All right, I thought it would be wise for someone like me, going through a break up, to ask others who have been through it before. Think of your most devastating break up experience, and tell me what you came out of it with. In other words, what about YOU changed because of this that you are truly grateful for?

I will stick up for myself and not be a push over.

I will know when things don't seem right, communicate and take action whatever it may be (breakup or work through).

I will not wait for a girl to come back no matter what they tell me when we have "the talk".

I'll sure there will be more as I move forward in my healing process.


C-YA!

I learned I will not change who I am for anyone.

I will say what I am feeling sooner.

I will give no second chances for cheaters.

The most important part is that I am OK on my own . And knowing that makes it OK to not rush into a relationship just to be in one.

Enjoy who you are.! Good luck.

Pay more attention, and get facts, and not just make decisions based on feelings.

Be patient, and not be impulsive.

Stay within my limits, and be myself, no matter if any one likes it, or not!

Never be afraid to love, or let go!

Stand up for myself, and don't fall for the BS.

Let people play games with themselves and not me.

Love myself enough to be very happy with myself.

Ain't that much love in the world, to make me do something I know I shouldn't.

Better thought before actions. And

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. (or else the beeyatches will run all over you)

I keep learning that no matter how much you keep thinking there's nobody but her... you are wrong.

Not to be a push over or wimpy

Needy Clingy..

Learn to listen.. learnt to see the RED FLAGS

Became more confidant in myself
Liked myself more.

The plus.. so out did the negatives :)

The sharpest blade has to go threw the hottest flame

Stay away from females you can't trust

Don't mix up sex with love.

Make sure you both have the same idea of love.

I keep learning that no matter how much you keep thinking there's nobody but her.....you are wrong.

I like that one chuff... definitely something to drill into your head while dealing with a breakup.

Pay more attention, and get facts, and not just make decisions based on feelings.

Be patient, and not be impulsive.

Stay within my limits, and be myself, no matter if any one likes it, or not!

Never be afraid to love, or let go!

Stand up for myself, and don't fall for the BS.

Let people play games with themselves and not me.

Love myself enough to be very happy with myself.

Ain't that much love in the world, to make me do something I know I shouldn't.

Better thought before actions. and

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. (or else the beeyatches will run all over you)

Perfect from the start to the beeyatches lol

Never take anything for granted !

Always trust your gut instinct !

Never put anyone on a pedestal !

Always be yourself, or it won't be you they're falling in love with.

Not following you FlyB, stalking you ;)
Nah, this was at the top of the answer list and I had to put in my 2 cents.

Love all of the input. It is worth it for people who are just breaking up to realize there is always a bright side to everything, and no matter how much you think you know about yourself, a bad situation can teach you even more. Here is what I have learned (thus far, and it is a copy of most of the other answers):

1.I am good enough to be loved
2. The world doesn't revolve around me
3. I am not the only one with problems
4. I am, and NEVER have been alone when it comes to dealing with this issue
5. I don't need her to make me happy (as if she really did)
6. Life is too short not to love yourself
7. I can overcome heartbreak (good feeling to have)

Still working on a lot of this, but I can see most of them coming through. Getting stronger day by day!

I learned that I was so unhappy with him because I was not myself. I did everything to try and please him to make it work, and I ignored the truth. I learned that I will not make excuses no more, or live in fantasyland believing what could never come true! I am not scared to be alone anymore I respect myself more then I ever did and I found happiness with in me!
:)

I learned to not take anything for granted, and to be able to communicate your feelings instead of assuming they know what you're feeling.

Lust isn't love.

The value of personal space and learning when to speak up when it's being invaded.

The first impression really means everything and won't change no matter how close you get.

But the number one thing I learned, is that there exists much worse things in life and thank God both of us are healthy and have a lot of life ahead of us.

I ended a relationship of a year and 8 months and I learned thattt..
1. I will never stay in a relationship that I'm miserable in just because I feel bad.
2. I will stand up for myself
3. I will keep my friends closer
4. I won't let myself go
5. ill stick to what I want. Not what someone else wants me to do.

