Hello all:0)
I dated the love of my life for two years. He recently broke my heart, approximatly 2 and a half weeks ago:( I am having an extremely hard time with this. We were not only lovers were best friends. The beginning of the relationship was great, as everyone's is, then the second year we started bickering over things, for example I didn't like him on Facebook talking to girls, so he got off it and I was happy. Then it was the bikini calendars that he had all over house. He took those down and I was happy for that. I obviously have insecrity issues and am seeking help with counciling. We got into a big argument about a month ago that prevented him from talking to me foir two weeks. I was persistent and said that we could work things out, he seemed skeptical but he wanted to see me. I asked him if he missed me and he said "sexually" :( As in love with him as I am all I wanted to do was hold him. That night I went there and made love to him, because I love him. That was Thursday, we spent Friday, Saturday together and on Monday he didn't call me. I couldn't sleep so I called and he was so mean to me, he told me that he didn't feel the same and that he didn't have enough love to keep the relationship alive. My heart broke instsnly and I haven't contacted him since. He I believe is going through a lot right now, his parents are divorcing and he detests his mom because of this. Not to mention me and his mom are friends and I told her that I couldn't see her if her son and I were'nt together. She understood and sent me birthday card so the family knows and that was the only way to keep in touch as per my request. His sister and I were friends too, and she too hasn't contacted me:( We are both 25, and I am his first long relatonship. I truly don't feel that there is aother woman, there was simply no time and I am absolutely beautiful. People tell me to just wait it out and maybe he'll call, but even if regret it knowing him I don't think he would call or admit it let alone call and ask for me back. I love
Him and would do anything but as the days go by I lose more and more hope. :( Who knows how long it will take him to realize what he's done and lost? The thing is too he knew when he broke up with me (over the phone) that I didn't want that. When I told him I loved him, he said "I know". That is a hard pill to swallow!

This is a lot to read... but it helped me so much. Just take the time to read it... it'll be worth it.

Sticky: What to expect when you break up. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-expect-when-you-get-dumped-123862.html)

Leave him alone, and deal with your issues. Your way to insecure, and needy. I would run too, no matter how fabulous you look!

Your choking the guy, and invading every area of his life.

Can he at least pee in peace??

I agree with Tal, if you smother someone too much... obviously they're going to run away. He his bikini posters up? Oh well, he's a guy what more do you want from him. Do you have posters of guys you like up? Or saved somewhere on your computer or something? If you do, you CANNOT judge him, AT ALL. He talked to other girls on Facebook? Oh well, a guy can have female friends too. Do you have guy friends? If yes, then you really have no room to judge him at all. A guy needs to breathe. And a good way for your relationship to survive is to spend time apart. Smothering him will only push him further and further away. Let him enjoy his life, and be glad he's yours while respecting his space.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I appreciate your advice but saying "can he pee in peace"? A bit of a low blow. Thanks for your advicve but you don't have to be harsh like that.

From the way you wrote your post, direct was what I felt you needed, or you will ignore the point, as I'm sure he has tried to tell you himself, and you have ignored what he was saying because you only focus on what you want. Way to overbearing.

Okay fine. The truth is bitter and it is hard to take and I do see your point. So, the best thing for me to do is to leave gim alone and when he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me. I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea. I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!

So, the best thing for me to do is to leave him alone

Yes. Give yourself the time to let the emotional dust settle, for both of you.


When he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me.

Its all up to him what he does, and ignoring him will not make him run back to you. I suggest you talk to him, if he calls, and listen to what he has to say, but don't just wait for him to take action, do things for yourself, that make you happy, and balance your life with friends, and activities that help you heal, so you can deal with reality, based on facts, and not just feelings.

I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea.
Been there, done that more than a few times my dear. I know first hand what misery, pain, and confusion is all about. Most of us here do, so your not alone at all.

I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!
Your right, you have no control over how he feels, but you must learn how to deal with the way you feel. Trust me, you will learn.

Wow. Thank you!

But, based on facts, what are the chances of him missing me and realizing that what we had wasn't that bad, the problems were just not worked sufficiently, and definitely could have responded to them more suffit. I know I might not be the most secure person and yes that is a turn off, but I am a kind, loyal and true. And he loved me at one point. I felt it.

Sorry about the spelling, doing three hundred things at once.

