the past..

You spend so much time planning a lifetime that you fail to remember how hard it is to just get through a week with someone.

How you feel about her is almost beside the point here. She's sleazing out and your feelings about it mean nothing to her. Don't you see that?

So, she occasionally deems to offer you a carrot that MAYBE you two can date some more later when she's done sleazing out with whomever she wants. This is a good thing in your mind? I certainly hope not.

Wouldn't it be awesome to be going out with someone who is totally into you... right now? Not just a little in the past, but ACTUALLY into you today? Wouldn't that be better?

Pining after sleaze-girl feels romantic, but think about what you get if she changes her mind and comes back to you... you know what you get? You get sleaze girl! How is that a good thing?

It really is OK if you police yourself in these matters. When your heart is screaming "but I want her, I want her" and everything your mind and life know about the truth is that she's no good for you anymore, in that situation you have to overrule your heart. It wants what it wants and doesn't care if it screws up your life or your mind.

So you have to be stronger than that. You can do it.

Ok so let me get this right

She dumps you seconds after goes out with 2 other guys. Yes?

Bloody hell mate. What the hell are you doing even thinking about this women

She does not care for you AT ALL!
She does not want to be with you. AT ALL.
She is going out with different guys.

and you still want her back? shall i just call you FIDO the DOG? or what


Grow a pair right. Leave this chick in the dust. OK. And get on with your life. Because all your friends are right!
I know its hard to hear the truth.. but her actions have shown you.. what she really thinks about you.

Which is not a lot

She has shown you no respect.
And you have shown yourself no respect
But
A--- Putting up with it! (because you think you won't feel these feelings against? Wrong!)

B-- For wanting a girl back. That treats you with no respect care or love.

You said you had many good times?

Yeah well. All them times got deleted the second she dumped you and told you never to call her again and started dating other guys.


Memories a stranger

Don't let the feelings fool you.

Hey buddy I'm going through the same thing right now and the best thing you can do is get on with your life

Obviously I need to move on, its simple, the girl wants to be a whore right right now, but what if she comes around and realizes she made a bad decision. And if I'm not right and she never comes back, how do I get these feelings out and memories and thoughts out of my head?

You probably won't get feelings and memories of her out of your head ever but 1 thing is for sure you will get stronger feelings for someone else and better memories

By the way I'm 17 2 I know exactly how you feel

And to the other posts, I wouldn't say seconds after but it was 3 days after. I think its disrespectful to do that to a guy who treated you so well. I just can't stand picturing my first love with another guy. She said I cared too much about her, and she felt like I was trying to hard.. I just don't get women

I don't think us guys ever will they must think just because we are guys we don't have feelings you no

i dont think us guys ever will they must think just because we are guys we dont have feelings u no

To be honest, I have heard many women surprised to learn, through various incidents and conversations, that men are hurt by these types of things. They've been conditioned to believe a certain thing about the male psyche that isn't necessarily accurate, just as we have about them. If you talk about it with your buddies, they'll almost always give a nodding sign of understanding.

Seconds... or 3 days?

Oh sod off with that will you.

Really man don't you dare try to defend her.

And real smart man. You want her to go off and be a whore.. and then if she comes back crying.. because of all the guys she tried.

Your willing to take her back?

Grow an Fing! Back bone! And leave this chick the Hell ALONE! For your own good you
Muppet! Please please!


Yeah well first loves move on man. Mine did. So did many others.
We don't think about them with other guys. Because they are not our problem anymore.

We think about ourselves! And what we learnt from the relationship!
And how better off we will be when the next girl comes around.


3 days... Ha! That makes it all better.
Stop lying to yourself.
And move on man

I think there are good women out there, some like the one I was with maybe was a little self centered? I don't know if that's the word. But its like she only cares about her feelings and her life and could care less about the guy who she called her everything and all that crap. I ripped up everything she gave me, including a scrapbook she made for me which was very, very difficult.

You got it right man Self Centered..

and as I said. She does not care about you.

Wait till you meet a women that reall cares about you man :)

then you will understand why I'm pisst that you want a person like this back in your life =)


Your doing great DELET everything!
and block her from your life

This time is all about YOU. You. You .YOU

Work on yourself
do things to make yourself happy

trust me. You will be so much better off without her in your life

not to sound corny here
but it's a start Down a new road for you!

Don't make the same mistakes and just enjoy the ride! :P yeah it's a B@@H when you get a falt! But keep on moven!

Regards

I feel like I'm doing pretty good, I just can't stop thinking of the girl.. everything I do reminds me of her. It sucks. There were so many bad memories but right now I just can't help but think of the good ones. Which was a lot less then the bad ones.

It's like getting a song stuck in your head, the more you try to NOT think of the song, the more it plays...

This is the same thing. You'll take some time to get her tune out of your head. Take it easy, don't beat yourself up for thinking of her, but also don't put any feet to any of those thoughts. Let them come, then let them go.

Not worth it.

i feel like im doing pretty good, i just can't stop thinking of the girl.. everything i do reminds me of her. it sucks. there were so many bad memories but right now i just can't help but think of the good ones. which was alot less then the bad ones.

Look good or bad memories will always stick around. I'm sure you can still picture vividly good times you had as a kid and bad. What matters is how you react. You embrace those and know they were good. Instead of thinking of the memories in a bad think to the day that you can enjoy that again with another woman. Look back and once the dust has settled you'll realize it probably wasn't a good relationship. And if you don't than you will go through all this for nothing.

She has now moved on to another guy, after hooking up with him the first time they spent time together, now they have feelings for each other and are probably going to date. Her friends are telling me she is so happy with him and he tells her she is amazing and all that. I don't know what I did wrong, I wrote 14 poems for this girl and gave them all to her. They were really good poems too. I told her I loved her everyday and reminded her that she was the most perfect girl out there. But I didn't say it too much to overwhealm her. I really thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. She got mad about the smallest things and blew them up. Now she is saying she doesn't care about my feelings at all and does not even love me anymore? After a week. Is that even remotely possible?

she has now moved on to another guy, after hooking up with him the first time they spent time together, now they have feelings for each other and are probably going to date. her friends are telling me she is so happy with him and he tells her she is amazing and all that. i dont know what i did wrong, i wrote 14 poems for this girl and gave them all to her. they were really good poems too. i told her i loved her everyday and reminded her that she was the most perfect girl out there. but i didnt say it too much to overwhealm her. i really thought i wasnt doing anything wrong. she got mad about the smallest things and blew them up. now she is saying she doesnt care about my feelings at all and does not even love me anymore? after a week. is that even remotely possible?

You didn't do anything wrong is that aspect. People change and with that change comes new things. Accept it and do not dwell on what she is doing. As far as her she definitely doesn't know what she wants so let to attempt to figure it out. You knew what you wanted. She doesn't offer that so more on.

