Hey, here's my situation, I look forward to everyone's response and thank you in advance. I've dated my girlfriend for over 4 years now, and at about two years we both broke up and seen other people and came back to each other after a few months. Well everything has been great up until this point I would say, I mean we have our minor arguments like everyone but nothing major. My girlfriend loves me to death, just as much as I love her, she wrote me a text message "your the only person i wanna be with and the only person who i am going to be with. and you can make me happy baby you know how, i love you very much. you mean the world to me." and a few days before "you are everything to me and i never wanna go a day without you. i love you more then anything in the world and i can not imagine my life without you. i can not wait to spend the rest of my life with you, my best friend" all right now to the current, my girlfriend and I were fine I sense nothing wrong, she decided to go to a halloween party with her friends from work and I (being jealous/overprotective in the past but have gotten much much better) said okay, with no problems I let her go to the party and I didn't contact her at all during the party, nor her me. No big deal, she texted me when she got home, same old I love you good night. The next day she was acting kind of strange but I paid no attention to it, we talked sporadically through out the day, and I sent her a text saying "I'm going to lose you!" she responded with "what?" and I said I got a chain text from a person I haven't spoken to in the long time and it said "if you don't send this to 10 people you will lose the love of your life forever" I told the sender of the chain text there's not a chance in hell of me sending this to 10 people, and I told my girlfriend she simply replied I hate chain texts, later on my girlfriend came to my football game and nothing really out of the ordinary hug and kiss, laughs and she was there, after the game I walked her to her car, and have not talked about the party, I calmly asked her about the party, how was it? What'd you where? Did you have a good time? She didn't really seem to want to talk about it and gave I don't know answers and one word answers, so I looked at her and said I thought you'd have more to say to me after I LET you go to the party, this is where it goes bad. (I meant let you go, meaning I didn't care, not that I control you) she texted me immediately after saying "you let me goto the party? you don't control me" and I tried to explain myself, she then sent me a message saying "i don't have fun with you anymore, i feel like i am (my name) girlfriend not (her name), i feel like things between us are getting worse and not better, and i've sacrificed so much for you that i don't know who i am anymore, i might just need sometime for me for awhile to figure out who i am and make some friends for me instead of tagging along with your friends all the time" I called her and she was hysterically crying and the last thing she told me, I asked her if she wanted to be with me? She said I don't know, I don't know. I love you I just don't know if I can do this anymore, just give me some space and time please. I haven't spoken to her in over a week now, because I'm being a strong person and giving her request because I love her to death, and if she wants to see other people, I'm okay with it because it'll make her happy. I know that we're truly in love. The updates through out the week I sent her a text 2 days after just saying hey to see how serious it is, no answer, I got were from my mother who works with her who simply said to my mother that she just asked me for space, and she was wearing some of my jewelry still, I spoke to her mom because I wanted to make sure she was doing okay, and her mother said she hasn't brought it up and her mother and I would go out to eat sometime soon, then my buddies girlfriend went out with her 5 days after I stopped talking to her, I told my friends girlfriend please do not bring me up unless she does, I guess she brought it up and my girlfriend got real upset and mad and didn't to talk about it, and my friend told me that I need to talk to her, and that it's over. I tried calling her mother today to see about dinner, but no answer and no callback. Also my girlfriend just got into her choice school after getting her associates from community college, I'm so proud of her, so she's going away to school in January but however I'm supposed to live with her, we also have a joint bank account. Also, this break has been so great to me I finally got into school, I'm going to be attending Devry and I started realizing all the little things I've done wrong, but me realizing this stuff doesn't help unless I get a chance to tell her about them, and prove it that I've changed my ways especially if I can't contact her.

Now my questions for you to address for me, is this break to her so that she can work things out and comeback? Is she thinking about me? As much as I think about her? Is she gone forever? Do I ever take a stand and email her or call her or go see her? Her birthdays on Dec. 4 and I have her gift we were supposed to go to the city to see a Broadway show she's wanted to see? I also have her Christmas present? I understand things happen for a reason and I truly feel we are in love, I'm a very real person and like the dead truth, but this whole situation came out of left field. Please in responses rule out the fact of their being another man, because I'm 99.9% that's not the case at all. Also, by me giving her this space is it making it easier for her to walk away and let go, is that what she wants? I mean if she wanted to break up with me, wouldn't she have just done it? After 10 days of NC what is she feeling? And is she thinking about me?

Here is the thing about a 'break.' I had my ex tell me she wanted a break about a year ago. Not more than one day later we were talking to each other and hanging out every so often. We never went more than three days without talking to each other. We eventually got back together, and you know now that obviously that didn't last. I think you should keep on staying away and give her time. She is going through a phase right now that makes people wake up and say, "Wow, I am not a kid anymore." Some people, ESPECIALLY women, need time to get a grip on this. I can't say what she is thinking or feeling. I will say, that if she is the one who broke it off, and she has not tried to contact you in over a week, then it doesn't look good for a reconcile. Just my opinion. I don't think it takes that long for someone to realize they really do want to be with you. Just give it time and keep your level head on your shoulders. You have your mind right and you know you are man enough to make anything work, even if it may not be what you want to hear.

Yeah, I know where your coming, a lot of questions on here don't have answers as does mine and I understand every situation is different. My real question is, will she ever talk to me again? I really just want to say goodbye now, and wish her happiness and luck to find her real love.

Yes, she will talk to you again. I just want to make sure you aren't looking for closure. I don't think the time has come to where she is comfortable sitting down with you and talking to you about it without letting her emotions run wild. I truly believe she is waiting for a period to let her emotions calm down so she can rationalize her feelings to you. Maybe I am wrong though, I don't know??

So when she talks to me, talk like everythings fine be her best friend still opposed to the relationship part is a good approach? Like my mother works with her and says she still wheres my necklace and she just seems distant lately, I hope she figures out herself you know? I truly just want her to find happiness w. or w.o. me because I care about her so so much.

Ball isn't in your side of the court right now man. You have and this is vital. Wait for her to contact you!

Attempting to communicate will only push her further and this did not come out of left field as you so stated. It has been building up and up until she finally boiled over. I only say this not to upset you but to help you realize this.

Contacting her mother is probably not a good idea. Let her contact you when she is ready and don't push the subject other wise you risk pushing it all to the breaking point.


Sometimes a break is used as an attempt to ease a break up. Treat this as such and you will come out much better.

Don't be her best friend. Just be someone that she can talk to. Be the bigger person no matter what. Don't show a lot of emotion and don't judge, at least not to her. As emotional as she is, you DO NOT want to add emotion to a situation that is already steaming over with it. Just stay cool, calm and collected. Then, when you hang up, you can ball your eyes out if you want.

Your right. It did boil up in my opinion, but she should have talked to me about it, I feel like this was the wrong way to approach it and she's being selfish on the matter and not tending to my needs as I sit here in agony for her and she's off doing w.e. but I know my relationship better then you guys obviously. I don't see this being the end. Realistic or not? My basic question to you wicked is it is quite possible that this will help us in the long run and things will turn out great. Is it or is it not possible?

So KC whenever this day comes and she wants to contact me, just let her do the talking basically?

Yup... if the day comes. Also, if you guys do have that 'break up' talk, both of you need to do the talking. Both of you need to communicate and say how you feel. I am referring to if she calls you just to vent, but not 'end' it, then let her vent. Two pissed off people yelling at each other will not solve anything.

You... you... your good you... basically bottom line is that bs quote everyone says, if it's meant to be it'll work itself out, and crap. Let love take it's course. We will see how much she truly loves me.

your right. it did boil up in my opinion, but she should have talked to me about it, i feel like this was the wrong way to approach it and she's being selfish on the matter and not tending to my needs as i sit here in agony for her and she's off doing w.e. but i know my relationship better then you guys obviously. i don't see this being the end. realistic or not? my basic question to you wicked is it is quite possible that this will help us in the long run and things will turn out great. is it or is it not possible?

Hold on there. You are misplacing the blame for what happened. Do not attempt to get angry over that. You spoke of past issues of control and what not. Was that ever really resolved or swept under the rug? She is probably hurt in all this to. I can see part of your problem already is you put your needs above others. Something you should work on is considering other people's needs also. Do not always take everyone else needs over yours but you need a balance.

I know what it is like to be tossed into a purgatory of hell while waiting for an answer you have no control over. Go read my story. I do not like breaks but you should use this time to evaluate yourself and where you stand. Learn from what has happened and either accept it or be doomed to repeat it. I see you have insecurity issues so work on that.

Your right, I have been getting a lot better with the whole situation honestly and my insecurity has faded especially because of this break, I haven't drove past her house I haven't wondered where she's been and it dawned on me like... I needed to be like this while we were together. Like I've learned a lot about myself from my break and I never thought I would, basically got my head back on track. So your right, but I've grown up a lot since we started this relationship, by the way I'm only 20. :eek:

I would send her those tickets to the broadway show. Put them in a card and just write I got you these tickets for your Birthday I want you to have them and have a great time with one of your friends. Happy Birthday Love (your name).