I learned not to give up friends or hobbies for your new beau. I learned to appreciate my friends so so so much more than ever before because they were there for me through all the tough times. I learned not to make his life, my life. Don't waste time fighting.. cherish every moment you have, not to take your relationship for granted. And I learned not to force things.. just let it happen.

Keep it going guys... nothing like motivation for the broken hearted who join this site everyday!

Hmm.. I learned quite a bit

1. The person they say you have nothing to worry about, is the person you need to worry about.

2. The warning signs are written on the wall, we just choose to look at the other walls.

3. Sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you have to let go for something better.

4. Don't let anyone make you feel replacable

5. Even though you may feel like it's the end of the world, it's not, the sun still signs the next day and that's enough to push yourself up out of bed.

6. Break means break up

7. If someone says "they need space" it means it's over and don't try changing there mind.

8. There is no changing their mind when they decide to end it, so don't waste your dignity trying.

9. You will find a new love, you have to know where to look.

10. The greatest strength comes from your weakest points

11. If they say "I think we need to see other people" it really means "I've already started seeing someone else, I just don't want to feel guilty anymore"

12. Myspace and Facebook are the DEVIL in break ups.

13. NOBODY is worth sacrificing yourself or your beliefs for.

14. If the flame has burned out, stop trying to relite it, enjoy the time you spent and just let it go.

Sorry for so many, but I had a lot of time to reflect

Don't give up your friends for any girl
Be more alert
Not so trustful

The person who is the most jealous in the relationship Is the one whose moslt likely to cheat

I also learnt that I'll never cheat I pondered it in my previous relatio ships but never did it and after being cheated on and this horrible feeling I know I never will

I broke up with him after being together for over 4 years and being engaged for 3 of those years. What I learned was:

1. not to stop hanging out with my friends because the guy doesn't like them
2. not to stay with someone because you're afraid of being alone
3. not to sell myself short

Thought I would put my thoughts on here.

- A break means its over for good

- When they say "we should be friends" it's a way of making themselves feel less guilt.

- Facebook and myspace are the worst places to be after a break up.

- Don't try to change the persons mind when they make the decision, they have been thinking about it for a long time.

- You are never alone when it comes to dealing with this issue

From a guys perspective..

-A relationship is a partnership. No slacking. EVER!
-Comfort is a dangerous thing and you should always be alert and on your toes.
-Be supportive
-Listen and be listened to.
-Somethings might be trivial to you - but not to them. Don't make their things seem trivial. Same goes for them to you.
-Be a man. Sensitivity is good. But don't be a pu$$y. It's very unbecoming.
-Stand-up for yourself. You need to be respected.
-Don't eat so damn much. You'll get fat.
-If they need space after a fight (not a 'break', just a couple of hours time out) - give it to them!
-Don't be dependent.
-Actions speak so much louder than words.

That's it for now.

The largest one for me:

Usually, she's telling and showing all the things you need to see and hear to decide if she is indeed "the one". Sometimes you're just too dumb to pick them up, or other times you choose to ignore them or rationalize her behaviour. But what it all boils down to... we all had it coming.

Never beg to have another chance with a cheater.

If I to like breaking up the relationship I will do it, instead of being manipulated into staying.

Don't be the only one to sacrifice in the relationship

Go no contact from the beginning

Don't change for anyone

That I needed to be stronger in next relationship

What did I learned? Well,

1. Nothing last forever.
2. Learn to let go when it doesn't workout even if it hurts. There's only one parachute and you should jump first. Don't be a .
3. Stop being obsessed with breasts and thighs like colonel Sanders.
4. You are not invincible. Breakup hurt like a SOB so don't just go for anyone. Even if you think you'll not fall in love with her.
5. Stick to your principles.

Break ups are a time for "self evaluations"... sit back and look at yourself and how you are... what should you change about yourself? Is it realistic to change this or are you wanting to change it because the person you broke up with says you need to change it?. have a level head and honestly and wisely, self evaluate... accept and be self aware of your potential personality flaws and/or relationship downfalls..

