Ok so I have been broken up with my girlfriend for about a month now, we are talking a little bit now, I'm not exactly sure where this is going to go, but right now its pretty relaxed and I can honestly say that's not how our relationship has been in the past which is why it ended. We both knew too much about each other and were together WAY too much. Anyway, ever since we've been broken up she's been handling it in ways I've never seen. I guess this is just her excercisng her freedom, but it still bothers me a little. She has been out partying, dancing, got her belly button pierced, started smoking (but knows she should stop and probably will) etc. The belly button doesn't bother me a whole lot, I don't like it but... I'm not going to say anything about it and let her get over it herself. However, I know she's been dancing with a lot of other guys, I don't think anything else has happened ( she tells me it hasnt) but for some reason I am still bothered by the dancing. Should I be? I am 20 she is 18, both in college. Im sure all of you know what "dancing" is today, and I really don't think I could do that with a girl, even when I was dating her I wouldn't... its just not me. Can I have some opinions on how people feel about the whole bump and grind culture, and whether that should be acceptable in a relationship? I mean if we got back together, should I just not say anything about it if she wants to go out with her friends to a frat party or to a club? Or should I say that I don't feel comfortable? I guess I'm just wondering if I'm making the relationship worse by being restrictive? Or do I honestly need to just loosen up?

If your broken up, because she wasn't playing by your rules, then this will never work by telling her what to do.

She knows how you feel, and would rather be doing her thing, like the rest of her age group, but if its not for you, stay home, and do your own thing, and let her do hers.

Accept it, or leave her alone, as she is sure going to do as she pleases.

Do you think that this might be a facet of her getting over the relationship, or do you think that maybe the real her is coming out? I don't know what to think sometimes. I can't help but worry about her. I know if I let it, this will fade away, but the only issue is when we both go home from college our lives are so much different. We are basically different people, and I think we will want to be with each other then... although I can't be sure. Im afraid to completely let go of her now, because I know I won't be able to take her back, but I'm not sure how ill be when we both get home. Also there is a girl I've considered taking on a date, but I don't know if I want to do that either, I mean its early, and I have a bad habit of getting really close to people. I have to admit my ex was definitely playing by my rules in the relationship, but at the same time she held me to my word as well, and we in a sense kept each other in check. I really wish I could just relax and not be worried about it. I have such a hard time trusting. I know what guys are like these days, and I just feel like if a girl gets alcohol in her system, there are so many guys that would try to take advantage. I feel like avoiding the situation is the best way to deal with it for a girl. However, I admit that I would probably be coercing a girl not to go so that I don't find myself hurt by their actions. Am I just too uptight, or are there some people who just can't accept that kind of stuff? I know guys who have absolutely no problem with their girlfriends going out. Perhaps I just started the relationship the wrong way and let it go on the wrong way for 2 years. Regardless I just want to hear what I need to. Believe it or not I am prepared, I want to learn from this as much as I can. Hopefully ill be able to get it right some day with the right girl.

An open mind is half the battle. How you cope with the changes in your life is the other half, and the most important.

No one can say what will happen next, but you can make the adjustments necessary to deal with this situation.

Not unusual for young people to want to explore life, and themselves at this age, so you have to let them, and make new plans for yourself.

Give yourself a chance to heal, by building a life that you enjoy, with people, and activities, you like to do. It's a process to balance your life, and move to a happier place, without her, as you get ready for another chapter in your life.

Its hard for now, but when the emotional dust settles, it will get better, and will not be as worried as you are now.

That means resisting the urge to contact her in any form or fashion, (No Contact) and focus on you being happy with who you are.

Of course you care enough to be worried, but one lesson to learn is you can't control the actions of others, no matter how much you love them.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum for some good suggestion about what to do to help you move on, and comeback with any questions that you have. We have all been there, so you are not alone.