Hi. I have been having a lot of problems with my boyfriend. He always tells me that he doesn't watch porn and then it always comes out that he does. It has been hard for me to trust him and sometimes I check his history on his computer and when he forget to delete something or messes up I always find some porn and then we get into a huge fight! This keeps happening and I don't know what to do. I've always thought that watching porn was sleazy -- should I stay with him? What does this mean? :confused: ALSO at the beginning of our relationship I found that he had cyber sex with someone that I know - he never told me and I found out about it months later! Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Forgot the porn all guys watch porn some more then others. But the cybersex in my opinion that's pretty much cheating. Because there is a certain type of interaction between two people.

Stop trying to be so controlling. Guys are visual... we like naked women. Keep it up and I guarantee you there will be problems in the relationship. Porn has ZERO to do with you, how you look or anything about you. Don't measure yourself up against porn stars. Its Apples to Oranges.

He doesn't (or shouldn't) be telling you what to watch, who to talk to or how long you can spend looking at clothes.

So...

Where is the line in the sand for you?

We can (and have before here on the AMHD boards) talked all about whether porn is bad, is a useful tool when used "right", or is his private "right"...

Please, lets not make this yet another thread rehashing of all of that noise.

He likes porn. You do not.

You decide where the line in the sand is for you. He decides what's acceptable for him. You've spoken to him about this, and he doesn't see eye to eye with you... he will gladly go behind your back to do what he wants. You can choose to stay or go. You don't get to choose to stay and continue to make noise about this.

Again... I'm not taking his side... I'm saying at some point it isn't about his failure to do what you've asked... its about your decision to stay with someone who acts predictably.

How are things in the bedroom with you? Is he attentive? Giving? Is his drive stronger than yours? etc...

I don't care if my partner self stimulates... as long as our relationship in the bedroom is mostly OK, then fine... if her vibe is seeing more time than me and I'm left wanting and pent up... it's a problem.

I don't care if she reads erotica. I don't even care if she's thinking occasionally about the tight arse on the guy she saw at the local deli today... if she's connected in the moment, all the rest is just what it takes to keep the wheels turning.

But that's me.

You get to choose what you will put up with and what you won't accept. Personally, when I've used visual stim to excite myself its NEVER, EVER been "hmmm... my current partner just isnt measuring up so ill look at this other girl"... its always just been a primal reflex to uncommon visual stim.

I remember in college a girlfriend found a playboy in my loft, opened it up to the centerfold and demanded "is THIS what you want??"... well, no. that skin mag was a temporary distraction. I wasn't after that airbrushed model. I was after a quick fix. But clearly, we've seen here on the boards that sometimes people can take things too far, becoming unattentive lovers who rely more on their hand for intimacy than the touch of their lover.

So... you get to choose what you want. Make your position as clear as you can, and then after that... if he keeps crossing lines you don't wish to see crossed, then its your turn to take the next step... whatever that is.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/addictions/boyfriend-smokes-too-much-weed-280493.html

The OP has OTHER problems with her boyfriend.

I'd like to know how old the OP is, frankly. It sounds to me like a high school girl with her first boyfriend, and she's not ready to walk away because she LOVES him, without really knowing what love is.

Yeah... so true.

You are sneaking around spying on your boyfriend!! What are you, the Gestapo? :)

From the tenor of your post, you sound very young and inexperiences in ways of the flesh... I think you are too young to have a boyfriend, or should I say sex partner?

Best wishes, don't try to grow up too fast! :)

Women that feel a need sneak around spying on their "boyfriends" or vice versa don't have a real relationship. Not a mature one anyway.

I don't think it hurts anyone unless your put last and your needs are not being met... this is where my issue was outlined before (still is) in a previous post but no one really has the answer you want to hear.

I guess you need to be comfortable with your own sexuality before you can really consider a serious relationship with someone. I have been with my man for 9 years and have 2 babies with him... he has his moments too... he hid them (porn). Well he still hides it but so be it so long as I am not neglected and happy... which I am not but its been months but my question for you is why cope if you aren't married and don't have kids with him?. MOVE ON... you deserve better and you owe it to yourself to have fun.

