Hi. If this story is too long for you, you can just skip ahead to the little paragraph on the bottom with my question. I thought I'd type out all the details anyway for therapeutic purposes, lol.

My ex and I had been together for about 6 months before the other day. I was talking to him and he told me that he finally got his school/work schedule figured out. He had been unemployed for a while and was desperate to get a new job, so he took a crappy deli job. The deli has him working about 6 days a week because they are always short of people. I knew for a long time that he wanted to go back to school. He'll be in school on his day off from work. I asked him what he thought would happen to us when he's so busy like this. He made it clear that he doesn't want to be in an official relationship as long as he can't support one. It was devastating to me. I know it would be really hard to see him until his schedule changes. I usually have to see him by train. He lives like 1.5 hours away and my mom has issues with me driving, so I would have to take the train which only operates between the morning and evening. I can't stay the night or anything like that. Basically he'd be going to school mornings and working evenings, and wouldn't have any free time to see me. The most he has is like 4 hours but that is at night, and I'd need to see him earlier to catch the train. He can't drive to see me right now because he has a license suspension, nor can he pick me up from the train station which is like half an hour from his house. I am just so devastated because we have the most amazing relationship. I feel like there is a lot of trust... no real trust issues. I hang out with my ex's and guys all the time and he's cool with it. I trust him with all my heart too. There is never any drama. We've pretty much never had a fight... ever... I don't even remember any real arguments. We only see each other like every 2 weeks but the time we spend together is completely amazing... not just to me, but to him also. We communicate well and don't play games with each other like other couples. We share a lot in common. It makes it easy to talk to him about almost anything. We cheer each other up after one of us has a bad day and are very supportive of one another. We have intense physical attraction and are very affectionate. I can go on and on but the bottom line is that we love each other and have a great relationship. And because I love him so much, its easier to be supportive and more understanding that he has to get his life together by going to school and working a lot to be able to provide for himself. I want him to be happy. We've agreed that we're on a break now. We really don't know what is going to happen. I know some of his classes are to get his license back from the DMV, and that'll only last until mid-February, which would hopefully only make our break only 3 months if he gets some free time. I'm so scared though. I was so optimistic about our relationship before, and I didn't expect it to end. I'm scared of losing the only man I've ever loved. I've never had to go through anything like this. I know that people say its fine after you've been through it and that life goes on, but really, I value that relationship so much. I've been through bad relationships and I never thought I'd be in one that seemed this good. The only real problem that we've had is the distance and not being able to see each other too much, but its not like I can ask for everything. There are times when I'm so optimistic that we'll get back together but other times, I start to worry again about losing him and I get all depressed and start crying. I guess its pretty irrational to think that way. He told me that I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to him. He said "I love you as much as I've ever loved anyone else... probably more". I know he wants to be with me... but just can't. He has the mentality that if its meant to be, it will happen, even if its not meant to be now. I wish I could think that way. I just want to know now if its going to happen but I know its impossible to predict his schedule in the future. I'm a biology major and I'm really busy, but I don't work much and its easy to manipulate my schedule a little bit to fit in some free time to see him. But with him, he has to support himself and therefore has to work more, and its really hard to fit in some time. I want to be strong, rational, and stop crying so much about this. He's not a very emotional person but he feels very bad for me. He feels bad enough when I get a little tummy ache. I know that him knowing that he's hurting me this much makes him feel terrible. He seems more OK with the break than I am, but feels bad for making me sad. Some people think he's met someone else but I know that's not the case. I can tell the difference between people who would do that and him. Hes very caring and respectful to people... I don't think he'd leave me for someone else, especially since he's always telling me that he's never had such a great connection with anyone else, how surprising it is that he met someone like me. He even said I'm the greatest person he's ever known. Its nice to know that he's not suffering as much as I am about it. I love him and don't want him feeling sad.. but at the same time... why does he seem so unaffected despite loving me so much? He always shows me he cares... its not all words. I know he does. He says that in his experience, taking a break is better than forcing a relationship that is strained by outside factors (ie. His schedule with no free time for physical contact). Basically we're still going to be affectionate with each other online. He says he doesn't think things will change and that we'll still talk. He told me that he doesn't think he could ever stop talking to me. I guess we're not official anymore, but we still show our romantic feelings for each other. He said that moving on his not in his agenda, and its definitely not in mine. I made it clear to him that I am going to wait for him. I'd rather do that than have to date other guys, because other relationships are normally very different and have more problems. I'm sorry this is so long. I just wanted to vent really. And I need to stay positive and be optimistic that we really will be together again one day. It's all up in the air.. I don't know if it will happen in one month, 3 months, 6 months, a year, or if it will ever happen. This is what makes it so devastating. I'm being insecure. I'm normally never insecure about our relationship. I keep thinking that we'll drift apart due to a lack of physical contact or that something else bad will happen. Sometimes I even wonder if he'll be interesting in dating other girls if we do drift apart. THough some people think that moving on would be a good idea, I don't want to move on at all. He means so much to me, and I think that relationships that awesome are extremely extremely rare. I'm going to see him in less than a week for one last time before... who knows how long. I want to make it a good day which means that I would need to work hard to be more optimistic by then so I'm not crying the whole time. I don't want to make him feel bad, nor do I want to ruin what could be an amazing day.

