I have two bright sons and they both have the same fault. The do not turn in homework ontime consistently. Sometimes they do it, but lose it before it's turned it, or they somehow aren't listening and don't know about it at all, or they turn it in some days late, or never turn it in at all.

The older one is in college and possibly doing better, but the younger one is now struggling in high school in the same way the older one did. His individual scores on tests are often very good, many A+s, but then he gets all these Ds and Fs on HOmework assignment because he did not turn them in at all or else late. He cannot stay organized and disciplined. I have given him notebooks and calendars, imposed punishments, but he doesn't stay focused for long.

Typically, he gets home and says he did all his homework in study hall or else that the book or worksheet he needs to do the work was left at school or his father's house.

No drugs, no other serious problems...

Are there any education experts who can help? What am I doing wrong?

Get him folders for each class... just little folders with flaps inside. On the left side you put the work he needs to do.. on the right he had graded papers... check his progress... encourage him to get his work finished. Talk to him about it. He says he did it all? Then he is lying to you so he can escape and go run around with his friends of play video games... monitor this as it can become a huge problem for his in later life... limit him. Say "Show me the homework you did" because he obviously wouldn't be able to turn it in until the next day right?

Thanks, aaj!

I can do that when I know what the homework is and I will set up the folders and try it. But often the only way I know what the homework is is by asking my son. On any given day, I don't know what most of his homework is.

The teachers have an online accounting system, but we don't see what's on it until it's due or completed and it often just has a code like "AE2". So the second he gets an F on a homework assignment or a quiz, I know about it. But it's already too late by then. :(

( I do agree he wants to hang with friends and play video games, by the way.)

I have to agree with the prior post to some degree. However, have your sons ever been diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Autism? My son has Aspergers Syndrome, which is also known as high functioning autism. He is in regular classes, but he does have major problems with organization. I have basically told him that he cannot use his disability as a crutch and that sooner or later, he has to be responsible for his life - that's why he is being trained to do so now (he is in the 7th grade). Although I have given him punishments, this does not really work. What does work is forcing him to show me all of his homework, his assignment notebook and that he has brought all of the materials home with him. If he is missing anything, I drive him back to the school to get the things. I also talk to his teachers all of the time. I don't know your son, so I can't say whether he is trying to get out of anything or if he has a disorder. There are disorders that makes it extremely difficult for kids to become and stay organized. If they do have a disorder, you have to have some sort of patience, but also be stern when you have to be. Have you had a chance to speak with his counselors? Since he is in high school, maybe using the threat that unless he takes more responsibility for his homework and proves to you that he is on top of things, you will be forced to be more involved with his school. You will meet him at his locker everyday to check his assignment notebook and making sure that he is taking everything out of his locker, etc. You will also talk to every one of his teachers on a daily basis, etc. You might not have to follow through with any of it, but maybe the threat will be enough for him to get his act together. However, if he does have a disorder, doing this alone will not work. So many plans of action depend on the total backgrounds of your sons. Then again, some people are always more organized than others. There comes a point, however, that you need to allow your children to fail in order for them to learn. You are not necessarily doing anything wrong. You just may not have all of the information that you need to make a decision on what to do next.

Wow, Mom of 2, Thanks so much. I feel better just reading this. I had my older son evaluated for ADD--though it didn't go far, mainly teachers filling out forms. His doctor said he was not, but I went over the numbers and I could see it was borderline. Their father shows signs of the same kind of disorganization problem. So it's crossed my mind. I tend to think my younger son is also on the more "normal" side of the line. I started to have him evaluated once, but it was getting so expensive, they weren't finding anything, so I stopped when I realized how many tests the person wanted to run... Maybe I shouldn't have.

I like the idea of meeting him at his locker with the notebook and maybe the folders, too. :rolleyes: He would hate that! That is ingenious.

I have not talked to his counselor this year. I will make an appointment. I was just cracking down on him last year when he had a head injury (minor; he's fine) and I felt like I needed to back off a little.

I don't feel like my son is actively trying to get out of stuff. I think he would like to do well if it's not too hard. He tends to rush through school work a bit. He can focus well on things that interest him, like drawing and photography. He likes physical things. I let him help me chainsaw up a tree and he loved that. It's staying on top of different projects that are only marginally interesting that eludes him.

I don't know if I'm much help, being a high school student myself.. and I was doing the same thing, it just got repetitive and boring. So my mom embarrassed the hell out of me by taking the time to talk to each individual teacher, and make me have them sign a sheet saying I participated in class, and what the homework was. I hated her for it for a good 2 months, but I got into habit and now I have all A's and B's. After my grades got better she let me stop carrying the sheet, and my grades stayed that way because I hated that stupid sheet.

And what kid does not do any of these things?? Don't be so hard on yourself. Frankly, if the professionals are not finding anything, then maybe there is nothing there. If anything was there, then they would have found it. So, stop feeling bad about stopping something that was not giving you any answers. Like I said, some people are just more organized than others, but it does not necessarily mean that they are ADD, ADHD, etc. By the way, aren't we ALL just a little bit ADD sometimes?

What needs to be done is finding out the "payment" that will get you what you want. If it is the embarrassment at school that will hit home, then that is what you will have to do. Believe me, it may only take one time, as you may have to show him that it is not just a threat, but that you are serious about it.

I have to tell you one thing, DON'T EVER FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING A MEAN MOM. I once told my kids that everyone has jobs. In addition to the normal day to day chores and going to school, it is a kid's job to push as many buttons and to push the limits of their parent. You should have seen the look on my then 11 year old's face. I THEN said that it is also MY job as a parent to push back and say NO!! This just states that laziness in kids and the fact that they are pushing limits, not listening, etc. is what makes a kid normal. Again, it is our jobs to reign them in. Remember, there is no such thing as living in Stepford (thank God). Take a deep breath and know that what you are going through is quite typical and that it does not mean that you are a bad mom.

Thank you. I know I am not a bad mother, but I feel so ineffectual at times.

I love your story. I have actually told my kids that it's my job to say no and sometime to be mean, and I think they appreciate that.

But I seem to have gotten worse at being firm than I was when they were younger. The older one is 19 and it's hard to give him more respect, which I think he should have, but then treat the 15 year old like a kid, when in many ways he's actually more helpful and responsible. Hard to explain.

Anyway, sorry to blather. Your advise and support has really helped me today. :)

I'm glad that I was able to help. Sometimes it makes it some much better to know that you are not alone. I used to feel that I wasn't doing a good enough job either until I realized that people were actually going through the same things - they just NEVER showed that they were having difficulties.

Good luck to you "asking". I just want to add that as a mother of a teenage boy in high school they do have a disorder and it's called "being a teenage boy in high school" Hee Hee
I think that fact in it self, is so distracting for them and they try and want to do better, but with all the hormones running through them their minds are tired and maybe can't keep up all the time. You are doing wonderful and the other posters gave you great advise. I got a few take aways myself so thank you everyone. Keep up the struggle... it's really a joy though isn't it, and I mean that so sincerely. Although, there are days, and I mean days when I would love to choke him, he is the light of my life. Have a great weekend!