Talking about it shuts them (men) down the last thing they want to hear is what they did wrong and just for the record CYBER SEX is cheating and not acceptable. Either you talk to him or move on because I am sure you don't want to be the PI but can't help but obsess over it... this won't solve anything it will only upset you... its not worth it honestly :). Don't do what I did and get caught up in a serious relationship with an overbearing boyfriend that takes up all your girlfriend time... PLEASE have fun and be young!

So why is it your really mad at him? There is always a core issue and this is just one of them.

WOW.. I have been through the same problem. I never knew what to do and at first I told him honestly I don't mind if you watch porn but if it becomes a problem in the relationship then its going to have to stop. Well not long after that I found out that He watched sooooo much of it everyday. To the point that as soon as we got home that's the first thing he would do. So all we do is fight about it and it has never stopped to this day and this started like a year ago. Now I have tried different things. 1. Act like its no big deal! Well that didn't work it just got worst. 2. Try to get involved. Maybe watch it together and then try some of the things you see you might like. That kind of worked but it wasn't the best. 3. just learn you have to deal with it if you still want to be with him. I have even tried talking about it and letting him know how it made me feel. It never changed. Now I am still with my boyfriend and things are still the same I have "learned to deal with it." but it still bothers me I just don't tell him anymore to cause less fighting. You just got to think if he worth it then you will let him watch it and not keep causing fights about it or leave him because if you tell him how you feel and he doesn't change then how much are you really worth to him.. you got to decide.. good luck!

Try to impose your will on someone... be it unreasonible issues with Porn... booze... his friends and trust me it will destroy your relationship.

People who really love each other don't try to force them to do as they wish. That's immaturity speaking not love.

And its no different than him trying to control who you talk to, what you watch on TV... who your friends are.

Hopless65 and sing our_own so... it seems A LOT of women have this problem... me too. I agree that Step 1 does not do anything... they accumulate and spend more time doing it. Step 2 he likes to do it on his own and you can join in once in a while but it won't change anything and Step 3 ignoring it is not going to help your situation, he won't be aware and it won't change how you feel if anything it will make you feel worse. Its finding communication that works and that he listens and responds well to... maybe take a look inside yourself and try and find what your issue is and how you can help the situation and help yourself (finding inner happiness and providing solutions rather then attacks). Of course you can't change anyone or "impose your will" (your not asking him to stop but to be aware of how it makes you feel and why and what he can do to make things work so you are BOTH happy) don't worry about this destroying your relationship. Again... your not going to ask him to give it up but control it for his sake and the relationships sake. I say if it does destroy your relationship there was nothing worth fighting for in the first place. Another thing, you can change yourself and your approach... screaming matches take more energy then productive conversations (I know about the "cleaning" and "snooping" but only makes it worse for you so STOP). If talking isn't getting anywhere walk away. What I did is this, I told him "I will be ready when you want to talk about this but don't talk to me until you treat me like your partner, lover, friend and wife after all we are adults. l will wait until your ready to sit down and do that because I have nothing else to say". I found he would try to change the subject (avoidance) and give me guilt trips about why I shouldn't feel this way... feed me excuse after excuse then he would buy whatever I wanted and surprise me with them but I know the routine. We have danced this dance a million times... I guess these after-math behaviors are outlined the same as a cheating spouse and alcoholic (which I never even thought of). Regardless of how he wants to cover it up I am not listening to him and I ignore him completely... he became frustrated and knew he was running out of options and excuses... so we did eventually sit down. But they will get bitter about it if it is not handled with care on your end. Try talking to a drug addict and committing them to the hospital... very volatile if it is a serious problem on his end... these are huge indications it's a problem and destructive behaviour... my husband actually became physical abusive with me. I got so sick of the "situation" we would go out on the weekend and I would talk to other guys... he could masturbate every day and leave me dry so why can't I have a nice conversation with the opposite sex... maybe someone will show some interest in me (I was depressed and felt unattractive)? Well when we got home I knew that I was going to be in conflict with him so I would go straight to bed and he would drag me out by my hair just to fight. He is going through counseling really does help sometimes its nice to have someone to talk to on both ends... communication ended being our key issue. I have to say that things are different... well they where going well and then I got pregnant... it has now been 3 months since well you know and we are getting back into the same thing. Pregnancy is so short-term and we can always continue to work through it together, it gets really complicated once you get "attached" so be wise in your choice.

