I am devastated and out of answers. My son turned from a loving, respectful, full of ambition child to a totally unknown 14 year old. He is now 16 and I am so afraid I'm losing him. My husband and I aren't divorced, separated, and have always tried to be good parents. My husband is a pastor and I'm an accountant. He is so disrespectful in his actions, mouthy, and even to the point where he has actually become physical on occasion with both of us. He runs with kids who are constantly kicked out of their homes. He is now attending open campus because he got in trouble over and over at school and decided that it was the school's fault. He never wants to take responsibility for his own actions. I have found out that he tells all of his friends that he's from NY, that he's of Cuban-Hatian mix, that he's older than he is etc. We are not from NY and definitely not of that racial mix. He tells us constantly that he hates us because we hate him and that we should let him leave the house and live on his own. He's not equipped to live on his own. He just doesn't want to be under our rule. Mind you, it's not like he's living in prison. I just can't take the disrespect. I have a 14 year old son also and I'm afraid that he will turn out the same way because he sees how his brother acts. Although he hates the way his brother acts. Please someone encourage me that this will change. I don't want to lose my son. He has so much potential, but I'm afraid he's going to throw it all away if he doesn't get himself together. I hate not having a wholesome relationship with him.

Here is the best thing you can do: BOOTCAMP... I strongly suggest doing that. It is not harmful to him, but I tell you what, he will gain much more respect for elders and everyone around him, and he probably won't act up again. It's a pretty big eye opener. Especially for a 16 year old

Have you said to him what you have just said to us?

With the same feeling?

When I was that age,I was pretty much the same as he seems to be.

I was into drugs,girls,and looking for the constant outlets most teens(of that generation) were into(or so I thought)

I Knew it all and did what he is threatening to do,I moved out.

In the end, I eventually came back to my senses(I won't bore you with details of how long,but it took many years to come to terms with myself)

Saying this,next question,Is he possibly using drugs?

Has there been trauma,even something only he might see as trauma,in his,or your lives?

Do you think the councilor at school might be able to help?I am not familiar with 'open campus'.so asked this.

Sixteen is a developmental stage where the hormones are raging,but the mistreatment of your family is no excuse for his 'hormonal rages'

I feel for you all and hope to help you,

KBC

Thanks to all of you who have offered advice. We are in Georgia and I've tried getting help, but unfortunately unless he's committed some sort of felony and actually has a record, there's nothing that can be done legally. A lot of the intervention programs are very expensive and he would have to agree to go. I don't think he's using drugs, he is smoking cigarettes though. That floored me because he was smoking in the house and we could smell it and he kept denying it. Finally he fessed up and we just told him not in the house nor in the garage. We don't smoke. I decided that was the least of our problems. I chose not to go to war with it. I just don't want to lose him and I don't want him to ruin his opportunities for a successful future.

Do they really have to agree to it to go to a bootcamp?

Here in GA. they have to agree unless it's ruled by the courts. The voluntary ones are expensive and have to be agreed upon.

Here are a few sites in Ga, which might be of assistance,Free as well!

Georgia Psychological Association (http://www.gapsychology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1)

Georgia Association of Marriage and Family Therapist (http://www.gamft.org/)

Well, I could see every parent might want to send their kids to bootcamp for a summer if it was free. Haha