My 15yr.old Nephew Is A Teenage Molester. My Sister Wants Me To Help Her Get Him Help, But We Can't Find Anyone That Will Help Her W/o Threatening To Turn Her In To Have Her Other Kids Taken Away. I Have Called Every Mental Facility In Our State. They All Say They Will Turn Her In To Dhs. This Is Sooo Scarey For Us. If We Tell Someone This Situation He Will Be Put In State's Custody Where He Will Shut Down, Rebel, Never Get Help, And Become An Adult Rapist/ Molestor. As Well As The Other Children Will Be Taken Away. On The Other Hand If We Don't Get Him Help He Will Be A Rapist.

So, you are willing for molestations to still happen? When people do things that show themselves and others such distrespect like that, I think they give up their right for "give him help, see what happens" , he will be a rapist on his own accord, turn him in, because it's the best thing to do for everyone, including yourself.

If he has done it, and done it before, even though you can't prodict the future, he has done sificient to be awarded somekind of punishment for being completely gross and doing those things to people.

Get him help, and if that means doing time, then who's fault is that? Not yours.

And this guy is a bit funny in the head if you think he will end up being a rapist. He deservs to be where he should be, behind some bars where the only thing that he can rape is himself.

Up until now, he hasn't been with his mother for 12yrs. His father ran off with him (when he was 3yrs). When his father brought him to his mother (6mths ago) he was meeting his mom for the first time. His father has him a 15 yr. old in the 7th grade, due to lack of parenting skills or whatever. Now, we are learning, with these disturbing behaviors. She just met her son she doesn't want to give up on him like his father did by just dropping him off (with strangers) we want him to get help... now

The best thing for him is to be put in dhs coustedy.When he does get out and if he does the same thing again he will go to prison.And be a prison b!#$h couse they hate molesters in their.

First of all, how do you know that this person is a molester? How do you know for a fact? Give us some facts to go by then I can make a judgement call.

Joe

Be strong. If you know with certainty that he has molested children, tell him to turn himself in immediately or that you will.

Why is not anybody asking her what proof does she have. Give us examples, tell us what was done. How old are all the children involved? Were the police involved to begin a proper investigation. Come on now, you have the facts. Lets see them and then go on from there.

Joe

Okay... if I Give Facts Then What?? I Need To Know If There Is Help For Him Other Than Turning Him In To Authorities. I Know He Needs To Be Stopped, But Why Does He Have To Be Put Into A Negative System For Results. He Is A Child Himself Needing To Be Directed Instead Of Being Automatically Punished. Even Though He Has Been Punished For Recent Events. I Am Trying... trying Hard To Help Him First. Is There Not Any Help In Or Out Patient For Him?? If There Isn't Help Why Not Then? The System Causes Families To Hide And Try To Figure It Out Themselves Instead Of Offering An Alternative Solution To Incarceration Of This Young Boy.

Hun, we don't know where you are, and we have no proof to back us up in turning him in. For us to help you better we need to know circumstances. Who has he molested (don't give us a name)? How do you know this for a fact? Have the police been called in?

Just give us the whole story so that we can better answer your questions. Many things determine what will happen to him. How old was he at the time? Was the molestee a willing participant? How old was the molestee? That sort of thing.

Okay that's fair enough. Like i said he just got dropped off to his mother 6mths ago. Living with his father he has 3 younger sisters(ages 13,8,4), with his mother he has 2 younger brothers(10,7) and 3 younger sisters(6,5,3). When his father dropped him off he said be careful with him around your daughters (he only just turned 15yrs. Last month) she didn't think anything about it until my 3yr. Old niece said he was being nasty with her trying to do things to her. (she was detailed, it got far enough for major concerns, and action) we sat with him because my sister was floored and didn't think she could handle herself talking with him alone, so that's where i came in to the picture. He knows it is wrong. He needs help... immediately. I haven't told anybody directly, but i've been trying hard to get some help. He needs support (helping this) not abondonment shipping him off to somewhere where he will be locked away. i'm scared about this situation, even though we monitor him costantly. Nobody is allowed to be alone for any reason with him. i'm scared that this will lead into adulthood by the choices we make now as authority figures. If we don't do something quick. I need help not criticsm. If this was anybody else i would say the same thing, lock him up and throw away the key... but... i can't because i look at him... with my own eyes... and he is so much more than this... i pray there is help... please just help.

Applelonia, please turn off your Caps Lock as you are SHOUTING at us all.

Yes I have already PM'd this member a coupls of times about this, but they are being ignored.

Ben, I can't read yellow!!

Maybe I am getting old!

Thanks for the Shouting help!

I did not know... about the caps

You don't know what?

If you don't know circumstances, maybe it is someone just trying to get him in trouble and it is not true.

Just a guess.

I did not say anything about locking the doors. Where is the proof. You still have not told us what he supposedly did. So come out with it. Then we can help you better. I do not understand this ----- footing around. Eighter you want help or you do not. How is this critism asking for facts. You are the one who asked for help. I never said anything about locking him up and throwing away the key. So what is it going to be? There is counseling. There is many other options but you have yet to have any concrete proof or even explain the situation properly. There is help out there. First, there needs to be an investigation to know exactly what has happened. I agree with the post below that everybody needs counseling.

