Hi my name is bobby and I am 19 years old. I am new to this site so I would just like to say its great to be a part of this. I see how you experts give advice and was very intrigued and decided to sign up so that I can see what advice you guys would give me.

I met this girl last year who lives in los angeles. And in June of this year we started going out. And as a month have gone by she fell in love with me and I did for her. And we were going good, the distance didn't mean anything to us. However there were problems at my end that I started to stress. Like my parents being so skeptical and not supportive as much on my relationship. My mother who visits every now and then always bad talking about me saying that I'm nothing and ull never be good of a person. And while taking all of this in, I started to become I guess more clingy. I called her more periods of times. If she was sleeping or bz I would keep calling like 5 more times until she picks up, or send her text messages to see what she was up to. And then I started to get more mushy, to a point where it was getting boring and irritating towards her. And then we argued a lot over things. At times I would lie not on anything big or major something little. Like if she was telling me about something and asks are you listening to me? I would go yea yea I'm listening instead of me saying I'm sorry what were you saying? So the little lies I made became a big issues because she hates liars. Don't we all? But all my mistakes that I made instead of me just stopping. I made excuses and excuses and with each one. I doubted myself more saying she's going to leave me. She's not going to love me anymore. And my doubts led me to the breakup. We tried getting back together but I didn't change back to the calm person I was before. The person that she fell in love with. And then she said she was fed up and couldn't take it anymore. That I had a lot of growing up to do. And I begged and pleaded but it didn't change her mind. And I let her go. She told me when you do get yourself together give me a call. And then the next day I woke up and realised everything from when it started to now. And I was wrong. And she was right. I called and told her that you were right. And I do need to grow up. So I will start listening. And I told her ima give you your space as well as my time to think things through. And that was that. And then she calls me later saying I'm confused because I miss you. I miss the person that I fell in love with. I miss what we had. And she goes on to saying I'm not saying we are not going to be together but I'm also not saying we are going to be together. But I just hope that you work out whatever is making you this way. So I told her well look I'm not trying to rush anything between us. And I'm not trying to get back in this relationship asap but I would like to take this slow. And see if we can make this work again. So after we talked for a while and relaxed and conversated. I didn't call for like 3 days and then today I just called to tell her that I've done a lot of thinking and I can honestly say that right now I am feeling very good and happy with where I'm at. And that everything with my family has started to ease up. My dad has started to support me more and my mom just hasn't been visiting as much so I got some peace. And I told her that I know last week we talked and I know we got a couple of weeks until you finally come down. But why don't we make the best of the time we have until that final time. I'm not tryna rush you into taking me back. But I would like to take things slow with u. and after that I told her to enjoy her day and that was that.


I know it's a longggggggggggggg story. But I hope I explained this very well to you guys.
At first she did not want to come down after she said she was done trying with me. But for some reason she does now. So tell me. Do I have a chance of getting her back? And what do I have to do?

I think you have a very good chance :), just do what you told her, you would do. And also.. how much distance is between you two?

Well I live in New York and she lives in los angeles. So yea very big distance lol as a matta fact I told her to call me later tonight if she's not busy. Im having some sort of like thing in the back of my head saying call her anyway but I know I shouldn't. Any advice there

LDR's are always hard. IMO it needs equal commitment by both.
Specially between NY and LA lol!

And a girl I wanted to be with thought 600 miles was to far. MM flight was only one hour or so away.

Good luck

Do you have any plans of being able to be live closer in the future?

Thanks a lot man

Yes. And we both talked about this too. When I finish college (I have 3 years left) I was going to move up there and stay with her and her mom. And she was excited to hear about that. We talked about marriage and all sorts of things. In short she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me in her own words.

There is one more thing that I need to know. Do I just not call her from here? Or do I just pop up like once every 4 to 5 days just to say hello? I'm trying to figure out the best apporach. I'm not even worried nor so obsessed on trying to get back yet. I would just like to talk to her and show he what we used to have.

