View Full Version : I am a little confused co-worker not talking to me and I don't know why
Nov 20, 2008, 11:48 AM
I am a little confused I have this co/worker, a woman who I have been friends with since she has joined my dept (which I got her into) I must say she is very head strong, like a know it all, very confident attitude, kind of acts like she donít bleed red like the rest of us. Can be very nasty to people, and is a manipulator. Besides all this, I am a very nice person I have a huge heart and I like to think I am a better person for letting little irritating things go with her! We went to blows once already. It was a few months ago when I decided to stick up for myself she can be very bossy, regardless of who was wrong I decided to be the better person and write her an e-mail apologizing. We sit right next to each other for 9 hours a day; 5 days a week. At some point an argument was bond to happen... After she got my e-mail, she apparently was too good to apologize back and let it go, so for 3 weeks she ignored me until she was ready. She had told me after that, she wanted to make me suffer, and it is easy for her shut people out.. I am the total opposite, especially to someone I consider a friend! We work in a very stressful environment I work for brokers and I am screamed on all day long so adding this baby crap on top of it, is more stressful. Most of the time we stick together, being the only 2 women on the desk, and we are each others backups.
Last week on Wednesday, I noticed my co-worker/friend was a little standoffish. I did not think much of it I just thought maybe she was PMSing or cranky because, she acts that way a lot. I am use to it. I had the next 5 days off for vacation; well my dad was having surgery, so I was concentrating on him. I left work that day and said goodbye to her , and said Ďcall me over the weekendĒ she said ďO.k.Ē
Well the weekend came and went with no call. I returned to work on Tuesday of this week and she is still acting cold to me. She didnít even ask how things went with my father. Now itís Thursday and the day is almost over. I have been very quite not making a point to talk to her. I have no idea what I did for her to be this to me, and knowing her, she is loving this!! In addition, the way I feel is why should I try to be nice or ask what her problem is when she could not even ask about my father, even if she is upset with me. I have been a good friend to her even with her annoying ways, which I am sure I have to but we were friends. I just donít understand and I donít feel like being the better person again, specially when I donít even now why she is not talking to me.
Anyone have any advice?
Nov 20, 2008, 11:59 AM
Just ask her. If you can patch things up without totally abasing yourself, do. Being the better person is an ongoing process, not something you do once, unfortunately. Unless one of you leaves this job, you are stuck with each other. It's sounds tough, but you probably feel better with things patched up, even temporarily than letting it fester. Long term, look for a job with less stress if you can. Sorry this is happening. :(
Nov 20, 2008, 12:07 PM
I want to be the better person and write her an e-mail again, but if she does not answer me, I think that will make me even more upset. Right now I feel like the outsider, she is acting so sweet and nice to everyone, offering them food, ordering with them and leaving me out! I cannot believe people still deal with this crap in their 30's. Last time we did not talk and I said I was sorry, and got no response from her I promised myself I would not get to close again because of the way she is, but I did! I am trying not to let it get to me, but it is.
Thank you again!!
Nov 20, 2008, 07:03 PM
Personally I would just accept her as a cranky co worker that I have to get along with and only bother with her when it is necessary for the job. She sounds like a passive aggressive manipulator and they are impossible to please and they enjoy making people suffer by letting them suffer with hurt because they choose to ignore them until THEY FEEL like it. You can never win and her friendship isn't worth your bowing down to her.
She is playing games like the silent treatment, let them suffer until I feel like playing nice, etc...
Get over it and treat her like simply another worker. It is the only way she is going to get over herself and the power she believes she has over you.
I too am the want to get along with everybody and fix all their problems and be reliable type, but with some people it is better off just letting go. We are not meant to befriend and save the world.
We do not and should not be after winning everybody over as friends and many people it simply is just more heartache than it is worth.
Nov 20, 2008, 09:47 PM
Your situation reminds me of what I had to go through with a girl I worked with. She eventually got herself fired for all of her behavior but she did the same kinds of things. She was a co-worker to me and that was it. I never looked at her like she was a friend of mine. I just got along with her because it was necessary to get through the work day.
Nov 21, 2008, 09:57 AM
Hey guys once again thank you so much. After reading all your posts, I decided to come into work today and just be myself. I WAS allowing her to back me in a corner for reasons I do not even know of. I let myself feel uncomfortable, and get upset, which I know she probably loved! Anyway, thanks to all of you, this morning I came in with a new attitude. I was not so quite, and I was just myself. I was talking with everyone, joining in conversations and including myself in food orders. I had some candy and offered everyone some with a smile on my face, including her! I decided not to write her and ask what was wrongor ask her what is wrong, because to be honest now I feel it's her problem! And guess what happen today, now she is being nice to me a little more then the past few days. I guess by showing she was not going to effect me, changed her attitude.
I am still the better person and I am going to learn my lesson this time, she is just my co/worker!!
Thank you again guys.. you all helped me so much xoxo
Jan 30, 2009, 11:56 PM
I'm glad I caught this post kind of LATE. Otherwise I would write a book. Y'know Miss Max, you did exactly what I was hoping you'd do. When I got done reading everyone's wonderful posts to you and read your final post, I was elated for you. That's how you do have to deal with people like that. I hope she doesn't turn around and do something to you OR do the same thing again and again that she has already done with her behavior and all. It sounds to me like you won't let her now. Some people are abusive and abuse comes in many forms. If she admits that she wanted you to suffer, well I was not there to hear her tone or to know how she really meant it, but that is a form of abuse. Wanting someone to feel bad is no good. Maybe she's not healthy. Maybe she is. But you'll learn more and more as the saga continues and I have a feeling you'll come out on top. Good for you!
Jun 24, 2011, 11:59 AM
I am having the same problem at work and have tried to keep it professional and ask this person if I had done anything to upset them , but the response was that she didn't have anything to say . But when it all comes down to it these people are not worth the time it takes worrying about the way they are acting . My job is to keep doing my job to the best of my ability . Silence is golden sometimes and we just have to deal with it .