So I am getting married to a wonderful man. He has a child with another woman. We both of course love this child and see him. We don't have anything in court about paying child support. We are planning on doing so very soon. I do not work because I stay at home with our 14 month old little girl. So he makes the income. Roughly he makes maybe 3000.00 a month. Does anyone know how much I'm looking to be paying for child support? Does the courts take it into consideration that she is remarried? Do they take it in consideration that we have a child also to take care of? :confused:

Since he isn't paying child support at this time and if he is held liable for arrears then they could take up to 65% of his gross. He needs to take care of this right away.
He should have been paying all along. And you might be getting a look into your future.

Ok he has check stubs for paying her monthly. Its just not court ordered.?

Ok he has check stubs for paying her monthly. Its just not court ordered. ??

Who set this amount for support ? Was the amount set as a agreement between them or is this money he gave her he figured he could afford. Also how old is the child ?

How did they get a divorce, and set up child custody with no child support order?

So my guess 400 a month or so at least.

No he beig married has no bearing

Well they never got married. And she was the one who set the amount.

And he's 4

You asked a lot of questions all in one, and they are good questions.

Every state has a child support guideline- not the same guideline but a guideline that is used throughout that particular state (i.e. a uniform guideline) -and the reason for this is that the feds mandated that all states adopt a guideline of some sort quite a few years ago (early 90's I believe as a part of welfare reform). Some states (like Nevada) have a bone-headed guideline that is a simple percentage of a low-time parent's income and nothing more. Others use a percentage plus additional factors. California's guideline is the most sophisticated of them all and we have to use a computer program to calculate support. Our guideline takes just about everything into account: the gross incomes of both parents, tax filing status, the timeshare percentage, other tax issues and on and on.

You asked: Does the courts take it into consideration that she is remarried? Do they take it in consideration that we have a child also to take care of?

Yes to all of these. If the child's mom is remarried and files a joint return with her husband her tax liability for one-half of her husband's income is taken into account (if the new husband earns more than she does this will INCREASE the support she gets from the child's father; if he earns significantly less than she does it will decrease her support). The baby you have together can qualify your to-be-husband for a hardship deduction which will reduce his support liability. But this is California law. Check with a local family law attorney if you are not in California to see if this is true in your jurisdiction.

Ok So he makes the same amount that my fiancé does. And she currently is not working. But is very capable of working. We moved to a different state, and we visit him about every three months. She wants to do a parenting plan. We agree and we are paying to get it filed. But right now she is telling us he can't see us here until he's seven. To me it doesn't make sense to do the parenting plan if she is not going to let us see him until he's seven. I thought we should just go to the court and get this child support handled. Its 250.00 dollars to file the parenting plan.

And about 3 months ago a incident happened involving the son being abused by her husband. We took him to a hospital and they ruled it abuse. My husband doesn't think he has as much rights as her. We want custody. It is still under investigation with CPS and they aren't helping us at all. All the husband got was parenting classes.

Ok So he makes the same amount that my fiance does. And she currently is not working. But is very capable of working. We moved to a different state, and we visit him about every three months. She wants to do a parenting plan. We agree and we are paying to get it filed. But right now she is telling us he can't see us here until hes seven. To me it doesnt make sense to do the parenting plan if she is not going to let us see him til hes seven. I thought we should just go to the court and get this child support handled. Its 250.00 dollars to file the parenting plan.

And about 3 months ago a incident happened involving the son being abused by her husband. We took him to a hospital and they ruled it abuse. My husband doesnt think he has as much rights as her. We want custody. It is still under investigation with CPS and they aren't helping us at all. All the husband got was parenting classes.

I get the impression that the child is not in California because of your use of the term "parenting plan" (sounds like Washington state terminology to me), an expression that we rarely see anyone use here (I frankly prefer the term to our fairly out-dated "custody/visitation" terminology).

First, I cannot see any advantage to going to court to get a child support order. Check your local child support guideline, see what support would be, and then just pay it without an order. In California, there is no such thing as retroactive child support extending back before the date a case is filed in which child support is an issue so check to see if this is the rule in your jurisdiction as well (for example, if a child is 17 when a parent first files a case asking for child support and you appear in court 1 month after the case is filed, you only get 1 month's back child support, NOT 17 years of support, which is what many people believe for some odd reason- this is true even if the support obligor paid nothing for 17 years).

Second, if the dad is being denied access to the child, he needs to file a motion for custody/visitation and see what happens in court. If the child was abused 3 months ago I would think the dad should have custody awarded to him and the mom supervised visitation until the details of the abuse are sorted out in court.