I understand you are not wanting to control your partner... I know that was never my intention and I am sure it wasn't yours. What this is all about is this.. this "hurts" her "feelings" and because she IS a classy lady brushing it off or ignoring it won't help HER. Finding a hobby isn't the answer for you just as it wasn't for me... (though it did relieve stress and clear my thoughts) I just don't get it! I grew up around guys, had guy friends and HELL was one of the guys... porn isn't the problem and its not alien to me either... its how long and frequently is it being used by your partner? Are you being put last? Are you sexually unsatisfied? Do you enjoy it once in a while yourself or with him? How comfortable with your own skin are you? What are your insecurities? What can you bring to the table? Is it worth it? But ultimately its not about the "men" its about you and needing someone to talk to... finding something that works for you. The key issue isn't trying to FORCE someone it is trying to find MUTUAL and MATURE grounds of respect for themselves and partners. After all love also means openness, sacrifice and forgiveness for each other. Love is not mutual but endless. Love is not one sided, has no boundaries and it knows no hate, remorse, vengeance, lies, games or disloyalty... love is unconditional.

After all this blah... have a talk with him, try counseling or leave. What else is going on? Are you sure he's not cheating on the internet again? Don't get burned and be realistic about your expectations.

I like kp2171's posts on all this stuff... great advice :)

I don't think it is control but everyone is entitled to their opinions and its about someone is being neglected and is feeling hurt! Evidently she is one day going to lash out (considering she is getting depressed and feels unattractive)... naturally if he is "polishing his knob" and she is "left dry" I don't blame her and think her feelings are valid.

Besides "every night" for "3 hours" seems excessive don't you think? You know I don't think porn is the problem in "all" cases but this one... it looks like it is a major component of their relationship issues.

No I don't think it is control...its about someone is being neglected and is getting hurt! Evidently she is one day going to lash out (considering she is getting depressed and feels unattractive)...naturally if he is "polishing his knob" and she is "left dry". Besides "every night" for "3 hours" seems excessive don't you think? You know I don't think porn is the problem in "all" cases but this one...it looks like it is a reflection of the core issue.Take a look at what the OP said... she has no right to be dictating what he does in her absence much less micromanage him in her presence. If it was him demanding she perfome sex acts she found distastefull that is no different than her demanding he do what she says. Each person is an adult... and each person is the master of their own domain. Neither has the right to force their will on others.

In other words if she doesn't want other people telling her what to do and how to act (and I'm real sure she would get bent out of shape if he tried) she should stop trying to do it to him (or others).

I wouldn't still be married after 17 years if my wife tried to do that with me... I would have shown her the door years ago. She has the right to fidelity, and be treated well... not to dictate what I do or don't do every minute of the day or night..

Watch it with him or make your own personal

watch it with him or make your own personal
It is obvious from her question that she does not like porn, so why should she have to watch it? \
3 hours a day is excessive and addictive. I know, there are many on here who claim I am wrong, but from the volume of questions about porn it clearly is a major problem in our society and causing major problems in relationships. Don't know what else to call it but addiction. You have two choices, dump him and move on. Or confront him and insist he get help dealing with his addiction.

The other side of that is that it's obvious from her question that he DOES like porn---so why should he have to quit just because SHE doesn't like it?

It all comes down to compromise, and compromise doesn't mean that either side gets their way entirely.

If you can't compromise, then there's not point to the relationship.