Do you think there is any chance of her coming back? If so, do I take her back after what she did to me. I'm sure there is no chance of that happening anymore though.

do you think there is any chance of her coming back? if so, do i take her back after what she did to me. im sure there is no chance of that happening anymore though.

Honestly maybe but why would you want to go back with someone who lied to you about emotions played you for months and shows no remorse for leaving you for another guy? There are a million what if's but I'd call you an idiot if you went back with her. She clearly has played you. Movre on trust me there are a million better woman out there to give love to who will in return give it back to you and instead of using you. Stop wondering one day you won't want her back and for good reason.

All right, all I read was negative things about this person you want to your spend your life with, that's probably a red flag and not a good thing, I mean I understand your not here to tell us how great your relationship is but still, it came off to me being a very negative thing.

You ever have something you really wanted on lay away? Well that's what she's doing to you my friend, all right lets break up I'll hook up with these two guys while you wait in limbo for me to come back in a few months, I mean it could happen, okay love you cya in a few months.

Ummmm, screw that. You deserve better, the first one is always the hardest to get over, you'll be fine my friend let her go. Live for you.

Husky I know what you mean, she said the same thing to me and I'm going through the same thing, though its not 2 guys she told me she likes someone else after meeting them for 1 week, I gave this girl my soul, I know she loved me cause we had talked about marriage etc. I don't understand how you can leave someone you love for someone you like. Well I'm trying to move on, but I won't deny there's a part of me that hopes she comes back to me, and I would probably take her back. Love makes you blind, lol like they say "love" it's a mother fu cker

Are you in denial or what? She has told you straight out to leave her alone and get a life, and she is right.

After the shock wears off and you regroup, You'll see reality for what it is, your were just a stop on her journey to do her thing, and it didn't work. It happens, so move on, and stop worrying if she will come back, because she won't.

That is well said, and believe it or not I'm actually doing a pretty good job of just leaving her alone, I did my own things with a girl yesterday, I have been hanging out with my friends just making jokes about everything. She texted me yesterday just asking how everything is, I told her and the said I'm doing a good job of moving on and I got to go bye. I've realized she will never come back but I'm hoping she is mature enough to want to at least be friends soon. For right now though, I am perfectly fine the way it is.

Don't worry about being friends with her. You got to worry about yourself.

Your only 17... tons of time to go find other women!!

There are half a BILLION females to be friends with, pick as many as you like.

Just to update on everything, I have been doing All right with this. I still think about her quite a lot, and she went to the christmas dance last night and I saw pictures of her which look amazing, its tough because I could have went with her if I had just stayed with her. I did talk to her about things the other day.

She told me I pretty much blew it, I have no idea what I did, she said she just wasn't feeling it anymore and told me I should take her out on a date before she dumped me. She also said we did the same thing all the time and she thought I cared too much. Anyway she asked to go on a Saturday, and I already had plans with my buddies. The next day she dumped me and you know what happened from there. She told me if I had just taken her out on a date everything would be fine. We do still text, and I really want to stop, but its so hard and she is saying that her and her new boyfriend might not even work out. I still miss her, and I am doing a good job of getting over her, I just don't know if I should still be friends with her, or stop talking to her. My problem is right now if she suddenly wanted to come back to me, I think I would take her back. And I shouldn't.

Hey man, Im 17, a couple of months ago I split with my girlfriend, and it was absolute hell. BUt I dealt with it eventually, I still feel like I'm going nowhere but I know for a fact il get somewhere if you know what I mean.
Yesterday though I had just gone up town on the piss and walked home on my own, walked back towards her house because it is my only route, saw her and some other guy kissing. That was heartbreaking dude but I realised that I'm going to be happy again, I just can't get that image out of my head, but oh well life goes on and there will be better things to come :D
Your better off without someone like that in your life, and I think at 17 you should be out on the piss enjoying yourself, not having trust issues (because lets be honest 99% of teenagers are fairly insecure) go out, live your life and have no regrets :)
You will get through this.

The only thing I'm worried about is if I should stop talking to her now. We did make up and we said we should just be friends and now we text every once in a while. I just don't know if I should be doing that or not.

No, you should not be doing that. Do not remain friends with her. If you have any desire to live your own life and to get over her, you need to cut contact. Worry about getting yourself together. You will know if you are healed once the questions of "Do you think she will ever come back?" are no longer there. Until that point, no reason to remain friends with someone that you have a strong desire to be with. Not fair and it is emotionally draining.

Updating again.. I have had no contact for a week now, she texts me every once and a while and says what's up or whatever. I text back and say I'm busy or I can't talk.. should I not even reply or what. No contact is so difficult but I know it will help me get over her. I just need to know when I should start speaking to her again.

should i not even reply back or what.i just need to know when i should start speaking to her again.

Easy answers? Don't respond at all. Never.

So your telling me I shouldn't talk to her ever again? That's tough because all of my friends and her friends hang out with the same people so its hard to just not talk to her if were with each other.

Saying hi, and being brief, is not breaking NC. Just stay away from long, drawn out explanations about your relationship, or break up, or her side of missing you so much... blah, blah, as that's what stirs those feelings back up, and when the confusion sets in.

Hey she ain't begging to get back, so what's the point of those old dumb, confusing, conversations about how you feel, or she feels?

To answer your question, when you have dealt with your feelings, and can see things in a very realistic light, and not be confused, or wonder what this means, and that means, then your ready to talk to her.

Until then, and don't be fooled by feeling good, leave her basically... ALONE!!

The last thing you need is false hope and confusion right now.

After a week of no contact, I hung out with her last night, I really didn't want to and had no idea I was going to. All my friends were with her friends and I had no idea. I went over to my friends car to get picked up and there she was. She told me to come in and sat on my lap, which was very weird. We had fun and stuff, but it was just weird. She now wants to be friends and is texting me and talking to me now. I don't know if I should be friends with her yet. She is still with another guy and I am doing a pretty good of moving on. Please let me know if I should still be talking to her now. And what to say when she tells me I'm being rude by just saying one word answers when I talk to her. I don't know if I can be friends or talk to her yet, but a part of me wants her to chase me. Please help!

She thinks your OK with everything... when your not. You really should go back to NC for your own good!! That would be the best thing to do In my opinion.

OR

If she says your being rude, you need to tell her she has NO ROOM TO TALK. You need make a point to her about how you feel and how she hurt you and how naïve she is to think that you could be friends with her when she just dumped you for other guys.

She really has no reason to attack you for being rude when she F-ed everything up! You need to tell her that. She may leave you alone then.

Sometimes people need to hear the truth!

