My husband has decided due to the stress, disrespect of my kids that he wants to move on since he is just the step-father. He is willing to have a relationship with me afterwards and see/talk to each other but just wants to be apart and if it is meant to be with each other it will work out later down the road for us. I am a bit confused as to what to think. I love this man very much and would love to see things work out. :confused:

How old are you, and your husband? How old are the kids? How long have you been married? How long have you known each other?? Info needed!!

I am 33 and my husband is 35 and we will have been married 2 years on November 27th of this year but we were dating 2 years prior to that. I have 3 kids are 16, 14 and then 8. the 16 and 14 year old are the one's causing the grief

Those darn teen agers, they will do that. Do you not support him, as a team, or do they play on you both??

Yes they will that is for sure. It just makes it hard that the kids are not willing to give respect and help do what they are supposed to do around the house just so they can think they do what they want. My husband is a good man and I have always said any man that comes in to a woman that has 3 kids must be great and he is it just so happens he can't deal with the stress and disrespect. I am just unsure about his thinking of having being boyfriend/girlfriend after the fact. I think it is great that he is willing to work with me but if that is the case then why jump right into a divorce?

Because it is a lot to handle, kids are a tough bunch, especially when the kids might be thinking he is trying to replace their father? What do you kids say about it?

I know what he is going through as I am engaged to a women with 2 kids, although they are younger(5 and 4) but again the oldest does the whole "Daddy lets me do this"

Well the oldest has always tried to pull punches as to whomever is giving her way at that time. The middle one and the step dad used to have a great relationship until her and her older sister got together and from there they have smoked pot, etc and just gotten out of hand. Their real father is really never been there since our divorce has it appeared he had a drug addiction so I do not allow them to go with them probably for the last year or so and they don't like that idea. I am trying to live a good life, go to church and lead them in the right direction of how a good life should be lived but they refuse and tell me that I can't force F***en religion down their throat but I feel they are living under my roof they should respect that but they don't. They can't even clean up after themselves.. the whole situation is just rough so they decided last night that they wanted to go live with their grandparents so I am trying to figure out what to do about that and then I wonder is there any hope with saving my marriage to the man I dearly love since they have given him such a sour taste of how kids can be.

I think it starts with you both having rules, and consequences, for bad behavior, as something's are not tolerated, and frankly, this is not the time to be a friend, or be soft, because of what you think you may owe them.

Before you ship them off to someone else, crack down on them, enforce your rules, and bring discipline back to your home.

This is something you do together, and be ready willing and able to do something when they step over their boundaries.

He may be hesitant to discipline, since they aren't his kids, but make no mistake that's when you step up.

I have not addressed the relationship between you, just because you, and your husband need to take care of that part first, before you can address each other.

Children cannot run the house, unless you let them.


I feel they are living under my roof they should respect that but they dont.
They don't have to respect a darn thing, just do as they are told, or pay the consequences.
They can't even clean up after themselves..
Unacceptable,

You had better make some real quick changes.

I agree with you totally. But I have always tried to enforce discipline and respect but then they were allowed to go to their real fathers he lets them do what they want and when they would come home it was like trying to train your puppy again that they can't pee on the floor kind of thing. I have went to the extreme prior to this to put them on probation to see if that would help me out with them.. did not bother them at all they still have that mind set. They have experimented in pot , failing school, skipping classes and I am constantly on them... they would stay grounded all the time it seemed like but it got to the point that they didn't care they were grounded. I have emailed the probation officer and explained everything to him but have not heard anything.. it just makes it hard as these are my kids that I love but yet they show no love nor respect back. I ask them to help around the house as they are old enough but yet their room looks like pigs live in it and I do not keep a dirty house but yet I am constantly hollering at them if you were to ask them. They will tell you that it is their room they will keep it the way they want to. And lord help if I smack them because they are the first to get on the phone to call the cops on me. I have tried my best and lord knows I have messed up myself but I am trying to help them live a good life.

That's interesting, they have no fear, but just curious what role your husband plays? Or is allowed to play?

I know its hard but you have to get through to them, maybe take everything they like when they get grounded, or something radical like empty their rooms or refuse to speak, stop cooking, I mean radical to get their attention.

Put 'em on bread and water, no plates, just get rid of all the utensils.

Ooops, my wife just suggested calling social services, give them your name and pass the phone to the oldest. Radical!

Do they have valued personal possessions?

Bet if they had nothing to do while they are grounded, that would get their attention.

Boot camp??

Don't think me evil, I'm not but no way will kids run this house, no matter how old they get.

Burn all the clothes, empty the drawers.

Why get me started.

I would have to agree with TAL

I mean you gave them life
and a roof over there head..

the least they could do is respect you


I think you was trying to be to nice. And so was there X dad
letting them get away with too much

now they feel they can pretty much just run the show
and at there ages.. Ufff not a good thing


It is time to get tough with them
lay down your rules

I don't care how much they scream or cry. But you have the power in your own home.

Do not let your kids run your life.
you have to stand strong here.

it's a big shame your Hubby left. As you do would have stood a much better chance. Sticking together and treating this like a lesson.
rather than a battle that the kids have won.


don't let them win the war.
take back your life and your home

do not let your kids walk over you.

I like your way of thinking... I am really going to have to do something. Right now they are staying with their grandparents until we get together with the probation officer. Lets hope this all works out in the end.