Leave it at that don't call her don't insist that she takes you don't do anything. Odds are she will call you to thank you for the tickets if she wants you to go just say no I think you should go with one of your friends and have a great time.

In my mind it shows you still care about her and still want her to have her space.

your right, i have been getting a lot better with the whole situation honestly and my insecurity has faded especially because of this break, i havent drove past her house i havent wondered where shes been and it dawned on me like... i needed to be like this while we were together. like i've learned a lot about myself from my break and i never thought i would, basically got my head back on track. so your right, but i've grown up a lot since we started this relationship, btw i'm only 20. :eek:

Don't say you haven't because you stated a minute ago basically stating you are :D. We all have to learn and age has nothing to do with it. I'm only 18.

Like I said learn about yourself first and then learn from mistakes. As far as that gift goes I'd suggest not approaching that until she wants to talk. Still plenty of time till then and no need to get hasted with decisions.

So gentleman basically anything can happen?

so gentleman basically anything can happen?

Of course anything can happen. Listen you can sit and wait around for something to happen or live your life and see what it brings you. Keep moving forward and do not dwell in the past for life will pass you by.

You control you and ONLY you. Don't worry about anything else as it is out of your hands. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it'll keep you busy but I doesn't get you anywhere (stole that).

so gentleman basically anything can happen?

Life is unpredictable. Prepare for the worse hope for the best. It is all you can do. But if it is any hope I went through the same thing gave the girl her space she realized how much I meant to her and now we are engaged. So there are happy endings.

spitvenom you just made me so happy and brought tears to my eyes. Thanks pal. But I also cope with that fact that not all things happen like this as well as they did for you, how long were you guys not talking? If you don't mind me asking

We didn't talk for 6 months and I mean nothing no emails no texting NOTHING! It felt like years. It was hard especially since we were friends for 5 years before we started dating then dated for 2 years then went through the whole I need my space thing. What made it even harder was we had the same friends. It wasn't like she had her friends and I had mine, They were the same people.

So I would have to check to make sure she wasn't there because it would have gotten ugly. But then one day I showed up to a concert I didn't think she would be there and she was. We started talking having a good time and everything started to fall back into place. She let me know that she wasn't ready to be in so deep in a relationship and she just got scared she didn't actually need her space she just wanted to see how it felt not to be with me.

I asked her why it took so long to talk to me again and she said my best friends told her that I hated her and never wanted to see her again. Which I did say but that was the night she dumped me of course I was mad but I didn't really mean it. We patched everything up and that was about 3 years ago and everything has been perfect since then.

Thanks my friend, you got my head up higher then it was.

Keep that head up. You will be OK.

Did you happen to ask her if she still thought about you the whole time? And still loved you? And wanted to be back together?

It basically went like this. I walked up she saw me I saw her I walked away. She came over to me and said so and so was right you do hate me. I said I don't hate you but I can't be around you because I am not over you and I can't act like it doesn't hurt. She then said it is killing her to not be with me anymore. I asked why she didn't call or anything like that and she said because so and so said you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I said I was just mad but I am deeply in love with you I tried to be with different girls and it was horrible she said she tried to be with other guys but just thought about me the entire time.

We both cried hugged left the concert went to a diner in Philly and just talked till like 3 in the morning. After that everything was back to normal.

I see, that's good news. I'm very happy for you man. Best of luck to you and your fiance'

Thanks. Trust me try that with the tickets, it shows you still care but respect her wishes for space. Oh and by the way when we broke up it was right after my birthday and she bought 2 tickets to the 76ers game. Well she insisted going with me let me tell you it was the most uncomfortable basketball game I have ever been to. The entire drive there through the entire game then the drive home we didn't say a single word to each other except maybe hi then bye. I never want to go through that again.

So Send her those tickets and tell her to take a friend. Don't look at it as you wasting X amount of dollars look at it as an investment into her happiness.

I was going to right
To, (name) I love you always & forever, (me
No flowers? Just a plain card?

Don't do the flowers and a plain card is fine. Just remember to say Happy Birthday!!

Your jumping the gun here man. Stop.
Don't go about sending anything.

Yeah... I got her christmas necklace to man she wanted I got it for her a month ago when she picked it up, what you think about that too?

yeah...i got her christmas necklace to man she wanted i got it for her a month ago when she picked it up, wat you think about that too?

Stop. I'm trying to tell you before you jump the gun and do something stupid to stop. Let thing settle. Still a few weeks away from any of that.

Your right pal. I'll keep you updated, you got my back?

I have since you posted. The point of these boards are to help. Now please listen to what I type. I listened to what people posted here and it was the best for me. I kept my dignity. Read my story here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/break-256100.html#post1253076)

All right first of all wicked, get a real car like an EVO like myself, but ANYWAY that's some serious stuff, I'm glad you kept your head up and receieved some positives, so what was the outcome NC for how long? And then what?

alright first of all wicked, get a real car like an EVO like myself, but ANYWAY that's some serious stuff, i'm glad you kept your head up and receieved some positives, so what was the outcome NC for how long?? and then what?

Nah Evo's arnt cars they are crap =D. But seriously the Subaru SVX is a very nice car =D. She choose the other guy and I was devastated (if you read ;o) and have been NC since then and feeling good. You need to understand you have no control over the situation. This is part of the reason I tell you to stop jumping the gun. Wait and see what happens lay low and take it easy. Please take the advise. Don't go sending things I was going to do the same thing but don't. Stop thinking so far ahead.

As far as then what? I learned to live life and just go with it. I took a nice trip as I posted and had a lot of fun haha. Something I would have never done with her.

Good for you man, I'm glad to hear your doing well, I guess only time will tell today's day 10 of NC for me. I'm doing well, and hoping for the best outcome for me. Amd for the record my evo would dust your... subie

good for you man, i'm glad to hear your doing well, i guess only time will tell todays day 10 of NC for me. i'm doing well, and hoping for the best outcome for me. amd for the record my evo would dust your...subie

Haha sure it might dust it but I could drive mine to the end of the world in comfort the SVX isn't meant for racing but if I had the STI you'd be done for. Keep your head high and wait for her to contact you which she will at some point if it is just a break. Better yourself in this time like I said =D. Don't expect life to be peachy lol I'd had a lot of between my NC time happen including but not limited to blowing a transmission and having a baby scare =D

Please that STI would be embarrassed my friend, but I got my head up and the way I see it is if she really loves me and meant she wants to spend her life with me and everything she'll come around, and if not I was living a lie anyway and I'm really not missing out because I was lied to for over 4.5 years. So I'm going to do big things now. Maybe another relationship down the road, way down the road but I wouldn't count on it. :cool:

Cough rethink that (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn0UkrPvPmc&feature=related) quicker =D
But yeah just have fun in life!

So day 11 of NC for me. I'm doing well I got my head up I got class and some homework to do today, but I want to say last night, I was overcome with this feeling of not wanting my love of my life back in my life, because I just got that feeling of being so so betrayed because if she truly felt the way she did about me she wouldn't hurt me like this and leave me in limbo, so I'm tired of preparing for the what-if, I'm just going to play my cards dealt to me everyday, and live my life and not worry about anyone else.

so I'm tired of preparing for the what-if, I'm just going to play my cards dealt to me everyday, and live my life and not worry about anyone else.

Glad you came to that conclusion on your own, as waiting for some one to change their mind, or do what you want, is a complete waste of time.

Especially when you consider there is so much to do in the real world.

Hey tal, I'm learning man! Of course I still hope for the best but, jeez if I can't talk to someone I can't really persuade anyone to want to be with me, but I realized more importantly if she's truly in love with me she needs to realize she wants me on her own, otherwise we're right back to living a lie. But like I said it's strange how life works itself out. :)

You have nothing to prove, and plenty to do. Do it, and enjoy it.

If your smart, sell the tickets and return the gift.

Nobody kicks you to the curb, and gets rewarded for it. Are you nuts!!

I think your right about the gift. I just thought it would show I still love her or whatever, because I do but, your right she's killing me with NC for 11 days now and I don't think I deserved this but hell, it turned my life right around.

I'll just let time take my wrist and guide me where to go.

Hey, it's about going on day 13 of NC and I just want to talk about what has occurred my buddy went out last night to eat with his friends and saw my ex with this kid who she used to claim to be her friend during the time we were dating and I still believe that's the case I won't jump to conclusions because I feel she still loves me, my buddy waved to her and she completely ignored him he said, when I heard this news my heart dropped to the floor of course and I immediately wanted to rush to the phone and call her and I picked up my phone, and threw it down and thought about it, I trust her with this kid now I should trust her with him while we were together, and by her KNOWING my buddy is going to comeback and tell me what he saw and her with this kid, and her thinking I'm a control freak, then me not calling her or texting her to see what was going on and what's the deal, I feel should probably really get in her head and rattle her. So I'm continuing with the NC and we will see what happens, and if she will finally just come out and tell me face to face or anyway that she's moving on and wants nothing to do with me OR she's going to miss me, and want to work it out and comeback... but either way I'm okay with it, this all happens for a reason, please give your opinions on the dinner scenario, thanks everyone

Forget it, its none of your business, any more.

