Hi guys

I actually feel kind of stupid here as I'm guessing already what the answers will be but have to tell someone how I feel and need some advice

I met a guy just under a year ago and for about 6 weeks we had a great time then out of the blue he became withdrawn and pulled away from me finishing our brief affair by e mail. I was devastated as I had really started to fall for this guy but I got on with things and started to move on, Another six weeks went by when out of the blue he texts me asking me if I wanted to meet him and his teenage son for lunch and looking back now I very stupidly agreed. Since then and up until this day we have just been very good friends, we spend so much time together doing lovely things but nothing has ever happened between us from that day on, not from lack of trying on my behalf may I add but I just can't work it out. I now live in this guys house (he doesn't live there), and I rent it from him very cheaply. I have just seen him through a heart attack which nearly broke my heart and he isn't all that well still, He divorced about 3 and a half years ago and has had a dreadfull time with his ex whom he did love dearly, she has completely wiped the floor with him and the fight is still going on. This recession is killing his business too and I suppose you could say his life is crumbling around him. I Just don't get it though I am an attractive girl of 37 , We could have so much and I so want to be part of his life and help him through. Everyone we know in our small part of the world thinks we are a couple and the ones who know we are not find it very strange as we are joined at the hip most of the time and go together so well. I discovered recently too that he is chatting to girls on the internet and lying his back teeth off, I'm guesing none of them know the trouble he has with his heart and his business and just life in general. I found him on a dating site and yes all that stuff he says was true when I met him but not any more, What on earth do I do I am so in love with this man but he seems incapable of giving me anything more than friendship. He knows how I feel about him I make no bones about it but whenever I bring it up he somehow wangles it so that he doesn't have to answer me. It's the strangest situation I have ever found myself in and sometimes I think I'm behaving like a teenager but I love the man with all my heart, he does the most amazing things for me and I have had more fun in the time I have known him than I can tell you. I suppose I'm trying to find out if he does have any feelings for me at all or if he is using me as a companion. He is quite a solitary man so I guess that could be it. Your thoughts would be much appreciated

Xx

Well for one, he certainly doesn't seem to see what is staring him right in the face, and that is you. Someone that has stuck beside him as his friend, and being with him through the hard times, despite your feelings of wanting more. I sounds to me like he is taking advantage of your friendship, and all of your support, but ignoring your obvious feelings for him. That is very selfish of him. A true friend doesn't keep someone on the line like that. It sounds like you have a solid basis for a relationship to progress, but only he can decide that. He might come to find out that he made a big mistake sometime down the road.

I would just put it flat out on the table. Tell him you want to have a serious talk with him in a private setting. Don't let him wiggle out of it this time. Ask him to do this for you, as the friend you trust he is. Tell him about your feelings again, and that he needs to share his with you. Tell him that although you don't want to lose him as your friend, that if he really doesn't think it will get beyond that, then you will need to move on, and then do just that.

I know that will be a hard thing to do, but believe him if he tells you that he can't commit to that. You really don't want to waste years of your life waiting for someone that is out of your reach. You will really regret that, and be twice as hurt if he moves on to another woman, while you are still sitting and waiting for him. In the meantime, the right guy could have walked right past you, and you would have let him.

Good luck, and just be happy with whatever decision you have to make for you, and only you. :)

Ps: Never feel stupid for asking us a question here. We've all been there. ;)

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm currently in a dating situation where I really do enjoy the company of this girl, she is attractive has a wonderful personality, is caring and genuine- pretty much everything a guy could want, but I'm not feeling the attraction and I'm wondering if it will ever get to that point. It's really weird, because I do want to take it to the next level and I think she would make excellent relationship material, but I'm not feeling that spark inside me yet.
I hope it develops, because she would be a great addition to my life.



What I'm getting at is:
He may not feel that way about you because he doesn't feel "it" with you. It stinks, because even if you are a nice person with admirable qualities, I believe there may be more that makes us connected to each other regardless of what type of person or how attractive they are.


He might simply just want you as a companion/friend and nothing more.
The only thing you can do is ask, but you have to be prepared for what you might be told. From what I gather, he's been through a rough time, doesn't want to get too deep into something else. Perhaps, he just wants something physical, but doesn't want to do that with you because you are probably such a stabilizing person in his life and if he does that it he might lose you.

Not sure if that makes sense, but I tried.

I just want to say a big thank you to you both for posting me. Its been a while since I've looked on here.
I am actually in a relationship with my said guy as we speak, it all came about just before Christmas. I do love him with all my heart but I'm still not sure of his feelings for me and he still holds a heck of a lot back, ill just have to wait and see what transpires I guess. We got together just as I had kind of met someone else and I don't think he wanted to loose me, whether that was as a friend or a life partner Im still trying to work out. Im hoping it's the latter.
Thing is when you are such good friends as we are that if I had met someone else or him too for that matter its kind of an unspoken thing that you know your friendship will change and eventually disappear completelly. We are good together but in the feelings department I feel I give more than I get which is hard work when you love someone like I love him. I really hope he doesn't break my heart...

Ill keep you posted lol and thanks for the advice :)

I would definitely say he is using you for companionship solely because he is not ready for a relationship with another woman. He still has not let go of his ex. You don't argue with somebody about something you don't care about. He still argues with her because he still cares about their relationship. He probably has feelings for you too but can't show them well because he still cares for his last relationship. That's why he can't fully commit to you. He is hurting still.

Your timing in his life is just wrong. By the way you described your relationship with the man he probably does care for you a lot. You can stick around and continue to be his crutch and friend which will probably slow down the process of him getting over his ex and moving on with you or you can choose to keep some distance from him which could be the slap of reality he needs. Seeing his friend/ lover/ crutch go I think will be devastating to him. He will want you back and will do what he needs to in order to get you back.

Well its just half the story really so I guess I should share all. I do love this guy but after his heart attack in October he is on these tablets (not forever I may add) but they do stop him having sex! So now after finally getting my man we still haven't had the physical side of things. Its so bad that I think he is terrified of even kissing me in case I expect more. Don't get me wrong in the beginning a year ago and for the first few weeks we were together that side of things was great so I know that we have the chemistry but God I am struggling with this one! Not only have I had a hellish year trying to get him back in a relationship with me and doing the "friend thing" but now I have to contend with this. I know he isn't lying by the way, I was there in the hospital when the consultant told him of the implications of this medication. I stay at his house and sleep in his bed and we cuddle and that's about it. Its horrible for me as I am such a touchy feely person and it kills me lying beside him and not being able to , "well you know the rest" God life is complicated sometimes I wish I could just turn my feelings off but I've tried so hard and I am well and truly in love with this guy.

The ex by the way he hasn't spoken to in years everything is being dealt with by solicitors which I know are just in it for the money and love to drag things out and make things worse!! There are no children involved either so you would think it would be over and done quite quickly. But and it's a big BUT he did love with all his heart and she was taken from him by an accident in which she hurt her head and it changed her personality.

Well that's it I will keep bashing on but I think that maybe I should back off a bit and let him do some of the running. It seems to me that I do most of it. See I have reverted back to a teenager!!

X