From what I know. The step father already went to court. The judge only gave him parenting classes and probation. We have the pictures of the abuse. The nose got almost broken, and handprints everywhere on his body. Bruises. Before the court hearing the step father had a no contact order with the son, but CPS found they went behind the order and was in contact. Nothing was done about that either. So basically we should get a lawyer? We are scared he will get hurt again.

She, the mother is also saying we owe her back child support. She dropped the child support, basically because we had ben 50 percent of the time and saved her 500.00 a month of daycare.?

Ps. You have answered so many of my questions! Thank you!!

This child needs to be out of that home he is in and with his father immediately. I'd file an emergency (ex parte) order seeking custody with no visitation to mom. And I'd get it too. If it were a client of mine I'd recommend doing it tomorrow, not waiting even one day. Attach copies of any documents you have to your motion but don't delay.

I'd ignore the support request. Like I said, in California there's no support owed before any date a case is filed in which support is an issue.

When you say attach any documents. Does that mean pictures and all? And another question we want a lawyer and do we have to get a lawyer that lives where she lives, or can we get one down here?

You should offer documents to the court that show the child has been abused. That could include photos, yes.

I'd hire a lawyer in the county in which you plan on filing the case which is probably where the child lives. I assume you live in the same state, correct?

No he lives in Washington and we live in Nevada. Thank you so much for your help

Has the child lived in WA the last six months? If so, you probably need to file in WA. If the child and the mom moved to WA from NV within the last 6 months and NV had been the child'a home state before that (I can explain what "home state" means if relevant) then you can file in NV.

Okay. Well yes he has always lived there in Washington. Do you know if lawyers take payments? We just got settled and have a good job. We don't have a big sum of money to do this. Do they take credit cards? Im so sorry I am asking you so many questions!

Also My fiance's mother wants to know if she can do anything about this. She has all the paper work. She also writes all the times that the mother drops him off. So my question is... Is there anything a grandmother can do?

okay. Well yes he has always lived there in washington. Do you know if lawyers take payments? We just got settled and have a good job. We dont have a big sum of money to do this. Do they take credit cards? Im so sorry i am asking you so many questions!

Washington has exclusive child custody jurisdiction so you have to file there. Do lawyers take payments? Some of them do. It's simply a matter between would-be client and attorney. And all of them I know of gladly take credit cards.

I'm an attorney in California and a Certified Family Law Specialist (incidentally, I am also licensed to practice in Washington state but I don't maintain an office there nor do have any cases in Washington so you need to ask local counsel about their procedure, local rules and so on).

Based upon what you've said I think you have a very good chance of obtaining custody of this child (I've seen people lose custody of their kids to a co-parent on weaker facts than yours).

Wow. Thank you so very much. I Learned so much. I feel so much better now. So should we get the child support handled first or just start fighting for custody!

Also My fiance's mother wants to know if she can do anything about this. She has all the paper work. She also writes all the times that the mother drops him off. So my question is...Is there anything a grandmother can do?

The only thing that comes to mind would be the possibility of a guardianship if you and your fiancé were unable or unwilling to have custody; but a guardianship requires a hightened showing of need and urgency. Most commentators/family law experts will tell you that if you are a non-parent and the child does not live in your household a guardianship will probably fail. To get one you have to show that it would be detrimental to the child's welfare to remain in the custody of the parent and that a guardianship is essential to serve the child's best interests, and I believe you have to show this by clear and convincing evidence (the next higher standard of proof beyond mere preponderance of evidence). This is a heavy burden. So, unless you have facts justifying CPS intervention and removal, a guardianship will probably fail. And if you have those compelling facts, then it's usually easier just to let CPS do its thing and ask for temporary placement of the child with the person seeking the guardianship. Now if the child has resided with a non-parent for a substantial period the rule is relaxed considerably and there is a presumption in the law that a guardianship should be granted (our oddly-written statute says that in cases of a "de-facto" parent, i.e. one with whom the child has resided for a substantial period and has assumed the day-to-day parenting role for the child, it is rebuttably presumed that changing custody to a parent would be detrimental to the child and that remaining with the de facto parent is necessary to serve the child's best interest--but, this presumption is rebuttable by preponderance of the evidence.. see how fun some of this family law stuff can be ! :)

Loads of fun! :) My fiancés mother writes everything down. Dates that the child has bruises, dates that the mother "forgot" to pick him up. She writes everything down that he says bad about his mother and step father. We have all the check stubs for sending her money ( replacing child support, when it wasn't in place) We had her sign a paper saying she was not asking for child support for some of the months because my mother in law always had the child. We have things that she has posted on her myspace saying she isn't happy with her husband and he controls her, to things like she thinks she is a bad mom. Can we use all of this?

Wow. Thank you so very much. I Learned so much. I feel so much better now. So should we get the child support handled first or just start fighting for custody!?