So that's it? I need to just get over a 4 year relationship and move on with the snap of a finger? Maybe, this is so hard because of all the times she said we'd be together forever and the whole nine yards, and I'm still telling myself how much I love her, but in reality she's all I ever knew and I'm making her out to be better then she really is, because if she truly loved me, she wouldn't have left me wondering and broken my heart like this, how's that?

How about go bowling, or fishing, and get some action to meet your words, and intentions.

The last thing you need is to keep dwelling on the past, and how great it was. Make the present, and the future even better.

The more proactive we are with the healing process, the more successful we are at, getting back to a healthy reality.

Like I want to talk to all my friends about the situation so they know, should I just not talk about it anymore? Like I think keeping it in would hurt, like talking on this site and such makes me feel better.

You can talk to anyone about it... the worst thing you can do is hold all of the emotions in. I talked about it so much that now I am at the point to where I am sick of talking about, thus I RARELY even mention my ex's name. Parting of moving on is getting your emotions out... just because you talk about it doesn't mean you aren't getting over it. Tal is right, the more proactive you are in rebuilding your life the more rewarding things will be for you.

So, I wound up seeing my girlfriend, she drove past me and I waved she didn't see me I think, but I got behind her and honked my horn and I waved and she looked at me in the side view and waved and smiled a little bit, and then I talked to my buddys girl that went out with her and she said that my girlfriend stated, I love him, I don't want anyone else, I just want my space to go out with my friends and stuff right now, she asked her if we'd get back together and she said she doesn't know yet, then she said did you break up with him, and she said I don't know I really didn't give an answer to him, and all this while wearing and playing with the necklace I bought her. My question is now Monday will be two weeks, do I ask her what's going on does she want to be single and me out of her life, or does she want to work it out, or do I still let her go and not talk to her? I think I might need to make her realize she's losing me by doing this because I don't think she wants that, PLEASE give opinions!

I really think you need to keep up the no contact. If she still loved you, as she says, then she would still be your girlfriend. You can't keep hanging on until she makes her mind up... that is not fair to you.

So just let go?

Exactly

This is where I feel in my heart that Monday will be 2 weeks of NC I think I am going to call her and ask her what's the deal does she want me in her life or not? And if she's like I don't know or something I'll tell her I'm moving on then because I can't be held in limbo forever.

this is where i feel in my heart that monday will be 2 weeks of NC i think i am going to call her and ask her whats the deal does she want me in her life or not? and if she's like idk or something i'll tell her i'm moving on then because i can't be held in limbo forever.

Do not call her! You will be pushing her further. You are not in limbo you are BROKEN UP. Treat it as such. Ball inst in your court to be making phone calls and I can most certainly tell you how that conversation will go and its not what you want. Live your life like you did before her and should she call go from there.

Don't call her, let her have the space she needs. The NC will do two things, help you deal with life without her in it and also give her the space she wants. Don't play any games with her, and making all the effort is going to make you seem like a b*tch, no offense. But things fall apart so better fall together, just keep your head up and continue with the NC

Well, we spoke today and small talk she said brought up going out to dinner with some guy that my buddy saw her with and I said to her I told him I'm sure it's just a friend and after 10 minutes, she said yeah... then I said I hope to meet your friends sometimes soon and then she said this to me, "i don't want to lead you on that everything is gonna be ok. because i'm doing good. i feel like i'm finally myself again and i lost that while i was with you.i changed myself so much to keep you happy that i couldn't make myself happy anymore. i didn't like who i was." so, basically I think she found someone else after 4 years and this is her excuse because she's pointing everything at me while I feel like I was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong. You guys were right, I shouldn't give my love to this person.

I know how it feels man. Don't let her chicken sh*t excuse make you think that you were a bad boyfriend. It didn't work out, and now you have the closure you need to be done with her FOREVER.

well, we spoke today and small talk she said brought up going out to dinner with some guy that my buddy saw her with and i said to her i told him i'm sure it's just a friend and after 10 mins, she said yeah... then i said i hope to meet your friends sometimes soon and then she said this to me, "i don't want to lead you on that everything is gonna be ok. because i'm doing good. i feel like i'm finally myself again and i lost that while i was with you.i changed myself so much to keep you happy that i couldn't make myself happy anymore. i didn't like who i was." so, basically i think she found someone else after 4 years and this is her excuse because she's pointing everything at me while i feel like i was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong. you guys were right, i shouldn't give my love to this person.

Never live in regret. What you need to work on is yourself now. What makes you happy? You were making progress with that keep going. As far as being a great boyfriend I was that too but in the end the same out come came. I didn't make her truly happy, she was content. Or how ever they want to word it. Don't you feel better you didn't call her and pester her? Enjoy the time you had and look for someone who will share the same level of love for you as you do them.

Nope, don't give your love to someone like that, she's not deserving of it. If she found someone or not doesn't matter. What matters is you get back on the NC road and stick to it, in no time you will start to feel better each passing day. Take my word, talking to her is only going to add confusion to your head where you already have enough to deal with in that brain of yours

I feel like she's taking an easy way out, and pointing all this blame on me, for her just wanting to go out and party, she's not the girl I fell in love with, I guess these things do happen at least I'm not going to sit here and kid myself about it. She's coming over tomorrow to talk in person, I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Good luck with the talk man! Remember to protect yourself... don't let it turn into a blaming contest as that doesn't really lead to anything productive.

Any approaches you think I should take during this talk?

Don't let yourself be walked all over, state your opinions without sounding like you are attacking her

"...i changed myself so much to keep you happy that i couldn't make myself happy anymore. i didn't like who i was." so, basically i think she found someone else after 4 years and this is her excuse because she's pointing everything at me while i feel like i was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong. you guys were right, i shouldn't give my love to this person.

I don't think it's an excuse. I think she is telling you the truth, that she didn't feel like there was room for her in the relationship with you.

I also don't agree that you "letting" her go to the Halloween party was some misunderstanding about words. In your original post, it sounded exactly like you thought you allowed her to go without giving her grief. But then afterward, you DID give her grief. You seemed to expect some kind of payoff for your generosity, an expression of gratitude and a detailed description of everything she did. I think she knew that from her previous experiences with you and was dreading being cross examined about the party. Your idea of playing head games with her also gave me reason to think you were not "a great boyfriend." I think she's looking for less drama.

i feel like she's taking an easy way out, and pointing all this blame on me, for her just wanting to go out and party, she's not the girl i fell in love with, i guess these things do happen at least i'm not going to sit here and kid myself about it. she's coming over tomorrow to talk in person, i'll let everyone know how it goes.


I have advice. Treat her with respect and don't assume you know what she's thinking or feeling. She IS the person you have been seeing all this time. She's not some totally different person. As far as we know, she went to one party. Why the crack about her "just wanting to go out and party"? Nothing you've said makes her sound like a bad person and you must have liked her before. So try not to demonize her. If she's unhappy in the relationship, accept that as a fact you can't change, not an excuse or a lie.

Is this just a goodbye talk? Or are you hoping to get back together? I highly recommend that you not try to do that. Just be kind and say goodbye, don't try to get her to bed.

Who knows what it is, no offense dude stick to biology, I know her better then any of you people. This is the same girl who would want to be with me every second of everyday because of her choice sending me long texts weeks ago about how I'm the only one and she wants no one else, and she'll be mine forever, something changed I've learned a lot I needed this for me, she's hanging out with the wrong crowd of people right now, and I'm truthfully scared she's going to be hurt, and that kills me. I never want to see her upset I want her to always be happy, I expect to end the relationship on good terms completely and state my mind, but I know I have to stand up for myself and speak my mind and not just let her walk all over me, and since I'm an emotional person I will probbaly show emotion, and by the way, she had breast implants in July ever since, def. not the same girl I fell in love with. I was a great boyfriend, I won't let anyone tell me different I wasn't perfect neither was she, and maybe she'll come around in the future and realize she had something great and made a mistake, if not I'm still going to turn this huge negative. Into a pos. and do something successful with my life. Thanks everyone for your advice, when it comes down to the matter, no one knows her better then I do.

I'm not the expert here and have been asking many questions myself and dealing with a similar situation... but over time I am learning to accept that even though I was great and claimed that I knew her better than anyone else, that doesn't matter. Because who we knew, is not who they are now, and it either happened by their own decision, or because they lost focus and wound up the way they were and started changing their priorities. All in all though, it will get you no where to resort to saying that you aren't going to listen to anyone else because you know her better than anyone on here.