Hey just thought I would update on this blog that I posted from last night. Today I woke up and was thinking about her again. And yesterday I called her and told her that I am doing a lot better then I was last week, and that I wanted us to take things slow and just work our way back up towards things, as well as look forward to her still coming to visit me. (I mentioned this in the previous question). After I told her all of this I just told her to give me a call later if you are not too busy. And that was that. Unfournately later on that night I didn't receive any call from her. Now today I thought to myself. Is this a sign? And I spoke with a counselor as well from my school. I needed to know that what I am doing right now by just not calling her is right. As a person who has understood and excepted that yes we are not together. But there is always a chance. And my counselor said based on everything that I told her, she said your doing the right thing. So I ask you guys based on what I have told you guys. Is this the right thing to do?

I don't think that this relationship is over that's my main point. However I am trying to just avoid making the first move towards her. Please help me.

I think you need to continue not calling her. It may not be over, but it may as well. You need to prepare yourself for that possibility, as much as that may hurt. Give her time. Your calling and contacting her will not allow her to think through this process clearly. If she wants you, she knows how to get ahold of you. Leave it at that and do other things to take your mind off this.

That is what others have told me. Like she has told me that I am her first love and she had all these intentions of spending the rest of her life with me. Now right now its a question mark to her because she's confused as to think will this really work or not. I guess leaving her alone is the best thing. Feel free to leave more comments I appereciate it.

Thanks!

Oh and one more thing. Her still coming to see me just makes it much more of a sign. Because at first she didn't want to anymore but now she does. Only time will tell I guess.

Oh and she's coming next month on the 29th. Lol sorry I didn't add this and leaving so many threads I'm new to this lol

Hey man for your own sake stop contacting her, don't you think it'd mean a little more to you if she started contacting you every 4 or 5 days? I would also tell you to plan for the worst and act like she's never coming back because this LDR is tough pal but best of luck to the both of you, I hope it works out the way you want it.

I understand where your commin from. And I'm not contacting her until she does to me. I'm aware of LDR's. It is definitely tough but I thank you for the advice. Whether we do or we don't get back together I said that we learn from our mistakes. I told her that and I said I am grateful to know a person like u. Now I guess all I can do. Is hope for the best. But in the meantime I'm taking the time to enjoy myself more. Feel free to comment more. And thanks again

Yeah pal, take care of your number one person in your life, you, trust me love yourself and who you are and then the other half comes in and it's alllll gooood, ying and yang crap, you dig?

If your bored check out my story I want everyone to learn from my experiences might help you. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/story-could-end-like-280105.html

Take care, ttyl

Well here's an update... so since Monday I haven't called and last night she texts me saying she could not sleep and had that sad face on. Now me I was alreadly knocked out its 2 o clock in my time compared to 11 in los angeles time. So I was tired. Usually id be up late but in ne case. For some reason I didn't want to reply. At least not yet. I ono should I reply today and say sorry I didn't reply I was sleeping or just leave it and continue on with the nc thing?

Are you doing No Contact to get her back or to move on? I am not sure if you have a miconception about the entire 'no contact' deal. I don't see a problem with you replying to her... however it won't do any good if you are trying to move on from this. I don't think you are trying to actually move on because you don't think it is over... right?

Are you doing No Contact to get her back or to move on? I am not sure if you have a miconception about the entire 'no contact' deal. I don't see a problem with you replying to her...however it won't do any good if you are trying to move on from this. I don't think you are trying to actually move on because you don't think it is over...right?

I agree... n I'm not moving on because I think that this isn't over yet. I just think that she needs time to herself. But I guess I am taking the whole No contact thing in a different perspective. The funny thing is usually id be confused into a situation like this but for some reason I am not. Its like I'm not afraid to talk to her or make it seem awkward.

