Its been a month and a half of NO CONTACT. I finally stuck to it. But the only thing is that I'm hurting over my ex-girlfriend. It wasn't like she went around the world and back for me. I was the one going out of my way for her. But I'm still hurting. Can't stop thinking about her and the situation. Its just hard. But NO CONTACT has gotten so EASY for me!! But I'm still hurting a lot. And don't understand why. I was invited to a church event to play bass guitar, but I turned it down because she was going to be there. Why?

You just haven't gotten over it yet. Don't hurry the healing process. It takes a long time. The more you worry about it, the less likely you are to get over it. Good thing you avoided the church event as well. Keep on sticking to NC. It will get better.

Healing is a process that will get harder before it get easier. Just keep it up. You turned the invite down because your still hurting. Give it another month and a half and see how you feel then.

Glad you are sticking to NC.

My first big love lost... took me nearly two years to shake that girl out of my head... even when I was with another good girl.

It takes time. It sucks to be you. Been there. Done that. It gets better. Just nowhere near as fast as you'd like.

Personally, letting the hurt turn to a healthy dose of anger helped. Sure, I still carried baggage into the next relationship, but being pi$$ed helped me keep the faith that in time all would be good.

It was. In time. Way too much damn time.

Its been hard. I thought I would be over her by now but I'm not. I'm kind of upset at myself also because I fell in love with a girl who fell in love with me (later got confused and said she wasn't), told me a lot words that sounded so good but later on didn't hold any value. How could I have been so stupid. Don't get me wrong she's a good girl but she just don't know how she hurt me and confused me... you know... and she NEVER admitted that she did anything wrong at ALL. And the way I was hitting her up constantly, she probably got a real good self-esteem boost off me. Its like she didn't see me for who I was at all. I'm just kind of mad at myself, you know? How could I just let myself get so deep into her like I did.

Its been hard. I thought I would be over her by now but I'm not. I'm kind of upset at myself also because I fell in love with a girl who fell in love with me (later got confused and said she wasn't), told me a lot words that sounded so good but later on didn't hold any value. How could I have been so stupid. Don't get me wrong she's a good girl but she just don't know how she hurt me and confused me... you know... and she NEVER admitted that she did anything wrong at ALL. And the way I was hitting her up constantly, she probably got a real good self-esteem boost off me. Its like she didn't see me for who I was at all. I'm just kind of mad at myself, you know? How could I just let myself get so deep into her like I did.

Be patient and give yourself more time and get busier.

I think that was a good move passing on the money to avoid her.

Bet it still stirred up old feelings though.

Don't worry they will pass.

I have written about the five steps of grief and would like to share them with you also.

Grief can occur as the result of a number of different events-someone we know dies,a relationship ends,we lose a pet,we have to give up on a long held goal in our life,or any number of situations.But there is one common denominator in all of these events,and that is loss.grief is a process of physical,emotional,social,and cognitive reactions to loss.The grieving process is often a hard one to work through.It requires patience with ourselves and with others.Although responses to loss are as diverse as the people experiencing it,patterns or stages that are commonly experienced have emerged.These stages were identified and named by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.Knowing these five stages can sometimes help in coping with the process of grief and recognize that there is light at the end of the tunnel.It should be noted that although most people experience all the following stages,they do not experience them with the same duration,or in the same order,or with the same intensity.It is a unique process.

Denial

Denial is generally the first stage in the grief process.It can be experienced as numbness or avoidance or isolation or direct denial.It is a stage in which we just cannot believe that the loss is true.We may tell ourselves that it did not really happen.It does not seem real.

Anger

Another stage of grief is anger.At this point,we have gotten past some or all of the denial,but now we are angry about the loss.We may want to take it out on something or someone,or we may just express our anger in ways that are familiar to us.

Bargaining

In the bargaining stage,we are trying to come up with ways to get back what we lost or just find someone or something to blame.Common thoughts include,"If only I had just ..."or"i wish we could have ..."or "Maybe if I do this ..."In the case of a lost relationship, we might actually bargain with the person we lost in an effort to get them back."If I change my behavior,will you come back?"

Depression

The depression stage is just as it sounds,a time of sadness.It generally follows denial,anger,and bargaining when we feel helpless to stop the loss.It may include crying,withdrawal,or any other way that expresses sadness.

Acceptance

The final stage is acceptance.Most often we have gone through all of the above stages and in many cases cycled through the above stages more than once before getting to acceptance.At this stage,we have(to some extent)reorganized ourselves and our thinking to incorporate the loss.This does not mean that we no longer get sad about the loss from time to time.Over time, the intensity of the sadness generally diminishes,but may never entirely go away.

Armed with the knowledge of these five stages,we can now better understand ourselves and others who are going through the grief process.Recognizing the stages can increase your empathy and support for others and provide permission for yourself to go through the process in your own way and in your own time.

Copyright Lori Godin,Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.She can be reached in San Jose,California,at 408-260-9996

Does this help?Let me know.
_____________

You will get there my friend

The only reason why you are feeling hurt..

Is.. because you felt USED

And you was. Emotionaly.. you gave everything and you know she gave very little back.

You are doing great with no contact.. now its just the..
What the hell was I thinking and doing FAZE

Its very normal :)
We are more angry and upset with ourselves than the loss of our partner.


Keep at it man! And remember next time ;) will be different

you will get there my friend

the only reason why you are feeling hurt..

is.. because you felt USED

and you was. emotionaly.. you gave everything and you know she gave very little back.

you are doing great with no contact.. now its just the..
What the hell was i thinking and doing FAZE

its very normal :)
we are more angry and upset with our selfs than the loss of our partner.


Keep at it man! and remember next time ;) will be different

Man you just read me like a book!! SERIOUSLY!!

It's all good man! Take your time in the healing. It has been a long time for me, and I still have my moments of sadness. Once you get over this, you are a whole new person...

you will get there my friend

the only reason why you are feeling hurt..

is.. because you felt USED

and you was. emotionaly.. you gave everything and you know she gave very little back.

Yeah, I felt very used! I felt used and led on... as good of a heart that I have especially when I'm love with someone such as her. I literally put my heart out there, and gave everything to only me end up feeling used and led on.


you are doing great with no contact.. now its just the..
What the hell was i thinking and doing FAZE

What was I thinking... literally?? I mean I kept rationalizing and giver the benefit of the doubt, I HONESTLY didn't know what to believe anymore concerning her. What was I thinking?


its very normal :)
we are more angry and upset with our selfs than the loss of our partner.

I'm more MAD and DISAPPOINTED at MYSELF than her or anything else.