I would seek custody and at the same time ask the mom pay child support and attorney fees. You probably won't get a cs order or attorneys fee order ex parte (i.e. on shortened or no notice) but you could get the custody change ex parte. Once you get custody ex parte (or even if you don't) the case will be set for a follow-up hearing down the line and you can review the case then and ask for support.

Loads of fun! My fiancés mother writes everything down. Dates that the child has bruises, dates that the mother "forgot" to pick him up. She writes everything down that he says bad about his mother and step father. We have all the check stubs for sending her money ( replacing child support, when it wasn't in place) We had her sign a paper saying she was not asking for child support for some of the months because my mother in law always had the child. We have things that she has posted on her myspace saying she isn't happy with her husband and he controls her, to things like she thinks she is a bad mom. Can we use all of this?

Loads of fun! My fiances mother writes everything down. Dates that the child has bruises, dates that the mother "forgot" to pick him up. She writes everything down that he says bad about his mother and step father. We have all the check stubs for sending her money ( replacing child support, when it wasnt in place) We had her sign a paper saying she was not asking for child support for some of the months because my mother in law always had the child. We have things that she has posted on her myspace saying she isn't happy with her husband and he controls her, to things like she thinks she is a bad mom. Can we use all of this?

I think you can use this stuff. You have to keep the rules of evidence in mind but if the mom has made admissions that she's got parenting problems you can use that against her. Sure. The judge will decide what weight to give it.

Mediation is mandatory in disputed child custody matters so much of these details come up in mediation and the mediator makes a recommendation to the judge of what to do (in most CA counties--a little different in a few others). You don't have mediation in true ex parte requests (the request for emergency orders-- we ought to re-name them "emergency requests" or something like that because everyone in our courthouse uses the ex parte calendar for silly non-emergency matters and the judges get mad and throw them out all the time --I've seen stuff on the ex parte calendar like someone asking to modify a visitation schedule because Sally wants to go to her friend's birthday party this weekend and it's dad's time and he has other plans!. that sort of junk).

What are the rules of evidence again? Can we use things like : April 21st. I watched sally (mom) pinch Luke (son) because he was crying and did not want to go home.? Then we took pictures the next day and there were bruises.

What are the rules of evidence again? Can we use things like : April 21st. I watched sally (mom) pinch Luke (son) because he was crying and did not want to go home. ??? Then we took pictures the next day and there were bruises.

Well, the rules of evidence are in this great big book you buy in law school and spend a year studying, or at least a semester anyway. And yeah, there's a bunch to know. But, many judges sort of give you a break on it in some family law cases (because there are no juries and things can be a little less formal). But keep in mind you can't use hearsay at a trial (we use some things at short-cause law and motion hearings that you couldn't use at trial, like written declarations because the local rules allow it).. Pictures are always okay if you authenticate them (who took them, when, where , under what circumstances). Forget about letters, and most written materials, even police reports are inadmissible hearsay (you have to call the police officer who wrote the report). Again, you have to check local rules. The easiest thing to keep in mind is to use live witnesses and have them relate what they saw, heard, that sort of thing.

OK. SO when the abuse happened the only people that were there was the father, our son and the step father bio son. They boys are the same age. Now the mother was apparently at the park with friends. Down the street. She got a call saying that she needed to come home right away and hung up. She got there and the paramedics and police were there. The police would not allow the mother to see or talk to the step father. The child had been bleeding from his nose, couldn't get the bleeding to stop for awhile. Then the mother took the soon to my mother in law. Where they called us, and we went to see the boy right away. We took pictures. And the child said that he was punched, then pushed. We took him to the hospital, and the nurse told us to take all his cloths off so we can see if there were any other marks. There were. There was a handprint on his bottom, and prints around his neck and back. We took pictures, and even the mother said, she ignored signs like her husband treating her son a lot different then his. Like disciplining worse and more often. CPS got involved. Made a no contact order, and caught them not following it. By the time his court hearing, the CPS Investigator guy didn't even go to the hearing and let the court know that they have been breaking it.

Then we had a conference with CPS and family. But we were on the phone. And they gave the mother 20 hours of free daycare. And my mother in law offered to watch him over the weekends. Ok so you are probably wondering why they gave her this because she is not even working. Well she is pregnant. So that day she asked the fathers mother to watch her son because she was arguing with the step father, so of course she agreed. The mother left the son there over night so she can calm her husband down. The next day she came to pick her son up, and was acting very weird and a argument occurred with the fathers mother and her. Make a long story short. She took the son away and would not let the gma see him. Wouldn't let any side of our family see him for 2 months.

About 2 weeks after this incident th court just gave him parenting classes and probation. Because of this the step father can't even see his bio son now. The mother of that son, says that they neglect him.