Sorry, As smart as I am, I can't say what he will do. I do know what you have to do, and that's cope with your feelings, and stay positive, and give yourself a chance to think clearly.

I find that each day that goes by I am effected less and less by this. It's like I can't cry about it any more. And when I do it is for brief moments. I'm afraid that it is over for good though and that we will never be together as a couple again. I cringe at the thought of him with any other girl. I sit here on a Saturday afernoon, doing homework, and think what he is doing. I know I should be concentrating on myself and I am doing that. I've redone my room, I'm on top of all my assignments, I've rejoined the gym and even bought myself a trip to Punta Cana for my birthday. That another thing, yestaerday I received a birthday card from his mom in the mail, so clearly the whole family knows and she knows that if she called me it would be too hard.She sent it 15 dys before my birthday. Do you think he'll call me on my birthday or should I not even expect a call at all. I just wish we could hold each other and everything would be okay. I'm hurting so bad when I come to think of it, I just keep trying to mask the pain.

If he calls when I'm on my trip, should I call him back when I return ?

Cross that bridge when you come to it, but you have done well to stay busy doing things for yourself. Keep it up!

I am doing well I have to agree, but I can't stop thinking about him or his family his 3 sisters, 3brother a beautiful nephew and a wonderful brother in law who I got so along with. Cousins, aunts, uncles. I love them all and miss them very much. How do I know if he feels the way I do. Feel like it was my fault that this went down, he did love me at one point, I know it. Talk about where we were going to live together, kids, marriage down south. I really thought he was the one.

I think you might've gotten too attached to him. Even when you've kept yourself busy, you haven't done the most important thing; you haven't stopped THINKING about him. The idea of the break-up list is to keep yourself busy, yes, but I think that being busy is supposed to take your mind off things. You said that even while you were doing homework you were thinking about him which tells me that you're still too attached to him. A lot of people have good relationships, but they're not always meant to be the one. For one reason or another, it really is impossible to predict. The only time anybody really knows for sure is when you're on either yours or your partners deathbed. THAT'S when you can know for sure. So as hard as it may sound, start hardening your heart. Train yourself NOT to think about him, and always be aware of your thoughts. If you're doing something, put your heart into it so that it can take your mind off things. Eventually, it'll get easier. But it can only come through a lot of effort.

You have built your life around him, and his family, but now you must look ahead to building your own life, whether he decides to comeback, or not.

You are absolutely right, I did build my life around him and I thought that was a good thing. He got sick in the summer for a week. Pretty sick, I stayed by his side, made hime food, rubbed his back, ran to and from the washroom to make sure the cloth was cold for his fevered head. I absolutely adored him, but when my mom had cancer and went in for her hysterectomy he left and went to his cottage not thinking twice whether I wanted him for support. Again , I am his first long relationship as a girlfriend and I don't know if he knew how important tha really was to me. I gave him everything and he threw it right back at me.

All right I'm kind of going through something of the same nature.. My advice is, If he didn't say you might get back together than your prob not. But I think in a way you should wait.. Like I always tell my friends and myself to wait with my heart but not with my actions... So go out and have fun... You'r friends would be the best people to go to for that... Give him a month
And if he is still not calling to talk within that month then the best thing to do is move on.. If you dwell over it, than you might miss out on some really good oppertunities. Keep in touch with is sis if that's possible. Major holidays call and greet them. Who knows that one phone call my be key to a lot of information.. Just don't call his personal fone to make you look like your obsessed because that's the last thing you want him telling his friends. Just live your life around you. And don't worry so much about him. You may find that once your out having all this fun. That this is what's more important to you than boyfriends. Good luck.

I appreciate your feedback. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that he broke up with me me. I will always have hope because I do love and I want to be with him, but like we have already concluded I can not make him want me and that's the size of it. I still do wake in the middle of the night with so many questions. I don't want to think anymore.

Sherin this all still really fresh. Just keep yourself busy and talk out everything with YOUR family and YOUR friends. It will take some time, but it will get better.

I am about 2.5 weeks in to the break-up of my 3.5 year relationship with the love of my life. Yea, I still think about her from TIME to TIME, but not ALL the time. I have good days and bad days, but I manage to get through them/ You need to find something that distracts you from thinking about him. Learn to laugh and have a good time with friends, that really helps. Make plans to go out with people and HAVE FUN. Don't sit around alone and think. Also post here as much as you want top vent or ask questions, we are here for you.