YOU TELLING ME ITS NORMAL...?!? WHAT...?!?



Keep at it man! and remember next time ;) will be different


IT WILL BE DIFFERENT...BELIEVE ME...

And why do we fall Sweetguy? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up.

Yup! Pick yourself back up and get back on the NC wagon! When you fall off, pick yourself back up and get back on. We all go through this and once you truly stick to NC easily, then you know your almost there.

Believe me, I have fallen off the wagon MANY times, but I keep picking myself back up and doing it again. No shame in making mistakes, only shame is not knowing you are making the mistakes...

It's normal to feel the way you do so don't think you being obsess.

Yeah I been doing very great with NO CONTACT... Its been almost 2 months without breaking that.

I'm just so upset at myself right now.

But the upside about everything is that I've learned so much from situation. I mean a great deal of information about me in general and about relationships and love.

But I'm still a little upset at myself though...

Im glad its normal to feel this way when relationship goes wrong and ends. Because I honestly thought that maybe something with me. Because I've never took a relationship as hard as I took this one and I'm 23yrs old. But at the same time I've never fell for someone as hard as I did too... glad I'm not crazy...

One thing you need to understand is sometimes good people with a lot in common just don't last. Seriously.

I loved a GREAT girl once, right out of college. She rocked. Fun. Sexy. Great sense of humor. Sexy. Did I mention sexy?

But man... it was bad timing.

I'm ten years into a great relationship now... with a rock solid woman who has my back. But I will tell you honestly... that girl is now chasing boys down in Texas... and if my beloved kicked me to the curb... id might just chase her down.

My point is... one of the hardest things to get over is being able to deal with being hurt and pi$$ed AND at the same time believing that she, and you (as a couple) were real...

It can happen. You can be two great people who mean well and it doesn't work out. I've been there. More than once.

Itd be much easier to just say "she was evil and mean and played me"...

Much of the time... its not like that. Its two people who really try to mean well, and when things don't work out, its tough to get past whether it was real or not.

Unfortunately "real" and "not right" aren't exclusive.

one thing you need to understand is sometimes good people with a lot in common just dont last. seriously.

i loved a GREAT girl once, right out of college. she rocked. fun. sexy. great sense of humor. sexy. did i mention sexy?

but man... it was bad timing.

im ten years into a great relationship now... with a rock solid woman who has my back. but i will tell you honestly... that girl is now chasing boys down in texas... and if my beloved kicked me to the curb... id might just chase her down.

my point is... one of the hardest things to get over is being able to deal with being hurt and pi$$ed AND at the same time believing that she, and you (as a couple) were real...

it can happen. you can be two great people who mean well and it doesnt work out. ive been there. more than once.

itd be much easier to just say "she was evil and mean and played me"...

much of the time... its not like that. its two people who really try to mean well, and when things dont work out, its tough to get past whether it was real or not.

unfortunately "real" and "not right" arent exclusive.


Can you explain that a bit more...please...???

one thing you need to understand is sometimes good people with a lot in common just dont last. seriously.

i loved a GREAT girl once, right out of college. she rocked. fun. sexy. great sense of humor. sexy. did i mention sexy?

but man... it was bad timing.

im ten years into a great relationship now... with a rock solid woman who has my back. but i will tell you honestly... that girl is now chasing boys down in texas... and if my beloved kicked me to the curb... id might just chase her down.

my point is... one of the hardest things to get over is being able to deal with being hurt and pi$$ed AND at the same time believing that she, and you (as a couple) were real...

it can happen. you can be two great people who mean well and it doesnt work out. ive been there. more than once.

itd be much easier to just say "she was evil and mean and played me"...

much of the time... its not like that. its two people who really try to mean well, and when things dont work out, its tough to get past whether it was real or not.

unfortunately "real" and "not right" arent exclusive.


Can you explain that a bit more...please...???

What KP means is

That... when 2 people get together.. they both are Nice. And they have have good qualites

When the relationship ends. Some people normaly make the other person out to be the bad guy. When really they both meant well.

You both start with an Ideal
And if one person breaks that. Then its hard to get it back.

At least that was my understanding of it

Please tell me if I am wrong KP :) I

What KP means is

That... when 2 people get together.. they both are Nice. And they have have good qualites

When the relationship ends. Some people normaly make the other person out to be the bad guy. When really they both meant well.

You both start with an Ideal
And if one person breaks that. Then its hard to get it back.

At least that was my understanding of it

Please tell me if I am wrong KP :) I

What do you mean by...
Both people start off with an idea and if one person breaks that then its hard to get it back???

Sorry what I meant to say was IDEAL

We all have an ideal we think we should live up to.. and they should live up to

Once that gets broken.. it hurts

Hens the term.. live up to there exspectations

Okay yeah... I hear you... man does it hurt... I really saw a future with her too man...

But I know there will be someone else, who will come into my life someday... so I will be fine and patient and work on myself...

Yeah I know. It's a pain isn't it..

When you think someone will be with you forever.

Ill tell you a funny story..

One of my Xs girlfriends..

I was working.. and she was there with me.. I kind of always knew she liked.. me but I personaly never gave it much thought.

As she did not seem my typ of girl. You know how it is..

Anyway.. she starts making me lunch.. and doing all this stuff for me.. so I was like.. hey this is pretty sweet :)
As you know.. I do love being spoilt! :D

This went on for about 2 months. She then final asked me out.. I was like... Mehh! I don't know. I don't feel that way about you..

And she is like well just give us a shot and see how it goes..

So finally! I give in. and go well what the hell.. I was dating all these crazy blond bombshells so ill give it a try!

So we were together.. first relationship where I ever had a girl.. like really look after me..

In a loving.. Couple way. You know. Make me dinner etc etc.

She asked me every single day if I loved her and all that.. and I was like dude you got issue..
Well turns out in the end I did start to fall for her.
And you know.. the Second I started to fall for her..
She went away for 3 months due to work.

Saying the love will never fade. I will be with you till the end of the rainbow.. all that jazz.

She stops emailing me and everything. Lol!

My finally words was after 1 week of her not emailing me..

Yo cat got your finger? Hope all is well.

That was 4 and a half years ago..

So I guess.. she has moved on LoL
So did.

But the point I'm trying to make.. is that no matter what you think in a relationship. Its always a 50/50 chance.

Nothing ever stays the same.
And once you learn to take everything day by day. It all becomes so much easier.

There are some things we can control in life
Other peoples feelings.. sadly is not one of them.
And feelings and emotions
Are one of the most unstayble things out there.


:) anyway man your not alone.

