My girlfriend and I had been together for about 11 months. We started dating and things were great but as the relationship progressed she had issues with making time for me and pulling/pushing me away. I would bring it up and things would be great for a while but then she would just start pulling away again. She had an incident in her past that she hadn’t fully dealt with that was affecting our sexual relationship (non-existent) and also recovering from an eating disorder. I loved her and I was being patient with the sexual issue and the others. The last two months were not the best, she was completely pushing me away and while I was out of town for several weeks on business she suffered a loss which didn’t help matters.

The day after I got back we broke up. She said she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and had to sort herself out before she could be. And that she loved me and but wasn’t being a good girlfriend and didn’t want to hurt me anymore. She said she didn’t fully understand why she would start pushing me away when things were going so well. Also she let her friends take all her time and didn’t want to change that about herself right now. She said she didn’t want to lose me and that was the hardest part about this but she had to do it. And that we should be friends and in each others lives still.

This was about 3 weeks ago and we haven’t been communicating other than a few random texts, we both had stated we wanted to give the other one space.

I guess I’m just wondering what I should do now. I love her more than anything even now and do want her to work through her issues; it’s the only way we would make it together in the long run. But should I just not talk to her and let her make the contact when she’s ready? Is it ever really true when people give you the “it’s not you it’s me line”?

Let her go man. She fed you a classic "let them down easy" line. You need to find someone better who doesn't have the baggage that she had. This relationship is done.

You need to concentrate on yourself and leave her alone to sort out her issues. That means YOU move on and date others.

I think you will find someone more compatible.

Do not try to contact her. It will make it harder for you to move beyond this relationship. Find things to do that keep your mind off her. Go out with friends, go to the gym, work on a project that you like, take on more responsibility at work... anything to keep yourself occupied.

I know how you feel about helping her through her struggles or whatever, but sometimes people have to learn to help themselves rather than put the burden on others. Also no matter how much you try to help and change people you love, chances are they never change and you go on through life trying struggling to adapt to this person. The result being you end up losing who you are by making this person's problems/life, your life. You CAN'T do that.

Go out, date, and find someone who is more compatible.

Also know that there are other people here that are going through the same thing you are right now. We are here to help.

Ahh the "it's not you, it's me" line, that means it's over. Cut off the contact with her and start to heal, this is the best thing you can do for yourself. She wanted to be free and sort things out, so do you.

Read the stickies at the top of the forum and use them!

She needs space, give it to her. Use the time to rebuild a life that you enjoy, without her in it.

Save your dignity, and self respect, more confusion, by not contacting her in any form or fashion, and be happy with moving on to better things!

I guess a big part of me feels like I'd be giving up on her if I did just close the door and walk away. I'm OK with being apart while she works on stuff and not I'm in a rush to see other people. Not to say I won't date other people while she is going through this, I'm not waiting on her, I just don't want to right now.

I guess a big part of me feels like I'd be giving up on her if i did just close the door and walk away. I'm ok with being apart while she works on stuff and not I'm in a rush to see other people. Not to say I won't date other people while she is going through this, I'm not waiting on her, I just don't want to right now.

That's good. You don't want to sit around and wait when who knows if you would ever get back together. I agree with everyone on here. And it's normal not to go out and date right away either. Take some time for you. Get your life back in order and just take it day by day. Don't feel like you have to be dating people right away because then you're just on the rebound. You'll get through this and we're here for you if you need us

Yeah. Take all the time you need to heal. Then get back out there and start dating.


I'm OK with being apart while she works on stuff and not I'm in a rush to see other people.

Don't get your hopes up that she will comeback. You must proceed forward KNOWING that she is not coming back. Otherwise it will take longer for you to move beyond this.

Just worry about yourself right now, and like Zoe said get your life in order so that your ready when the next girl comes along.

Ya that's kind of been my line of thought. As much as it sucks to admit that she won't be the one. Thanks for the advice and input :)

Good luck with the healing pal, just let it go.

This might sound kind of stupid but we are still friends on Myspace and Facebook, should I be deleting her from my list? I don't check her page but I still get the status updates and she gets mine. Does that count as communication?

Yes!