Look at your sn, "Life Changes Man"... you change, I change, she changes, my ex changed, everyone on this site has changed. I am still having an issue dealing with that fact, but I am well aware that this is the starting point to realizing how things could come from where they were, all good and happy, to where they are now, empty and no longer.


And in addition, just because he is a biology expert, does not mean that he does not love or that he does not have heart that was once broken, or even that he suffered the same pain and agony that you did. His niche may be biology, by his choice, but he is human to, and probably has been down this similar road a few times himself.

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alcohol, which I'm sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isn't a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesn't work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldn't have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isn't into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

who knows what it is, no offense dude stick to biology, i know her better then any of you people. this is the same girl who would want to be with me every second of everyday because of her choice sending me long txts weeks ago about how i'm the only one and she wants no one else, and she'll be mine forever, something changed i've learned a lot i needed this for me, she's hanging out with the wrong crowd of people right now, and i'm truthfully scared she's going to be hurt, and that kills me. i never want to see her upset i want her to always be happy, i expect to end the relationship on good terms completely and state my mind, but i know i have to stand up for myself and speak my mind and not just let her walk all over me, and since i'm an emotional person i will probbaly show emotion, and by the way, she had breast implants in july ever since, def. not the same girl i fell in love with. i was a great boyfriend, i won't let anyone tell me different i wasn't perfect neither was she, and maybe she'll come around in the future and realize she had something great and made a mistake, if not i'm still going to turn this huge neg. into a pos. and do something successful with my life. thanks everyone for your advice, when it comes down to the matter, no one knows her better then i do.

Want to hear a funny story? O wait you read mine. But you see the part where I thought I knew her and how she could never do such a thing ? It happens and let me be the first to tell you PEOPLE CHANGE. Accept it. Stop getting defensive about advice we are only here to help you not dog on you.

You clam to know her better then anyone then you should have seen this coming. It just goes to prove human nature. Stop analyzing it and accept it man. But when you do talk to her in person I hope you do not start point blame because in do time you will look back and regret it because you will realize it wasn't all her. Don't wait on her to come around either.

Human nature exactly, which is why I trust nobody.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

IF she met someone at the party, I think she was distracting herself from a relationship that was failing already. There's no evidence that she ditched a four year relationship for a moment's lust.

Thanks holeinheart for the defense. I don't expect LifeChangesMan to like what I'm saying, but it's sometimes good to get different perspectives. LCM has been getting a lot of support here, which is great. I agree with all the advice about moving on and letting go. It's clearly time to let go of this relationship, which he's having a hard time doing. But I don't necessarily agree that he doesn't have anything to learn from this sad ending. There's lots of food for thought here.

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alchohol, which im sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isnt a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesnt work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldnt have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

Yeah

Human nature exactly, which is why I trust nobody.

I don't know if I can agree here. I understand you have been hurt and you are cautious about opening up your heart again, but you can't go through life with lock around your heart. Maybe I am just misunderstanding what you mean... just because something doesn't work out, and you are hurt by it, doesn't mean that is the way of the world. It is merely life helping us grow.

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alchohol, which im sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isnt a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesnt work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldnt have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

I didn't want to give you a red man but that is not right. It is wrong to wish pain and suffering to any human being not matter what wrong has been done. You have no way of knowing what was going on inside her head and for how long.

If you go through life not letting anyone in, then you will live a very unhappy life.

I was cheated on by several of my girlfriends, really creates a complex for a guy. My last girlfriend emotionally cheated. But it led to my fiancé and me getting together, and me being happy. I had to put trust into this girl I started seeing, and at the time she was living with her ex's in-laws while her ex-husband was in rehab. I had A LOT of reasons not to trust her, but I did and now we live together and are engaged

HighMax, I am not aware of your story, but you seem to have been deeply hurt by something. I hope that you can eventually heal from this without letting anger cloud your judgement. I am sorry that you feel the way you do... life is too short to be pissed off all of the time (believe me I am trying to change that myself).

If you go through life not letting anyone in, then you will live a very unhappy life.

I was cheated on by several of my girlfriends, really creates a complex for a guy. My last girlfriend emotionally cheated. But it led to my fiance and me getting together, and me being happy. I had to put trust into this girl I started seeing, and at the time she was living with her ex's in-laws while her ex-husband was in rehab. I had A LOT of reasons not to trust her, but I did and now we live together and are engaged

That is such a great story. I've also been cheated on, emotionally and actually. It's a bad feeling, but you can't take that to your next relationship or you practically guarantee it will happen again.

Is it safe to say that this wasn't a healthy relationship and we should just shake hands and move on tomorrow when we talk, because I still consider her my best friend.

I'm sorry for how negative I am. I read these kinds of posts and my heart aches for these guys. I have a strong sense of justice when it comes to these sorts of situations, when a guy gives his all, only to have his heart broken for some new guy at some drunken party, or whatever the situation is.

HM, I think people understand. It cuts both ways. That is, it happens to gals too, they give their all and then get dumped. Sometimes it's just that the relationship is over and the person leaving is moving on. Sometimes the dumper (whether a man or a woman) was a player and not very nice. But not everybody who wants out of a relationship is a bad person.

So, here's the end.. My girlfriend, ex now, came over to my house last night after she didn't want to because she heard I was telling people I cheated on her and everything, but after two weeks people telling me things, all things go through my head when I truly deep down inside knew she would never. So, we talked she simply said that she needs to break it off right now for her, she wasn't herself anymore she lost herself, friends, and everything because she was so content on making me happy, that she just began not being happy anymore. We cried together, got everything out explained and expressed my love to her, she knows how much I love her and how she means everything to me and she always will and no one will EVER compare to how wonderful she is and the LOVE that I have for her I, I understand she needs this right now and it's hard for her to walk away because she loves me and needs things to change and in the future I'm sure they will, when I asked her so this is it babe? She responded, "for now" which was her probably just being nice, but it made me feel at ease and, she said, "our schools will be right next to each other" I understand that the possibility of me and her getting back together are probably very slim and probably not likely but I want to think that our love is for real and it'll happen down the road, because I KNOW she's the one for me. And you guys can all sit here and tell me different but I know she is, the question is whether she's gone forever or not. Time will tell. And if she finds this post and reads this, she already knows that I will always want to spend my life with her because she's the most special unique beautiful woman in the whole entire world and, that I love her so much I'm willing to let her go and do her own thing and meet new people and new relationships, as long as she promised me that she's going to find pure happiness and be successful. So we cuddled a little bit and it was great, the feelings were still there, and always will be, I'm so grateful that this woman chose to spend 4.5 years of her life with me out of all the great people in her life and could/will meet down the road, someone will make her very happy and that's all that I want, I know it'll be hard to see her with others but deep down inside if I know she's happy I'm okay with it and it'll make me happy. After all was said and done, and the air was clear we laughed together, we talked together, cuddled a little more, this girl was still my best friend and always will be, and she taught me so much about myself and life, and I could never thank her enough for that. It's just unique that when you love someone so much you want them to be so happy you'd do anything for them, whether it be change, go out of your way for them, or even let them go to find their happiness in someone or something else no matter what it may be, that's how you know you are truly in love. Bottom line comes out, she's still the wonderful person I fell in love with over 4 years ago, and I always will, I guess I just let life work itself out, if anything comes out of this relationship, I just want her to know how much I truly care about her and I would do anything for her, now, later, anytime because she's my world, and letting her go to find happiness is okay with me now, because it's what she needs to do for herself. She's going to make someone very very happy in the future and that person is going to be so lucky to be with her and have a wonderful wife and family because she's so so special. Life works itself out, anything could happen in both of our lives in the future, and I'm sure we will cross paths and whether we stay as great friends, never talk again, or rekindle the fire, only God knows that. When all was said and done, we cried, laughed, cuddled, reminisced, and everything ended on great terms and we had a wonderful 4.5 years together and I don't think either of us would ever change that. I walked her out to her car, opened the door, she jumped in, she said, "well, i'll see ya later" and then we hugged and kissed, smiled a little bit at each other, and then I watched her drive away for the last time, and this is how my story ends...

Dude... I know how you feel now. This is not going to be the last you hear from her... but right now you need to do your own thing and start to build yourself back up to where you were BEFORE you met her. When you reach that point, you'll meet someone else and will not even think about her except for once in a blue moon.

You can do it! A lot of us are going through the same thing right now.

Just be glad that you REALLY KNOW what true and unconditional love is. Many people mistake lust as love. When you truly love someone, you always will. It never fades. You will always want them to be happy with whatever they do in life, whether your there with them or not. You never want them to fail and you will always be there for them no matter what happened in the past. That is called true unconditional love when you can see through the past and the mistakes and still feel for them the way you did when you met.

But on the other hand... you cannot let this love you still hold for her hold you back from finding someone that makes YOU happy too. You will find someone in the future that will give you unconditional love back.