Does anyone have any advice for staying optimistic about a break? This isn't a normal break where two people have real problems in the relationship and need space or whatever from each other. We really want to be together, but just can't. I guess we could be together without any physical contact, but he thinks it would be too hard. I feel like it'll just make things worse if I keep thinking about the possibility of losing him forever by bringing drama into the relationship (for the first time) and complicated stuff that might just make him re-consider if he wants to be with me in the future. Plus, it's a lot of stress emotionally. I think that moving on would be wayy more stressful emotionally, so it feels like my only option is to try to be optimistic about us getting back together in the future. How do I keep the negative thoughts from ruining it?

Phew! I read the whole thing! It's okay though I try to be there for people when they have problems and help everyone. So here's my advice to you!

I don't like the fact that you need a break because you can't see one another physically, maybe a lustful relationship (just throwing it out there), I know many couples who go to different schools in different states and still make their relationship work and only see each other on breaks from school, I'm sure you could work something out to see each other once in awhile I'm sure you both have friends who can drive. As for him seeing someone else, anything is possible but, more importantly that is YOUR call, you know him best you think it's not then it's not, you have suspicion then you should be concerned.

If you want to stay optimistic and not have bad thoughts, talk to him everyday, that's all you need to do, I'm sure if he cares enough about you and you him, you'll be able to find a few minutes out of your day to say what's up, especially when you have a set schedule.

Hope this helped you out a bit, take care and good luck!

Thank you so much, and yeah.. that is great advice to talk to him everyday. I hope he makes that effort, because I know I want to talk every day to him. We usually do talk every day now.. sometimes once every 2 days and once in a while every 3. I really hope it stays that way

Also, I don't like it either that he thinks we need a break for this reason. They only reason why I'm supportive is because he says he's doing it because he doesn't think he can be a good boyfriend away from me. He wouldn't be the kind of boyfriend he would want to be if he couldn't see me and be there for me. I think he's doing this for me to make me happy. Part of him regrets ever saying anything about taking a break and not being together officially... but I think its because he knows I was crying my eyes out over breaking up and he feels bad. Yeah, talking to him every day is a good idea, and I'll make sure to remind him every once in a while how much I love him

This isn't a normal break where two people have real problems in the relationship and need space or whatever from each other.


Your wrong! The distance is a real problem.


http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-handle-this-seven-ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/?cnn=yes

This is a good link for you to read.

Tal is right... distance kills relationships.

Now as far as the physical connection, this is VERY important. Physical connections in a relationship don't need to be sexual... but you definitely need to see each other periodically. That way the relationship and that image of the person you love stays fresh in your mind. Talking on the phone and pictures only go so far.

As far as talking everyday... I wouldn't do that either. I would maybe talk 2 times a week. That way you have something to talk about instead of routine details about your day. That can get old fast.

Now as far as the break... I don't think this is good for you. I mean, I don't know you, your BF, or your situation, but from my experience when someone wants a break, it usually means someone else is in the picture. This is especially true when you are trying to do the long distance relationship thing. Someone else can enter the picture very easily. When you don't see your BF/GF for a while, you start looking to fill the void with someone else... first as friends then as something more.

If you want to try and gauge where this may be heading.. search for my post. I tried to make the LDR work... but in the end I was waiting for the inevitable, when I should have started healing.

I don't understand it.. why would he tell me all those things if there were someone else in the picture? I would think that he wouldn't come out saying how much he loves me and how great we are together. I'm so confused =(

The best thing you can do right now is just give him the break and perhaps assume it is over. Don't make assumptions, no matter what others tell you. The more you over analyze this, the more it will hurt. Just act like it is over and worry about yourself.

Like I said... I don't know you or your situation with your boyfriend. Like KC said though the best thing for you to do right now is assume its over, quit thinking about it, and start to build and live your life with out him.

Let the cards fall where they may and let life work things out. Leave him be, take a break, and concentrate on your life and don't worry about him. It will be easier for you in the long run.

Thank you so much you guys

If you truly consider it a break, I would try and cut off contact completely, because it might be too hard on you to talk every once in awhile without me thinking that he's just stringing you along to be there just in case.