Joe

A therapist is needed immediately!

Applelonia.. Youve had 2 posts on this board... both extremely dramatic. Id like to know a little about you - your family situation, and your extended family situation.

Yes - the nephew molester situation is scarey for you.. but it is even scarier for those that are being molested. He needs help - period. I don't know what country your in, but starting the help process (in the USA) is not an automatic sentence to a life of misery. It is a first step. Take it.

What kind of "help" do you think you can get him without getting him into any trouble?

Trying to sexualize a three year old is trouble. He's going to be in trouble. The family is going to be in trouble. Everyone involved is going to be in some sort of trouble around this.

I cannot believe you are willing to put your own niece at risk because you want avoid getting him and his family in trouble.

You know what the right thing to do is. Have the strength of character to do it.

Okay, first of all, everyone needs to read ALL of the posts before they post, she did tell us the whole story of what he did, as far as what she knows, and chances are, if this boy had a rough situation with his dad, he may have been molested himself. I do agree, it is terrible what he did, and he MUST be taken out of the home Immediately, and not exposed to any other children at this point, but there are places that can try to help this boy, like group homes, etc. Your best bet would be to consult a child advocate group in your area where you live that can get this boy the help he needs... and deserves. Yes, it is TERRIBLE what he did, but come on everyone, she is asking for help here, lets not all jump down her throat!

Okay, this boy needs to be in counseling. Doctor/patient privilege may keep him out of jail, maybe not, but just a thought.

I agree with Cgirl that this boy was probably abused himself and to him this is not unusual.

Also, think of the 3 year old. If this has affected her terribly and noticibly, you may want to seek counseling for her too.

Thank you Cgirl and J9 you all are right. This is more critical then askme.com I just was hoping I could get directed to resources that maybe dealt with this sort of situation. I do constantly think about all the girls and boys that he is around which is why we do not allow any children to be alone with him. I have sought getting him counseling, group therapy, institutes, mental facilities, child behavior centers, and several doctors all over the state of Oklahoma. All of them say they may can sit and talk with him but once he admits ( he will admit) to the act, they are required to report him as an offender and hold him until authorities come. I do not agree with this action having to take place, before he can get help. I just believe there has to be another way. He needs someone or some type of place where he can express his true feelings of what is going on with him then have some type of assessment of the situation without turning him into custody where they will not care if he gets treatment or not. I know it is my responsible as an aunt and mother myself to automatically report him, but I was asking for any other options from maybe someone that knows what to do with situations like this. I feel as a teenager struggling with regular problems he deserves a chance to be evaluated and treated for this as a medical problem... I guess... I don't know what to say... I don't know what to do... I can only at least try too make an effort to help him. We are just meeting him over these past 6mths.

Applelonia - it is apparent (to me) in your words that you are motivated here by love and caring. The most loving thing you can do here is go to the "official" route and do what is legally in order here. The more you wait for a "better" solution - the more opportunity for further abuse. That's not fair to him, you, or the community.

I have to agree with Jon on this. It may seem cruel now but in the long run you will have done the right thing as this young fellow needs help now you all do so the best option is to go to the therapist and let him help now. We know you care, so just do the right thing and see a professional NOW we are behind you! Good Luck

I too agree with Jon and Tal, and please know as Tal said, we are behind you and here to listen if you need us.

Yes, he is very much more than that. He has to be terrified, ashamed, embarrassed. He is just a kid, and most times molesters are made not born. Something happened to this kid and nobody was there to help him, to protect him for whoever abused him, and if he doesn't get help soon he is always going to feel like nobody cares about him.
I don't really understand why you think the other children in the home will be taken away. His mother just got him back from his father, she didn't do anything but provide a home for her kid.
I think that if she doesn't report this she is letting whoever hurt this kid get away with it. And that's the same thing as saying it was okay that it was done. I know that this is not what you mean, but this is how a 15 year old may interpret it. So, if it's okay for it to be done to him then it's okay for him to do it to others. You follow my logic?
He may have to be placed in residential, or a group home, or even a Facility, but this is not always a bad thing. Here he will get the help that he needs.
I work in residential, and we have kids with all types of issues. The only ones who are not going back home, aren't because the parents have given up their rights, or the kid is a danger to them. And even then we try to find them placement. We don't try to put them in jail or punish them for things that have happened to them. Our main goal is to teach the kids skills and get them back with their families. We have psychiatrists, therapists, nurses, doctors and staff available 24 hours a day. I believe most facilities have the same type of resources.
Another thing you should consider is the longer you take to get him help, the longer he has to be alone to deal with what is going on, and what has happened. Think about how this kid feels about himself. Society says that molesters/predators should be locked up, but nobody is saying anything about how he got this way. Nobody is looking at the causes of this behavior. Nobody protected this kid, so he may be feeling like he is not worth it. This behavior is a response to something. He is SCREAMING for help. Listen to him. DHS is really there to help. It may seem like you are abandoning him at first, but he needs to know that there are people there to help him and only him. He is going to be angry, he is going to be hurt, he is going to be scared. You don't have the resources to deal with him by yourself. Understand that if you don't get him help, you will be helping to make another molester.
Placement in residential basically gives him a whole team that is available 24 hours a day seven days a week to help and support him. He has to have this help before he becomes an adult, if he is not helped before he becomes an adult he will abuse others, he will damage others, he will make more molesters, and he will go to jail.

