To set the scene, I am a male in my 40's. The woman ('X') in question is also in her 40's, as is her partner ('Q') and he too is in his 40's, so this is not teenage crush scenario. I have know the woman for years and have had a crush on her for at least 10 years! Her partner moved in with her a few years ago, and she recently asked him to marry her. He has also become a good friend.

The problem I have though is that some while ago at a night out, he was sitting at a table with a group of his friends when I arrived with my then wife. When 'X' arrived with her (female) friend, rather than sit with her partner, her and her friend sat next to me all night. During the evening, I took my wife home, but I went back to the event. On arrival, 'X' saw me, called out my name and gave me a big hug. She spent most of the rest of the evening talking to me and even apologised for getting a bit heavy. She later asked me for a dance to which she was still chatting away.

At the end of another night out she came up to me and gave me another hug and a kiss (on the neck).

As time has gone by, I have regulary popped round for a coffee and a blether whether her partner has been in or out. We even started going for walks, but this was stopped by her, and her partner stopped going round when he was out! Now though I am told I can go round anytime, but I refrain from going to see her too often in case a/ she gets fed up with me, and b/ she is driving me crazy. Now they are supposed to be getting married. Where do I stand? Any ideas or suggestions anyone? HELP>

If she is getting married, then I don't think you have recourse other then to let it go. Sounds like she is using you as a diversion, and should not be.

Even if she decides not to marry, I would have second thoughts about her flirting with other men, as she did with you while engaged.

Meant to point out that she wasn't engaged at the time of the flirting/being really friendly. She is generally not the flirty type as she is really quite shy. My dilema is was she wanting me to make a move, I didn't and have lost my chance. It's that old quandray: how do you tell the difference between a woman just being friendly and a woman actually wanting you? Life is rarely dull!

She I sgetting engaged man.

You never lose anything only lessons learnt!

Go on with your life you will find someone else

If she wanted you man she would have done a lot more to get you
She was just being overly friendly
Many women act like this

Be it in there teens or in there late 40s

Emotions! Knows no AGE limit!
Just how we control them in our age that matters

Regards

I agree, I think she may have been interested at some point and the night you describe sounds mostly like liquid courage than anything else, but the fact is she is getting married and no one forced her to propose to this man.

If you liked her the last 10 years your chance with her is over now and she has moved on and is happy, if you love her than you will let her have that, not interfer trying to make the two-some a lovers triangle.

I take it you are now divorced?and see this person as a potential mate?

How would you feel if the shoes were on the other feet,yours and his?

I know what I would do,I'd call you out!

If you want to be the person who gets in the way of someone's future,go for it,I think you'll be let down for a number of reasons like a few stated above.

I know the infatuation and situation you are describing,totally.I lost a friend of 12 years by being close to his wife,even though I never made a move on her,the Body English was obvious enough to condemn me.

Don't be the bad guy,move on and let them be happy.

Just my opinion,

KBC

Thanks for the replies folks. All good sensible answers. As anyone who has been smitten/had a crush etc will know, it is difficult to think rationally at times (love is blind is so true!), hence the reason I came on here to get the unbiased views of strangers and get the perspective of how others see this situation. My heart tells me one thing but my head tells me conflicting ideas and views. Whether aged 14 or 40, it is amazing how feelings can run riot when you're attracted to someone! It makes life interesting though. And seeing a smile and having a chat with the person concerned can really brighten your day. I accept I am lucky to have her as a friend. Who knows, if her relationship doesn't work out, then close friends can become even closer! I won't hold my breathe and will continue to keep the relationship with her platonic. Not easy! Keep the comments coming though. I enjoy reading the views and opinions.

Hi Boxman, I enjoyed your post and understand that you are a pretty well rounded individual with both feet on the ground, thank god. I am really pleased that you see it the way it is, at least that's what your post indicates. But, and t his is a big but, I have found throughout previous relationships that I can't take a flirtatious incident with possibilities and know it goes no further then that, and then stay friends. There is always an undercurrent of infatuation involved which doesn't work for me, but may for you.

I look forward to seeing your viewpoint on relationships on this board. Your level of maturity may bring freshness where it may be needed, although we do have some excellent relationship experts now available.

ms. tickle

Since you are welcomed, and trusted, by them both, always have respect, and don't cross the boundaries, of good behavior. Crushes are no reason to be dissing your friends, as I'm sure she was being more playful than serious.

Well, what can I say? What positive comments regarding myself! I'm glad I'm doing something right here. Thanks for those. It gives me a lift that's for sure, and nice to see a site that doesn't (as yet!) have people who just come on here just to slag others off.

Right sit down folks: I've remembered another occasion that would be interesting to get some views and feedback on!

Earlier in the year, not long after she got engaged, I was at an event where another (male) friend of hers whom she has known longer and better than me was also helping at. He was at one stand and I was at another. When she arrived she said hello to me and went over to her friend. But within a few minutes she came back to my stand and spent the rest of the day with me, and we got on so well. Yes I know, that sounds like voice of a besotted teenager talking, but the laughter and carry on we had was not something that was or is easy to forget. What I couldn't figure out though was why did she spend her time with me and not her other friend? Another reason I'm a bit confused. Women eh? Don't you just love them!



Boxman

She is confusing, boxman, I really can't tell what she is up to. As I always say, one can't have their cake and eat it too.

Is her finance going to be at the family gathering as well ? If so, this doesn't sound like a really great idea. She isn't working up to a 3 some is she ?

Yes her fiancé will be there too. He also invited me! And no, no 3some on the cards, of that I'm sure. Does she have a secret crush on me I sometimes wonder? It happens! Gosh she is doing my head in and now I am on my own just now, I have to keep my flirting in check! There is just so much eye contact with her with occasional touching by her as well. And yet she is not one for mucking around. A good sensible woman.

What she needs, Boxman, is some competition. I think you had better go farther afield and look at some other interesting women for a change to see what's available. I sense nothing but trouble coming for you under the circumstances. This is not right.

Occasional touching and a lot of eye contact (I know, I have been in that boat too) means, my friend, she is mucking about, especially with her s/o there too.

ms. tickle