Also I forgot to mention she did not sit on my lap because she wanted to, there was 5 people in the car I was in already so she had to.

Just go back to NC as you're not healed enough to mentally deal with seeing her.

I honestly feel like I could talk to her now, the only thing I am worried about is hearing things I don't want to hear. I am just so confused right now with everything. I feel like everything could be fine and we could be friends, I just don't know if I want that.

Dude you are taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back

Until you start to follow the advice here word for word

You will always be in pain and messt up. Trust me.

Being dumped breaking up
Is never easy
There is always a.. Oh but this and that.


Your job is to go no contact the best you can

How about speaking up for yourself, and doing what you need to do for yourself. Why are you letting her control the whole show, and you follow?

Your confusion has made you an easy target, that she pulls you along at will, so either stand up for yourself, and say what you mean, and mean what you say, or do as your told.

Tal, my thoughts exactly. He is letting this girl control him.

Husky, you got to be strong and drop this girl. Seeing and talking to her is just preventing you from moving on. You're confused because you are still allowing her to control your life and emotions when you are NO WHERE NEAR the point of being over her. You have to proceed forward with the thought that she IS NOT coming back. She is done with you and you should work on being done with her.

Try to go hang out with people who don't hang out with her!

This is time to pick up a hobby and to find something else to do that monopolizes your time. Have you thought about joining a gym? What about some sort of sports or social club? You need to do something to expand your circle of friends to get yourself away from her and people who know her.

She is to wrapped up in your life, and your challenge is to unwrap her from it.

Going back to no contact today, its not difficult at all. I talked to her last night and told her I can't be friends with her because I'm trying to move on and maybe we can be friends in the future. She got mad and told me we can never be friends again and this is my decision and I can't take it back. I have done that before but I am committed to sticking to nc so I can get over this self centered bi***. To answer your question, I am on the basketball team, but as you all know I'm in high school, and all the people I hang out with hang out with the same group of girls she is with. NC is the best thing for me and if she doesn't want to be friends when I'm completely over her then she isn't worth it anyway.

Yea, she doesn't sound like a very nice girl. You can do way better.

Now your getting it, stay mad.

As I sit here in confusion, the ex is out with all of my bestfriends, I made a big mistake today. And I know all of you are going to get mad at me for doing this, but she texted me and asked if we were friends.. I said yes and she told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out. I told her I just don't know if I can do that because I hate hearing you talk about her and her relationship. So she goes on and says she thinks its stupid that we can't be friends just because you can't handle it. I said right now I can't your right. We are friends and we have been texting back and forth all day.

I don't know how to tell her I can't be friends with her yet. And when I am completely over her should I be friends with her? We were pretty good friends before the relationship happened, but there was always something there if you know what I mean. I just don't want to go back and forth I want to be friends or go no contact again.

She obviously doesn't care, and didn't care about how you felt. Another thing is she wasn't as into you, as you were her, so you must realize the only one looking out for you is, YOU. Stop the contact, and leave her alone, and after you heal, you can get better friends than her.


She told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out.

That I would take as an insult. You better start telling her the truth, and stop letting her lead you by the nose hairs.

It is for sure done now, you guys have helped a lot.. the ex got drunk at my friends house the other night and had sex with my friends older brother, they took a shower and everything.. she called me the next day crying saying she got raped.. of course I made the mistake and felt bad for her and we started to talk again. I then asked some of my buddies who were there what happened. They told me she was all over him and so drunk she couldn't stand up.. I got really mad over this and texted her saying you fing slut your such an fing liar. She said she told me everything she remembered.

Eventually, we stopped talking and tonight she called me and basically told me I'm the worst guy to ever live and I was an for saying everything I did last night, and told me everything that was wrong with me. Guys this lowered myself esteem so much I don't even know what to do with myself. She said she hates me more then anyone and she lost all trust and respect she had for me, I apologized multiple times but she didn't care. She said to never talk to her or look at her again or she will just "shut me down." did I blow any chance I had with her or did she?

Stop asking questions like that. Close the book, move on. Anything else is you two just adding misery to each other, totally unnecessary. Let it go. Move along.

Dude, just drop it. LEAVE HER ALONE. Work on YOURSELF. Go out and stay distracted, that's the only way to move one from this.

How can you even think about giving a second chance when she has no regards for your feelings anymore. She wants to see other people.
There is NOT a second chance with her...there never was.

Just live with the fact that the past is the past, you had fun while you were with her, AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON HER.


It's time to move forward, not to dwell. You will find a girl that you will like that is better for you.

Sorry for being harsh, but you sounded like you needed a slap back to reality with this girl.

Listen, mate I know exactly what you feel... I`ve been there. Don`t try to forget her that will hurt you. She just wants some time I guess. If that girl is like mine then you should do everything to get her back. I don`t know her so I don`t know what she likes, But do those things and I bet that you two will be happy ;)

Doesn't sound like she was genuine about who she was but rather sounds like you love things about her that she created to make you love her. You need to take the things you loved about her and find them in somebody that is for real.

Kert, I have to disagree. Why fight for someone who totally disregards your feelings and wants to move on and do their own thing, like Husky's ex?

I think that the risk/reward for him fighting for her is WAY out of his favor. He should really work on making a life for himself and let the future take care of what happens later. If he fights, he will mostly likely prolong and intensify his pain, and waste precious time he could be using to move on with his life.

The "fighting" issue comes into hand when you over glorify every single facet of your ex, as if she is the greatest thing out there. If you are good enough to get her, why can you not think you are good enough without her? Way too often do we put our ex on a pedestal and act like we were the lucky ones, but that is not reality. There are always bad times in a relationship, and there are always flaws in another person, so don't let your heart or emotions blind you to that fact.

If you insist on being involved with someone who dumped you, and is doing her thing then expect it to hurt.

Now grow up, and cope with the loss of this drunk, lying, floozy in a more mature way, and keep what's left of your dignity and self respect, by getting out of her business, and get some yourself.

Why are you letting this monkey stop your show? Its only been a month or so, but your sure dragging your self thru a lot of pain for nothing.

Everything said here is good advice, I just feel like I'm attatched and it sucks. I just feel like when people say I will find a better girl, that I won't. I want to find a better girl right now, but it doesn't seem possible. She always finds a way to turn it around on me. To blame everything on me. Last night when we talked, she made it seem like I blew any chance of getting her back, but she was the one to go get drunk and have sex with another guy. She told me she hates me more then anyone now..

You have to stop talking to her. It's her that is holding YOU back. Stop all communication. She is poisoning you emotionally, making it harder for you to see the situation for what it really is.

Don't worry about finding a better girl right now. You have to get over this one first before you even start looking.