The other side of that is that it's obvious from her question that he DOES like porn---so why should he have to quit just because SHE doesn't like it?

It all comes down to compromise, and compromise doesn't mean that either side gets their way entirely.

If you can't compromise, then there's not point to the relationship.

However if you read the OP you will see that he is watching porn and then lying about it. Lying is one of the signs of addiction. So I stand by my original assessment, He is addicted and she does not like it. With a difference like that there is no compromise, she needs to leave before it is too late.

Lying is one of the signs that there are communications issues. It's also a sign of insanity, believe it or not.

I've always felt that the signs of addiction to a substance (like drugs or alcohol) or to an idea (like porn) could be likened to religious fervor.

Psychological signals:

Use of drugs or alcohol as a way to forget problems or to relax
Withdrawal or keeping secrets from family and friends
Loss of interest in activities that used to be important
Problems with schoolwork, such as slipping grades or absences
Changes in friendships, such as hanging out only with friends who use drugs
Spending a lot of time figuring out how to get drugs
Stealing or selling belongings to be able to afford drugs
Failed attempts to stop taking drugs or drinking
Anxiety, anger, or depression
Mood swings
Physical signals:

Changes in sleeping habits
Feeling shaky or sick when trying to stop
Needing to take more of the substance to get the same effect
Changes in eating habits, including weight loss or gain

Aside from the physical effects which generally only come with a substance---you could substitute GOD in there and have the same problems. I know people that can't leave God out of a conversation for 5 minutes. Does that mean they're addicted to God? Wouldn't that be an UNhealthy thing?

We honestly don't know how the OP is reacting to him regarding this. If every time he uses porn, she yells at him, nags, and makes him feel ashamed---well, wouldn't YOU lie rather than listen to the same old lecture a million times? ESPECIALLY if even if you TRIED to give your side of it, she just doesn't "hear" it?

Yes, porn can be addictive, and yes, it can hurt some relationships. However--self esteem problems and a "happy ever after only EVER thinking about me because I'm the ONLY woman you're ever going to see for the rest of your life" mentality by women is JUST as hurtful to relationships.

I really and truly think that Disney, with their perfect and young princesses marrying the first guy that comes along, needing him to rescue her, and the whole "they loved each other so everythign worked happily ever after" has as much or MORE of an impact on relationships than porn. Women think they need to be perfect in size and attitude, and that if a guy isn't interested for whatever reason in them--that it's THEIR fault, not the guy's fault.

The MAIN problem with all of it is that if the porn is THAT much of an issue in a relationship, and he won't talk about it---then just freakin' walk away, and don't get involved with a guy who masturbates ever again.

It is obvious from her question that she does not like porn, so why should she have to watch it? \
3 hours a day is excessive and addictive. I know, there are many on here who claim I am wrong, but from the volume of questions about porn it clearly is a major problem in our society and causing major problems in relationships. Don't know what else to call it but addiction. You have two choices, dump him and move on. Or confront him and insist he get help dealing with his addiction.SHe doesn't have to look at it... he's HIDING it from her remember. She said so in the original post. Its not out where the kids would find it or she would see it if she wasn't snooping around behind his back.

Now if he would think she should have his name tattooed on her butt? Or say he had an interest in S&M would he be right in demanding she comply because he likes it? So that is different in what way then expecting him to give up something he enjoys just because she doesn't like it because she has insecurities?

He's an adult... he has ever right to have his porn as she does to watch her soap operas, talk to her friends read her favorite reading material, etc.

THey are both adults... and as an adult they each have their rights to do what they enjoy. There is no harm beign done (only imagined harm from someone upset he won't bow to her commands)... and its not taking money away from things like food or rent.