All valid stuff here. It took me probs about a year half to get over my first 'love'.

As others said also, my most recent conquest, we were both two good people, she's great, sexy, intelligent, nice etc. But bad timing and bad distance. Obviously didn't like me as much as I liked her and wasn't prepared to commit etc.

Perhaps you are too obsessive I know I get way to attached and get way to emotional but :eek: OMG that's who we are. Just accept who you are and try to watch out for what your doing in the future. If you notice you are getting close to someone be more wary.

But as they say every relationship is a chance, Its probably best to take it as well.

It really does take time, that's all you can do. I still think of an ex now and again + when songs come on I just smile and think of good times. I also think what a cow she was and how we weren't a good fit what so ever.

Ive found planning things and trips away helps. Stuff to look forward to helps me get through bad days. E.g. I have trips planned to Prague, U.S. Alaska, festivals etc.

but the point im trying to make.. is that no matter what you think in a relationship. its always a 50/50 chance.


Its a GAMBLE ever time. Nothing is certain.


Nothing ever stays the same.
and once you learn to take everything day by day. it all becomes so much easier

True I've now realized that nothing ever stays the same. Things, people, and agendas are always changing. I just never realized until my last relationship how a woman can fall for you, have a lot of special moments, and then just when things should be ever climbing higher, she's indifferent now and confused... doesn't make any sense... but I understand what your saying.


there are some things we can control in life
other peoples feelings.. sadly is not one of them.
and feelings and emotions
are one of the most unstayble things out there.

Most definitely RIGHT!! Feelings and emotions are the most unstable source of matter that exist... HUMAN ROMANTIC FEELINGS..!



I've realized that the LOVE your friends and family show you is UNCONDITIONAL...but in a ROMANTIC relationship...that LOVE is always CONDITIONAL...theres always a LOOPHOLE attached to it...

but the point im trying to make.. is that no matter what you think in a relationship. its always a 50/50 chance.


Its a GAMBLE ever time. Nothing is certain.


Nothing ever stays the same.
and once you learn to take everything day by day. it all becomes so much easier

True I've now realized that nothing ever stays the same. Things, people, and agendas are always changing. I just never realized until my last relationship how a woman can fall for you, have a lot of special moments, and then just when things should be ever climbing higher, she's indifferent now and confused... doesn't make any sense... but I understand what your saying.


there are some things we can control in life
other peoples feelings.. sadly is not one of them.
and feelings and emotions
are one of the most unstayble things out there.

Most definitely RIGHT!! Feelings and emotions are the most unstable source of matter that exist... HUMAN ROMANTIC FEELINGS..!



I've realized that the LOVE your friends and family show you is UNCONDITIONAL...but in a ROMANTIC relationship...that LOVE is always CONDITIONAL...theres always a LOOPHOLE attached to it...

No problem tali :P Ill be going with trekamerica again, where the last girl I met was (unfortunately nothing came of it - now she doesn't speak to me).

Anyway back to OP, you are right everything is a chance. I suggest though not to waste your life away worrying about her. I wasted too much time thinking about the last girl like I am now with the current one instead of living my own life..

There's a lot I need to change about myself... STARTING TODAY!! SERIOUSLY... JUST CAME TO THE REALIZATION.

You know I'm 23 yrs old, and you know I'm a good guy, and a good catch you know, I always treated woman with respect and nice... I am a gentleman/romantic/outgoing/goofy/christian type. But know starting TODAY... Im making changes in my life... dealing with me first... and my attitude.

Its just going through that experience with my last relationship... being led on emotionally and falling for someone SOOO HARD... going through all that HURT and CONFUSION and RESENTMENT... its got me thinking... I don't know why it just does...

Does any of you guys understand where I'm coming from?

There's a lot I need to change about myself... STARTING TODAY!! SERIOUSLY... JUST CAME TO THE REALIZATION.

You know I'm 23 yrs old, and you know I'm a good guy, and a good catch you know, I always treated woman with respect and nice... I am a gentleman/romantic/outgoing/goofy/christian type. But know starting TODAY... Im making changes in my life... dealing with me first... and my attitude.

Its just going through that experience with my last relationship... being led on emotionally and falling for someone SOOO HARD... going through all that HURT and CONFUSION and RESENTMENT... its got me thinking... I don't know why it just does...

Does any of you guys understand where I'm coming from?

Of course :) that's what I told myself one day after my X left me.

Never again. Will this happen to me.


Now I'm the ALPHA :P in the relationships!
hehe

Dude you got to be more careful in future, same as me. Learn to wear your heart in a 'wooden box' and don't get so involved so quickly. Make them less meaningful in your life until you know for sure its going to work out. Even then have a fulfilled life without her.

Women like challenge, once it's gone so are you!"


Just taken from what Chuff said

That is a very very true point

Yep... Confidence, Self-Control, Challenge!!

one thing you need to understand is sometimes good people with a lot in common just dont last. seriously.

You even said me and her were not compatible. But when we first hooked up it seemed to me that we were very compatible... thats what is weird...


i loved a GREAT girl once, right out of college. she rocked. fun. sexy. great sense of humor. sexy. did i mention sexy?

but man... it was bad timing.

im ten years into a great relationship now... with a rock solid woman who has my back. but i will tell you honestly... that girl is now chasing boys down in texas... and if my beloved kicked me to the curb... id might just chase her down.

my point is... one of the hardest things to get over is being able to deal with being hurt and pi$$ed AND at the same time believing that she, and you (as a couple) were real...

it can happen. you can be two great people who mean well and it doesnt work out. ive been there. more than once.

itd be much easier to just say "she was evil and mean and played me"...

much of the time... its not like that. its two people who really try to mean well, and when things dont work out, its tough to get past whether it was real or not.

unfortunately "real" and "not right" arent exclusive.

I wanted to believe that me and her relationship was REAL... I believe it was... you know? Maybe she didn't...

Sweet Guy 23, do you remember what I told you when you first came here? I told you that your pain was going to be worth it because you had something nobody else did. You had the willingness to learn, and I could tell that your girl would stay the same. Look at how far you've come in a couple months, and you are now ready to make changes. This experience she brought on was the best thing that could have happened to you. You are finally going to learn about and appreciate number 1. She's just going to repeat the same behavior over and over stuck in the same spot for years if not a lifetime. Welcome to the big leagues my friend.

Sweet Guy 23, do you remember what I told you when you first came here? I told you that your pain was going to be worth it because you had something nobody else did. You had the willingness to learn, and I could tell that your girl would stay the same. Look at how far you've come in a couple months, and you are now ready to make changes. This experience she brought on was the best thing that could have happened to you. You are finally going to learn about and appreciate number 1. She's just going to repeat the same behavior over and over stuck in the same spot for years if not a lifetime. Welcome to the big leagues my friend.