About 3 weeks ago from today, I tried talking to the mother of the abused child and got her to let her son see my fiancés side of the family. So all is OK there. Then we went to visit about 2 weeks ago and she wouldn't even let us have the child over night, because she is scared we will kidnap him!

When her son was around 2 in a half years old. She dropped him off with "of course" my mother in law to stay the night. Because she had to go to a different city to meet some guy she met on the internet.

Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 3 months and SHE is the one who ended that.

Long story I know! But you are GREAT :)

I would be contacting the courts and a lawyer... for four kids I get 298 ( was 589) in child support in the state of Kansas.. I would also push four full cust of his son.. with the Abuse going on I would recommend it

That's quite a story and I feel sorry for this poor kid. You really have to intervene and not let this situation get any further out of control than it already is. That step-father should never have any contact with this child again (he has no parental rights anyway so why in the world is he even in the picture! ). The boy needs to be with his father (your fiancee) with the mom having supervised visitation at a licensed visitation facility. There should also be a no contact order with the step-dad. If she disagrees then custody still should temporarily switch to dad, supervised visitation to mom, and a full blown custody evaluation ordered to figure what is going on.

Gosh, I wish you the best with this but this is unfortunately a not-too-uncommon case in family law. Messy.

My Fiancé is going back up there in a month. So should he just get a lawyer, when he's there, or go to the courts and get paper work? This will most likely be my last question! :)

My Fiance is going back up there in a month. So should he just get a lawyer, when hes there, or go to the courts and get paper work? This will most likely be my last question! :)

I think he should find a lawyer first. Try to find one that only does family law, if possible. Avoid the ones who have a combination of things they do. If your lawyer's practice is limited to family law he will most likely like what he does and be good at it (we tend to be good at things we enjoy).

All the best.:)

Thank you very much. My fiancé wants to pay her money still, just so we all get along. Should we still do that?

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Everyone has a legal duty to support his kids whether there's a support order in effect or not.

Ok thank you. So when he sees his lawyer does he tell him that he wants to do the emergency exparte. And I know it may take awhile to get this going, but with the "emergency" do they take that in consideration?

Can you refer me to someone in Washington?

Around the vancouver area?

I don't think they allow that on this board (maybe in a private message). There is someone who is in Vancouver, WA who is pretty well-known and well-respected but I won't say who it is unless the board's moderators say it's OK.

around the vancouver area?



Can't do it publicly or privately - check with your local Bar and see who is on their recommended list.

(Attorneys advertise on these boards and it would be unfair to refer to someone who does not.)

OK. SO when the abuse happened the only people that were there was the father, our son and the step father bio son. They boys are the same age. Now the mother was apparently at the park with friends. Down the street. She got a call saying that she needed to come home right away and hung up. She got there and the paramedics and police were there. The police would not allow the mother to see or talk to the step father. The child had been bleeding from his nose, couldn't get the bleeding to stop for awhile. Then the mother took the soon to my mother in law. Where they called us, and we went to see the boy right away. We took pictures. And the child said that he was punched, then pushed. We took him to the hospital, and the nurse told us to take all his cloths off so we can see if there were any other marks. There were. There was a handprint on his bottom, and prints around his neck and back. We took pictures, and even the mother said, she ignored signs like her husband treating her son a lot different then his. Like disciplining worse and more often. CPS got involved. Made a no contact order, and caught them not following it. By the time his court hearing, the CPS Investigator guy didn't even go to the hearing and let the court know that they have been breaking it.

Then we had a conference with CPS and family. But we were on the phone. And they gave the mother 20 hours of free daycare. And my mother in law offered to watch him over the weekends. Ok so you are probably wondering why they gave her this because she is not even working. Well she is pregnant. So that day she asked the fathers mother to watch her son because she was arguing with the step father, so of course she agreed. The mother left the son there over night so she can calm her husband down. The next day she came to pick her son up, and was acting very weird and a argument occurred with the fathers mother and her. Make a long story short. She took the son away and would not let the gma see him. Wouldn't let any side of our family see him for 2 months.

About 2 weeks after this incident th court just gave him parenting classes and probation. Because of this the step father can't even see his bio son now. The mother of that son, says that they neglect him.

About 3 weeks ago from today, I tried talking to the mother of the abused child and got her to let her son see my fiancés side of the family. So all is OK there. Then we went to visit about 2 weeks ago and she wouldn't even let us have the child over night, because she is scared we will kidnap him!

When her son was around 2 in a half years old. She dropped him off with "of course" my mother in law to stay the night. Because she had to go to a different city to meet some guy she met on the internet.

Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 3 months and SHE is the one who ended that.