Its pretty clear everyone thinks something different here :). I do think Smoothy has a relevant point... the right to fidelity. But where does the right to fidelity draw its line? When one partner is left displeased, unsatisfied and sexually ignored? Its not about you chicky its about him. Don't compare yourself; they are a quick fix. When doing it they don't think of you and it has nothing to do with you. Women aren't like men and we will always have an issue trying to understand it... so choose what you want to do, I had to. These things can be addicting as anything else... but an addictive personality will come to boot, this is the least of your issues... imagine if he starts gambling. True enough we are all so different that we all have different fantasies, desires, likes and dislikes. Agreeably porn is porn and masturbating is just that, usually there is something else that is the root of the matter just like any other conflict and if not handled with care can branch out to more complicated matters barring the original matter deeper so don't loose track of what's really going on... Your bf's excessive use and behavior is not normal or healthy I agree, but then maybe you should reconsider the relationship and find someone else (get out while your ahead)... just remember that they all masturbate its about how you choose to deal with it if at all.

The right to fidelity is just that. And I do agree I believe both partners do have that right.

In my mind that does include the obvious physical stuff. But also serious flirting and long personal conversations that go beyond what is acceptable in a normal friendship.

But it does involve active participation with TWO willing adults.

Porn does not involve this. There is only one active participating person. A magazine... electronic picture or video do not involve that.

What do you know about his past relationships? Lost one? Or had no serious relationship? See I understand you, he probably thinks your too needy, dependent and not emotionally mature (typical feelings). Does he avoid going out seeing people and stay home and turn on the fantasy and stay in the house? Does he associate porn with masturbation? Not all men masturbate to porn all the time... its only when they associate the two that could be the problem. Not only that but this type of addiction is very complex and misunderstood as there are different types of sex addictions. Whoever says that you can't get addicted to porn is in denial themselves... sex addiction is a SYMPTOM NOT a CAUSE. It is a result of his approach to intimacy... you can't stop this behavior but deal with the intimacy issues causing emotional neglect... leading to sex infrequently or non at all or for long periods or impersonal/meaningless sex or you have to initiate it... he does not initiate it or when having sex does he ask you to do things you don't want to (sexual neglect). Also your boyfriend is in denial, lies about it and hides it... when you do find it he blames it being someone else's or an excuse for it rather then just admitting it and not going through the secretive extent of hiding it. If there is any addiction that is misunderstood, its masturbation addiction... there are two drives a natural one and addictive one... problem is when the natural drive is effected - this is love making with you. It's a misuse of a person's natural sex drive.. which leads to compulsion and can affect every part of the person's life, self-respect, intimate relationships, associations with family and friends, finances and career. The joy for natural sex now does compete with his sexual addiction. He is not having fun if he is addicted... just concealing their personal problems just as an alcoholic uses booze... it delivers short-term thrills followed by long-term miseries. It provides an illusion of pleasure that is escap orientated but when the escape is gone so all real life demands come back... some rationalizations for addictions are this:

It's not addiction; its to relieve stress. Its not addiction; it's a way of having fun. Everyone does it. Your too uptight about sex. I am not. I have more sex drive then most people. It gives me pleasure. It can't be an addiction if I like it. I know guys who are sex addicts. I'd never do what they do. I am normal; you are abnormal.

Does your boyfriend know he is addicted? Probably not. Remember don't take on his burden... its not yours to own. Now you may think he has an addiction but he may not... it could be a result of something else. How long have you been dating boyfriend? Need to know more about your relationship and more about him.

Here are some questions:
Does he take interest in your life? Does he listen or care? Are you involved in his life? Does he share important feelings with you? When telling you the facts does he emotionally comment? Are you in a roommate situation? Can you share deeper feelings with a friend then with him?

It is true, there is a big problem in our society with the porn... Men are watching too much porn and not paying attention to their partner need. I know that very well!

Bigger problem is women that believe they can control all aspect of the boyfriends (or husbands ) life.


Then get shocked when he gets fed up and cheats on her or leaves her.

Too many women blame their own problems that existed long before they met the man on his porn viewing, football watching etc... anything but themselves where the real fault lies..

If your boyfriend is totally faithful and only has eyes for you, then I really wouldn't bother about it, it's a man thing.