I just want to add one more thing, if you ARE really worried about the mother of this child getting her kids taken away, encourage the mother to do the right thing FIRST... in other words, don't wait for her to do it, and allow him to be in the house any longer, but tell her if she doesn't do something about this RIGHT NOW TODAY, then YOU will! Period. If she doesn't do something about this child and get him the help he needs, as well as protect her other children, then she DESERVES to get her children taken away. Children NEED there parents to protect them, that is what parents are there to do, and if they can't do this, who can? SOmeone else will have to, and that's that. DO the right thing, and get this child the help he needs, before someone else's life is ruined by this terrible chain of events. God Bless...

Appelonia - I think Taukame has posted the answer/direction you've been looking for. Someone who knows this field, has experience in this situation - something most of us don't has said what we all have been saying: take action now and go the legal, professional route. Hopefully what Taukame has said will ease your fears about treatment once your nephew is "in the system". Please let us know what you choose to do and when.

I went to work last night and found out some more information. In PA if you know that a child is being abused and you don't report it criminal charges can be filed against you as well. I don't know what the rules are in your state, but they maybe the same. In situations like this it is assumed that anyone who is aware of what is going on and does not report it is considered a perpertrator as well. This follows along the lines of child porn. The person who buys it may have not had anything to do with the phyisical abuse, but they are condoning and contributing to it by purchasing it. Just something else to think about.
Just to reiterate, this child is screaming for help. Do not ignore his cries. Please. He deserves more from the people who care about him.

Okay... I have taken all of your advice here... You all have really helped me a lot with this situation. More than I have gotten anywhere.. !!Update!!I got all the kids in my car that was involved. My son(6yrs.), my niece(7yrs.), my youngest niece(3yrs.), along with my nephew(15yrs)oh my sister too. I parked in front of the hospital and asked what happened with everybody. My son told several occasions of inappropriateness with my nephew, my oldest niece denied any type of encounters with her (I know there is something she's scared to say, I'm not sure if she is scared or if maybe she likes it but I know there is something), but my youngest niece told (in her words as much as she can say) she knows all of them are being fooled with by him. My nephew denies everything. This was the most disturbing conversation I have ever had in my life. Once we knew specific facts I escorted everyone into the hospital for sexual assault check-ups to see if it was just touching or if there was any penetration involved. I sat with the boys while my sister was with her girls. The police were called along with a social worker. I had to talk to all of them because my sister was a mess crying hysterically scared she was going to jail and the kids were going to be taken away. Well, the hospital has a psych ward but they say they were not equipped for someone so young (they say). The police were ready to load him up and take my nephew to jail. The doctor protested that since they were not any signs of abuse (only all the kids saying so) then he needed a mental evaluation... You all won't believe what happened next...

Well, I am waiting with baited breath!! What happened next??

You did great girl. You have a backbone! You really did a great thing!!

GOOD JOB! Keep it up!!

They sent us all home

With a number to a doctor

Mind you I have already called this doctor before and told him details of this situation and he was one of the ones who couldn't help. I didn't know until we all got in the car that they even gave my sis a number to call. She gave it to me, and it turns out I have already talked to this doctor before.

Well, that really sux, as I am sure you feel right now.

BTW, they did not find any physical signs of abuse did they?

I feel so bad for your nephew cause he has probably been raised this way from his father.

We all suffer indescretions, some more severe than others, but we learn and move on. I hope this was a lesson for him to learn.

Please stay strong and call the doc the first of the week.

The doctor is on vacation until July 11

So... now... My sis feels a little better... I feel the same way as I did when I first logged on here... These people we had dealt with at the hospital professional doctors, police, social workers, psychologist, and all the others I told this info. Too left me the same way as when I walked in.

Well, never mind about the doc then. We must have posted at the same time.

How is the nephew acting now?

Is there any way the girls can stay with one of you and the boys with the other? Just talking off the top of my head now.

You all grilled me to do this... now what... they didn't do anything for any for us

I'm at work now.. I did take the girls home with me for 2 days.. he was nonchalant throughout the whole ordeal

He needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. That is all there is to it. The boy needs counseling.

If you are in the states there are many places that do this on a sliding scale fee.

I still feel you did the right thing by taking the first step. Now, even though it seems as though you were not taken seriously, the issue is out in the open and in medical records that must be kept by law.

Great first step.