About a week ago I found out that I can get the paperwork started at the court facilitator office. I went online and looked at all of the packets. I have no idea which one to use. These are the ones that popped up-

# Dissolution (Divorce)
# Paternity (Support and/or Custody-Parenting Plan when parents are not married)
# Modification of Child Support and/or Custody-Parenting Plan
# Contempt
# Step-Parent Adoption
# Non Parental/Third Party Custody
# Relocation

They were never married, and she lives in Washington and we live in Nevada.

Can someone help me! We don't have the money right now to hire a attorney, but we WANT to get the paperwork going. And when we sit down and do this at the court, what paper work must we have. I know we need the proof of the abuse, but is there anything else?

It looks like the second or third choices are applicable.

You want custody, you want to protect your child, you get an attorney.

Check out your local legal aid society, many offer free legal help.

The do-it-yourself legal stuff only saves money. I don't think it works in the end. You're trying to do something professional without the proper training or knowledge of the law.

Save your money for an attorney or try to get legal aid somewhere for this convoluted situation. Chances are it's going to be very hard for even a professional (lawyer) to wrench this kid away from his mother.

Your intentions are good and all, but in the real world and the world of the courts, it's going to be very hard to accomplish. Good luck anyway if you do try on your own.

OK I know its going to be hard but can't we get the paperwork going and then hire a attorney?

Also I talked to a lawyer and he said it was going to cost 2000.00 to have him do the paper work.

I don't know how much it would help or hinder you by doing the paperwork yourself. I can tell you that when you go into court have a hired lawyer to represent you. The court appointed ones that I have seen seem to work against you.

Ok so my fiancé and I moved out of state to make ends meet. His child lives with his mother in Washington. We call as much as we can, most the times that we do she never picks up the phone. But when his son is over at my fiancés moms house, that's when we get to talk to him, which is nice. Whenever we get to talk to him when he is with his mother she always puts him on speakerphone and we can't hear anything. We haven't confronted her about it yet. Don't know if we should. We know that she does this because she wants to hear everything that we say. We will ask the child simple questions like "What did you do today", and he won't say anything and he will ask his mom what to say. We don't talk to her about it, because she has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. The other day the son was over at my fiancés mothers house and the son called. We picked up and said "hello" and he goes "hi, daddy" And all of a sudden he says "I hate my mommy and step daddy" reminding everyone that the step father did abuse the child 6 months ago. Every time that we talk to the child, without his mother listening, he tells us "he wants to live with daddy"
We talked to my fiancés mother and she tells us that while she was giving the child a bath he said that his feet hurt, she asked why. He replied because my shoes are too small. Well we recently visited and bought him new shoes because the mother would cram his feet into shoes that were way to small, and we made sure that they were almost a size too big, but also made sure that they stayed on. My fiancés mother said "well daddy bought you new shoes, aren't you wearing them"? Then the child said, "mommy makes me wear the small ones until she knows im coming over here to see you".

Can we use any of this information when we fight for custody?

We used to have a court order for child support back at the beginning of '08 and it lasted for 2 months. She canceled it because she couldn't afford a babysitter... reminding all of you that she worked 4, 10 hours shifts and would drop him off at my fiancés mothers, then we would get him on the weekends. My question I would like to ask her, but won't is... when does she spend time with her son? Anyway she asked my almost mother in law to watch the child full time in exchange she won't ask for child support. So we agreed, because secretly we never really wanted him in such a bad environment with his mother, and of course we love him. Now she thinks that we owe her back child support because now she's remarried, has a new baby and not working. Doesn't it have to be in the court system to get back child support?
We have been willingly been sending money to her to help. She recently asked me if it would be good for her to just get his wages garnished. She asked me this because we send 250, what we can afford because of the move, and she wants 400. Does this seem logical?
As far as if they she files for garnishment...


Do they put it in consideration that she is remarried and he makes just as much as we do?
Do they put it in consideration that we also have a daughter of our own?
Do they put it in consideration that she is capable of working?
Do they put it in consideration that the child is at the fathers mothers house often?

If she files for this and we fight for custody, which is very soon....well i dont know how to ask this but we get custody will the child support stop?

Or say... we get granted at least 50/50 custody, will we have to send her money the six months that we have him?

we honestly don't feel comfortable with my fiances son living at home with his mom, i hear that we can do a ex parte, is that a lot different then just fighting for custody will they figure out what to do with the son quicker?

will this case go quicker because of the abuse if the child and his welfare because of his environment of mental and physical abuse.

Her spouse can't even see his own children, which he has two other. We are concerned because we have questions about his past. We know he has a restraining order with one child, the child that was there to witness the abuse with my fiancés son.

Also the mother and father never went to court to file for who has full custody.

My fiance is going up to Washington to see if he can get the police reports. is that possible? what about court dockets?