I feel the same way you do bro about finding someone better. My ex was everything that I wanted (or thought I wanted), beauty (10 out of 10) and brains (Straight A's through college). However, right now I am to jaded to accurately see who is really beautiful right now that would be better than her. So I am just trying my best to stay occupied with friends and attempting the enjoy my singledom for now. I just keep hoping that someday soon another girl will knock my socks off in both intelligence and beauty as she did. You should do the same.

Take sometime, and be single. Let all your emotions balance back out and just live. Don't look for love, or look for women. They will always be around and before you know it, one will be with you again and really respect and love you. She will be better than any other women you have had in the past. Why? You will know what you want, and know how to deal with any of the twists that may come your way.

Hey just so you know... my ex is up in Boston "celebrating" New Years with the guy she left me for RIGHT NOW! She left right after Xmas to see him. So, I know your pain. It's very hard to deal with. You have to give it time and let time work before you can finally free yourself.

Thank you, I will stop all communication with her, it just sucks knowing that we might have been able to try it again, and now knowing she actually hates me. I just have a question.. why do I still want her! She put me through all of this and I still want to talk to her and see her! I don't get it at all

You can't instantly turn off your love an caring for someone. I don't think you ever truly stop loving a person, you just love someone else more. I still love my ex even though she has been doing all of these hurtful things and most likely always will. Its not something that goes away overnight. I know that when the right person comes along, I will love her more.

Because you miss her, and can't think of how dumb she made you feel. Or the false hope she still fills you with which should be gone, all gone now. Just in time for the New Year, so go kiss somebody.

I really dont know where to start... first off, i am 17 years old, and dated an amazing girl since last september. Everything was great. First, she told me she wanted a break. for no reason, all she said is we fought too much. and she wanted to let loose with other guys. my friends tell me she isnt worth it, but i always thought she was the one. Yeah im young, but i feel like i could never feel like this with anyone else ever, soooo many memories. we pretty much planned our whole life together. we "thought" we were so in love. i still feel like i am. just a little bit on her, this is the girl ive been totally drooling over for 4 years now. everything was going great i thought, i treated her like royalty. but at times she was very mean and cruel to me. she got mad about the smallest things.

Now this past weekend, 3 days after she dumps me, she hooks up with 2 guys in 2 days, and now thinks she has alot of feelings for this guy. she told me im never allowed to talk to her again. but a week ago she told me maybe we could date in a couple months. now she never wants to talk to me again. just because of our past i feel like maybe we could get back together in a few years. she already has moved on after 3 days. i just can't get her out of my head, everything i do reminds me of her. she really makes no sense. but i am so lost, and really dont want to move on, some girls are so shallow, and i really dont see anyone right now who could replace her. i just need some help on how to move on for this specific situation, and hopefully move on without her. i just can't help but think about all of our amazing times together, and can never think of the bad ones. believe me there was alot of bad times. but we had so many magical times together, she was definitely my first love, and i wanted her to be the one. i still think she is. do you think she will realize i am the one for her and come running back? or is it over?


I hear you brother. I've gone through the same thing, a little different though. I was 23 and lived with my girl for 3 years, and dated out of high school for 4 years. She told me one day, I'm going to my sisters for a while. Then she told me she was going to date another guy. But they were just friends. Three really pain full weeks of her coming home and cuddling me when she felt like it, then leaving with him to do what ever they did, tore me apart. She was the only girl I've ever dated, and the one I thought would have my kids and all kinds of stuff. We talked about our future and stuff, but she decided one day that I wasn't for her. Though she was unsure, so she kind of didn't "leave" me but she had. It's bin 2 years I'm still torn in side, and I know it's not going to go away, but I still love her, even after she did what she did. The only way to get over things like that, is get up, go out, NO DO NOT GET DRUNK but have a fun night with friends. Keep as busy as you can, but allow time for you to let go too. If she wants back you have to decide is she worth it? There are tons of wonderful girls out there, you just have to give yourself and them a chance to meet. SO keep active and meet people, be friendly. Also remember you know what it'll be like with her, but who knows what waits for you in the future? That's what keeps me going, the fact that there are so manny possibilities, and I can't even imagine them all.

Bottom line, I gave my life to please my ex, and I still love her. Though all I wanted was to have kids and settle down, she siad she wasn't ready, then got with a guy who has kids. But would I take her back, no. I've met a few women who are great friends, funnier, funner, more interesting, nicer, and yeah they tought me a lot about how great sex can be when you really do love some one. I'm not with those girls any more but I learned that I want a little of all of them. So I've decided to wait till I meet a girl who I feel meets what I want, and who wants me not because we make each other happy, but because together or apart we are happy, and still want to betogether.


Any who, good luck, try to keep buisy, and try to forget what you don't have.

The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. ;)

When I was "in love" many times I looked past the bad things. But when it was over I kept recalling the good times and each time I was haunted by these memories I would recall the bad time that went with it, cause it seemed like it would go good bad good bad back and forth.Realizing that I felt a little better recognizing that my heart had felt bad at times I exorcised the haunting and found that all my heart wanted was to be heard. The heart does know what's right and wrong. Take time for yourself to know truly what you felt so that you will know what to look for and you you won't hurt your heart again. Being "in love" and being loved and loving someone are two different things. You just let one part of your heart run away with you. True love is not unkind, jealous, hurtful. I know because it happened for me.

Ahhhh I just hate knowing she's moved on and she hates me. I love her so much and would still do anything for her. I don't think she ever felt the same for me which sucks. Now I see all of her pictures with other guys arms around her and stuff on Facebook. It just sucks

There is a simple solution to that... GET RID OF FACEBOOK!! We have all posted on here hundreds of times about how EVIL those social networking sites are. You have the power to stop looking at pics of her, and to stop causing yourself pain, so do it! First and foremost, for your own mental health, get rid of Facebook now, believe me, it will not do any good for you to have it.

If one of things you would do for love is set aside your need to be with someone who actually longed after you the way you're longing for her... then you have some serious stuff to work out.

Feelings are fine, but you don't make life-changing choices over them, regardless off what Hollywood or Barnes&Noble say to the contrary.

Let's put this another way - the kind of love that matters most is not the kind that wants and craves to have, it's the kind that respects and craves to give.

You'll know you have discovered the love I'm talking about when you are willing to sacrifice and give out of your life for the well-being and happiness of the one you love. That includes being WILLING and able to walk away let your loved one be free if that's what would make them happy. You WANT that for them.

Most people get stuck just prior to that kind of love, at the kind of love that centers around "my needs" and "my wants" and what it means in my heart to have that person gone. It's a more selfish (and more common) kind of love, and it's the root of so much pain being stuck there for so long.

Just some food for thought.