Yeah for the past two months I've been doing very well with keeping up with NO CONTACT. Its to the point that its becoming second nature to not contact her. Now I still do think about her... mostly taking from it (evaluating what I did wrong so I won't do it again... you know?) But I am now ready to make some changes.


You are finally going to learn about and appreciate number 1.

Finally learn and appreciate number 1... huh??


She's just going to repeat the same behavior over and over stuck in the same spot for years if not a lifetime.

Are you serious?? She's just going the repeat that same behavior over and over again??

Chuff means your number 1

You Doughnut :)

Look at how far you've come in a couple months, and you are now ready to make changes. This experience she brought on was the best thing that could have happened to you. You are finally going to learn about and appreciate number. She's just going to repeat the same behavior over and over stuck in the same spot for years if not a lifetime. Welcome to the big leagues my friend.

Yes Chuff, I am definitely ready to make some changes..! Open to any advice or direction..!


Sweet Guy 23, do you remember what I told you when you first came here? I told you that your pain was going to be worth it because you had something nobody else did. You had the willingness to learn, and I could tell that your girl would stay the same.

Yea I remember you saying that... but I got a question... How do you know she will stay the same? Explain that. So she will stay the same.

You worry too much SweetGuy. You are way too good of a guy to do that. Look, just date as many girls as possible. Seriously. Dating is all about having fun (no, not sexual) and getting to know someone. Don't go into every relationship as if this could be the 'one.' Usually, it isn't! Get to know yourself, and other women, but casually hanging out and doing things.

You worry too much SweetGuy. You are way too good of a guy to do that. Look, just date as many girls as possible. Seriously. Dating is all about having fun (no, not sexual) and getting to know someone. Don't go into every relationship as if this could be the 'one.' Usually, it isn't!! Get to know yourself, and other women, but casually hanging out and doing things.

Yea I do tend to worry a lot. I just never had an experience to through me into a loop as my past relationship did. You know!

Date as many girls as possible? I can could do that, and have fun doing it.

Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?

Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?
No wonder you can't enjoy yourself, relax, have a good time for as long as you can, and let things happen.

You don't go into any relationship thinking they are the one. Thats a recipe for heart break and disappointment.

One date at a time is all you can handle.

No wonder you can't enjoy yourself, relax, have a good time for as long as you can, and let things happen.

Yea I have a hard time really enjoying myself at times... I need to learn to relax next time. But after all the hurt and confusion she sent me through... I know things will be different next time...


You don't go into any relationship thinking they are the one. Thats a recipe for heart break and disappointment.

It was really EASY not to think she could be the one at first... but when things were going really good with her (when she telling me a lot of wonderful stuff... in love... etc... ) I started to think maybe she could be... you know?? And I ended up getting really disappointed and getting my heart broken because it turns out that she didn't love me... and my feelings for her was greater than her feelings for me... One thing that I kept doing was rationalizing the negative vibes that she was sending. Some of things she did and said I just kept giving her the benefit of the doubt... RATIONALIZING BIG TIME!!!

Rationalization is the down fall of man!

I did the same with my ex. I rationalized all the stupid crap she did... I even find myself rationalizing why she slept with the other guy she left me for!! LOL... messed up isn't it?

Your next relationship will be better. You will use what you learned in from this one in the next one. The knowledge you gained will help you see all the Red Flags and stupid crap a female may try to pull while your in love. Then you can stop rationalizing things, see things for what they really are, and stand up for yourself and end the BS.

That what I'm hoping for. No more will I be a rationlizing push over. I will see the situation for what it is and stand-up for who I am and what I believe is right!

Try to get yourself in that frame of mind. I just did and it feels good!:D

Rationalization is the down fall of man!

I did the same with my ex. I rationalized all the stupid crap she did...I even find my self rationalizing why she slept with the other guy she left me for!!! LOL...messed up isn't it??

Your next relationship will be better. You will use what you learned in from this one in the next one. The knowledge you gained will help you see all the Red Flags and stupid crap a female may try to pull while your in love. Then you can stop rationalizing things, see things for what they realy are, and stand up for yourself and end the BS.

That what I'm hoping for. No more will I be a rationlizing push over. I will see the situation for what it is and stand-up for who I am and what I believe is right!!

Try to get yourself in that frame of mind. I just did and it feels good!:D

Yep... I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt, and rationalizing bigtime

You are catching on real fast, don't rationalize, deal with it.

Can you explain that more...???

Its really simple, instead of sitting in a corner thinking all sorts of things, deal with what's in front of you. That way your mind doesn't have a chance to play tricks on you.

I was in the same situation. It took me 2 years to get over him but only bc/ he kept coming back and I would take him back over and over again and he would do the same thing like it was no big deal to hurt me and leave me hanging with no reasoning at all. I believe the reasons in this situation we feel this way is because that person just brushed you off their shoulder like it was nothing but before they showed effection towards you and in the end it made you feel deceived like you did something wrong and they just leave with nothing to really say. In conclusuion this girl has you wondering the reasons and you want answers. And she seems like she don't even care but the strange thing is that before she acted as if she cared. I say forget about her because you will never get your answers and don't waste any minute thinking that it was your fault and that you were the stupid one when in fact you were not at all! If I were you I wouldn't let this bother me and move on with my life. But the No contact rule is a great idea keep up with that!

I believe the reasons why in this situation we feel this way is bc that person just brushed you off their shoulder like it was nothing but before they showed effection towards you and in the end it made you feel decieved like you did something wrong and they just leave with nothing to really say. In conclusion this girl has you wondering the reasons why and you want answers. and she seems like she dont even care but the strange thing is that before she acted as if she cared.

Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.


I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!


I say forget about her bc you will never get your answers and dont waste any minute thinking that it was your fault and that you were the stupid one when in fact you were not at all!! If I were you I wouldnt let this bother me and move on with my life. But the No contact rule is a great idea keep up with that!

Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...


But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...

But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!

I believe the reasons why in this situation we feel this way is bc that person just brushed you off their shoulder like it was nothing but before they showed effection towards you and in the end it made you feel decieved like you did something wrong and they just leave with nothing to really say. In conclusion this girl has you wondering the reasons why and you want answers. and she seems like she dont even care but the strange thing is that before she acted as if she cared.

Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.


I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!


I say forget about her bc you will never get your answers and dont waste any minute thinking that it was your fault and that you were the stupid one when in fact you were not at all!! If I were you I wouldnt let this bother me and move on with my life. But the No contact rule is a great idea keep up with that!

Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...


But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...

But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!

I know exactly how you feel. You just have to take this day by day and as much as you would like to know why things went the way they did and as much as you would like to sit with her and talk about it so you can understand more on her feelings and why they so drastically changed you will never know the answer to that and it will drive you mad and I personally believe that that's why you can't get over this relationship. One day you will move on as long as you keep out of cantact with her and eventually you will find that perfect somebody you always looked for. Just I warn you if she tries to take you back don't go for it because you will end up in the same situation believe me this happened to me for 2 years on and off with my ex and he did the same thing every time even when I was pregnant with his kids. He acted as if he never even cared and he wasn't even there for me while I was pregnant until after I lost my babies and then he wanted to be in my life again and he mest my whole mind up I don't know if I can ever trust again. Just stay strong and I will be here to support you. We all will.

Sometimes there just isn't an explanation to things... or better yet the explanation isn't what we want to hear. Just don't worry about why she did what she did. Worry about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is a learning experience. Humans are humans and complications will always be there. You are doing great with NC! Keep it up. Everything happens for a reason. Believe that.

Sometimes there just isn't an explanation to things...or better yet the explanation isn't what we want to hear. Just don't worry about why she did what she did. Worry about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is a learning experience. Humans are humans and complications will always be there. You are doing great with NC! Keep it up. Everything happens for a reason. Believe that.

Yea things happen for a reason, because I would have never thought that my relatonship with her would have went that way. Wow!!

Life is full of strange, and bewildering twists, and turns. You have to keep making adjustments, and stay focused, on what you want from it.

Life is full of strange, and bewildering twists, and turns. You have to keep making adjustments, and stay focused, on what you want from it.

That's the KEY word, staying focused on what's really important, and making adjustments.

I think the more you avoid her, the more you will miss and will take longer to get over her, there's going to be a time when you will bump into her withput being able to avoid a meet.. U must've loved her very much to feel this way, but you mus maintain strong and move on, there are so many girls that would like to have a man that will love her the way you seem to love, if you know you don't want anything to do w/her stick with it but NEVER HIDE!

Yea... shes a member of a church that I associate with. It's a guarantee that I will bump into her. But I won't say anything if I ever cross her.

Sometime ago before I really stuck with the NO CONTACT, I contacted her and told her I was sorry for how things turned out, and that I was just confused and hurt... but I didn't have any bad intentions. But she wasn't trying to hear me out or anything so I gave it up. God knows how geniuene my heart is.

God knows how geniuene my heart is.

So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.


Because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...


Yea I do deserve better...

So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.


Because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.

I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...


Yea I do deserve better...

I need yall's help on this one. I am participating in a church event which is the same event that my ex-girlfriend (The girl whom all my postings have been about... hurt and confusion) is participating in. I thought about just not doing it, but I need to... you know. I can't allow her to hinder me in participating in anything that she may be apart of. I am going to have probably interact with her. Maybe communicate. You know??

But here's the catch, I 've been on NO CONTACT with her for the past couple of months. And back when I was trying to communicate with her she kept ignoring me... she told me that she needed space and time to think things over. While in reality her mind was already made up. I know she views me as being weak... and insecure... and when she see me... shes probably gon think that "Here he go...he gon try and come TALK to me!"...

She hasn't seen me a long time. What should I do just pretend that she isn't there??

If you see her, aknowledge her, but be quick and be polite. Short and sweet, and then move on, as if it doesn't even bother you. First class baby! All the way. Don't make it a point to talk to her, but also don't make it a point to make things awkward. Casual and friendly...

If you see her, aknowledge her, but be quick and be polite. Short and sweet, and then move on, as if it doesn't even bother you. First class baby!! All the way. Don't make it a point to talk to her, but also don't make it a point to make things awkward. Casual and friendly...

Yea... if I see her I will speak, keep it quick and polite. Short and sweet, then move on. Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her. Because I took things very hard. And I was basically chasing her. All I did was give her a self-esteem boost... it feels. She didn't understand why I was hurt. The event calls for that church group to do a stageplay... which will be fun for me because of my personality... I like being silly... Its gon feel so awkward. Its next week and every time I think about about it... I get nervous... or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

think about about it...I get nervous...or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

No... you, over analyze things? Never! :)

No....you, over analyze things?? Never! :)

Yea... you right... thinking way into it. Its not that crucial..!

I know she views me as being weak...and insecure...and when she see me...shes prolly gon think that "Here he go...he gon try and come TALK to me!"...

She hasn't seen me a long time. What should I do just pretend that she isn't there???

And now is when you get to see the value of NC. She is expecting exactly what you described, so you have to give her exactly what the opposite. You have an advantage here in that you know this is coming. If you have practice in front of mirror, but when you get there smile all the time, smile if she's not there yet, smile if she's not standing in front of you, smile if she's not in the room. For one, smiling has been shown to actually make you happy, and more important, women communicate through emotions, if you are smiling she will notice or someone will tell her. That will make her wonder what you are so damn happy about.

Do not approach her, but if she approaches you do not get upset... even if you feel it inside, keep smiling and be polite and be short. If possible, be the one to end the conversation, as that will send the message you are no longer needing to speak with her since you can walk away. Then do it.

She is never going to admit this to you, but if you are happy and short with her, then she's going to wonder what the hell is going on? What she expects is for you to be nervous and kiss her butt, not wanting to upset her. You have to give her a confident, happy, and free spirit who is in complete control. You may not feel that way inside, but pretend and it will come true. If you have to practice in front of a mirror, but this is now you time, take it and through the game back at her.

Yea...if I see her I will speak, keep it quick and polite. Short and sweet, then move on. Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her. Because I took things very hard. And I was basically chasing her. All I did was give her a self-esteem boost...it feels. She didn't understand why I was hurt. The event calls for that church group to do a stageplay...which will be fun for me because of my personality...I like being silly...Its gon feel so awkward. Its next week and everytime I think about about it...I get nervous...or maybe I'm thinking way into it.

Dude, you are talking yourself out down, when this is you chance to prove to not only her, but more important to you, that you are the one driving here. Talk yourself up, even thouh we are not there you have a whole board that is behind you against one selfish girl. The odds are on your side, you have to start believing it and accepting it.

Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her

Back to lesson ONE! It doesn't matter what she wants, expects, or is thinking about... what you do is what counts, nothing else is relevant, and this is your time to put your most appealing self forward, and charm everyone out of their socks, and enjoy yourself.