It did come out through all of this, at the hospital, that he can remember he was forced to perform sexual acts with one of his father's baby moma when he was 3-4yrs old. He says I was the first person he told about this.

Okay, so you made the first step. That is what is important. Now more and more information will slowly be remembered and come out.

Although I feel bad for everyone involved. I feel terrible for this poor confused boy. It is good that he is with you and your sister right now so that he can straighten himself out with people who do care about him.

applelonia-You are not alone through this we will be here!

I feel like I'm the only person in this world that cares about him and his future. My sis is preoccupied with other issues and situations. I have two kids of my own but I am doing very well where (at the moment) I don't have any major stresses at all. That is why I am so involved in this case because this is the biggest stress in my life (besides what's in my other post)

Is there any way you can take him in? You seem to be the strength that he needs right now. Not to mention the fact that he obviously trusts you.

I can honestly say that coming to this site and asking help here really pushed me to make the choice I did. I was floored by the outcome but that is why I wanted to find something structured. Something that is equipped for this situation. This is what stresses me.

He really does open up to me more than anybody else in his life, but like I said I have 2 kids of my own. Boys that are 6yrs and 9mths I can't put the time and effort he needs at this point. Plus, I can't afford to put my kids in this line of... well... up until maybe he gets some help.

I work with individuals with all sorts of mental and emotional problems, we have a lot of resources here, but I just can't find anyone who will touch this situation within this state.

What state are you in again? I can try to do some research for you.

Without getting into details I have been through a similar situation.

Have someone share the Gospel with him and let Jesus take control. Over time, Jesus will change the desires of his heart and help turn his life around.

That is all well and good, it did finally (after 6 years) work in the situation I knew of. But does not work in all situations. Please keep all options open, including this one.

I think I have talked to every mental medical professional in the state of Oklahoma... mind you I have been working on this since I found out about this situation... nobody seems to want to help

What I am hoping will happen is that I can try after this holiday to contact the people I spoke with and let them know he has already been turned in to authorities and see if they may try to help. I am just disappointed that these doctors I've already talked with didn't jump to try to help save a child in need like this. It's just like someone drowning and everybody trying to pretend as if they don't look so if they die it wasn't their fault. I have jumped in head first to try to help a child that nobody cares if he is helped or not. This is hard

YES it is but do it anyway!

Is there anyone anywhere that specializes in child cases like this?? Anybody that has dealt with something like this?? Anybody that knows what to do??

The only way to get help is to go to the authorities, sorry! Yes it hurts like hell but if you don't do the right thing here you will mess up a lot lives, PLEASE!!

Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry that the people who were supposed to help you didn't. One other option you may have is to go through his primary care physician. Take each child and have them examined by their own doctor and tell him what you think happened. He is required to report it, and he will be able to expedite their treatment.
Another kind of sneaky why to get the boy some help is to have him tested to see if he has a learning disability. If he does, even if it is borderline, he will be eligible for state aid which can included, medical treatment, mental health treatment, and perscriptions.
[email protected]. This is the email to someone in child protective services in Oklahoma. Try sending them an email and see if they can at least point you in the right direction.
Most children in this situation start to exhibit behaviors. If he does anything that even remotely seems like he is being a danger to himself or others call the police. You can have him 302'd. It may be called something else where you are, but essentially it forces him to be evaluated by a therapist for 24 hours. During that time they try to determine if he needs further treatment and what type would be best for him. There is one other last resort but I am hesitant to mention it unless everything else fails. It is the last resort, so if nothing else works I will tell you what it is. Hopefully one of the other things I have mentioned will work.
Another thing that just occurred to me is that if you are in a state where you got a large number of the Katrina Hurricane victims expect that that services will be slow coming. The department of Humans Service in those states are very near to being overwhelmed by the amount of people who need services all at one time.
Be patient, but persistent. Try not to question the boy too much because questions asked the wrong way will affect his responses. A journal for him may be helpful. He can just start with writing down his feelings, not just the ones from the past but what he is feeling now. This may give the therapist some information, and the more they know the better.
Be careful how you deal with him. Children who have been touched inappropriately lose the ability to understand appropriate touch, and misinterpret a lot of things. Pay attention to situations that may cause him anxiety, because he may re-enact what happened to him on the other children when he is afraid, this gives his a feeliing of control over his fear. When he tells you of incidents that have happened to him, try to remain calm because if you get hysterical, he may stop telling you because he does not want to upset you. Children who have been touched inappropiately get into the habit of trying to please the people who have abused them He absolutely has to feel comfortable talking about it. Most important, tell him you care about him and are there to support him as much as you can.

Sorry if my posts are extra long, but this is very complicated. Another thing that you should do is go to the doctor yourself. You can not take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself first.
Give all the kids opportunities to be kids. Treat them like kids. Encourage them to do regular kid stuff playing, movies etc. Children who have been abused tend to be forced too soon into adult roles. The window between adulthood and childhood is very small when bad things happen.
You are going to have make a lot of decisions on top of the ones any parent would have to make and it will be difficult. So remember to take care of yourself. Don't neglect your own wellbeing to take care of the kids, because in the long run it will hurt them more. Give yourself time to do the things that you enjoy that doesn't involve the kids. Do this religiously as if it is your job, because it is.