Sorry I have so many questions. Thank you for listening:)

Well first, to answer the question you asked in the subject, a minor child CANNOT choose. The decision to change any custody arrangement is up to a judge. The judge may or may not listen to the child depending on age, but the judge will make the decision.

A lot of factors go into a judge's decision about amending custody/support/visitation. The judge should be willing to take into consideration any factual evidence that can help determine what's in the child's best interests.

So you job is to compile that evidence and make sure its presented.

I will also note that this is at least the third thread you have started relative to this issue. You have gotten similar advice from your previous threads. Please try and keep these threads together in the future.

Ok so my fiance and i moved out of state to make ends meet. His child lives with his mother in washington. We call as much as we can, most the times that we do she never picks up the phone. But when his son is over at my fiances moms house, that's when we get to talk to him, which is nice. Whenever we get to talk to him when he is with his mother she always puts him on speakerphone and we can't hear anything. We haven't confronted her about it yet. Dont know if we should. We know that she does this because she wants to hear everything that we say. We will ask the child simple questions like "What did you do today", and he wont say anything and he will ask his mom what to say. We dont talk to her about it, because she has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. The other day the son was over at my fiances mothers house and the son called. we picked up and said "hello" and he goes "hi, daddy" And all of a sudden he says "I hate my mommy and step daddy" reminding everyone that the step father did abuse the child 6 months ago. Every time that we talk to the child, without his mother listening, he tells us "he wants to live with daddy"
We talked to my fiances mother and she tells us that while she was giving the child a bath he said that his feet hurt, she asked why. He replied because my shoes are too small. well we recently visited and bought him new shoes because the mother would cram his feet into shoes that were way to small, and we made sure that they were almost a size too big, but also made sure that they stayed on. My fiances mother said "well daddy bought you new shoes, aren't you wearing them"? Then the child said, "mommy makes me wear the small ones until she knows im coming over here to see you".

Can we use any of this information when we fight for custody?

We used to have a court order for child support back at the beginning of '08 and it lasted for 2 months. She canceled it because she couldn't afford a babysitter...reminding all of you that she worked 4, 10 hours shifts and would drop him off at my fiances mothers, then we would get him on the weekends. My question i would like to ask her, but wont is...when does she spend time with her son? anyways she asked my almost mother in law to watch the child full time in exchange she wont ask for child support. so we agreed, because secretly we never really wanted him in such a bad environment with his mother, and of course we love him. Now she thinks that we owe her back child support because now shes remarried, has a new baby and not working. Doesn't it have to be in the court system to get back child support?
We have been willingly been sending money to her to help. she recently asked me if it would be good for her to just get his wages garnished. She asked me this because we send 250, what we can afford because of the move, and she wants 400. Does this seem logical?
As far as if they she files for garnishment....


Do they put it in consideration that she is remarried and he makes just as much as we do?
Do they put it in consideration that we also have a daughter of our own?
Do they put it in consideration that she is capable of working?
Do they put it in consideration that the child is at the fathers mothers house often?

If she files for this and we fight for custody, which is very soon....well i dont know how to ask this but we get custody will the child support stop?

Or say... we get granted at least 50/50 custody, will we have to send her money the six months that we have him?

we honestly don't feel comfortable with my fiances son living at home with his mom, i hear that we can do a ex parte, is that a lot different then just fighting for custody will they figure out what to do with the son quicker?

will this case go quicker because of the abuse if the child and his welfare because of his environment of mental and physical abuse.

Her spouse can't even see his own children, which he has two other. We are concerned because we have questions about his past. We know he has a restraining order with one child, the child that was there to witness the abuse with my fiances son.

Also the mother and father never went to court to file for who has full custody.

My fiance is going up to Washington to see if he can get the police reports. is that possible? what about court dockets?

Sorry i have so many questions. Thank you for listening:)



Where to start?

First - you have absolutely no legal standing or rights when it comes to this child. This is all up to your fiancé.

If the mother wants additional support she must file with the Court and ask for an increase. Your fiancé then presents his documentation and the Court decides. If there was Court ordered support and your fiancé didn’t pay it, yes, he owes it. She - in most States - can’t apply for back support. She either asked at the time or didn’t. You can’t go back X number of years.

Logic usually has nothing to the with the Law or how people act in custody/support cases nor is it a legal argument.

You refer to “your” income, “your” fight for custody. You have no legal standing here. It’s his income, his fight for custody, his visitation rights, his request for custody, the second child he is supporting. You will not get custody under any circumstances I can foresee. Will your fiancé - I don’t know.

Is the mother unfit? Is she a danger to the child? Is the home situation dangerous to the child? S far as the shoes or any other statements - I don’t know if what the child says will bear a lot of weight, but I also don’t know the age of the child.