I learned these things:

1. Your significant other doesn't have to be your whole life.

2. You don't have to take care of them, they can take care of themselves

3. If none of my family or friends like him, there proly is a reason for it.

4. Last but not least Don't ignore those glarring red flags!!!

I want to share a story with you all and then tell you what I learned. My most recent ex that used to work in my building and her company moved her down two blocks to another building. I hadn't seen her in a few months since this happened and last week she came over to our building to eat lunch with a friend. The picnic table and benches are right outside my office window. There is a place to sit that is out of my view, and I happened to turn in my chair to look out the window and she was leaning over looking in the window at me. The moment our eyes met she sat back down out of my viewpoint.

To answer the question, what I've learned is no matter how much pain you go through, I think if your good enough at some point they realize the mistake they made. For me, that's good enough to call it closed and move forward emotionally. But you don't have to get to points like this, just accept it as fact.

1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

6. You can't try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don't let another person change who you are.

8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don't want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it's up to you to know when the line is crossed.

10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you'll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^

Double post due to lag sorry

double post due to lag sorry

Spelling error in rating! *there* It's late! Haha!

I learned

Don't be reckless with other peoples heart and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

No matter how hard you try you can't make someone love you, that has to come from them.

Make sure your partner doesn't become the sole reason for your existence

Things are not always as they seem.

Things can only get better when you are at your lowest point

The only person that makes a difference in your life is u

I think the post from ThatGuy2, should be put into a sticky. Anyone else agree?

Yeah, I do. It is pretty profound. This entire thread is pretty good!

Rules to live by before a break-up! If everyone thought about these things ahead of time and followed them... well... the relationship forum would have fewer broken hearts!

We need to have a before and after thread. The first post someone has, compared to their latest, just to show how far you actually come by coming to this website. I swear, it is better on here than any kind of pill or other form of therapy you could get...

It is amazing how much I have grown on here, and others as well. Just incredible progression from start to finish.

Never date co-workers.

- Never put the person you love in front of your life. Do not make her / him the top priority in life, because once he / she is gone your world will collapse and you`ll have to rebuild.

- Don`t trust people too much, even if you know them for years.

- Love never lasts

We need to have a before and after thread. The first post someone has, compared to their latest, just to show how far you actually come by coming to this website. I swear, it is better on here than any kind of pill or other form of therapy you could get...

It is amazing how much I have grown on here, and others as well. Just incredible progression from start to finish.

It really is amazing. This site is like a perpetual shoulder where no one tells you to shut up.

Great thread guys!

Well, so far I have learnt;

- Never to make your partner your whole entire life - make sure you can live without them, have fulfillment without them... then you can SHARE your life with them

- Always remember actions speak louder than words... even though your partner may say they love you and want to be with you forever. Their actions may say something completely different and that is what you must look at.

- Take notice of the red flags

- Always be yourself in the relationship - be the nice guy and be respectful etc.. BUT don't do everything and give everything. It has to be 50/50.

- If your heart is broken... at the end of the relationship. Don't BEG. Don't CALL. Don't TEXT... Stick to NC, keep your dignity!

- If your partner has left you for another guy/girl or for the single life etc... try not to let it harm yourself esteem. Love yourself!. realise that you deserve better!. you deserve someone that will truly love you the same way you love them. And believe that some day, you will find that...

Life goes on whether you like it or not.

Don't cry in your beer, taste terrible.

Never let them see you sweat!!

Never let them see you sweat!!!

Hindsight is always 20/20. Next time around, I SWEAR!

Someone asked me to post what red flags to look for in a relationship..

They are different for everyone but here were SOME of the red flags in my relationship

1. He had a spending problem/didn't save
2. Flirting with other girls behind my back
3. Not letting me see his phone
4. Noticed that he lied about stupid things (means he's comfortable lying about important things)
5. had really bad credit
6. When he was off his ADD meds he was REALLY irritable..

That's all I can think of for now

I think the post from ThatGuy2, should be put into a sticky. Anyone else agree?

Hey that would be pretty cool. If what I said could help just one couple save their relationship, it would have been all worth it. How do I initiate this process?

Hey that would be pretty cool. If what I said could help just one couple save their relationship, it would have been all worth it. How do I initiate this process?

You might want to ask Tal what he thinks. I think there are some very good points in there!