She gets treated like everyone else, no better, no worse, but be brief, polite, busy, and emotionally unavailable. That simple, and nothing to sweat over. Be yourself. Her chance is over, so wave hello, and keep it moving.

Dude, you are talking yourself out down, when this is you chance to prove to not only her, but more important to you, that you are the one driving here. Talk yourself up, even thouh we are not there you have a whole board that is behind you against one selfish girl. The odds are on your side, you have to start believing it and accepting it.

Yea... I need to stop talking myself down. Yeah I need to take this opportunity and be confident, and let my personality and charm do the talking... and have fun doing it. Glad you guys are supporting me. I can do this..!

So you think she is selfish..

Who cares what people think she is? I can tell you what she isn't:
1.Your Girlfriend
2.Someone that you should care about
3.Someone that is even remotely relevant in your life

So you think she is selfish...?

Let's take this in reverse. Hell yeah I think she's selfish but you know what? It doesn't matter. We don't worry about the ex's. Their problems belong to them now. This is the attitude you must start accepting. She's selfish, your thoughtful, charming, kind, considerate and to good for her. The good guy odds are stacked in your corner, start accepting them and don't worry about the selfish... you can't change them so let them become her own problems.



Yea...I need to stop talking myself down. Yeah I need to take this opportunity and be confident, and let my personality and charm do the talking...and have fun doing it. Glad you guys are supporting me. I can do this...!!!

While we are happy to support you, the truth is you've had this all along, you just have to start accepting that your confidence has been hiding behind the emotional pain. It's nothing we are giving you, it's yours at all times to take, you just have to use it.

Let's take this in reverse. Hell yeah I think she's selfish but you know what? It doesn't matter. We don't worry about the ex's. Their problems belong to them now. This is the attitude you must start accepting. She's selfish, your thoughtful, charming, kind, considerate and to good for her. The good guy odds are stacked in your corner, start accepting them and don't worry about the selfish...you can't change them so let them become her own problems.


While we are happy to support you, the truth is you've had this all along, you just have to start accepting that your confidence has been hiding behind the emotional pain. It's nothing we are giving you, it's yours at all times to take, you just have to use it.

I like that way you put that chuff... I do have the those qualities... So I had them all along..?

But you know... I know she is not my girlfriend anymore and that her problems are for her to deal with but she still enters my mind at times. Whatever is going on in her life... its for her to deal with and learn from. I know. Still going through the process, in due time I know she won't enter my mind anymore...

As for as being thoughtful, charming, kind, and considerate... I really try to up hold those qualities.

And as for as being too good for her. For some I feel like at times that I'm losing out on something not being with her... even though I know there are other GOOD, and CLASSY girls out there... you know?

Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself

Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself


Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships

Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself

Yea... its just I wish I wouldn't have took things as HARD as I DID..! I hate I reacted that way... I was chasing her hard... and pushed her away...

But you are right... Ima be the only one who suffers from putting myself down. What I should do is pick myself up... dust myself off... turn a blind eye to my ex meaning whatever her views of me are, they are not relevent to me, or what she may have told someone else. I do have self-worth, and I am a catch... she just didn't see that or maybe I did something to mess up the relationship or the situation....that doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to prove anything to her, or explain my hurts to her or anything. I know how good of a guy I am, and how good of a heart I indeed have. Yes I admit I made mistakes in the relationship that maybe turned her off or whatever. But you know I am HUMAN, and I HAVE SURELY LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES, WHETHER SHE SEES THAT OR NOT IT DOESNT MATTER. For the longest I felt like I had PROVE to her... that I loved her, or that I cared for her... not anymore... She doesn't matter to me anymore...

But you know being yourself shouldn't be so hard if you LOVE yourself enough...

its tough over the holidays :)

if it makes you feel any better.
ill be all alone for X-mass

no family no friends no girlfriend

as I am away from all of them working.

So be thankful that you got yourself and close people that will always stand by your side ;)

regards

Hey guys, just like I told you guys... I saw my ex-girlfriend this past weekend. When I walked into the room, everybody was speaking to me saying hi. At that particular time her back was turned to me, then she turned around and looked at me, didn't say anything but she looked. But her mom spoke and gave me a hug.

So after that we started the rehearsal. During the rehearsal she looked my way a couple of times. So after rehearsal she quickly went outside trying to get something out the car but I didn't approach or say anything to her (you know why should I have after all the times I tried to talk to her and she ignored my messages). But her brother spoke to me. And her mom yelled at me telling me bye.

But after her brother spoke to me, she walked back into the church, and then when I was driving off she walked back outside.

But I didn't say anything to her, I did GOOD not looking at her when I noticed she glanced over.

But she didn't say anything to me or anything.

She did look at me a few times but those looks probably didn't mean anything. So I won't BUY too much in to that.

But during the rehearsal I was thinking to myself when I did look at her... "Wow, I can't believe I chased her SOOO HARD, and reacted the way I did, I put her on a pedestal. This is the same girl that was CRYING when she first told me that she LOVED ME...then once time passed by after she went off to school, she doesn't answer when I asked her do she love me... told me I was TOO EXCITED... she didn't care enough about me to understand why was I as hurt as I was... she told me I ask too many questions because of the fact I was trying to understand why she changed and switched on me... I was only asking because I actually cared about how she felt, but she was annoyed by the fact, and kept telling me I DONT KNOW" It felt kind of weird at first but I quickly got over that.

But I was being myself laughing and being silly...

But here's the thing... the performance is January 31. So rehearsals are every Saturday until then. SO IMA HAVE TO SEE EVERY WEEK...

So should I keep doing what I'm doing??

Why not, and remember she has to see you too, and you'll be the one having fun.

Yes.

Dude, I wish you could see what the everybody else sees from that last encounter. You are winning.

This is not exactly a game, but she was expecting a certain behavior from you and you gave her the exact opposite.

Also, you know when her mom talked to her later she said, "did you say hello to sweet guy 23" and her response was "no." Then her mom said, "why not, he's such a great guy." Her own mother gave you a hug. Her mother is always going to choose her... hey it's her mother you can't blame her for that, but her mother didn't dis-own you so to speak, in fact she was thrilled to see you. Do not think for one second that wasn't noticed by the ex.

You asked what do you do and the answer is you keep doing the same thing. You keep your distance and if she comes to you, then you smile, say hello, and excuse yourself politely. DO NOT get mad or sad, because if you get mad or sad she's going know she still has control over your emotions... and even if she does you can NOT let her know that.