Can you prove it? The fact that the child spends a lot of time with someone else means that she makes child care arrangements when she is unable to spend time with the child. That doesn’t make her unfit UNLESS those arrangements are harmful to the child.

If the child is in danger your fiancé must file his own petition for custody, everyone will go to Court, your fiancé will present his proof, the other side will say whatever it is they have to say, a Judge will decide. Along the way it is very possible that all of the parties will be evaluated, perhaps a legal guardian will be appointed, a decision will be made as to what is best for the child. The Court will obtain the appropriate background documents - Police Reports, arrest records, that kind of thing.

My suggestion would be for your fiancé to retain an Attorney. There are many questions here which need to be answered and if the child is abused or in danger of abuse, he must do something.

I understand that you think that I have no rights, but he is 4 and is a smart kid. I am simply just asking some advice, because my fiancé is working. I am trying to help him. I know its his money and his child. I just care for him as I am going to be his step mother. I am afraid that I didn't give you enough information... heres some more for you. He simply IS NOT in a safe environment, trust me!

OK. SO when the abuse happened the only people that were there was the step father, our son and the step father bio son. The boys are the same age. Now the mother was apparently at the park with friends. Down the street. She got a call saying that she needed to come home right away and hung up. She got there and the paramedics and police were there. The police would not allow the mother to see or talk to the step father. The child had been bleeding from his nose, couldn't get the bleeding to stop for awhile. Then the mother took the son to my mother in law. Where they called us, and we went to see the boy right away. We took pictures. And the child said that he was punched, then pushed. We took him to the hospital, and the nurse told us to take all his cloths off so we can see if there were any other marks. There were. There was a handprint on his bottom, and prints around his neck and back. We took pictures, and even the mother said, she ignored signs like her husband treating her son a lot different then his. Like disciplining worse and more often. CPS got involved. Made a no contact order, and caught them not following it. By the time his court hearing, the CPS Investigator guy didn't even go to the hearing and let the court know that they have been breaking it.

Then we had a conference with CPS and family. But we were on the phone. And they gave the mother 20 hours of free daycare. And my mother in law offered to watch him over the weekends. Ok so you are probably wondering why they gave her this because she is not even working. Well she is pregnant. So that day she asked the fathers mother to watch her son because she was arguing with the step father, so of course she agreed. The mother left the son there over night so she can calm her husband down. The next day she came to pick her son up, and was acting very weird and a argument occurred with the fathers mother and her. Make a long story short. She took the son away and would not let the gma see him. Wouldn't let any side of our family see him for 2 months.

About 2 weeks after this incident the court just gave him parenting classes and probation. Because of this the step father can't even see his bio son now. The mother of that son, says that they neglect him. And have a restraining order.

About 3 weeks ago from today, I tried talking to the mother of the abused child and got her to let her son see my fiancés side of the family. So all is OK there. Then we went to visit about 2 weeks ago and she wouldn't even let us have the child over night, because she is scared we will kidnap him!

When her son was around 2 in a half years old. She dropped him off with "of course" my mother in law to stay the night. Because she had to go to a different city to meet some guy she met on the internet.

Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.:)

Often the son tells my fiancé that the step father still spanks him.

What is a thread, sorry if there is a lot of similar posts!

Don't misunderstand - I understand your pain and frustration and good intentions. I am speaking from a purely legal standpoint until you are the legal stepmother. I was not and am not criticizing you in any way. I don't just think you don't have any rights at this point - I KNOW you don't have any (legal) rights at this point. I am also a stepmother.

If the child support was by Court Order that Order did not expire or teminate (at least in my State, NY, and I don't believe it's any different anywhere else) except by another Court Order. The mother of this child isn't the first nor will she be the last to attempt some sort of side deal (more support, less support, no support) and then go back into Court and be awarded back support. If that is the case, perhaps if you have proof you can take that to Court - but if the mother decided to wait 5 years and then pursue back support the Court probably will enforce the original order unless it was changed by the Court.

I understand what appears to be going on here - but, again, without solid proof you have nothing in the Court's eyes but accusations. Whether she left the child with a responsible person to meet someone she met on the Internet or go shopping or sit in a bar makes no difference to the Court - she left the child with a responsible party.

Unfortunately, she has physical custody and control of the child and she gets to choose where the child goes, when, how, including visits with Grandparents. Does your fiancé have joint custody by any chance?

As far as contacting the mother of the other abused child - I would stay away. If you need her testimony, have her brought into Court. Attempts to resolve these matters when they are very obviously going to blow up are never wise - for whatever reason the other mother is now worried and concerned... about something.

I think your fiancé has to go back to Court with as much proof as he has and ask for custody. No question the mother will ask for support and custody and then the Court can decide.