1. Caring is a two-way street.

2. I need to make sure when a woman says they love me I have to ask them if they fulfill these requirements:
"
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

If not then I say "please dont say u love me, or else i might get the wrong idea"

3. Be careful of how you try and describe your thoughts, you might come off very very wrong

4. If drama is starting to effect the relationship itself be sure to either completely annihlate the drama, or get away from it as quickly as possible or else the relationship will fail

5. People can change at the flip of a coin

6. Some women just aren't romantic, if you're a romantic type of guy then be wary of what romantic thing you do lest it may come off as annoying

1.That I have to live through anything and everything,the good and the bad, that comes with a relationship,if I really want to have one.Its either all the way or nothing at all.
2.That I need to be less insecure and impulsive,thinking my relationship/partner is there to take care of my life.I take care of me and my life,no one else.
3.That I don't need to take it upon myself and do all the work in a relationship.That its both-ways and needs equal nurturing by both.
4.That I can only love someone if I love and respect myself.
5.That modern love stories are like wonderful arrangements where both need to lay down the ground rules,terms and conditions BEFOREHAND to avoid misunderstandings.
6.That I don't need someone else to make me happy and if I feel I am not happy with someone,I should be able to speak my mind without feeling he would walk out on me.If he does,he wasn't THE ONE.
7.That there's no need to forget everything else and live for the other person or put them on a pedestal and worship them.
8.That ME comes first and anything,absolutely anything,that threatens me or is remotely insulting/demeaning to me needs to be dealt with in the most urgent manner.
9.That we should think before we speak and act and not let loose like loony-bins trying to hurl abuse at each other.
10.That,even in the best of times,we should remind ourselves we have the power in the deepest part of us,to let go and not be afraid of living life alone.

1. That I am capable of loving someone.

2. That I deserve to be loved.

3. Don't sh@t where you eat.

4. I am a really good person, and I don't a partner to validate that.

5. Don't neglect your friends. You'll need them when or if it all goes to sh@t.

6. Trust your instincts. When you feel that apprehension in the pit of your stomach in the beginning of a relationship. LISTEN! This is your first red flag.

7. When your partner tells you that you are the perfect one for them, the one that they have been searching for, realize there is no perfect person. It's a matter of are you both willing to make it work when the high wears off.

8. The love drug is a powerful chemical. Enjoy the effects, but try to keep your head, eventually for both of you it will wear off. That is when the real work begins.

9. Give them space to do their own thing, if they can't handle that kind of freedom and go roaming, then they weren't worth it.

10. Have some respect for yourself and don't jump into another relationship right away. Take time to reflect, look at your part, work on the issues you identify in yourself that you can change, and vow to get it right next time.

11. Don't be flattered when a guy is needy. This is a sign that they lack emotionally maturity and don't trust themselves.

12. Realize that the break up is not the end of the world, life goes on. Be thankful that you dodged a bullet.

13. Take risks, be yourself.

14. Don't confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. When you should be having a "talk" and he wants to have sex, that's a red flag. The sign of an emotionally immature person.

15. Criticism from your partner can kill a relationship. It's often a sign that they are "done", just haven't had the balls to tell you.

16. Be kind to yourself, you are all that matters.

17. Be proud of yourself that you have the courage to look in the mirror and put your lessons into action. Not everyone can or is willing to do that... Watch out for those people...

1. Being dumped is 100x better than to dump someone - it hurts more but you can grow more. Take an advantage from being @ the bottom. Take enough time and think a lot while NC!

2. Never take the time alone as granted. Use it while looking ahead. It is not necessary to find a new hobby...

3. You were born alone, you ll die alone. Between take care after yourself and always have your chin up.

4. Find your values and stick to them. Re-evaluate from time to time.

5. Be patient. Never rush. Never make pressure on somebody.

6. Don't become a slave to anothers needs. Never loose your dignity.

7. Be generous. E.g. if someone wants to have space. Let go generously too. You ll find balance by doing that.

8. Never be afraid not to play any games.

9. Don't try to prove to someone who does not want you. It is like if you cannot sing but you go to a singing contest. Don't make a fool of yourself. Show off your talent to someone who is interested.

10. Enjoy every emotion. Pain is not less beautiful than love. Just learn to handle it. Life is beautiful.

11. It is not like you deserve someone better. The only thing you deserve is to be happy. No one else makes you happy but you.

12. Just do it - trust yourself.