Sucks the story ended that way. You should still do NC until you heal completely because it will only delay your recovering but I am glad you guys ended on good terms!

Sucks the story ended that way. You should still do NC until you heal completely because it will only delay your recovering but I am glad you guys ended on good terms!

Good suggestion! I've made mistakes there myself... I even went way way further then calls and it really screws with you emotionally! So NC is a good idea!

I have to day that I am kind of where high max is. Sadly. I mean I'm so scared.. well actually TERRIFIED of getting hurt again that I really do not want to put myself in a position where I can be hurt. The beging is always sweet.. the ending is so gut wrenching that I think it might be years until I can get involved with someone in a serious way... geez, I'm messed up!

Hope your doing better though! (i.e. the guy who greated the post!)

The good thing is, we have control over our pain now. Think about it. They can't hurt us, only we can. So... if we can learn to quit slamming our head into a brick wall (easier said than done), then we should be on a clear path to recovery.

Roxy, if you read my story from start to finish you will see I felt the same way. I thought I would NEVER fall in love after my last relationship, then I met someone at work and we began to talk, strictly as friends and then it just grew quickly to the point we were texting each other or talking on the phone. We would text until 2 am and always talk about ourselves and our lives before and then we started dating and now I am very happy to say we are engaged and living together. Sure we have our fights, but through what I have learned on this forum, I know now how to handle a fight and a relationship the right way. So continue to have faith in life and love as it will one day catch you when you least expect it.

Rome: I know your making sense, still it's the fear that gets the best of me. I'm confident that once the wounds heal a little I'll get there. Btw: good for you! :)

(besides I'm messed up hehe and I have a post under the dating... really messed up haha( ;)

c'est la vie!

In my opinion, a break is actually an easier way to let someone down. But then again, I've had my girlfriend tell me she wants a break, which I gave her, and after 2 days she came running back because she realized she couldn't be without me and missed me too much. So it is possible that your girl want a break so sort herself out.

In that time, she will think about you and decide how she feels about you and herself. If she sees that she is not happy without you, or if there is something missing in her life, she will come back to you and let you know this.

However, it is also possible that she is using this break as a chance to get away, find herself and stuff... if she realizes she can be happy without you and doesn't miss being with you and stuff, if she realizes your not always on her mind when she sees a sunset, or listens to the rain, or sees a couple holding hands, if your not on her mind and if she doesn't find herself wondering about you, then I think she will make the break permanent...

Sorry to say this bro, but seems like the ball is in her court... so for now, just let her have her break, and while she is finding herself, you can find yourself... do what you want, have some fun, and if she comes back, then well and good, if not, you can move on with your life.. All the best... Peace :)

Wow man... just read how the story ended... very sad... but that's what a true man does... as long as the woman he loves is happy, he will be happy... her smile is worth that to you. She may come back one day... nothing is set in stone, but its good to know as long as she is happy, you are happy... now you can get on with your life and maybe find another girl who will make you happy... All the best...

We'll see I've learned so much from this and am glad I found this site, and I'm going to use everything from it to make my relationship great if she wants to comeback or be a great boyfriend for the next girl that comes along and some how manages to steal my heart that I never want to let anybody near. But I thank everyone for everything and I'll keep it updated if and hwen anything happens.

I'm clad to hear that LCM :) this site is really great isn't it! It's proactive on so many lvls and so many great people from all walks of life and who really have good advices to give when you need it the most.

Oh and by the way I got some advice on this thread as well. And I have totally come to the realization that I should not go through life with my heart so darn guarded. Life is just too short. And there is this guy that I like, and I'm going to tell him. If it isn't mutual it really isn't a big deal... I can get over it, but if I don't tell him I probably will be hung up on for a long long time and always wonder.

I'm glad you've realised that you will make a good boyfriend for someone else :)

Go for it roxy! I hope the best for you. Thanks for everything.

WooHoo!!

LifeChangesMan, your changing people's lives... good on you! :D

Shiizzzz, I do what I can bro-ski I figure if I change one person's life by posting and blogging on here that's enough for me.

shiizzzz, i do what i can bro-ski i figure if i change one person's life by posting and blogging on here that's enough for me.

Haha... all good man... I'm sure this will change more than one person's life... :)

It's been over a week since I seen my love and she hasn't contacted me at all, nothing not a word but it was expected unfortunately. Still trying to fathom that it's really over, she just walked out of my life and simply hit a switch under the desk and was like, "don't need him anymore" where's the love? Where did it go? Does she even care anymore if I'm breathing?

Man... I think I'm going through the same thing now... I think I'm leaving my girl for good... because I can't take her s**t anymore... its too much and I can't take the fighting. I'm going to do the NC thing...

it's been over a week since i seen my love and she hasn't contacted me at all, nothing not a word but it was expected unfortunately. Still trying to fathom that it's really over, she just walked out of my life and simply hit a switch under the desk and was like, "don't need him anymore" where's the love? where did it go? does she even care anymore if I'm breathing?

Yeah been there lmao. I though I'd never be contacted again but O hell I was wrong. Chin up and keep trucking for someone who will care. The love is there in the old her but people change.

Yeah been there lmao. I though I'd never be contacted again but O hell I was wrong. Chin up and keep trucking for someone who will care. The love is there in the old her but people change.

Yeah... people change... for better or for worse... that's up to them... :(

Yeah... ppl change... for better or for worse... thats up to them... :(

But you should be happy your free to find someone to truly love!

But you should be happy your free to find someone to truly love!

Guess your right... better to be free to find the right one, than stuck with the wrong one

Guess ur right... better to be free to find the right one, than stuck with the wrong one

Lol you'll see it one day man =D true colors come out later.

Lol you'll see it one day man =D true colors come out later.

Thanks... and yeah... true colours do come out later... too bad I didn't seem them sooner... O well, it's a lesson we all have to learn I guess...

Thanks... and yeah... true colours do come out later... too bad I didn't seem them sooner... O well, its a lesson we all have to learn I guess...

Lesson you should always remember! The relationship wasn't meaningless and wasted but it will be if you do not learn from it. Both persons wrongs. Enjoy life for what is, read my thread here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/break-256100.html#post1253076) and maybe it will make you feel better specially with what happened recently.

I can actually say my break up was the best thing to happen to me. I ended up on this site, found out mistakes I was making in my previous relationships and solved a lot of my personal issues. Made myself someone that is capable of being loved, not by someone else but by myself. Since my break up, I have fell in love with a terrific girl, live together and are engaged. So to put it gently, it's not about how long the rain stays, but how long gain you endure it knowing there are sunny days ahead.

Rome is like my best buddy on this site, very intelligent and great man, tells it how it is and has a very inspiring story, I hope I have one one day too for everyone, stayed tuned!

To be continued...

p.s. - Blackvy and wiked you guys all right too, lol. We'll all be okay and loved and families and all that bs, happily ever after, ha ha. Life's tooooo funny. Everyone believe in that karma stuff? I sure do!

Haha... dude... u sound high... lol..

But yeah... hope we all have a happy ending to our life stories...

Never smoked or took a drug a day in my life! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Haha I might drink a little too often though, lol but I kicked the habit when the woman left no need for that ish when your upset.

This site seriously kicks butt though, helps me a lot when I got nothing else and learn a lot from it too.

True that... I agree... this site rocks... so glad I found it... weird thing is I found it while checking out weddings and stuff for me and my girl... but its helped me through more than that.. and now is helping me with the break up thing...

Me too bro... neva smoked or popped a pill eva... drank a little when I was younger, but not anymore... and yeah, not a good idea to drink when upset... got to keep a clear mind... :)

Hehe I totally believe in Karma. I mean just think about the instant effect it has... if I'm incolent and pissy towards the people I work with then they'll be the same way towards me.

The whole NC thing is pretty hard though! I've changed my phone no. cause I couldn't deal with x boyfriend calling and texting me every week. Then when he couldn't reach me by phone he just showed up outside my apartment. I didn't let him in though. I live on the first storry (spell?) so I just stood on my veranda and he was on the oiutside of it. Then he contacted me on Facebook to fight about all the little things he can't fight with me about anymore. (he also tries to apologies for stuff he's said like 6 months ago or 4 months ago... to smooth things over.. GEEZ it bugs me)

I have to say LCM your experience and this post definitely changed me. My way of looking at things, my perspective, the way I think... I like it! :D

BlackVY: yeah om pretty happy about finding this site as well... I'm a total fan hehe

OH by the way I told the guy I like that I like him. Hehe didn't go to well though. We were at a work thing and had a few beers to celebrate that one of the people at work has quit... (this sounds mean, but she managed to mess with our kids and set them back as much as 3 years when it comes to development.)

and I told him. I wasn't wasted, but I guess I miss calculated how wased he was. Anyway, I told him and he said he kind of knew and that it wasn't mutual... and then he told me to tell him face to face again today. Should I do that? Seriously a flag went up in my head when he said that... like he's trying to mess with me head. You are guys... what do you think about it?