Thanks kc, I just deleted the Facebook, it's the easiest solution, she wants to come over tomorrow to talk and I asked if its to yell at me some more and tell me what's wrong with me or is it going to make you hate me less. She said a little bit of both. I don't know if I should let her or not..

I don't quite know if it was true love since she doesn't love me anymore, she said the things I pulled made her not love me anymore. I don't even know what I did. I was doing good but now the past two days I've been struggling again.

thanks kc, i just deleted the facebook, its the easiest solution, she wants to come over tomorrow to talk and i asked if its to yell at me some more and tell me whats wrong with me or is it going to make you hate me less. she said a little bit of both. idk if i should let her or not..

i dont quite know if it was true love since she doesnt love me anymore, she said the things i pulled made her not love me anymore. i dont even know what i did. i was doing good but now the past two days ive been struggling again.

Clearly it is time to leave her in the past, let her go, and start to rebuild your life, which includes bettering yourself as a person. You need to realize you have the power to make the pain and hurt go away, but you aren't very proactive in making this happen. I mean, why do you need to talk to her? Just erase yourself from her life, and vice versa, so you can begin the healing process. You are simply prolonging the pain and agony for yourself... why start the new year off like that?

OK I know I need to move on, did any of you have trouble with just moving on? You had to its not as easy as you make it sound. After always talking to this girl for 4 years its hard to just quit now you know? Is it bad that I still wish she would just come back to me? I don't need to talk to this girl, but I just can't help it. I need to stop talking to the woman who caused all of this pain. I just wish it was as easy as it sounds

Yes it is hard to move on but you just have to keep occupying your mind and your time with hobbies and activities. Even coming here to answer questions can help get your mind off her somewhat.

Of course it is hard. I am on month four, and I am still not over it yet. No one said it would be easy, but it isn't something you have a choice about. You can either live the rest of your life in sorrow that your "true love" isn't with you anymore, or you can pick yourself up off the ground and move on. It will take time, but it is entirely possible to do, as everyone has been where you are right now. The longer you keep talking to her and letting her feed you this false sense of hope, however, the longer it will take you to move on.

I do wish my ex would come back to me, but I also wish I had a million dollars... believe me, you can wish all you want, but don't for one second think that just because you wish for it, that it makes it come true... or that it even makes it a good thing. "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need."

Carry on. Leave her alone and focus yourself towards moving on.

Its very hard to move on, and maybe it is easier said than done. But your doing it for you, and if your aren't willing to work hard for yourself, do you expect anyone to do it for you??

Wish there was a magic pill, but there isn't, so get busy. It does take time.

HINT- Time flies when your having fun.

Distractions at this time are key. Find anything to do to keep your mind off her. Even though, you can't stay distracted all the time, every little bit helps.

I know when I'm out with friends doing things, I really don't think about her. Only when I'm bored and alone do my thoughts wander and do I really think about her.

Distractions at this time are key. Find anything to do to keep your mind off of her. Even though, you can't stay distracted all the time, every little bit helps.

I know when I'm out with friends doing things, I really don't think about her. Only when I'm bored and alone do my thoughts wander and do I really think about her.

Yeah that's exactly what it is, but for me I really need to be distracted. When I'm alone and bored I really start to get sad and those thoughts come back.

Well you got to stay as busy as you possibly can.

Find new hobbies, new friends, talk to new girls, take on more responsibility at work, join a sports team. Something to stay busy.

I am currently checking out this local sports and social club to join in the spring to find new friends and get myself outside.

The thing is I've done most of those things already, it helps but I still find myself thinking about her a lot and having that urge to send her a text message.

She is coming over tomorrow to talk and she says its really needed. But I know she's just going to be yelling at me the whole time about what I did wrong so I'm not very excited about this. I plan on going back to nc right after this.
I told her I don't know if I want to talk and she said whatever we won't you obviously can't handle it, so I said we would because I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her. How should I react when she is yelling and telling me everything that's wrong with me?

If there is any way at all to avoid this meeting, do it. Do sit there and be her punching bag. You don't deserve that. You have nothing to prove to her. People heal at their own pace. You can't force it.

Geez Husky, if you had left her alone when she dumped you, she wouldn't have to jump down your throat. Stop with the excuses, why don't you, and leave her out of your life. Its called disappear.


I want to prove to her that I'm getting over her

You have proved by your actions, that you have not.

You really need to correct yourself, as this is going down hill fast.

Prove you are getting over her by telling her there is nothing to talk over because of the fact that you are over her. Why torture yourself to prove anything to her?

I know what your saying and I will try to do that. Now I do wish I would have just left her alone but I didn't and that's my own fault.

I'm willing to correct my actions and go back to no contact, I felt a lot better during those 4 days, I just need to do that for a lot longer. She is not meant for me and she just isn't in the same mindset as I am. She wants to have fun and be with 10 guys at a time,and I want a relationship. She's not worth it at all and I need to realize that. :/

Often all we can do is recognize the qualities we did like in somebody and move on to find them in somebody more suitable.

Guys I'm not looking forward to getting yelled and screamed at tomorrow, she just called and told me she's coming at 4:30 tomorrow. I really don't want her to come and she was being a bit**already on the phone. I don't know how to tell her I don't want her to come. She said it might make it better but why do I need to make it better if she hates me? I need to know what to tell her, do I call and say hey I don't want you to come tomorrow or should I be mean about it?

Don't be mean. If you don't want her to come over... tell her. Stand up for yourself and quit being her punching bag.

Be firm without being mean. Explain to her you don't see a reason to talk about things. You guys are broken up and that's that. This will probably set you back buddy. If you already know she's going to be mean then why take her sh*t ?

Thank you guys, I took your advice and told her what expat said and she took it pretty bad. She said I can't handle it and I'm immature. I don't know how this makes me immature but right now I'm just laughing about it, she's nothing and obviously doesn't know what she's talking about.

Good one buddy, who is the immature one here? You are the one trying to move on with your life while she still won't let you. She is the one slutting around right after you split not you. I think you handled things very well.. there is no reason for you take any more pain just so that she can have you as a plan B. Even less from a girl you know isn't even worth it.

This is all about you now, who cares how SHE handled it? It only matters how YOU will handle it from now on. And by the looks of it, you already know what do so you can start healing and moving on to better things.

All the best and good luck,
Expat

Stay out of conversations with her. Let your voice mail take the calls, delete text messages without reading them.

If you stumble into a conversation, agree politely (bordering on sarcastic, but not quite... ) with everything she says, "Yes, I know, I'm very immature...good thing you got away from me. Bye."

If she won't leave you alone, a "little" rude goes a long way. If necessary, use it, but only if necessary. "Stop calling me, you're being rude pushing and pushing when I've asked you politely to stop. Now stop, and stay stopped. Find someone else to jerk around."