I wish I had better news for you but that is how it works.

Quote:
Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
EndQuote:

Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.

Ok! Thank you! It helped. I understand about the whole her leaving to meet up with a guy. We have pictures of the abuse, and things written down like for ex. July 2 2008, child was brought to grandmothers, and child said this... Im not sure if those will work. We have things that she has blogged.

As far as I know. They were never married, never went to court to file paperwork for custody arrangements, he is on birth certificate.?

:D Thank you for your help.

I know that her taking to someone and leaving, isn't bad parenting. I mean I wish her the best. I hope that she notices what she is doing to her son, though. I want the best for everyone.

Ok! thank you! It helped. I understand about the whole her leaving to meet up with a guy. We have pictures of the abuse, and things written down like for ex. july 2 2008, child was brought to grandmothers, and child said this ...... Im not sure if those will work. We have things that she has blogged.

As far as i know. They were never married, never went to court to file paperwork for custody arrangements, he is on birth certificate. ???

:D Thank you for your help.

I know that her taking to someone and leaving, isn't bad parenting. I mean i wish her the best. I hope that she notices what she is doing to her son, though. I want the best for everyone.


And there's no one here who does want the boy to be part of a loving, stable family. Point your fiancé toward the Courthouse and push him out the door!

What you are posting on is a thread - a thread is a question followed by answers. You can search through them. For example, if you to the white box at the top of the screen, next to the AMHD logo, type in what you want to know (for example, child support), hit search, the site will search and come back with a list of all similar threads and you can read through and see what other people have experienced.

Quote:
Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
EndQuote:

Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.

I looked through paper work and found a court document saying that it's a notice of suspend child support payments, and they both signed

Quote:
Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
EndQuote:

Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.

i looked through paper work and found a court document saying that its a notice of suspend child support payments, and they both signed



Was it filed with the Court? It certainly is good ammunition on your side one way or the other -

Do we know what State you are in? It varies.

I just noticed the same general post in November - these should be combined.

>THREE threads merged<
They all relate to the same issue.

Thanks

Ok... so we found out that there is another police report issued in October. The child was tooken to a hospital, because he "fell on his nose", the same hit that happened in June. We have the reports and pictures. By the middle of feb, we will have enough money to get a lawyer. 2500.00 dollars. She, the mother just called and said that her husband... the man that abuses the child may be laid off. And that they may transfer to another city in Washington... hours away from where they live now. We have no parenting plan and are wanting this lawyer, if they move... can we keep this lawyer or do we have to get one that is where he lives now. We are trying to Help me... idk what to do?

Ok....so we found out that there is another police report issued in october. The child was tooken to a hospital, because he "fell on his nose", the same hit that happened in june. We have the reports and pictures. By the middle of feb, we will have enough money to get a lawyer. 2500.00 dollars. She, the mother just called and said that her husband...the man that abuses the child may be laid off. and that they may transfer to another city in washington....hours away from where they live now. We have no parenting plan and are wanting this lawyer, if they move....can we keep this lawyer or do we have to get one that is where he lives now. We are trying to Help me.....idk what to do?


You go to Court NOW - Family Court is user friendly - and get a custody/support/visitation order.

I don't understand how the child is being abused but you are waiting until mid-February when you can afford an Attorney.

I would have been standing on the Courthouse steps the first day the door opened.

Yes, you can keep her from moving but the more important thing is the safety of the child.

You go to Court NOW - Family Court is user friendly - and get a custody/support/visitation order.

I don't understand how the child is being abused but you are waiting until mid-February when you can afford an Attorney.

I would have been standing on the Courthouse steps the first day the door opened.

Yes, you can keep her from moving but the more important thing is the safety of the child.

Ok. Well is there a way that I can do this, We are married now. Do I have rights as a step mother

Ok. Well is there a way that i can do this, We are married now. Do i have rights as a step mother



You have no rights - only the parents have rights. You can report the abuse to CPS, you can support the father, you can do whatever you can to protect the child.

Even if you marry, without adopting the child you will have no rights.

It's a sometimes unfortunate fact about step parenting.

You have no rights - only the parents have rights. You can report the abuse to CPS, you can support the father, you can do whatever you can to protect the child.

Even if you marry, without adopting the child you will have no rights.

It's a sometimes unfortunate fact about step parenting.

Ok. :) well CPS is involved. And don't help at all. SO I guess that we are on our own with this. We have a portfolio of pictures of abuse, and babysitting logs. We have the two police reports also. I think and hope that we have a chance at getting him. We have to get the lawyer in WA, and if they move in a week, do we have to get the lawyer where they will live, then?

Well my husband and I just hired a awesome attorney, We are so excited. We are hiring him for 2200.00 dollars! Wish us lots of luck!