Thank you. I will try to contact someone as soon as the 4th is over. I'm okay myself. I am just disappointed that this got to my own son. It happened, not in my care, but when they both were at my parent's house last summer. It freaks me out to think what he had done to my son. I want to be mad but I'm filled with such a great need to get help first instead of reacting negatively. I keep thinking these kids could have never told me and this would have never been known, that's what scares me the most.

My son has his own counselor, but I just found all of this out and I haven't gotten a chance to address this.

I am so sorry about what is happening because I know this must be hard on you guys.
To answer your question... if it needs or happens to acure that the state takes him away that doesn't mean you have to or will be leaving him alone or abandoning him, sometimes you just need someone who is exerienced in these kind of things. You guys will not be able to keep him supervised 24/7... this is not healthly for you or him. If you really don't want him to leave home then try speaking with a therapist about what is going on... therapist only know what you tell them, so keep names out and just say it is someone else. Try and read about it in the library or online. Just know that something's you are going to need help with, it is just going take time. Keep letting him know that you guys are there to help him and that if he needs to talk that you are there for him... if he knows he is doing wrong and he just can't help you might just have to go to the doctor and get medication... if you ever need to talk about what is happening just know we are here to listen and give whatever advice we can. Good luck.

This is the only option I have to work with is to sit and watch everything.24/7

We had an appointment on Thursday to take the kids to an investigator to tell their side of the story, by themselves. I had to leave after my son was done. I left my sister and her two girls there to finish up. It seemed harmless and pretty simple. Well, shortly after I left I got a call from my niece in Texas telling me that right after I left, my sister was arrested and her kids were taken away. I'm all messed up. I made a bad mistake. My whole family is against me now. I'm considering just moving away from everybody. This is a horrible mess. I can't stop crying over everything, I've caused to go wrong.

It seems as if there is more to this situation than you knew about. When the children were questioned, they told the rest, as they should have. Have you found out what, if any, charges are being brought against your sister? I am sorry that your family is against you in this, but you did the right thing, and usually when people do the right thing there are people who will be against you.
You really can't be held responsible for telling, and remember if you hadn't said anything whatever was going on would have continued to go on. And all of those people who are mad at you, where were they when all of this was going on?
You found out what was going on and you reported it. That is exactly what you should have done. Anything less than that is criminal. We all have a moral, and social responsibility to protect our children, and that's what you did. You should not feel bad or in any way guilty about what you did. Your family may not know the whole story, so give them time. Once everything comes out they should be more understanding. Give it some time.

I hate to think that the your sister played some part in this, but that is probably what the children said. If she didn't actually play some part in it, they may have assumed she knew what was going on and didn't do anything about it, and that's just as bad. Just remember if you had said anything you may have been the one that was arrested. If you hadn't said anything about it you WOULD BE just as responsible for it happening.

Pray for strength, and find people who are supportive of you and your decision, you will probably find a lot, here and with the people you see. Stay strong. You did the right thing.

My sister was charged with child endangerment on two counts (one for each child). They said if I would have had my son over to there house at anytime after we turned my nephew in I would have gotten my son taken too. The detective said they took her girls because my sister said she didn't have anywhere for my nephew to stay and was continuing to allow them to sleep in the same room. I could have taken those girls home with me they are split up and only 3 & 7yrs. I'm sick at this whole situation, and I keep feeling that I'm all to blame for this separation. I know something had to be done but I didn't want it to be like this. Everybody (except my sis) thinks I called and had her kids taken away just out of spite. ANybody that truly knows me everyday knows I would never ever wish this situation on anybody even though I did contribute. This is hard on me.

That sucks your sister was charged, but as Taukame said, YOU did the RIGHT thing.

Your family is mad at you? So what.

The real question here is whether or not your sister is. It sounds like she isn't, and therefore, the rest of the family won't stay mad long.

Either way, you did the RIGHT thing.

Is it possible for you to contact Child Services and arrange to have the 2 girls stay with you?

It is not easy doing the right thing and people are mad because it brought them trouble. So what they'll get over it and if they don't, who cares. You did the right thing ,if no one can see that... to bad

:o Well, my sis called me Wednesday and asked me to take her to visit her girls for the first time. My kids were both in daycare so before we went we dropped off my nephew over to start staying at one of our older cousin's house. Once we got to DHS for her first visit she informed the worker that she removed her son so she could start working on getting her girls back, plus they had done a background check on me and I was okayed to take the girls home whenever they decided. Once we saw the worker she gave my sis papers to have them released back to her as long as my nephew is out of the home. On one side we are glad everybody is free on the other I am still working on finding a place that treats this type of behavior. My family still don't know the details of all this like I'm running them down to you all. They just see the surface. I don't feel like explaining this to anyone so I continue to let them turn their nose up at me. My sis is a more "go with the flow" type person whereas something will happen without her putting forth any effort (irresponsible) I'm more like "try to get as many people involved to point out the best direction to go to get things rolling" type good or bad. This all is still playing out and I still have large part in it. I just don't like people putting me down or acting like I'm a bad person when they don't know. I'm trying to be all that I can be through the grace of GOD right now.:rolleyes:

I am glad things are turning around for all of you!