When you hear that women are emotional, this is what that means. She's thinking with her emotions (and so are you to be honest) and to show her that you've moved forward, you must be polite (and yes, this part sucks), happy, mysterious, and quick as in get away from her quickly. If you start talking to her and you pull off the rest, she's going to know your still interested. So excuse yourself and go. Because all this is going to is confuse her and make her start thinking emotionally, such as "why isn't he talking to me?" and "is he over me?" and "why is my mom giving him a hug?"

She's had her emotional way with you, it's your turn now, and silence with a touch of happiness is the way to show her who's ahead in this.

Dude, I wish you could see what the everybody else sees from that last encounter. You are winning.

This is not exactly a game, but she was expecting a certain behavior from you and you gave her the exact opposite.

Also, you know when her mom talked to her later she said, "did you say hello to sweet guy 23" and her response was "no." Then her mom said, "why not, he's such a great guy." Her own mother gave you a hug. Her mother is always going to choose her.....hey it's her mother you can't blame her for that, but her mother didn't dis-own you so to speak, in fact she was thrilled to see you. Do not think for one second that wasn't noticed by the ex.

You asked what do you do and the answer is you keep doing the exact same thing. You keep your distance and if she comes to you, then you smile, say hello, and excuse yourself politely. DO NOT get mad or sad, because if you get mad or sad she's going know she still has control over your emotions.......and even if she does you can NOT let her know that.

When you hear that women are emotional, this is what that means. She's thinking with her emotions (and so are you to be honest) and to show her that you've moved forward, you must be polite (and yes, this part sucks), happy, mysterious, and quick as in get away from her quickly. If you start talking to her and you pull off the rest, she's going to know your still interested. So excuse yourself and go. Because all this is going to is confuse her and make her start thinking emotionally, such as "why isn't he talking to me?" and "is he over me?" and "why is my mom giving him a hug?"

She's had her emotional way with you, it's your turn now, and silence with a touch of happiness is the way to show her who's ahead in this.

Yeah I hear you.

But what if she's doesn't care whether her mom speaks and gives me a hug, or her brother speaks to me. What if she just don't care. Because some time ago she told someone I was just the PAST to her (that was 2 months ago).

So maybe seeing me didn't do anything to her. What you think...

Yeah I hear ya.

But what if shes doesn't care whether or not her mom speaks and gives me a hug, or her brother speaks to me. What if she just don't care. Because some time ago she told someone I was just the PAST to her (that was 2 months ago).

So maybe seeing me didn't do anything to her. What you think...

I don't think it matters whether she cares. It is clear you are an awesome guy, as her mother is still fond of you. Just keep on doing what you are doing, and do not let her mind bother you.

So maybe seeing me didn't do anything to her

If it did she sure didn't show it. That's fair.

...

I don't think it matters whether or not she cares. It is clear you are an awesome guy, as her mother is still fond of you. Just keep on doing what you are doing, and do not let her mind bother you.

Yea I'll just keep doing what I'm doing... it really doesn't matter whether she cares or not.

But her family was pretty cool.

You have come a long way man. I am proud of you. You should for sure start helping others out on here more, as it seems you have the perfect experience to do so... good luck!

...

You have come a long way man. I am proud of you. You should for sure start helping others out on here more, as it seems you have the perfect experience to do so...good luck!

Yes I have man!! I came a LONG, LONG WAY... since September when I first posted here. I went through so many emotions, and confusion, but it has done nothing more than make me stronger...

Now don't get me wrong... I still care for her a whole lot. But its over and I've moved on, and I'm presently liking a new girl... that Im quite enjoying...

Chuff told me that "I will learn to appreciate number one." And I have indeed.

So maybe seeing me didn't do anything to her. What you think...

I think you are missing the entire point. Who cares what she thinks. She crapped over a guy that valued her. Maybe it didn't do anything for her, but this was never, ever about her... this was about you. The strange thing about the human condition is we sometimes place value in those that see none in us. You have done that with her, you are concerned about what she thinks and how she reacts... and believe me I've been there, but look at this board and people that rallied behind you because we saw the real person that she didn't. Look at her own family that still puts value in you because they saw the real person that she didn't. The one on top here is you, you are the one people still appreciate, so the point is start seeing what the rest of see, and start appreciating and valuing number 1 and quit worring about number 3 billion... that's the place she moved into behind every other woman on the planet.

...

I think you are missing the entire point. Who cares what she thinks. She crapped over a guy that valued her. Maybe it didn't do anything for her, but this was never, ever about her...this was about you. The strange thing about the human condition is we sometimes place value in those that see none in us. You have done that with her, you are concerned about what she thinks and how she reacts....and believe me I've been there, but look at this board and people that rallied behind you because we saw the real person that she didn't. Look at her own family that still puts value in you because they saw the real person that she didn't. The one on top here is you, you are the one people still appreciate, so the point is start seeing what the rest of see, and start appreciating and valuing number 1 and quit worring about number 3 billion......that's the place she moved into behind every other woman on the planet.


You are right chuff. I knew that this was all about me and not her. I guess just wondering did it have any impact on her...

But you are right, I put so much value in her when she put very little into me. I guess I put so value into her because I kept making up excuses for her... and at the same time being so hard on myself... you know??

Anything views that she might have of me would be irrelevant because she doesn't even know me. So that shouldn't even phase me.


Yea her family stills values me alot which is cool.

So she's number 3 billion now? WOW!

But I'm glad that the people on this board rallied behind me, and saw the worth in me... I really appreciate that.

Why does every other post from you have "...?"


You are right chuff. I knew that this was all about me and not her. I guess just wondering did it have any impact on her...

Yes it did. She may never admit it, and it may not ever be the reaction you want, but prior to the other day you laid the ground work for a type of behavior and that is what she expected. What she got was something different. Impact was had, and noticed since she kept looking at you.


But you are right, I put so much value in her when she put very little into me. I guess I put so value into her because I kept making up excuses for her...and at the same time being so hard on myself...you know???

Sadly, I do. Sadly, I have done this with just about every woman I've ever dated. People think I'm coming down on them here, and in reality I'm trying to scream the sense into them, because I can see what's happened to me happening to others. You can not beat yourself up in an attempt to prove you love. Making yourself suffer will not bring them back and in fact it does nothing for you other then continue the misery. We sort of give ourselves permission to beat ourselves up, but now I'm suggesting you give yourself permission to bring yourself up. I'll flat out tell you, this girl is beneath you. It's not that you don't deserve her, she doesn't deserve you. You are the prize and she's lucky to have had you... her luck ran out... not the other way around.


Anything views that she might have of me would be irrelevant because she doesn't even know me. So that shouldn't even phase me.