Hi guys, I'm having some problems again, and I'm afraid I made a HUGE mistake. The ex ended up coming over the other day when I told her she couldn't. She said we needed to talk about things..

We talked for about 45 minutes and she basically was nice but told me how bad of a person I am. Then she started crying? And I made my first mistake.. I hugged her. Then we sat there for a bit talking some more and then she says "friendly hookup?" then I make my second mistake. We kissed for a while.. I feel so stupid for that now. I thought it didn't set me back at first, but it did.

We started talking again and she says we are friends now. I know I'm probably back to square one. She says she doesn't want to any kind of relationship and said we could maybe hook up every now and then. I would like that but it wouldn't help my healing process I can't do that! She said it wasn't the same when we kissed which I didn't want to hear. She's going to hang out with another guy Wednesday since she is done with her other relationship. I made so many mistakes and if I could I would go back and correct them. But I can't and now I don't know what to do! I messed up.. BAD

Not only won't it help your healing process but she will have you twisted around her pinkie at HER convenience. If you are a bad person why does she want to bother with you?

Yeah I don't want that at all. I just wish I wouldn't have done that. I don't know what to tell her because she asked if it was leading me on and of course I said no. but now I don't know wheather I should try to go back to no contact or just stay friends with her and tell her we can't hook up anymore..

Enough talk, that's what keeps you under her thumb. Go no contact, and ignore all her attempts at contacting you. That will keep you from being played like her fool for a while. Actions not words, tell her nothing. Just do it.

What is so hard about understanding you CANNOT be friends with her right now? It isn't possible... really! Take your life back, and step 1 in that process is eliminating her from your life. No talking, texting, emailing, looking at pics, NO FACEBOOK/MySpace, nothing! She doesn't exist anymore, period! You either take back your life, or continue to live in pain. Your call.

Thank you I think I needed that kc, haha. I'm once again back on the nc wagon AGAIN. This time of the night around 9 is always the hardest for me.

Eveyone is right I have to get my life back and I can't be wrapped around her finger like I was. I will continue to update my progress as I NEED to stick to nc this time or ill just keep hurting.

It helps a lot coming on here reading how everyone else made it so there's no reason why I cant. I'm still young and there are so many better girls out there! Ill just have to come on here and post when I'm struggling and continue to update. It helps a lot hearing everyone else`s feedback knowing your still supportive after everything.

Everyone goes through slips and falls. It's a part of life.

It's how you recover from these slips and falls that really define how successful you will be in the future. If you learn from your mistakes and make an effort to not repeat them, you will learn a lot and be very successful.

Just remember with mistakes come consequences. Your consequences will be prolonged pain and emotional suffering the more you entertain this girl and play her game.

me she hates me more then anyone now..

She hates you more than the guy that she said raped her?? All because you were being honest and trying to cut out the poisoning, toxic, twisted thing that was your relationship?

She hates you because you love her despite her disgusting habits and lying, cheating heart?

She hates you?

Hon, this girl is not worth it.

She is hurting you and you're letting her. You have all the cards in your hands... don't let her take them from you. Its YOUR life, not hers. Don't give her the right to slowly rot your heart from the inside out.

Thank you for the advice, second day of my third try at no contact. I have a few questions on how I should react in certain situations.

I think I'm doing this right, in school when I see her I completely ignore her, she said hi once, I said hi in a very blunt way and kept walking. She gives me the occasional text and I don't answer.

She sent me another one and said "whats your deal?" I answered back and said nothing at all. Is this the best way to go about things? I see her every day so I'm still wondering.

No contact means you DON'T answer texts, even rude ones, with texts of your own, even rude ones.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. If you go from loving behavior to hateful behavior, you haven't gone far enough. You need to go all the way to "I don't care, I don't need to care any longer...do what you want, I don't care."

No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."

No contact means "don't spend any time on her at all."
Because she doesn't know what your doing, why should you care? You owe her nothing, as your busy and unavailable as you mind your own business, and don't have time for her BS. Be polite, but busy, and keep doing what your doing.


Thats the beauty of NC, you don't have to care.

Update- I have been doing pretty good going no contact, tonight I went to a girls house and drank a bit.. of course there is more.. she found out I was there which wasn't good news to her...

She calls me and tells me she hates me and says she was starting to get feelings for me again but I blew it. Is she saying this just to make me feel bad? I am immedietly going back to no contact. Why does she have to tell me she had feelings for me after this happened? Ahhhh!

I presume you have Caller ID. No contact means you don't take her calls, you leave the room while your voice mail takes the message, then you delete the message without listening to it.

She can say what she wants, ANYTHING SHE WANTs, and it must be irrelevant to you. You have no need to debate her points or words, and recognize nothing good comes from entertaining her thoughts in your mind. So you don't do it.

No contact means you don't spend any time on her at all. You really need to try this correctly, you're not committed to it at all so far.

She is part of your history, so your habit of answering her and considering what she says is HABIT. It's a habit you have to break.

Yeah yeah I know what you mean. I did the first thing correctly, I simply did not answer. She left the voicemail and that's where she said everything from hating me to she did have feelings for me to saying my d*ck was small. It had to be THE harshest message I have ever heard.

Believe me that wasn't all that was on the message either. JB is right there is no need to analyze everything she says because she is irrelevant. Now that I see that you say to just delete the voicemail, I wish I would have done that last night instead of listening to it.

yeah yeah i know what you mean. i did the first thing correctly, i simply did not answer. she left the voicemail and thats where she said everything from hating me to she did have feelings for me to saying my d*ck was small. it had to be THE harshest message i have ever heard.

Believe me that wasnt all that was on the message either. JB is right there is no need to analyze everything she says because she is irrelevent. now that i see that you say to just delete the voicemail, i wish i would have done that last night instead of listening to it.

You live and you learn man. What did you learn here? Don't listen to her voicemail. Her opinion and back lashing are about as important as the toilet paper you most recently used.

Let her get mad and spew hatred out, that is her problem. As for you, you are still alive and well, and need not worry about anything related to her. It is YOUR time now. Change your phone number if you want.

I am just wondering why she would tell me she was beginning to have feeling for me again. Did she say it to just make me feel bad about myself? Or did I actually maybe have another chance?

I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.

She said she thought our friendship was more important then going out and drinking. I know I will be fine. I just hate it how girls find a way to get you to start thinking again, wow maybe I had a chance with her. I also looked on her myspace.. I did delete mine but I'm stupid and went on hers and saw messages from her and her "rebound" after me.