I am very frustrated with this because I have so many different situations going on right now that this is the most draining thing I have to deal with. I feel like this is my responsibility and there isn't anyone else to pass the torch too. I know that if I don't come up with something nothing will get done that is too much pressure for me right now. I have other things on my plate to clean off too. There's nobody that seems to care... I care about everbody... everybody else and their well-being but nobody bothers to check in on me at all. Everybody expects me to always be doing so good... I'm not right now.:(

I seem to support everybody and nobody seems to support me... I guess that's why I'm here!? :o

I know your catching it from all sides right now and that's rough but somebody has to do it. Not everyone can handle what your going through and it would be fair if everyone else that is affected by this situation pitch in to help. Do not hesitate to ask them to do their part. I guarantee though that our support will be here for you.

I'm really glad that you are making some progress on this. But you really should let the other people in your family know what's going on. Some burdens in life are meant to be shared in this is one of them. There is not point in you taking all this on yourself. It will only make you resentful and overwhelmed. You have family and that's what family is there for. It is not all on you to do everything. Let the others do their part too.
I know that a part of you feels that if you do something, nothing's going to get done, but you have to give everyone a chance to do their part. And that means full disclosure. It is understandable that your family is bit upset with you, because just like you, they didn't know everything that was going on.
It seems to me that you are on the road to taking all this responsibiliy on yourself, that will not do anybody any good. You can't take of anybody if you are not taking care of yourself. Part of taking care of yourself is allowing the others in youf family to do their part. Have a talk with everybody and tell them what's going on, and give them a chance to rise to the occasion. Don't try to take on any more than you have to.
Good Luck!

Can you tell us what his response was when you sat him down and talked to him? I know it is scary to get the DPS system involved, but sometimes that is the best way to receive help. It doesn't necessarily mean he will be locked up and the key thrown away, but sometimes the court can get him the help he needs and be monitored by a judge for accountability. It doesn't always mean he will be thrown away or dumped somewhere... Maybe you can call around some more and ask questions about previous experiences they have had with similar behaviors in the system. That might help you ease your mind. But if you know someone has done something illegal, it is your obligation to help not only your niece, but others as well. Who are you advocating for? Him or the rest of your family? Let the professionals do their job. But I do know that it is hard to trust sometimes, especially when you don't know how it all works... maybe you need to be asking different questions.. . and there is not going to be a great solution for him, he needs to get help, and if he has to suffer some consequences to do that, it is better than what help he has now. So think about different questions to ask agencies... hope this helps.

After DHS gave my sis her girls back and my nephew is bounced from one family member to the next, DHS told us (my sis and me) that we need to find help for him. THey only cared about him being out of the house with the girls not his treatment. This is what frustrates me the most. I've been laying low here lately ironing out all of my situations making my home life better just giving others the chance to step to the plate about this. It has been about 3 days and nobody has made any moves concerning my nephews well being. If this was my son he would be at the best facility (wherever) getting the best help. But nobody seems to think like me. It is more like out of sight out of mind. That is so irresponsible. I'm stepping back like my Pastor instructed me and seeing if anybody else is as concerned as me. I'm so concerned because my nephew touched my son. Now I have to try and direct/communicate to my son that this has to stop now. I don't want my son to become a predator like my nephew did him. This is all very unorganized to me. The only things getting played out is all the plays I coordinate well I can't take on all this alone.

I'm not sure what state you live in but you should look into other areas for help. I'm a nurse who works in CA and have taken care of adol. In mental health. It is imperative that you speak to a therapist about him. They can direct you through the proper chanels. Some of the children I've taken care of were perpitrators and were initially taken away for their protection and the protection of others. Once they were evaluated by professional, a plan is made for them. Some were deemed unfit to return home right away and others could manage a strict out patient therapy program.
When it comes down to it you will have to report him (at first) not to get him in trouble but to get him evaluated for the proper treatment. You can do this with someone you trust (he trusts) like a therapist or doctor.
Don't wait any longer, he's young and still may have a chance to change things around. This disease is not one where you can expect a cure for but hopefully with God's help, your nephew will learn to control his actions with constent therapy and medications (if needed). Please take action now, as time goes by it get harder and harder for him. You must be strong and put your fears aside and think of him and the other children around him.
It will be scary at first but in the long run you will have peace of mind to know that another child is safe from him.
Good luck and God Bless.

He's been turned in and the current situation is that my sis's two girls were removed from her and put in DHS custody. They have been split up. One is currently at the shelter and the other is in a foster care home but we do not know where. I feel very guilty about having my sis's girls taken away. She is on the borderline of suicide under a phychiatrist's supervision. My nephew is also getting "medication" from his phychiatrists. The programs we have tried to get him in won't except him because he won't admitt to any of the allegations. This "good deed" turned into a nightmare. I feel so guilty.

