I am an 18 year old male from ireland I was with my ex girlfriend for 1 year everything was great only for my drinking I never laid a hand on her but I did get verbally abusive and do stupid stuff. This led to my girlfriend telling me she couldn't take it any more but that she loved me with all her heart and we needed a break. It is now 4 months later I do not get drunk any more I still have a few drinks but I know my limit and I have learned to stick to it. The problem is my ex has met another guy she is not in a relationship but has been out wit him a few times. What I need to know is how do I go about regainig her trust and getting our relationship back on track. I know myself this is not some school boy crush I really love this girl with all my heart and would do anything to make her happy and make her feel loved. What do I do so as not to push her away?? :confused:

Tell her that you have changed. Do it in person. Let her know that she is still very special to you but that you understand that she has her own life. Then let it be her choice, walk away a friend.

That's what I was thinking it seems to be a case of getting the courage to get my final answer that may be rejection you no

You man that is my biggest feer also. It would really hert to know she may never be with you again. I guess that's just part of life. There maybe a better girl out there that you could find.

Maybe but I have my heart set on this girl so I'm going to pull out all the stops till I actually hear from her mouth its over

Be brave and tell her that. She may say no to the relationship, but you'll know just where things stand. If she does say no, you can live right through it. Let us know what she does say.

Thatsthe same way that I feel about my ex

I am thinking now face to face is the best way to tell her this but the thing is I have sent a letter already that she should get tomoro

I guess wate for a week or so for a response. If you don't get one get ahold of her and set a time to talk.

You I guess that's all I can do at this stage her friends have told me she still feels for me but she does not want to go through the same thing all over again. What I can safely say is she will never see that side of me ever again

All you can do is talk to her, tell her how you feel, tell her that you've changed and ask for a chance to prove it.

The ball's in her court, you can't force her to take you back, but you can try.

Be prepared that she might not want to go down that road again, be prepared to accept that if she says no.

Love has it's ups and downs, this could go either way. Bottom line, you don't know what she'll say until you ask, and yes, you should ask in person.

Just be yourself and be sincere.

Good luck, I hope it works out, and stop drinking. :)

Your actions are going to have to match your words my dear. Have you ever heard the expression, "Once bitten twice shy?"

Right now she is likely thinking you are only saying things that you know she wants to hear. You are going to have to work hard at showing her that you are serious by the way you handle things. You put this "car" in the ditch, and it is your responsibility to pull it out! You will need to do that everyday, when and until! She lost her trust in you. That is not an easy thing to rebuild.

You also may just have to accept the fact that you did too much, too little, too late. If that is the case, you may never get her back. Be prepared for that.

It wouldn't be such a bad idea to get yourself into some anger management classes, or counselling. That just might show her that you are serious, and even if she doesn't come back, it's still not a bad idea for future relationships, because if you aren't with her, you will eventually be with someone else! You need to know how to handle things that come up in relationships. But it would definitely be a step in the right direction, in showing her that you are serious, and you have those actions backing up your words.

Good luck, and I really hope you are committed to changing your previous behaviour, whether the two or you are together or not! :)

Its not the fact that I drank it how much I drank I mean she likes to have a night out with friends and have a few drinks it just took loseing her for me to cop on and only have a few thanks ill give it a shot

Well we have the same friends so she has seen that I don't get drunk or binge drink anymore I'm just so afraid of those words "its over" that's what makes it so hard for me to express myself to her

Don't do this for her. Do it for you! That is why I said to you, she will pick up on it if she senses you are just doing this just to get her back. Sometimes guys (and girls) will say anything to get someone back, and I'm sure she knows this, and might not think you will continue the good behaviour in the future. If you are serious, plan long term, not short term.

Well I am doing this for me because it will benefit me healt wise and also socially

Exactly! So keep on doing that, without expectations. If you are serious, she will sense that. You have to remember though, you two are at different stages in your life! Things are changing for both of you!

I can see that now but I care so much about this girl I'm not going to let her go without a fight

Well that's very noble, but just don't do that to the point where you develop a stalker status in her mind. There is a very fine line there.

I'm sure Chery will come on and tell you some of the same things we've been telling you. I saw that you said you would like her advice. We all benefit from our "Momma C's" advice, and take it while you can get it! But, in the mean time, take it slow. Don't go overboard, or you will end up scaring her away again.

Well I have kept my distance I mean I am going to pull out all the stops when we do decide to speak face to face

Remember, be sincere, that's very important.

If she says no, I know it will feel like the end of the world, but really, you'll live. We've all been through the pain of heart break, some of us more than once. ;)

Just talk to her, really, don't be scared, just show her that you mean what you are saying, and tell her everything you've said here.

Yes, she could turn you down, but she could also take you back. You won't know until you ask. :)

Okay, calm your jets dear. I see what you mean, but I can sense the urgency in your words, and you need to back up a little. Take a step back from the situation. If she sees that you are too anxious, you are going to push her away. Don't go rushing in, full speed ahead. It's all good to have a focus on your goal, but I think you need to calm down a little. I do understand what you are saying, but unless you do it in the right manner, you might just drive her in the other direction if you seem too willing or needy.

