Hi All

This is my first time on this forum, so hi guys. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past year and we are staying together.He is divorced; when I met him he had 2 kids. Anyway he had an affair in our relationship with his ex wife, he says it happened once it was a mistake and I believe him.Well his mistake has caused a lifetime scar, she fell pregnant.She had their baby, she is on his medical aid and he promised to take her off as soon as she gave birth, well it's a week later and she is still on the medical aid.I approached him about it and he says that he will take her off as soon as she had a check up.Please see where I am coming from, he cheated on me with this woman made her pregnant got her on his medical aid, all I ask is when are you taking her off. Why should he wait for her to get a check up.I would never compromize his children, but it seems that I should compromize her as well.She is a total Bi*tch toward me, honestly I don't like her either.I wanted to take out a court order against her because of her rude sms that she sent and phoning me sweariong at me, and he recon that I might as well get one against him... I told him that I will not tolerate anything when it comes to her, I don't even like her, then he asked why do I tolerate him and I told him because I love him. Why should he wait for her to go for a check up she brought the child in the world shouldn't he take her off, after everything that they have put me threw?

It constantly feel like he is siding with her. I don't have a relationship with his kids as he don't brng the kids to our house, he take them to his mother's house. I don't visit at his mother's house. He promised me that he would fix evertything that he did wrong in our relationship.His mother loves his ex wife that is obvious because they have a history.His x wife told someone once that his mother said that she never wants me at her house, I asked him about it and he said that his mother never said that.. The way it seems maybe his mother did say that, he probably don't want to tell me because he don't want to hurt me, I don't know the whole story really. This is so difficult for me, I have to xcept that child even though it came afterwards.What's very painfull about this is that we tried for a baby and I fell pregnant and the day that he confessed to me what he did, 3 days later I lost my baby, and she carried her baby full term.Im still dealing with the death of my baby and to look at that child and think I would have had my baby in decemeber, it hurts like hell.

It feels like we lost each other.I changed a piece of me died inside.Im distant from him I keep to myself.I don't speak about what I am going threw I simply withdraw from evertyhing and keep to myself.I just feel like he will constantly give her everything and make things conveniant for her, he says its about his children and not her, if that is the case then why still keep her on the medical aid to go for a check up. I hope someone can shed some light for me because I don't know

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Dump him and move on.

You can love a guy who has another family and an intense connection to another woman (marriage/divorce... VERY intense)... you love this guy, but you cannot interfere. Truly.

So, stay if you want. It's a GOOD thing he doesn't let you berate him into abandoning his ex-wife in her time of need. They got pregnant AGAIN. The family has grown. He supports her medically, also a good thing. He should continue to do so for as long as he sees fit... that woman is the custodial parent of his children, her well-being is critical.

You don't like her? So what? How completely irrelevant is THAT!

Sweetie... you are the outsider in this situation. He may love you enough to put up with your nagging him about his ex, but no amount of love you have for him will change the facts.

Fact: His kids come first above you or any other new girlfriend, and they always should.
Fact: He divorced his wife, but he is INTENSELY connected to her, even sexually.
Fact: He isn't able (yet) to control his attraction to his ex-wife.
Fact: He honors his commitments, even to your dismay. (good for him... not on the cheating, but on standing by the people he's now responsible for/to.)
Fact: You can divorce people, but you can't get rid of them. That is never going to happen here. Loving this man requires you to shut up and put up with it. You don't have the option you're exercising now, the one where you nag at him to cut her off in any way.

It's not unfair that his life is this way, it's the path he's chosen. You can join him on that path and BE a good companion. You cannot join him on that path and constantly complain about the path. How crazy is THAT?

You're not being picked on here. You're putting yourself in this situation. If you're going to stay in this situation, you'll have to mature in ways you don't sound prepared for yet. You will have to swallow you "I don't even like her" crap and make peace. You'll do this because you love him and you support his life... all of it.
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Meanwhile, I think Don's advice above is seriously worth considering. You don't actually NEED this drama. You can choose it, but you don't have to.