I'm very sorry to hear that. They shouldn't have taken the girls away, usually they don't, unless their mother is unfit, ill or the girls told DHS something about your nephew and how their mother allowed him to live with them. What ever the reason, she should know where they are and should be able to communicate with them, unless she lost parental rights (which is rare and takes a while). I can only imagine how torn up she must feel.
As for your nephew, it is true he can begin to heal only if he admits to his disease. Living in denial will only hurt him. I'm sure he's scared.
Try not to feel guilty, you did only what you knew was morally & legally correct. You were thinking only of them and their safety. You're a good sister, continue to support and love them all. Eventually things should start to turn, I see cases like this all too often.
I will keep you and your sister in my prayers.

You must know much more is going on to be this worried. If you do know details worse that shat you listed you are putting your children at a very high risk of being abused and if the boy is a disturbed child then your children are at risk of death. If a 15 year old boy was to have sex with one of the young girls and the girl started crying and was going to tell there is no telling what the boy might do, it could be that is was nothing short of killing her just so he would not be found out.
I don't know about your state but in my state if you know a felony has been committed and you do not report it you are therefore guilty of a felony yourself. That would be especially true if he hurt of the little girls.

I put it all out there. My sis says she just got a summons she was served with today stating the state is seeking termination of her parental rights to her girls. This is all happening very quickly. I can't tell if she blames me for this or not. She tells me things, I listen to everything but I've been a little standoffish here lately. She's kind of unstable right now with these new series of events I've caused. So I just let her call and talk to me. I have some major issues of my own to deal with right now. I feel bad but...

Have you contacted a lawyer? A wise thing to have done before any of this took place. Are you going to get your sisters girls as a foster parent? You say you are one that takes charge, well keep going. Get your sisters girls in your care and find a lawyer that specializes in this sort of thing.
I know for a fact there may not be more to the story. A good friend of mine worked for DHS and quit because of the unfairness. He worked in 5 different states and it was all the same. I am not saying there is not more to the story, I am just saying it is possible there is not.
I am sure you feel bad and guilty, don't, something had to be done. Get some legal help and quickly, these things can get out of hand pretty fast.

For parental right to be terminated, the parents must be deemd unfit... what is going on with your sister that they are taking these girls away? I thik there is more to that side of the story... and if there isn't, they won't win... so you may want to find out... if there is a case worker, you might want to call them... also, findout who is on the case through the state... I used to be volunteer Guardian Ad Litem (I don't know if they have that where you are) but we were advocates for the children, and I even had to testify in court. I will tell you that I interviewed many many people before court... so whoever is on this case may want to interview you... and you can get some info as well... there has to be more to this part!

My sister was charged with child endangerment on two counts (one for each child). They said if I would have had my son over to there house at anytime after we turned my nephew in I would have gotten my son taken too. The detective said they took her girls because my sister said she didn't have anywhere for my nephew to stay and was continuing to allow them to sleep in the same room. I could have taken those girls home with me they are split up and only 3 & 7yrs. I'm sick at this whole situation, and I keep feeling that I'm all to blame for this separation. I know something had to be done but I didn't want it to be like this. Everybody (except my sis) thinks I called and had her kids taken away just out of spite. ANybody that truly knows me everyday knows I would never ever wish this situation on anybody even though I did contribute. This is hard on me.

Sleep in the same room. Do you mean he was sleeping in the same room as the girls? That would have been a big red flag.

If that is the case, that is why they took the girls. If he had been sleeping on the couch would, or the girls were sleeping with Mom and he were in their bedroom (alone) that would be a different story.

Don't feel bad. What you have done is brought to light a BIG problem and taken action to correct it. Even though everyone else is against you, did you stop and think they have done NOTHING to help this serious situation? Forget them and continue to do the right thing and be strong They don't care, you do. In the long run you've helped this young man and helped the girls too. Might not seem like it now, but you'll see.

If you know, or have reasonable cause to suspect, that a 15 year old is, has, or has attempted, to sexually abuse a three year old, then the situation is so far beyond the ability of someone without professional training, that no judgment you make, however well-meaning, can be sound, especially when you are a member of the same family, and are so obviously emotionally stressed by the situation. This is no different than if a family member had, or probably had a brain tumor - No matter how much you care, want to help, love the person, etc. you are not trained or capable of dealing with it. That the boy is conscious of the fact that what he is doing is wrong is absolutely NOT a guarantee that he will be able to resist the powerful urges he experiences. You must seek professional assistance - certainly, within appropriate limitations, you can select the professional you turn to,as well as the timing. But, you must seek the guidance of a professional, and trust in their skilled judgment, and their ability to be objective and make decisions in the best interests of everyone involved. Consider the consequences for any of the younger children if you make the wrong decision, and he hurts one of them, emotionally, sexually, or physically... And, given the difference in age and physical size, what if he inflicts some sort of permanent injury? You should also be aware that in some jurisdictions, if you know or have reason to suspect abuse of a minor child (even by another minor child), and fail to report the same to a hospital, mental health professional, or law enforcement officer, you could be charged with a serious criminal offense yourself. Good luck and God Bless You. Steel yourself, and do what you must.

