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View Full Version : He died it felt like my heart was ripped out


kayla_pink
Nov 18, 2008, 09:06 PM
My grandpa Roy was 50 when he died(6 mo.ago)of lung cancer he meant everything to me he was always there when I needed to talk and I miss him so much they say there are 5 steps of grief, denial,anger,barganing,depression and acceptance I feel I haven't passed the dnial stage every one is sad when someone passes but I saw him die and I'm sooo sad about it can I get some help by the way I'm 12

Rainbow0077
Nov 19, 2008, 01:44 AM
When you lose someone it hurts, but there are ways to make you feel better. First, pray. That's all you really have to do. You need to tell God you trust him and hope for best of luck for your Grandpa right now and hope he's okay,safe,and of course, free. Next, write a page long (or more) essay on what he did that made you happy and how much he meant to you. This helps let all your feelings out. The 5 steps of grief aren't the best and very hard to go through, but it will most likely happen. Just make sure you NEVER blame it on yourself, I know this sounds silly because you should know this is NOT your fault, but it is what happens and you can't let it happen. Tell yourself life is like this [sadly] and say God was wanting him and it was his time. If you even can, you might be able to talk to your grandpa through heaven or feel him around you; crazy things like that happen too. Don't be afraid of the fact you saw your grandpa die, he loves you, I'm sure.

You might also want to get more time with friends to forget about what happened. And you might also want to hear stories about him when he was young from your grandma or mother/father. Hearing stories of the one you love makes you feel happy, and it REALLY does.

I hope this helps you, take care.

KBC
Nov 19, 2008, 06:09 AM
Can you explain this for me?

The 5 steps of grief aren't the best and very hard to go through, but it will most likely happen

HistorianChick
Nov 19, 2008, 07:57 AM
I lost my Dad when he was just a month shy of 50 from cancer, sweetie. And, just last week, I lost my Grandmother to lung cancer. It hurts like crazy, I know. Feels like you'll never be happy again, like your heart has been ripped out, that your tired eyes will never be dry. I know. I've felt that hurt, and honestly, I still feel that hurt.

While people say, "It will get better, you'll forget"... its hard to believe. Its hard to think that you'll just "get over" your heart ache and have a normal day without crying. But, believe me, you will.

The best thing that I have found is my own "Ten Minute Rule." Every day, you have ten minutes at a certain time to remember. In that ten minutes, you can cry, scream, sing, laugh, weep, get angry, sit on the floor and stare off into the distance, or simply remember. My ten minutes was after work... for ten minutes, I sat in my car and did whatever I wanted to do... I cried, I prayed, I sang at the top of my lungs, I talked to my Dad, I remembered him. But only for ten minutes.

After the ten minutes are over, you wipe your eyes, get off your knees, and go on. Each day, that special alone time - the Ten Minute Rule - is there, just for you. Every day, you have a time to cry.

It helps to know that there is a special time that you have decided to break down if you need to. It helps you get through the day and control your emotions. I don't know how many times I said to myself, "I can do this. I can't cry now. Its not time yet." Then at my Ten Minutes, I let it out and cried... then, when it was over, I fixed my make up and went on. Until the next day.

Pretty soon, you'll find that you may not need the ten minutes one day, but then the next day, you can hardly make it to your time. That's OK. It helps.

Try it. Try my Ten Minute Rule. I promise it will help you.

Much, much love, dear heart. From someone who has felt what you are feeling... you are not alone. You WILL make it. You will be that inspiration that your Grandpa knew you would be. You will be his legacy, his special promise of a life of wonderment. You are precious.

kayla_pink
Nov 19, 2008, 04:30 PM
thank you guys so much you really helped me ^^)

kayla_pink
Nov 19, 2008, 04:31 PM
Thank you guys a lot

roxypox
Nov 20, 2008, 02:59 AM
I'm so sorry hon! It really does hurt when you lose someone and I have to admit even though I've lost 3 grandparents it is hard to say something to console someone at a time like this. What helped me last year, when I losed one of my grandfathers last year was that my sister and I picked out a song for his funeral... and when ever I think of that song or hear it I think of him. I have other things to remember my other grandfather and my grandmother.

I'm not religious but if you are it does sound like a good idea to turn to religion.

And like historianchick said: the 10 min rule sounds like a really good idea.

Personally I will not tell you that it will stop hurting completely, my experience is that I carry the people I've losted with me and I try to remember all the goodthings. And sometimes I talk to them.

I was just a year older then you when I lost my farmor. I was really close to her. I used to spend a lot of weekends at her house and when she died I remember that the pain was unberable... it stings sometimes to think of her (she was 59 when she passed).

I hope you'll be feeling better soon sweetie!
I wish you all the best!
Roxy

kayla_pink
Nov 20, 2008, 08:51 PM
Thank you guys a lot I just want to add my dad left me when I was born and so my grandpa was like my dad

myneurotica
Nov 24, 2008, 08:34 AM
Perfect

myneurotica
Nov 24, 2008, 09:01 AM
Kayla, I loved HistorianChick's answer. My mother died less than a year ago. I lost my best and closest friend. I was with her when she died and I know how hard losing your Grandfather is. I am still heartbroken but somehow if I need to cry and sometimes I do, I allow myself some privacy and think about my mother. It's totally okay. Maybe you could try writing a diary, but talk to your Grandpa in it. Talk about you would be sharing with him as if he was here. I know my mother is always alive in my heart, because I loved her so.

kayla_pink
Nov 30, 2008, 10:53 PM
Thanks you guys

kayla_pink
Dec 2, 2008, 08:58 AM
thanks all =) I'm doing a lot better about it now =)