-roxy to the poxy :)

Ps: I'm not taking it that hard either... I think it was worth the risk you know.

I'm glad that I've changed your life in some way or look, if you could elaborate that be cool, just wondering how people form the outside look at it, you know?

Do what he says I suppose, that's a different situation like let it lie all out there for yourself so at least you know, like seriously it's better to strike out then not go up to bat at all. :-P

Thank you. That is true. Maybe I should just do like he said. It couldn't really hurt.


Well, just to see how you handled everything I realized that I needed to handle my situation in a different way than what I have been doing. Also you have a very positive out look on things. And I like that!

So, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

I had some free time on my hands today, so I decided to go back and read everything I wrote on this post and see what happened and how it happened and I realized a lot of things.

I realized that this situation was blown way out of proportion by myself, I should have just simply stuck to what she said to me, and take it for what it was, instead all this over analyzing destroys your head and makes you think of every little detail and scenario instead of just simply realizing you have the answers to your situation right in front of your face.

Basically, just take things for what they are now-a-days if someone asks you for a break, grant them the break, they want space give them their space, they want to break up because they don't think it's working, let them go, that's all you can simply do you will drive yourself absolutely up the wall trying to analyze every stitch of information you knew, just take your love's word for it.

I'll tell you right now though, love IS real, I wouldn't lie to you guys about it, have the utmost confidence in your love for someone and the love they have for you, and everything will work itself out, and you truly have nothing to worry about or fear. You've all heard it a million times, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Remember, "if you truly love something, set it free, it'll come back if it's meant to be."

It is good that you are staying optimistic and things could go either way. It depends on how you two will be able to communicate with each other now and in the future. And you should not take the entire blame for this break-up. It takes two people to travel down the relationship road with all the bumps, and together they should be able and willing to smoothen things out.

During the holidays, most couples that broke up recently tend to contact each other - it's the 'sentimental' part of us that comes out now and then.

But, if this young lady had the 'controlling' urge to check your emails, and follow you to forums, she is not helping you in getting closure. She is stringing you on and keeping you for a back-up. She has control of your emotions and that is not safe for you. She should either give you positive encouragement, or leave you the heck alone so that you can go on with your life. This is just my opinion, and you are the one who is communicating with her, so it is also your decision as to what steps to take next. I just paint another picture for you to look at - don't want anyone to walk blindly...

And... if you think now that this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.. you have to honestly ask yourself . WHY?
Do you like being controlled by someone else? Do you really think that you could get back together and things will be just fine and dandy and that all of the pain and frustration caused will go away? All I'm saying is that things will never be the 'way they were'. Change is inevitable.

We've been there, done that, and we all know that it will never work this way. We have to have the chance to grow and advance and be together in harmony without having old issues thrown at us every time one of us gets upset. So, if I were you' I'd seriously rethink this whole relationship and find out if it is all really worth your valuable time and effort.

We've all had hopes and dreams like this in our lives, but to be honest, they rarely come to fruition - wishful thinking that all will be better just because we are hurting and hate to be alone is not reason enough to maintain a relationship with someone. We have to have mutual respect and stop playing games.. and if one or the other cannot do this, then it's a great big waste of time and one is not ready to have a long-lasting relationship in their lives yet. It takes the willingness of both and a lot of communicating without casting blame. So, you need to be sure you are ready to work hard and decide if you will really benefit or if you would be better off healing and moving on.

No matter what you decide, I wish you all the best and hope you keep us posted.

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Thanks kindly chery!

I understand where your coming from 100%

I've used this time apart from my love to basically, wake up, grow up, and step up to the plate of life, and I'm swinging for the fences now, the only question truly in the back of my mind will the love of my life ever want to come on this journey with me?

Only time will tell and, I'm okay with that. I'm going to make myself very successful and become a great person and try and help everyone in my life that I can, with every second that I can.

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. The universe will work itself out.

thanks kindly chery!

i understand where your coming from 100%

I've used this time apart from my love to basically, wake up, grow up, and step up to the plate of life, and I'm swinging for the fences now, the only question truly in the back of my mind will the love of my life ever want to come on this journey with me?

Only time will tell and, I'm okay with that. I'm going to make myself very successful and become a great person and try and help everyone in my life that i can, with every second that i can.

If it's meant to be, if it's meant to be. the universe will work itself out.

Good for you honey, keep that positive outlook in your life and reach your goals!

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Hey Everyone,

It's about 1AM, Dec. 20 2008, I'm sure it posts the time and date on here, but I felt like writing it anyway, if anyone has a problem with that... tough, ha ha.

Anyway, I'm not really sure where this post is even going to go, I just decided that I wanted to write something up here about my story and where it's been going, the reason I have not posted much on here is because if you read the last post or two, my ex (I don't like calling her this, I always refer to her by her name except on this site) stumbled onto the site through my e-mails so I decided I couldn't blog anything else on here because it would basically be like breaking NC and she would know everything about how I feel and she wouldn't even wonder about me, miss me, or think about me because she could just come on here and get what she wanted.

Life... ha, where to start, a month's passed me by without the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, the girl I thought I would have in marriage, the girl I basically woke up to every morning and kissed her and wished her a great day, the same one that fell asleep in my arms almost every night, the one who said she loved me, she loved me "a lotta bit" as she would say, and it still brings a smile to my face to envision her saying it to me... That wonderful female who walked out of my life, haven't heard from her she's off doing better things now I suppose, and I hope her the best, but hell, enough about her right? So maybe, some of you more interested on how this ole' heart broken soul's doing?

Stay tuned because I'm going to tell you.

LCM is fine. Plain, simple, to the point. Love... what a wonderful thing it makes one man sing and another man cry, it does things to you that you'd never think you'd experience or feel. I don't believe the feelings ever go away in my opinion, they'll always be there when you truly love some one. The most important part that I've come to realize about "love" is it's a game of learning and experience. I feel like if I asked everyone on this site to post their own definition of love every single definition would be different, and that's great it just shows how many different kinds of love are out there, and the question is how many are them are you going to let yourself experience in your lifetime? Maybe, you'll be lucky enough to just experience just one, one love for your whole life, until death do you part... and then someone standing on the other side would say, "What a waste, i fell in love ten times, and don't plan on stopping there." All I'm trying to say to you lady and gentleman, love exists in so many different forms, and feelings that once one love walks out of your life, don't deprive yourself from loving again because the truth of the matter is that you both could possibly find a better love, but you'll never forget about the love you had in each other, because it'll always be there.

I'm not writing this post to preach to anyone, or teach anyone anything, I'm writing this post to say how I feel about how this world revolves and somehow always seems to magically work itself out. We've all heard it tons and tons of times, everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, or it'll work itself out of it's meant to be. Don't panic, you've heard these things so many times because they are true. Your life is what you make of it, just like if someone crushes your heart and tears out your soul, you have a choice everyday you wake up. Be miserable, mope, cry, let the person get the best of you, or try and live your life to the fullest with out them, and live YOUR life for you now. Your all probably like hey LCM it's not that easy. Trust me, I know. I'll show you where the pain is in your gut, I'll show you how to try and force feed yourself so you can eat every day, I'll show you the notebooks, letters, poems, unsent texts, that you write to try and ease the pain of trying to get this person out of your mind for good. Guys, I've been there, we all have, and probably realistically will be again. Every time learn from the past, don't let it get to you because you realize your moping, crying, and heartaches don't make it better. You realize you need to stand up for yourself, and say no more of this, I refuse to let myself be brought down anymore by this person, it's time to get back to being me.

For everyone who sat through and read this, I do hope you take something out of this, I hope my experiences, my burns, my aches, and all my pain I've experienced teaches you something about the world, life, love, relationships, friendships, how to react, how you grow up, how to learn from your own experiences, how to live for yourself, how to realize life goes on without the person you love, and how to realize you only get ONE shot at life, and to make the best of it every second, of every day.

If this post touches one person out there where they sit back in their chair and say to themselves, "Wow." and begin to think about either their own situation or about mine and it helps them to realize something about their life, that's enough for me, it makes it totally worth it, so maybe I lied... maybe I did write this to teach after all... Did you learn anything?

Take Care,
LCM

I learned that you seem to be moving in the right direction... and that you're right, we might end up on the statistics at a later point in our life.

<I think its okay to let yourself be sad for a little while, but afterwards... b\c we need to have an afterwards and not let it eat away at us in the long run... afterwards we need to pick ourselves up and do something constructive with ourselves, our lives or whatever else we can do something constructive with...

I'm really glad to see that you're doing better LCM... I really am!

Love does come in many shapes and forms. You can find it in tiny things, huge things...

I find love in my sister yelling at me when I'm acting self destructive, or in hugs that I get from the kids at work

And I think its nice to see other ppls love for each other. Brings hope, you know?