I just replied saying how I went to sleep early and I hope you got your sleep. Told her that hope all is well with finals and everything and to enjoy her day and call me if anything. She replied just saying that she got out of class and finished her test. And said enjoy your day too and everything. Next move? Lol

And if your wondering what I'm thinking. I think that ima just leave it at that. I'm still giving her space to let her relax because she's got one more final and you know just time to let her enjoy. Me I got school in a few so yeah lol I think that me replying just saying telling her to enjoy her day and call me later was good to leave it at. I don't think ima call her or bug her. Let her call me or text me whenever she wants. Is that right does that make sense?

P.S I don't feel as nervous or as worried about her giving up on me or taking me back. Nor am I depressed about the whole break up thing anymore. I just want to take things slow with her. And work it back up. I'm actually calm.

Her is a link that's good food for thought,
Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky (http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-handle-this-seven-ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/?cnn=yes),

And another one that can shed some light on things,

Five sure ways NOT to get over someone - CNN.com (http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/02/tf.ways.not.get.over.relationship/index.html),

At this point, your pen pals, or long distance friends, and there should be no pressure on either of you, to not enjoy your life, and do as you please. Unless there is an agreement to do otherwise, and I doubt there is, its important to do your own living without her, and not worry about a relationship.

I think it best, because your both on different life paths, and have much to do as individuals, you not count on this relationship to be any thing but what it is. FRIENDS. Keep it honest, and real, and stay away from the confusion that comes from false hope, or wanting more because of the distance, or circumstances.

We never know what happens next in our lives, but don't get carried away by feelings, with no facts to back them up.

Hope she visits, and you enjoy each others reunion, but just be practical about how this thing can grow, given the distance.

Good luck!

I understand. I guess in a way I'm still holding on because I just don't think that its really over. We broken up yes, but us getting back together is a possibility. Although she's far away I put so much of an impact that in her eyes I'm the first person that she has ever said I love you as a boyfriend. It means a lot to me. To know that I'm the first guy she has ever loved. Whatever happens. Im ready for it. But in the meanwhile I'm avoid constant conversations just to I guess take some time for me to get back on track. And at the same time give herself some space. In a way I used the NC thing to show her that I'm not that much in need of her anymore. I feel that if I keep calling her like I used to its like I'm still tied up and I'm never going to get over it. I want to show that I am not weak and that I have learned and that I'm more stronger and confident in myself. And at the same time maybe for her to start missing me. That's just what I think.

And the whole thing about going back to being the person that she fell in love with she said? Not forgetting about who I am. I understand more what she meant. I am who I am. I made mistakes. Very constantly. I learned and I am starting to be more confident in the things that I'm doing. I look at this site as a guide and so far I'm thankful of being a part of it. Like I said previously to her. Whether we do or whether we don't get back together I enjoyed what we had. Im not rushing into getting back. I just want to take this slow. And see where it goes. I don't need to tell her over again I'm always going to be here. Because she knows I jammed it into her head so much when I was clingy and mushy lol. There is always a chance I believe in any relationship depending on the situation. But right now otherwise I'm enjoying myself and I am happy. And right now that's all I care about. I told her to give me a call when your not busy. And I will leave it at that. Ima take this time now to enjoy myself and relax. When she calls or texts. That's when I will respond.


Like you said talaniman. You never know.

Feel free to comment guys

In a way I used the NC thing to show her that I'm not that much in need of her anymore.

That's a game you really don't want to play, which is why I say to keep it real.

If you keep it honest straight and don't play those kid games of manipulation, even in small ways, it's a lot easier to see the reality of the situation. That's important to good communications, decision making, and problem solving.


I put so much of an impact that in her eyes I'm the first person that she has ever said I love you as a boyfriend. It means a lot to me. To know that I'm the first guy she has ever loved

Talaniman rule # 14- Never assume what someone else is feeling, just because thats what your feeling!

You honestly don't know what impact you have had.

After reading that. And thinking for a minute. I got to re evaulate my decisions as to how to handle it.

Talanimans rule #1- When they ask for a break, or space, Give it to them.

No begging, crying, pleading, or praying, No birthday cards either!!