Not only are they irrelevant and she doesn't know you, you know her, which is more powerful then her knowing you.



Yea her family stills values me alot which is cool.

Think about that for a second. Don't let that pass by. Many families think somebody isn't good enough to date a member of their family. Her family not only thinks your good enough to date her, they think you good enough to talk to after the break up. There's a certain coolness about that that I think speaks volumes about you, that you just need to take in, not to get arrogant about but to accept your value.


So she's number 3 billion now? WOW!

Well... actually the very last woman in line is rosie o'donnell. I can't think of to many women worse then her, and that includes your ex.


But I'm glad that the people on this board rallied behind me, and saw the worth in me...I really appreciate that.

Everyone except Jiser. That guy talks a lot of smack.








Just a joke people.

...

She's at the END of the line now. SO WHAT IF SHE COMES BACK AROUND???
You deal with it, and don't get wimpy. She is just another person to you. How would you deal with any one you haven't seen in a while??

Yes it did. She may never admit it, and it may not ever be the reaction you want, but prior to the other day you laid the ground work for a type of behavior and that is what she expected. What she got was something different. Impact was had, and noticed since she kept looking at you.

Yeah I'm sure she suspected for me to come all up to her trying to talk... but NOT SO. I've already had failed attemps back when I kept breaking No Contact to try and talk to her about me and her situation.




You can not NOT beat yourself up in an attempt to prove your love. Making yourself suffer will not bring them back and in fact it does nothing for you other then continue the misery.

Yea Chuff, I felt like I had to PROVE my LOVE to HER, I felt like I wasn't taken SERIOUSLY, like SHE DIDN'T CARE that I was hurt or anything. I felt like I had to explain to her why I was as hurt as I was, because it seemed like she just DIDN'T GET IT. And WORST of all I was BEATING MYSELF UP BADLY OVER HER.




We sort of give ourselves permission to beat ourselves up, but now I'm suggesting you give yourself permission to bring yourself up.

Bringing myself up is just what I've been doing... I'm in the gym, switched my style of dress. Just really making some GOOD changes about myself... POSITIVE ONES.




I'll flat out tell you, this girl is beneath you. It's not that you don't deserve her, she doesn't deserve you. You are the prize and she's lucky to have had you....her luck ran out...not the other way around.

So this GIRL is BENEATH me? Are you serious? For the longest I felt like I didn't deserve her.

So I was the prize, and her luck ran out??




Not only are they irrelevant and she doesn't know you, you know her, which is more powerful then her knowing you.


YES IT IS! BUT CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT MORE PLEASE???




Think about that for a second. Don't let that pass by. Many families think somebody isn't good enough to date a member of their family. Her family not only thinks your good enough to date her, they think you good enough to talk to after the break up. There's a certain coolness about that that I think speaks volumes about you, that you just need to take in, not to get arrogant about but to accept your value.

Yeah definitely not ARROGANT about that but just THANKFUL that they saw the GENUIENE person, and the HEART that I had.


Her mom even text me lastnight "HAPPY NEW YEARS" and me and her was playing around being silly through texts. Definitely thankful.



Well......actually the very last woman in line is rosie o'donnell. I can't think of to many women worse then her, and that includes your ex.

She's at the END of the line now. SO WHAT IF SHE COMES BACK AROUND???

You deal with it, and don't get wimpy. She is just another person to you. How would you deal with any one you haven't seen in a while???

I believe he is asking what to do if she tries to reconcile their relationship... or maybe I am reading it wrong.

If she comes back around, don't jump right back in head first. You have to STOP, THINK, and ASK "Do I really want this?". "Do I notice a change in her?" "Has she changed?"

If you decide to get back together, take everything SLOOOW!

However, now is not the time to think about that, because it may never happen. Just stay the course you're doing great!

Sweet guy I just read the whole thread and I have to say I'm very impressed. I wish I could do what you did with my ex. You went no contact after falling off the wagon a few times. I can't seem to do that! I have fallen off way too many times and I just want to tell you your doing great!

sweet guy i just read the whole thread and i have to say im very impressed. i wish i could do what you did with my ex. you went no contact after falling off the wagon a few times. i can't seem to do that! i have fallen off way too many times and i just want to tell you your doing great!

You know it was not easy at all. I won't even lie to you and tell you it was because it wasn't. I went through a lot of emotions dealing with her and the break-up. Disappointment, frustration, confusion, feeling used and led on. But I had to realize "hey if she really wanted me her actions would definitely be different" I mean her family saw more in me than she did... you know?

I had to let go.

You know Saturday I had to see her again... well as I was walking from outside... she was sitting there eating and she spoke and said hello, so I said hi... and went on about my business as usual...

Good one mate! It must be even harder to maintain NC when you still bump to each other every now and again. Can't imagine what I would do in the same situation. You are making a lot of progress for yourself. Keep it up and one day she won't pop into your mind even once.

Yall know Saturday I had to see her again...well as I was walking from outside...she was sitting there eating and she spoke and said hello, so I said hi...and went on about my business as usual...

Nice. What you did hear was two things. The first is you let her come to you, even in the greeting she came to you with the initial greeting. The second was, you walked on. It's not who she was expecting. You told her through actions you don't need her. You are slowly reclaiming your power over her.

...

Keep on truckin' and you'll get there.

Will I ever get to the point to where she won't matter to me anymore... I still think about her often... thats pretty much about it though... but I want it to get to the point where if I see her, even if she is all dolled up and looking good it won't affect me at all... no butterflies, or nervousness just nothing... You know?

One thing that I am grateful for is that I don't beat myself up anymore... all the:


"I should of did this better"

"I should of did that more"

"If I wouldn't have said that, me and her would still be together"

"If I didn't allow the hurt and confusion and the frustration to boggle my mind then..."

I've stopped all of that because of the main fact that I am a good person, and she never made any action to try to work things out

Her mom told me a few months ago that


"When she broke up with me that the only reason she came to me was because everybody was telling her how wrong she was. She felt GUILTY, she didnt come back to me because she really wanted to...she didn't want that guilt to hang over her."

So she was basically just going through the motions... didn't apologized for anything, but she sured told me how wrong I was... you know?

I mean she didn't even sit back and evaluate the situation and think to herself:


"Hey Kevin must really be hurt and confused behind what I did to him emotionally"

Its like she didn't care... or if she did, she didn't show it...

And she didn't LOVE me at all...

...

What is this?

It is almost like his computer has a mind of its own. He has some of the most double posts and random posts I have ever seen... idle hands? :)

I was trying to change something and ended up messing up that post... sorry...

But you guys understand where I'm coming from on that post right..