My shrink tells me that I need relationship role models. Hehe she is so RIGHT about that. Growing up I had no healthy relationships that I could look to and want. Now I look for it in the people close to me...

Hepp hepp! LCM :) hopefully this will continue to go in this directions... and you know we're here if a bad day should fall in your lap and smosh your head..

And as I sit here today and write this to all of you about my past couple months experiences, please take it all in, and learn from my mistakes, and right choices I made during my 4.5 year break up that happened on Nov. 2, 2008, this very well could be my last post on the site, lucky number 300.

So, I'll just let it all out now that I really don't care about my ex, as it seems like I mean absolutely nothing to her now-a-days, so I really do not care if she's been sneaking around the site or not. (For you people who don't know my ex went through my email a few weeks after the break up and found this site, and read everything and was like I can't believe you said all those negative things to random strangers about me... negative things... you find some that I said, basically you will see a reoccurring theme in which she casts blame, and makes things up to make herself feel like this break up was right, instead of seeing that she truly has someone truly madly deeply head over heels in love with her, but I guess she'll find better.)

All right, so I went no contact from Nov. 2, until Christmas Eve, during this period there was a couple occurrences with my ex that started to get my hopes up that she maybe wanted to start talking to me again and start over, I'll explain, first I got a text about fantasy football, who cares, retarded pointless, then I got another text when she saw me driving in this girls car, ignored, then she wound up going to my job one day, and I wasn't there, never once did she set foot in my place of business for the two years I was employed there, so I was like this is retarded, then she wound up contacting my uncle frequently about a phone because she broke hers and had lent him awhile ago, then she started IMing my best friends on the computer trying to make small talk, nothing about me or us just stupid crap, So I was completely NO CONTACT this whole entire time, completely the right thing to do, but every time she did one of these things it would completely confuse me, and I would not be able to comprehend what she was trying to do, or accomplish from all of this.

Now, my mistake is right here, I contacted her on Christmas Eve, because I fully expected a heartless, screw with my head holiday text. So, I said hey, she promptly responded hey, I asked her what's your deal babe? What do you want from me, I'm tired of these games, do you want to talk or not? She said, I tried to talk to you but you ignored me so I figured you didn't want to. I was like what's their to talk about, I mean I have unanswered questions and I'm sure you do too, and she was like we can go get dinner on Friday, dec. 26 and I was like sure no problem sounds good to me.

Then this same day (Dec. 24, 2008), I'm sitting in my room and her birthday present (Dec 4, 2008 which I completely ignored, kind of I still had a bunch of crap for her) is staring at me, and I'm in this mood where I'm basically going to throw it all out there for this girl, because I love her to death and don't feel like sitting back doing nothing is bringing her back to me (So, dumb.) So, I text her back and say hey, I got some of your things I need to give you can I drop them off? She's like I'm out right now, I was like I'll drop it off with your mother, and she's like No, I'll be home in a few just wait, So I wait, and go there.

I give her the gifts she gives me a hug, her mother comes out gives me a hug, asks how everything is, I get invited inside I'm inside talking to her family for about a half hour or so, hugs and kisses all around, then I'm leaving her and I have some small talk but that's about it, hug, bye.

About 10 minutes after leaving I'm getting texts from her thanking me for her gifts and such, talked for about an hour or so, then I said I had to go, I will talk to you later. This all occurred about 4 or 5 that day, then I was at my buddy's house and around 10, I get another text from her saying, Donovan thank you so much for everything I didn't see everything in the box, you really didn't have to do anything and I really appreciate it, nothing more was really said a couple texts but, that was all. (I also, wrote her a poem in the card, but folded it up and wrote, "Read Me One Day." - about two months or so before she left me, I sent her a random text saying I wish I could write you a poem babe, and she said I'm sure if you did It'd be the best poem ever, so I thought this would be cute and I wrote this poem for hours guys, and entitled it, "The Best Poem Ever" I still don't know to this day if she read it, ever will, or even cares but, I tried and that was my last effort.)

So Christmas comes, I wake up with a text from her, saying Merry Christmas! I responded with the same, nothing else was said. Then about 4 o' clock or so, I get another text from her saying, "My dad says he misses having you around, and you owe him five dollars lol" I said something about missing being there or something, and that was really it. An hour or so later she texts me again asking about what the dinner plans were for the next day, I said I didn't care anything was fine, she said Okay.

About another hour later she texts me again saying she can't go to dinner, she was to go out with her family who was down from Buffalo, which is probably true and what not, but whatever I was like I can't take this anymore, I put all my feelings on the line, everything told her how much I love her and miss her, and asked her what she wanted from me, she responded saying, she wants to start fresh without expectations, talk, be friends, and she's not with anyone and doesn't plan on being with anyone. Then we started talking about problems in our relationship, and everything said was we did this, or we did this wrong, which I felt was very positive. Conversation ends, I'll talk to you later.

The next day at about 11, I receive a text from her saying hey, I respond later because I was busy and she was like I wanted to see what you were doing, but now I'm going out and I was just like okay, cool. She's like yeah I was leaving the bar but, now I'm going to a party, once again I was like congratulations, I didn't ask you nor do I honestly care. Then started talking about nothing special and I was like I'm going out I'll talk to you later, and she's like I'm going home to go to bed now, have fun where ever your going. I didn't respond.

I don't believe anything else happened until New Years... and here we go, I was at my buddys house and about 11:30 I went to the beach to be alone and just chill out, I get the Happy New Years text about 11:40 before the lines get tied up and crap, I start to get the I love you, and I miss you a lot, and we should be together right now, but then she has to tell me what bar she's at because it's so so cool, like it's all she ever talks about, kind of funny, but anyway she's like I don't want to have this important conversation while I'm drunk I'll text you tomorrow after work. Fine, I love you, I love you too, talk to you tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes, I assume as soon as she walked out the door at work she texted me, Saying hey I told you I'd text you but I need to sleep it was a long night, I was like I figured that but I need to ask you something, did you mean everything you said last night? She said, "I love you but, I just want to be friends FOR NOW." those two words for now come up all the time in conversation about being friends, all she can offer me is friendship now, because that's all she can handle. I asked her I was like do we have a future together or what? Like just tell me because it's only fair to me to move on from the girl I put my heart and soul into. She just said I'm taking everything day by day, and I can't give you answer for this question. So basically I just feel dangled around, and she's trying to keep me there so when life's not that great alone or something she knows I'm still there to love her, and I do, and once she knew she had control of my feelings, It was a wrap for me. I asked her to hang out the next day she said sure, I'll come over after work, cool, not.

I stayed up the whole night, the first time I didn't sleep in a long time, I sat up in my bed and just said to myself... This is it, I'm not doing this anymore to myself, I love this girl so much, and would go to the end of the earth for her, and never think twice about it, and doesn't feel the same way and wants to go out party, and mess around with other guys or whatever the case may be fine, let her go but it's not about what she wants anymore, and it hit me, that I just want to be loved like I love her, and for some reason as I sit here and type it I still feel like she loves me a lot but, just needs to get out into the world alone for awhile because she's only been with me, and she needs to see what else is out there, because I'd rather it happen now then five or ten years from now when we were married, Do I think it's over, no of course not, I think we care too deeply about one another for it to be over, but who knows what the future holds for either of us, all I know is when some one asks me do I love anyone until the day I die, she'll always be my first answer, and maybe the only one. I basically wish this girl I love the best, and hope she finds happiness since I couldn't give it to her after 4.5 years, but she's still my favorite person in the whole entire world.

So what did I do the next day when we hung out, what happened? You want to know? I'm going to tell you, I texted her a few hours prior to the hang out time, and I said to her babe, I don't want to just be your friend, I can't handle it right now, and I would appreciate it if you could please stop contacting me, my friends, and my family, thank you.

She didn't take this very well, she wrote some nasty response, like excuse you, I forgot that you had the right to tell everyone who they can and can't talk to, you'll always be controlling lol. I was just like, okay thanks, then the conversation went on her trying to just be friends FOR NOW, and that was said numerous times. I just knew I couldn't see my girl as a friend, and I decided to stand up for myself and do this. I asked her how meaningless I was to her? And how she defined the word love? And she just responded with stop it. So, I was just like I'm through I love her to death, and she can't tell me anything unless she's liquored up, I'm sticking to this for me.

The next day I get a text from her saying, "I think it's hysterical that you lied about going to the beach alone on New Years, but something's never change even when they are so different, lol I'll drop all your stuff off sometime next week when your not home and I'm glad we decided to be done forever" I responded with I left when the ball dropped, thanks though, and I didn't decide a thing, you wanted this."

And that's the last thing that was said between a 4.5 year relationship in which everyone around us, including me and, her I think, were going to get married and spend their lives together. I'll never talk badly about this woman no matter how much she hurt me, and how much myself and others around me thought the things she did were terrible, I truthfully hope the best for her, and she finds happiness and love. She'll always be my girl but, I guess now she's turned herself into that one that got away...

