Hello all, I was reading over some of the posts and threads throughout the site and I am definitely going to add this to my favorites! Great and necessary site!! At any rate after reading over about 15 or so posts pertaining to my issue it seems as thought my odds are slim to none. Please advise:

I am the birth father of a wonderful young man, his mom and I were young and foolish when we conceived him myself moreso(foolish) nonetheless the story is drawn out and eventually the issue was raised by her after she married a military man to allow him (her husband) to adopt my son who is now 12 and was about 7 then. It was explained to me that it would be easier for him to receive the dependent benfits etc. if My son was was "his" I felt at the time that it was the best thing to do since my job and my selfish state of mind kept me traveling and hardly ever going back to the state to see my son as as I should have been doing, so I signed to relenquish... in this past 5 years spiritually and mentally I have grown and began to see life differently and realiz now how connected we all really are to one another and have grown to miss my son dearly. His mom has been secretly communicating with me and is supportive of my wishes to regain my rights (and her my money I am sure) and has been encouraging me to take them to court to get my rights, but does not want me to mention any of our conversations for risk of making her marital life hard because her husband is definitely not in agreement with me getting my rights back so she dares not approach him with the suggestion as he has always had a negative view of me partially due to my own lack of involvement in the past as well as the torrent of "wonderful" things she has admittedly told him about me.

My question simply stated is this... What are my odds and what should I do in order to get the rights to my son back. I do apologize for the length but in several of the posts I read the responding parties were consistent in asking for more of the back story.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice/help:)

You're going to need a REALLY good lawyer to have a chance... but I'm betting that your chances are slim to none.

Why not just try to have a relationship with your son that doesn't involve legal rights? If his mother is okay with that, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't slowly get to know him.

Matured now or not, you don't get to just pick things up with a child after 12 years. That's not how it works.

Yes that was what I said to her but the problem is her husband he won't agree to that period, when she initially said that I take them to court I told her almost exactly what you said, but the problemstill remains that her husband won't be in agreement despite what she wants.:(

This woman sounds a little crazy, frankly.

Consult a lawyer. That's the ONLY way you're going to have a chance anyway, and even then, if the lawyer says to drop it, you'll have to figure out some other way to get to know your son.

First, does your son know you at all? Second, I also suggest that you consult an attorney. But I would be VERY careful about starting any proceeding to get your rights back.

My suggestion is this. If your son knows you are his birth father, then you should be able to have a relationship with him. But of you challenge his adoptive father's rights, then you stand little chance of winning and a great chance of alienating him.

Unless an attorney gives you a good chance of regaining rights, I would not try. I would try corresponding with the adoptive father and explain to him that you do not want to interfere with his relationship, but that your son knows you are his birth father and you are looking only to be a part of his life like an uncle. You would like to be able to correspond with him and maybe an occasional visit.

If the adoptive father is smart, he won't stand in your way since that may alienate his son.

Well she is not the most sane person in the world which was some of the fuel (excuses) I needed back then to justify my lack of effort. We went through a lot her packing and going to her moms and coming back over and over until I told her one day no more if you leave this time don't come back! I had said that before but that time I meant it and it was from there that it all went down hill. Ironically that's what my wife says also... (the sounds little crazy part) but as you said I am going to have to find a way I just CANT leave it like this. While finincially I am way better off now than then, but these days who really has money to waste on an exercise in futility? You have confirmed my original beliefs but now I am still at a loss because I don't have any ideas left concerning how to go about this... Short of going up there and get in Mr Mans face and state my case in the most stern and demanding of ways with a you know ill beat your butt expression and see if that works... Of course ill let him know I am not trying to deny him his title as provider and dad:mad: for my son all these years but instead simply attempting to secure my place in his life as his birth father..

The kick your but thig was just my anger I am not pleased at all with that uncle thing... I am NOT his his uncle!! But Scott you are right. That was one of the things I told my Sone mother also she seems sure that her Husband is not reasnable in that sense, and that was why I suggested the butt kicking thing.. And to answer your questions yes he does know me and that I am his birth Father... But again Scott and Synn I know you are right I just don't like this at all... I made a foolish mistake fololish foolish foolish.

Sorry for the spelling... a little rushed... this really frustrates me I feel like I am helpless.. because I know in my heart and mind that the attorney in all lilely hood will say what all three of us are thinking... Almost impossible...

Have you had any interaction with the adoptive father? If the mother is a bit off, then maybe she isn't telling you the truth.

Once the boy is 18 you will both be free to enter into a relationship whether the adoptive father likes it or not. So it really makes more sense on everyone's part to let something occur now.

I really think you need to contact the adoptive father and sit down with him and try to work something out. No threats, no animosity. You need to make it clear to him that you are not seeking to displace him as the boy's father. Only to just be a part of his life.

Ok you are right... thats what ill do I have to find a way to get in contact with him... If I mail a letter maybe she will not let it get to him... I don't know... But he is in the military maybe I can go about it that way.. I just have a sinking feeling that if I send a letter she won't get it to him, and regardless of how I feel I know that HE (the adoptive father) is my only chance until my son turns 18...

Do you know where he is stationed? You should be able to write him thorugh his base or company.

I don't know the ship but I do know city and state and base... That was what I was thinking to attempt to contact him through his command.