I'm 32 and have only truly been in love once, with a guy I met in college. First we were best buddies, then we started dating Junior year in college for almost a year. It was emotionally deep, we said the L-word and all that. After the summer, we broke up; it was kind of messy, and I was heartbroken. We hung around together at various college friend get-togethers after college, and I loved seeing him. But we didn't live near each other. I started dating a few people, then found someone I liked- I made him laugh, I could finish his songs, and he was just a nice guy that fit in well with my life. I loved him. Was I in love? Heart-pounding, chest-tightening love? Maybe I thought so, but nope.

Here I am, married w/kids, having a decent life; coming from a broken household, I want to bring my kids up in a sturdy atmosphere, and don't think I'd have the guts to leave, and I'd probably regret it if I did. But I'm pining for someone I'll probably never see again. And I love him. I'm in love with him still. There was no closure with him. I dream about him a lot. And it sucks. And life now sucks. How can you do life when you're not in love with your partner? Ugh! :(

Hi Smdavis -
I can totally understand where your coming from and it certainly is being stuck right smack dab in the middle of a rock and a hard place.
Its understandable that you compare any relationship to that first grown up romance. ya know the kind where its not high school puppy love but not the one you spend forever with.... especially when things aren't going " happily ever after" in the relationship ( or marriage ) that you are struggling through currently.
I think one of the first things that you need to look at is the feeling that you don't have any closure with the first guy... maybe you could do some meditating on what specific things or feelings you have that are still a little raw for you ? just try to let them come to the surface at first ( i have a hunch that you have been trying to stuff them for a while ) don't over do it though.
Then once you have done that a few times over a week or two I have found that journaling is a great tool because since you are the only one who will be reading it , it doesn't have to be neat or spell checked or even grammatically correct ! and once you start doing a free write, you will be amazed at what you read back to your self later !
If you decide to take my advice let me know when you get to this point and we'll see how your feeling then . good luck sweetheart ! ;)

I can understand where this situation could be hard. I don't have a family yet, or kids, but what I can tell you is that you need to accept it.
I know I personally have a hard time living in the past, but the best thing to do is to realize where you are at. You say your not in love right now, is that because you are comparing how you felt before with how you feel now?
It is never fair to compare the person you are with now to the person you have been with before.
Yes you may still have feelings for this person, but you need to think logically of where things are at now... don't compromise though, just be honest with yourself! Best of luck!