And if your reading this babe, you'll always be my love, and my favorite person in the whole world, best of luck to you in life, you only get one shot make it the best you possibly can, and know I'll always be there for you, even when you think I'm not, I love you.

This Is LCM Signing Out.

Yours Truly,
LCM

P.S. - Thanks you so much everyone on this site, you've been so helpful and taught me so much about relationships, life, and love and I can't wait to make some special girl very happy, and I probably have my ex to thank for crushing my heart, and you guys, my friends, and my family, for picking up the pieces and rebuilding me into a much more mature, better, and sophisticated person. I bow my head to all of you and smile, your all very special, and wonderful people, and I sincerely thank you for eternity, take care.

Good luck to you sir! You done with this website... or you going to stick around to be a shoulder for others to cry on?

I suggest you stick around, you have a lot of knowledge and would be a great asset to the board on here. I know I learned a great deal from this site and continue to do so, even with my current relationship which currently hit a rut which is a whole other story ha ha!

Stick around, grab some coffee and read your old posts about a year from the first one. It's breathtaking to see how far you truly have come when you read how much of a poor sap you used to be.

Stick around, grab some coffee and read your old posts about a year from the first one. It's breathtaking to see how far you truly have come when you read how much of a poor sap you used to be.

Allow me to grab a box of kleanex, crawl into the fetal position, and start to read my old posts... oh, how we grow. God I was such a baby!! :rolleyes:

HELL YEA! I remember my first posts saying she was my one true love and blah blah blah. Kick me in the b@lls!

Hey man I think you should stick around and offer advice to other based on your experience. I think you can really help!

If not, take care and good luck.

Hey man, I almost cried reading your last post. It really hit home. You sound like an awesome guy. I have no doubts you will be happy again--don't know if on your own or with someone else-- but you will be. I have no doubt about it. There's not really any advice to give you as you have learned a lot through this and are probably wiser now than many of us here. With 300 posts you must be!

Shame you area leaving for good but if it's part of your healing process than so be it. I think you could be very useful to all the guys and girls that will get their hearts broken this year.

Good luck mate. Wish you all the best.

Lcm I think you should stick around! ;)

Yeah... I think you should stick around too... you do give good advice on stuff, and you got experience... but you got to do what's best for yourself too...

My dearest LCM. You know what you have to do. You need to stay on here and help others that are just starting in life and have the long way you just went through ahead of them.

We know that the world is not at its best right now, and that there will be new financial, economical, political changes galore in the future. But when it comes to relationships between two people, those of us (including YOU) here can and SHOULD help those who are just getting their feet wet.

I personally am proud of the mature way you are dealing with all of this. And I think it's OK to have her in our heart and thoughts forever... I too still communicate with a few of my 'big loves'. We are friends and buddies who share a lot of history and we all wish each other the best. That is normal and healthy because it shows that we still care.

Please stay here with us and also come join us in some of our Lounge threads.. where we just let out a little steam or silliness - sort of to even the scales.

I am not often online right now as I have a few personal things to take care of in life, but I do check at least every two days to see how things are - and I want to see you on here... so, please listen to 'Momma C' and stay with our little 'family'.

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Check out the 'castle, or another castle' in the Member's section of our lounge and share with us.

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Chery

I suggest if you do not know who I am, that you read my original post first and maybe even breeze through the rest of the answers and posts and understand what's been going on and maybe this post about how life is for me now-a-days is going and can help you and build some strength for you and your woes, and for the fellas who have helped me and are still here helping the new guys, here it goes...

Well, I honestly don't even know where to begin... November 2, 2008... jeez... what a day... the girl I have been head over heels in love with for almost five years decides to walk out on me, it's funny how far away that is now, it's almost coming up to a year of being alone.

I wouldn't have my life any other way, I won't be able to explain how I truly feel in words about what happens to you, and what takes over your mind, emotion, and soul these past months but this transformation comes over you... Like you can't take anything for granted, you cherish every moment as your last, you take care of the truly important things in your life, and begin to realize the big picture of taking care of yourself. As I sit here and type this message I can truly tell you, that I am 100% a better person in all aspects of life, I'm such a strong person now, I'm emotionally indestructible and I would have never seen this coming, I thought for sure I was going to quiver and cry and weep for years until something came along, but here we are 6 months later, I'm the pillar of strength for everyone around me, and anyone who is having problems. When people hear my story they ask me, "How did you even get up in the morning?" or "How are you even functioning right now?" The answers simple. You HAVE To. There's no if and's or but's about it my friends, listen break ups are the worst but this next thing I'm going to tell you, your going to have to take the leap of faith and trust me here... You need this, you need to have your heart broken, you need to understand these feelings that you would NEVER wish upon your worst enemy. Once you make it through the fire and the flames... Life's Good, It's better, maybe even the best. I Promise.

Well, now I'm sure your all curious on my updated situation with the ex. I honestly have no desire to write this part of the response (comical isn't it, that six months ago I wanted her name in every sentence I posted on this site.) Anyway, it's plain and simple I just don't talk to her, ha ha. She texts me about once a week or so I suppose. Other then hey, or what's up, the only informative text I got from her went something like this, "I'm sure you think I'm only drunk texting you at 1 in the morning but I'm not, you were such a huge part of my life it would be nice to see how you were doing every once in a while." So, I haven't responded to her in months, you think she'd get the picture that I'm HAPPIER! Without her, who would have ever thought? I think the only thing I owe her is a thank you for putting me through this, because I love myself, and I love life, I wouldn't have it any other way. She probably can't stand the fact of how happy I am with out her, and can't fathom the thought of this but, hey life works in mysterious ways. So, I'm a firm believer of all those dumb sayings you hear like, if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and all that junk...

Another thing I just want to touch base on real quick, is everything is all in your head my friends... Once you learn to have complete control over your mind and thought process your life will become a 1000 times easier, and I'm not saying it's easy to do. I honestly think about my ex everyday, and wish it was the way it was, but you have to understand it'll never be the same, every day I want to text her or call her or just show up with roses at her house but, I know it's unethical for me to do those things, I've come to far to take steps back. You are ignoring and going no contact for yourself, it's the most important thing PLEASE PLEASE do not compromise the NO CONTACT rule it'll only get you hurt. Just a little bit of advice, I would wind up thinking about my ex a lot at work because I work by myself and had nothing to really keep my mind from wandering, so I used to think of all the good times I had with her and just laugh to myself, and say, "good times." Turn it into something that will make YOU HAPPY not to mope and cry about how you miss it, don't do that do whatever it takes to make yourself happy ladies and gents.

All right, so now your all like okay, LCM this is all great but your still alone. Survey Says! Eh, Wrong. Come on, no one is alone in this world I wound up getting so much closer with my mother and brother, it's scary. Another thing I did I started to weed out all the bad apples in my friends and focus on a click of three or four that you know will be there until the day you die. So, for all you others who just want a significant other good news for you too... I would say I have about three or four girls in my life right now that would do ANYTHING for me on the drop of a dime. Like and it has nothing to do with looks or anything like that, it's just me coming around and being myself and showing interest listening to them, just listen to everyone's stories you'd be surprised how many people just want to be acknowledged... think about it? I mean some even go the wrong way about it and do dumb things like... I don't know... drugs, sex, lies, or break up with the person they love to run on some pipe dream with some person they met at work... Come on... how weak minded could you be.

Now for everyone who made it to the end of this post, I want to say I hope this post helps to give some hope, or even spread some knowledge about life and what you can maybe expect from your own situations, and that everything is going to be okay, I promise. The universe tends to unfold the way it should. You could have thought you were happy, but chances are you can be A LOT happier, and some divine power will take care of you, you all can call this power what you want, faith, I prefer God. Just think about it, the whole reason I came on this morning to write this was to hopefully help some of you out there that were bad like I was, and hopefully for some old faces to see that I'm doing well.

Over and Out.

Your Friend,

-LCM.

It's about time LCM! I was wondering if you would ever come back. Good to hear the update and I really think you should be spreading your knowledge by offering advice to others in their situation.

Kudos to you my man!

Great job! It's great to hear from you and see that you are doing extremely well.

This is a prime example of how people change and grow from adversity. This is also a great example of the light at the end of the break-up tunnel that all of us keep talking about!

You da man LCM!!

Love it when a plan comes together. You are not the same guy who first posted here, and you have grown into being a good example of manhood. My hat goes off to you.

Wow this thread was great. I needed that lol. It's only a couple of months since my first big breakup and I'm already realizing how much of a little biotch I acted like initially, and it's embarrassing and funny to look back on. Got to keep on truckin'.

Wow! Long time and a good update to come back with. Good job man, this is truly a hopeful update for anyone on this site.

I wonder if she ever tried to get back with you