I agree with Starby (sorry Starbs, couldn't give you a greenie, I had to spread the rep ;)).

If you seem to eager that may make her run in the other direction. You have to be calm about this, be rational. Be sincere, be yourself, but be calm above all.

You have to approach this the way you would a scared rabbit. You know that she asked for a break for a reason, she may still be a bit scared of the thought of a relationship with you. You have to show her you've changed, and being calm is one of those changes.

So, breath, breath, breath, and relax. Whatever happens, happens, just take it easy. :)

I know what ye mean but now I'm afraid I will word how I feel badly and push her away I get so nervous it stupid I know but I really don't want to mess up the 1 chance I have

Sit down and write out what you want to say. Read it, re-read it, and write it again. Write it until it sounds right to you. Write it on here if if you want opinions. Get it straight in your mind what you want to say! Don't be pushy! Don't be demanding! Don't act needy or overbearing! Just write out your feelings, and the things that you would like to say. Don't make it long. Don't go into details. Just write what's in your heart. Above ALL, don't get your hopes up high. You still have to remember that she will not want this, so be prepared for that.

OK, first... you never get them back - not the way it was before. People grow and move on, and at that age, it happens often. You need to accept and cope with rejection no matter what or with whom. None of us like rejection, but it is part of life and we have to learn to deal with it in many aspects.

Go to the relationships section and read the first four stickies there. You'll notice that you are not the only one this has happened to and that you will not be the last. We've all been there, done that and survived. And, I promise, you will survive this too.

You might think this is not the usual 'crush' and that this one is 'meant to be', but you have to remember it takes two to think in the same way and she has moved on to living her life without the stress that you two had. Accept this and gain her trust and friendship back... but don't expect anything further unless she is willing to give you another chance at more.

If you keep on trying to convince her that you have changed, and bother her, you will 'push' her away so leave her alone until she is ready to contact you.

Once a girl decides to leave a relationship she means it, seriously, and there is nothing you can do to change that. The best you can do now is maintain friendship with her, but at her pace - so leave her the space and time to like you again and don't push it. Be cordial, friendly, and don't start with the jealousy bit - that and drinking are the worst enemies of friendships and partnerships, so please keep that foremost in your mind.

The only one you can change is yourself. You also learned a lesson about what NOT to do when your are with a partner, remember that lesson so that it does not happen again.

Alcohol can ruin a lot of things in a relationship and also in your body and mind. I'm an alcoholic (dry for over 20 years) and glad that I don't drink any more. It changed my health, personality, and drove a few very good people away.. so if you can, please get off the juice and stay off. It is not really 'cool' to get drunk, costs a lot and shows others that you are weak and not in control of yourself. Find out the reason you have for getting drunk, work on it and become your own boss. Get your self-respect back and set some better goals to reach.

Now, after reading that you want to hear it from her own mouth.. she already told you and friends that she does not want to go through it again... isn't that enough of a message?

Also, your promise that she will never 'see this side of you' again is a promise that you cannot even make to yourself, let alone to anyone else right now. I bet that if she told you face-to-face that it is over, the first thing you'd probably do is get drunk. So stop making promises you cannot keep. Be realistic and face life as it comes and cope with it as best as you can. That's all we humans can do. Some things in life are harder than others, but we all go through them and have to deal with them as they come. That is what makes us mature and grow stronger, or it drives us to self-destruction because some of us cannot get off the pity-pot. Which are you going to do? Grow or sink deeper in self-pity? It's your choice dear, and I sincerely hope you make the right one.

As Starbuck8 and Altenweg said, do it for you and be calm about it! We all have that initial fear of rejection, but we also have to learn how to stand up and deal with it - it's all part of our being human and we have to overcome this fear. It gets easier and easier down the road once you've learned how the first time.

So again, it's your decision as to how you deal with that fear - but at least you'll know where you stand and can go on from there.

What's this 'pulling out all the stops'?? This is no game, you have to go along with your feelings and also her reactions... so don't plan this like in a stupid TV show... this is real life and there are no guarantees. Again, keep a cool head on your shoulder and if she says no - so what, deal with it.

Believe me, we've all been there. Again, I sincerely hope you get over your fears and accept that friendships are just as important as relationships at your age.

Good luck dear, and keep us updated.

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Chery, I had to spread the rep, but I wanted to say, great advice, straight from the heart and no nonsense. :)

Smurf, listen to us, give it a try, but be prepared that no matter how much you want this, it might not happen and you might have to move on.

We're here if you need us. :)

Hey everybody thank you so much for all the great advice I have some good news my ex received my letter and made contact with me she wants to meet face to face and really talk about things I'm not going to get ahead of myself I know the ball is still in her court and it could go either way but she has told me that she hopes we can work things out because she really misses me <3