It doesn't mean that he thinks any less of you, it's just what men do.

Perhaps you should watch it together or suggest it and watch his reaction... I bet he'd be totally jealous of you looking at the blokes.

It really is not worth checking up on him or the worry.

okay there are some selfish comments here... no one has to justify where porn fits into their life and certainly if someone does not like it that does not make them abnormal it's actually quite the opposite... chronic porn watchers have the issues... because porn is like any other addiction and can be life altering... come on men be honest.. there are some men who can't even reach orgasm because they've watched so much porn behidn their spouses girlfriends backs that the porn has now mentally taken the place normalcy... it's shallow to think all guys watch watch porn... I think all guys have seen porn and girls too but it doesn't mean all guys feel entitled to it... I don't think my man would really appreciate if he walked in and caught me up on the computer at 9inchLatinooos.com playing my banjo... no I don't think so.. I don't think he would say hey honey lol! Having a good time... he's look down and say hmmmm lol! I don't think it's a huge issue IF you watch together and have fun with it.. but if your man or woman is entertaining it and often behind your back... and you don't like it there's nothing wrong with you... leave, there are people who are not entertained in that way.. trust. This came up with my man I simply said hey f... cker... don't be watching that sh... t without me lol! BUt really come on you can't fault someone that doesn't feel comfortable... there are a lot of different variables that play part into a person's reasons for disliking it... incest, rape, exploitation... all kinds of stuff. Be fair and understanding.

It is true, there is a big problem in our society with the porn.......Men are watching to much porn and not paying attention to their partner need. I know that very well!!

That is only a half truth if that. What about the women that ignore there mans needs and withhold sex from there partner. That is not a healthy relationship as well. If a woman is not fulfilling their mans need then I think it is a much better idea for that man to watch porn than to go out and find another woman just to satisfy his needs, especially if that man is married.

Lets face facts, men often need it more than women. If the woman is keeping it from her man, for whatever reason, what do you think the guy is going to do. A lot of guys will find some honey to get with. I am not excusing that action at all. That is wrong. But both people have needs.

So to make a statement like "men are watching to much porn and not paying attention to their partners needs" that is a short sited view. What is the mans needs the woman is not paying attention to?

okay there are some selfish comments here....no one has to justify where porn fits into their life and certainly if someone does not like it that does not make them abnormal it's actually quite the opposite.....chronic porn watchers have the issues ...because porn is like any other addiction and can be life altering ...come on men be honest..there are some men who can't even reach orgasm because they've watched so much porn behidn their spouses girlfriends backs that the porn has now mentally taken the place normalcy...... it's shallow to think all guys watch watch porn...I think all guys have seen porn and girls too but it doesn't mean all guys feel entitled to it....I don't think my man would really appreciate if he walked in and caught me up on the computer at 9inchLatinooos.com playing my banjo.....no I don't think so..I don't think he would say hey honey lol!! Having a good time ...he's look down and say hmmmm lol!! I don't think its a huge issue IF you watch together and have fun with it..but if your man or woman is entertaining it and often behind your back ...and you don't liek it there's nothing wrong with you ...leave, there are people who are not entertained in that way..trust. This came up with my man I simply said hey f....cker....don't be watching that sh...t without me lol!! BUt really come on you can't fault someone that doesn't feel comfortable.....there are a lot of different variables that play part into a person's reasons for disliking it....incest, rape, exploitation.....all kinds of stuff. Be fair and understanding.
Completely disagree... would you say it's the woman's problem if HE took issue with her friends... her soap opera viewing habits... her romance novels, the fact she spends hours at the mall when she has closets full of cloths... etc?

Now I do like the idea if she will watch it with him... nothing wrong there... I think that's healthy, the problem arrises with people that think they have stop doing what they enjoy to comply with their demands just because they have insecurity issues which are their problem... not the guys fault.

Heck... he shouldn't force her to watch porn if she doesn't want to, and she has no business forcing him to watch her soap operas if he doesn't want to. Even as a married couple you don't HAVE to do every single thing together all the time.