Hi, I know your heart is hurting for this boy, but you and your sister needs to protect the three younger girls in that family, you really need to seek any kind of help you can get for him, even if its by turning him in. Then you can work on getting him help. He needs to be kept away from those girls. No matter how much you try to keep a eye on him, he can find a way. Those three little girls and any other in the neighborhood needs your help also. Don't take a chance like this, you could be hurting the lives of three or more girls. This would really be hard to live with, knowing you could have kept them safe.

CURRENTLY: My nephew has been put in DHS custody and is currently admitted into a mental institution for treatment for attempting suicide among other issues. The girls are in foster care and just recently got placed with a family where they will be kept together. My sister is under heavy medication being without any of her children. I'm actually doing very well for myself and kids. Only by the grace and mercy of GOD can I really say this. I am so grateful for every response made and I will keep posted on each turn of events. I can honestly say that the support I have received dramatically influenced the decisions I had to make. GOD BLESS every one of you who took the time to care enough to show it. B2Blessed2bStressed

Is there a family member without children that can take temporary or a guardianship and then seek help so as the other children are safe but he gets help? This way he is removed from harming the other children so DSS should not have a problem wihen the safety of the other children is being taken care of. Then the guardian can admit him to a facilty that can work with him.
Just wondering? I have only personal experiences with DSS on other matters involving my children and stories from other parents. But, I will tell you what my social worker told me about my abusive ex- and our children that if I had reported the abuse on them prior to leaving him and getting protective orders they probably would not have taken them out of the home or removed him just sought services. I waited so long to get help for fear of losing my children that in the end the children are now suffering. See if guardianship is an option.

I missed a message. I am glad he is getting help and God bless you and your family. Let your sister know that those girls will always be hers because they are connected in their hearts. A light will be at the end of the tunnel. Tell her to hang in there. She is lucky to have you as a sister.

I really don't understand, sorry but I am only 18 now.

What is a teen molester? Someone that molests teens? Or is he a teen himself?

What has he done to be a teen molester? What is molest to you?

Is he molesting when he tries it on with a girl? Or is he just hyperactive?

Is he sexually confused? Or at that age where he is aroused by everything due to his hormones?


Now I'm not intellectually challenged I do know what a molester is, but when it refers to someone else such as him... im trying to say How is he a teen moleseter?? :confused:

You need to read through all the posts regrding this and it will give you all the answers you need. Its an extremely complicated problem. Read through all of this and you will understand.

Hello everyone, I know it has been so long since I posted anything concerning this situation. Well, since we turned my nephew in to authorities our whole lives have been turned upside down. The detective on the case investigating this situation had snatched my nieces from daycare and put them in a fostercare home. My sis has since gotten them back through the court system. Completing all of her classes and drug tests. We just went to court for this May 24, so it is still ongoing. My nephew has been to counseling which has left him with numerous medications that don't address the issues he's got. My family has had to have him placed from house to house without any stability because he has been ordered not to be in the home of any children under 13yrs. So that makes it difficult for us to find him placement for a long period. The detective on this case also filed felony child neglect charges on me for allowing my nephew to be at my home before we knew about this situation. Saying that I put my children in harms way, even though I'm the one who turned him in after I found out. The detective says that I did not keep in contact with her so she would get my attention by filing criminal charges on me. I did return all of her messages but she never returned mine, she says that she never got any of my messages. This charge was filed Feb. of this year and I went to jail with a $10,000 bond. I'm currently going to court on this. My next court is at the end of June. I can honestly say that me turning my nephew in has hurt our family more than helped, because now he's off doing whatever without his mother at all. He's not around his sisters anymore but he's not being cared for properly either due to the standards of D.H.S. I can only leave this in GOD's hands to work out because I am not able to do anything. GOD bless you all.:o

Did your nephew get a psychiatric eval? HE should have been placed in a program for sexually reactive youth. Usually the program is a year long and would require him to remain in a residential program (away from home). I am sorry that your family has had to go through such much. I hope he gets the help he needs and you can someday feel it was worth the pain you are going through. Hopefully it will prevent others from being abused and keeping the cycle going.

My nephew was put into a mental institution for 3wks but was released. I'm not sure what they did for him there but I know he's not doing anything with himself right now. The doctor he sees now takes him in the office and less then 5 minutes later we are filling a prescription. This has been a failed mission without any success. I constantly pray for us, since that seems the only route to go.:o

I am sorry because I am not aware of the resources in your state. Perhaps you can look online for programs specifically for youth with this problem. I know in NC we have a few residential programs for this purpose. DId he indeed reveal that he was also molested? Medication alone is not enough. Can you look for other services. You can start by looking at the Division for Mental Health and finding a site near you. Let me know if I can be of any help.