She was pretty much begging for another chance from him and saying the same stuff I said to her when I was begging for her to come back! She said he is the best guy she has ever met! He said the same thing to her but they just can't be together. She said "you gotta admit it was alot of fun last time we hung out ;)" I promised myself to not go on her myspace again. I will just move on and try not to think about it.

If you weren't so blinded by your feelings, you would see and obvious pattern here.

I would like to see the pattern, but I don't. Could you let me know what this pattern is?

The pattern is she talks, you listen, you get confused and your life doesn't heal.

THAT IS THE PATTERN. Some will suggest the pattern is "she realizes you're moving on and subconsciously doesn't want that to happen, so she tosses emotional hand grenades at you to make sure you can't get over her too quickly."

Um... OK. But saying that breaks the first rule of No Contact... which is "spend no time on her at all." That means if you're looking for patterns you look for them in YOUR life, not hers. In YOUR head, not hers.

Stop "wondering" why she does anything. Healing comes from "not spending any time on her at all."

I detect a pattern, you keep thinking/talking to her and wondering stuff then come back here to ask versions of the same question... cut it out, man.

We want YOU to start the healing process, so we'll keep hitting you over the head with the same shovel if we have to, but you HAVE to stop jumping back into the hole at some point.

I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.



The pattern is every time you break NO CONTACT you get confused and feel bad trying to figure her out.

This isn't her doing it to you, but you letting her do it to you.

Go NC for real, and have some fun with the new female.

LOL!! She was just starting to have feelings for you again!!

That's the biggest load of BS I've read in a while. Here she is cussing you up and down, making fun of you, hating on you, sleeping with other people, and being a complete biatch. Then she has the nerve to try and tell you she was starting to have feelings for you again??

LOL!!

Hey, actions speak LOUDER than words. Don't listen to her lies. She is living in some complete fantasy land and trying to bring you back into it. I don't know why you would even want to go back after all of this.

Now she knows the heartbreak you went through when this other guy dumped. She got a taste of her own medicine.

Now you need to stay on track and stay 105% NC. Run as far away as you can, because she is no good for you.

Trust me, another girl is out there who is much, much, much better for you that this confused girl.

Definitely hang out with this new girl and see where this goes and ignore the ex... she is bad news.

Hahahaha.. that's such a good way to look at it. I love this website because it helps me look at things from a totally different point of view from my own.

It`s her birthday today, and of course I said nothing to her, the voicemail she sent me that night said I can't look at her! So I took what she said and didn't look at her at all at school. (her locker is close to mine)

Now I know this is probably not a big deal to you all but I'm very proud of myself, she sent me a text last night saying "i know we aren`t friends but im still going to be nice to you".. gave that one no reply. Today she sent me another text saying "stop drinking and grow up".. no answer! I'm really proud of myself and I'm not even going to look at the messages she sends now.

I know she's not meant for me, and I'm going to go 105 % NC and if I ever get close to sending that text I'm going to take someone's advice that was on here and do 50 push ups, or something to make me not do it again.

Healing and the process of breaking up is a marathon, and not a sprint. It is key to pick up bits of self confidence and power along the way, which is what you are doing. Good for you! Now, keep it up.

I`m feeling a little weak today. And I need to vent. I almost broke my no contact last night, she texted me, I deleted the text without reading it, unfortuately I forgot to delete her off aim, so she got me on there and told me I was "falling off" and said I have changed a lot. I really really wanted to reply, but I didn't. I blocked her and deleted her so no worries anymore.

It`s harder then I thought, I'm starting to realize that I CAN be my normal old funny self without her, it just takes time. Right now I have the urge to text her or call. I know I can't do that, if I do it will set me back a lot. I still find myself thinking about her, only about the good times. I can never seem to bring myself around to thinking about all of the bad times we had. I think she even got her friend to get into this, she also texted me and said ben there are a lot of people who care about you you shouldn't be drinking.

Honestly, if I were worried about myself I would have done something, I did it once and I don't plan on doing it again for a long time. I really don't know what my problem is, did I really mess up because I can't stop thinking about this girl. Could she actually maybe be meant for me? After all of it I still feel like I would take her back and I know that's not good. I try to do things to get my mind off her, it works temporairily. I have to stay I do feel better everyday and I know there is "light at the end of the tunnel." It takes time, I just miss talking to her like we used to. BUT

NC is the way to go and I'm not going to fall back this time.

Yep. It's hard to forget the good times and remember the bad. Right now you have on a pedestal and think she was the best girl in the world, because you miss her.

In the next few weeks as you reflect back, you will remember the bad times and start to see everything in the light of reality instead of the light of fiction.

Stay strong. Everyone here know how hard it is. You are on the right track sticking with the NC.

Also listening to some energetic and hard music helps too.

Stay away from the alcohol for now. It will not help your mood.

Refer to my above post... this is a marathon, not a sprint. A rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings will be with you, for A LONG time. You seem to do a good job of controlling your actions, and not letting your emotions control you.

I was that girl. I had so much growing up to do. Move on and let her grow up.

If your paths cross again after she has grown up and can decide what she wants with out changing her mind, then try again. I would not try again though until after she is 20 something.

Good luck. FYI I am still friends with my ex boyfriend whom I treated this way. Still love him, but am happily married to someone who makes more sense with me. Good news he is too... to someone who treats him so much nicer than I ever did.

Updating again, Tonight the ex called me, I answered because she texted me and said I really need to know what your trying to do here. I told her I can't talk to you because I am trying to get over you and talking to you only makes me believe it can happen again which it won't.

She seemed a little bummed but said she understands and knows she didn't do anything wrong. She told me she won't contact me anymore and I said OK. I told her that I need to get over her and then maybe we could think about being friends. After everything I said all right.. see you and that was it. Only about a 5 minute talk. I just kind of liked it when she contacted me because it made me feel better, but its better that she doesn't.

Did I handle this OK?

Yes and no.

Personally, I wouldn't have picked up the phone at all. She doesn't need an explanation, as you are busy with your own life not worrying about what she does or what she thinks.

I think you handled it OK. You told her what you wanted and needed from her. In the long run, her not contacting you will make it easier for you to move on. I essentially told my ex the same thing. She hasn't contacted me since either. For me, it kind of hurt at first, but after a day or two I was feeling a lot much better.

This will give you the opportunity to really start to heal with out her messing you up.

Its been about a week since I've updated, I went 5 days no contact and it was going well. She then texted me and I talked to her for about 2 or 3 minutes. I just wanted to see how I did talking to her, and I did pretty good and it didn't set me back at all. Im getting better everyday and I sometimes go an hour or two without even thinking about her, then I catch myself and it's a pretty good feeling.