[QUOTE=DSM521;1543749]That is only a half truth if that. What about the women that ignore there mans needs and withhold sex from there partner. That is not a healthy relationship as well. If a woman is not fulfilling their mans need then I think it is a much better idea for that man to watch porn than to go out and find another woman just to satisfy his needs, especially if that man is married.

Lets face facts, men often need it more than women. If the woman is keeping it from her man, for whatever reason, what do you think the guy is going to do. A lot of guys will find some honey to get with. I am not excusing that action at all. That is wrong. But both people have needs.

So to make a statement like "men are watching to much porn and not paying attention to their partners needs" that is a short sited view. What is the mans needs the woman is not paying attention to?[/QUOTE

Well I guess I did not make myself clear. I have a high sex drive and my husband prefers watch porn by himself and get it over quick... "if you know what I mean"
We have been together for over 2 years and the sex has gone down hill and I know for a fact it is not me. He was alone for many years and got used to watching porn and doing his thing... Even from the first time we did it, he could not release I had to do the hand thing... all the time. He is so used to the hand! He can not release inside like a normal person I have to finish him with the hand!! It is very frustrating... Sorry I am just so sad :(

[QUOTE=DSM521;1543749]That is only a half truth if that. What about the women that ignore there mans needs and withhold sex from there partner. That is not a healthy relationship as well. If a woman is not fulfilling their mans need then I think it is a much better idea for that man to watch porn than to go out and find another woman just to satisfy his needs, especially if that man is married.

Lets face facts, men often need it more than women. If the woman is keeping it from her man, for whatever reason, what do you think the guy is going to do. A lot of guys will find some honey to get with. I am not excusing that action at all. That is wrong. but both people have needs.

So to make a statement like "men are watching to much porn and not paying attention to their partners needs" that is a short sited view. What is the mans needs the woman is not paying attention to?[/QUOTE

Well I guess I did not make my self clear. I have a high sex drive and my husband prefers watch porn by himself and get it over quick..........."if you know what I mean"
We have been together for over 2 years and the sex has gone down hill and I know for a fact it is not me. He was alone for many years and got used to watching porn and doing his thing.............Even from the first time we did it, he could not release I had to do the hand thing........ all the time. He is so used to the hand!! He can not release inside like a normal person I have to finish him with the hand!!!!!!! it is very frustrating........Sorry I am just so sad :(


So sorry to hear about your problem. That must be difficult to deal with. I was a young guy once myself and well watched porn to get myself through the hard times. I agree with you, I don't understand why he would want to get it over with quick by himself and not with you.

Give me the choice between porn and my own hand, or my wife... my wife will win every time. To me masturbating is something to do when you and your partner can't make love. I am a man, and I can't understand a man choosing masturbation over their warm and willing wife or girlfriend.

I don't think his problem is from having done it by hand so long that's the only way he can do it. I didn't marry to nearly 30, and I didn't always have a girlfriend at arms length... so like all single guys a relied on Rosey. It got the job done... but was a very poor substitute for a woman.

Him wanting to get it over quick is another issue... most guys would rather do it for far longer than they are physically capable... not the other way around. I will assume in this case that its not the environment in the house so that basically would point towards a mental block. Having to finish by hand is not normal... thats the other red flag. He needs to get into counseling. Find and resolve whatever his issue might be. We can't guess as possible reasons are numerous.

Me and my fiancé watches porn together and I am the one that buys it. Sometimes we get a good laugh from it because sometimes the story line be so chessy you have to laugh. But we don't do this on a regular basis because we have a excellent sex life but sometimes when I am not in the mood porn comes in handy for his to watch and do his business.

But I think the main thing you've a problem with he him having cyper sex with someone you know than finding up about months later. I'd be upset too and feel cheating on. Nowadays with internet there are so many doors open and it's so easy to do things without leaving your home. If you can't forgive him and want to leave than leave never stay where your unhappy especially if tried communicating your thoughts and nothing have change.