Im not going to talk to her anymore, I really don't feel the need to at all. Why talk to someone who did all of this stuff to me? Her friends are telling me her and the "other guy" she was with after the break up are getting back together again. I really Don't care. The kid is 15 years old I shouldn't be worried at all. Im starting to get over her very well. The girl I was talking to really hasn`t worked out, she still talks to her ex a lot and I just don't think it's a good idea to be with someone who still talks to their ex a lot. Of course, my ex found a way to yell at me again. We were all with each other because we all have the same friends, and she was yelling saying this girl I'm talking to is shi**y and my good family doesn't deserve someone like her. I really didn't mind it, I just walked away. Im so sick of her drama she starts.

Very good husky. Now leave her alone and the drama she starts.

Wow I just suck don't I? Ya know, I took all your advice and was doing good. And then I messed up and tricked myself into thinking I was over it when I really wasn't. We began to be friends and all was well and no feelings were coming back. Then one night we hooked up once again, in her car, 2 days after she hooked up with another guy, in her car. WHY DO I DO THIS? After that, I heard a lot of stuff and she told me about the stuff she did with other guys already thinking I didn't care since I was over it. I also heard her just acting like a complete immature whore. And of course I got jealous and tried to get her back once again. She got mad at me for being at another girl`s house saying that I was leading her on and karma is going to catch up with me. The next night which was last night was where I really messed up.

I feel like a have a problem here. I really do have a problem. I feel like this girl is so amazing when she's not! I see the pattern, but just can't help myself. Last night, I gave the whole "oh i need you back were meant for each other" type deal. She said she wants someone else and that's it. Why do I do this? Every time I do it I regret it, but I can't help myself! I want to be with someone else, but every time I see her flirting and touching other guys I can't take it. Of course I'm going to try to do nc again. But I don't even trust myself anymore with it. I do good and then something happens where I mess up the healing process again.

Is there anything I can do to stop screwing myself over time after time! NC works, but I Don't trust myself anymore :/

1. Stop hooking up with her.
2. Do not talk to her.
3. Separate yourself from her as much as possible from
4. Surround yourself and occupy your time with YOUR friends

The only reason you can't move on and trust yourself is because you keep letting her back in your life and allowing her to take control. She knows this and is now sending you mixed signals. She acts like she wants you, then when your hooked on the line again, she tells you she wants to see other people.

Time to hop off this roller coaster, or else you're going to get sick.

Exactly, I just don't see the point of trying to get back with someone who clearly said they don't want to be with you, but I guess I don't get it.

It makes no sense, but then again nothing she does makes sense. I see how she's playing the game. She reels me in and when she's got me she casts me out again.

Quick Question: Ive said this before and don't think of gotten an answer, we all have basically the same mutual friends and when I'm around all of them, do I just ignore her and be myself with everyone else? I don't want to just be non-existent when she's around just because she's there.

Try and hang out with them when she is not there. I still hang out with the friends my ex and I share. I told them the situation and how I am able to deal with it. When they invite me out, I ask if she is going. If she is going, I call MY friends up and hang out with them. If she is not around, I go and chill with them.

Do you have your OWN friends that don't hang with the ex?

Yeah, I do but my friends usually like to hang out with her group of friends, not necessarily her but she is usually there and I usually tag along. But its like, her group of girl friends and my guy friends, and her just trying to make me jealous the whole time. They are all close and hang out a lot. Its really a bad situation for me, her friends like me and they are totally fine with it, but sometimes she doesn't like it.

Well... the only way you will be able to move forward with the healing process is to not see her. That may mean you will have to make some hard choices here. It's time to separate your group of friends from her group. I assume that they were your friends before you met her, correct?

Time to start doing guys night and all of that fun stuff, without these females. You and your friends need to start surrounding yourself with a new group of girls. If these guys are really your friends, they will stick with you over her and her friends.

Sometimes when you get dropped by the ex, you have to drop her friends too. Just a sad reality of your situation, it seems.

JMW is correct as its time to broaden your horizons, and cut her, and her friends, from your routine.

It's like getting a song stuck in your head, the more you try to NOT think of the song, the more it plays....

This is the same thing. You'll take some time to get her tune out of your head. Take it easy, don't beat yourself up for thinking of her, but also don't put any feet to any of those thoughts. Let them come, then let them go.

Totally agreeing with the quote,
What I do to get a song out of my head is to look for another one,
One that I am interested in,
Maybe you need to look around for another girl,
To push her out of your mind so you can experience all new great memories,
Hope it goes well for you bud.

OK, today was my 12th day of nc, which marks the longest I have ever gone. The day was going well, and I have been able to go a whole 3 or 4 hours without her coming across my mind. Anyway, I check my phone after basketball, and I had this new text from of course, my ex. It said " hey the way i treated you was not right and im sorry. i dont regret anything and im glad everything that happened between us was with you. just wanted to apologize."
I answered back, being polite and short saying I appreciate your apology. She answered back saying yupp. And that's it. I think I handled it well. Did not set me back at all. Tal once said on this thread being brief is not breaking nc, I didn't break it did I? Tomorrow is day 13 I hope.

You didn't have to answer, but you did, put it behind you now. Feel better?

That was her attempt to alleviate some of her guilt over breaking up with you, as well as possibly seeing if you will still talk to her.

My advice is, keep NC... you don't need her to be happy or make you feel better. Take this as closure and move on.

You're doing well!

I am updating on this situation for hopefully the last time. Today was my initial goal for NC, and I passed easily. I think it has been 28 days and I'm not going to quit now. It was the spring dance last night, and that's why I wanted my goal to be today so I didn't have to be sad if I saw pictures of her and her new boyfriend. I have to say, everything is great. I came across them making out last night at the dance, and I didn't care at all, I was just having a great time with all my buddies.

I have been having a GREAT time with other girls, and its great. The ex brought over the rest of my stuff last Sunday, and it had a note, an old rose I gave her and the ring I bought her for the 1 year anniversary. The note was just saying she is sorry for being so mean to me, she is hoping to be friends again (No thank you), and to be careful with what I do. I just crumpled it up and threw it away, and washed the clothes she gave back. This past week at school now she's been saying hi and trying to be all friendly, I am polite but really don't want to talk to her. Her friend keeps telling me she still talks about me, and her friend really doesn't know why. Anyway, I just want to keep this nc up, and am looking to find a girl to be with or just be able to spend time with. You all were great even after I messed up so many times. Ha ha. Im doing great and couldn't thank you all enough.

That is great to hear. You might not be out of the woods yet, but the fact that you took all those emotions bravely speak a lot of the position you are in now. From now on, it will be a matter of trying to manage those feelings so that they don't come back and bring you back to square one. Let time do it's thing. Go on with your usual activities, hang with your buddies, and sooner or later she will be in the past and new girls will start pouring in. Don't rush it, just enjoy as much as possible. Good luck man.