Like you I had many about questions on why she ended it with me. I found after a couple of days I was able to settle down and reflect back on signs I have missed, my feelings about things and found that neither of us were as happy as we were when we first started going out. Things that happen while we were together wore down our relationship...

I think once you look back with a clear and mostly settled mind you will be able to answer many of the questions you have.

Also, if you tired of waking up in the middle of the night, seriously think about joining a gym, taking up martial arts, or some other physical activity that will wear you out. You will find that it is much easier to sleep through the night.

Also those dreams you may be having will pass or not be as intense as they maybe now...

Just keep moving forward, and don't dwell in the past. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Thank you. You are right and this is still very fresh. But he knows how much love him and how I want it to work. I just don't understand why he feels that this can't work with a little bit of effort. His parents are going through a bad divorce right now and there are a lot of young siblings involved. His parents grew apart, well his mom did and now he detests her. He often had asked me if I would do the same thing his mom is doing to his dad, to him. How awful is that? Everything I have in my life I have had to work hard for, and I gave my all to him: my heart, my time, my all. I guess that was my problem. Not to put all my eggs into one basket:(

You did not give him your heart! That is such a figure of speech and a load of garbage. Put your hand over your chest. Is your heart still beating? Do you still have a pulse? You DO! That means you aren't dead. That means you cannot afford to give up on yourself. The only thing you did was open up your heart to him, and let him in. That is all. He does not have your heart, no one does, except you. Your pulse is the path of your life, use it, accept it and build on it. It will keep beating until you give up on yourself...

He needs time to deal with his family issues himself. He is laying this burden on you, and not appreciating your effort to help him through this time.

Your putting more into this than your receiving... that's no way to go. He knows how you feel but doesn't feel the same way.

The best thing to do is move on with out him. Leave him alone. You need to regroup, heal and start living your own life.

It's hard, but everyone has to do it sometime.

Take what you learn from this relationship and use it in your next one.

Remember there WILL be another guy to come along, but right now you have to prepare yourself for them by working on yourself and becoming happy with who YOU are.

We are here for you!

Pray - for strength to move forward in your life... and don't dwell on it - I know it's extremely hard but the less you dwell on it, and think about your own life, time will have a way of making him think about you... only if it was
Meant to be. They always wander back. It happened to me, and at that time I was strong enough to say, "Have a great life." You don't want to be hurt by people... you want them to love you for who you are, and want you like you want them.

Talaniman, people that do the breaking up, do they regret it most of the time?

Because if he does I don't think he would admit it. I am so worried that if he calls Im going to freeze up, and if he has no intention on getting back and simply arranging for my belongings to picked up or dropped off that I'm going to be hurt all over again. I want him, everybody knows that, even him, why is this happening to me?

why is this happening to me?

This happens to EVERYONE! Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only one who is going through this or has gone through this. If that was the case this website would not exist. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and the ONLY option you have right now is to accept this, work on yourself, and let life take care of the rest. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I truly believe things happen for some reason. We sometimes have to learn to accept this fate. It is the progression of life... trying to ignore it or stop it from happening does no good. Your pain is real, and I know how you feel, but you MUST be strong and pick yourself up and keep on moving.

If he calls, just follow his lead, act like nothing is wrong, it's doesn't bother you... he will wonder then, what you are doing - act happy towards him... I know it's hard. Just try.
Don't bring up anything painful... don't call him, let him call you. Don't text him either. It hurts, just wait... do something to pre-occupy your life.
Calm yourself, stop thinking or talking to others about it... I am guilty of this too. Only think of the things that make you happiest together, why you love him, be thankful for what you have. God Bless you.

I reaize he is going through his parents divorce right now, but I've benn there done that, he knows I can help him through. I also think he maybe he may have judged me, I don't come the best of famailies, my mother smokes pot, my father is a drinker and my sister lost her baby to CAS because she is not fit to be a parent. His faamily is not perfect but it is the complete opposite of mine. He I believe judged me and that was an added factor to him not thinking I was for him. I'm so confused.

My heart is aching:(

Don't be. Just don't focus on it so hard... the negative side, think about all you can offer the guy! How great you are, be thankful for the talents God has given you... now, give back, and help someone else through their difficulties, all of us have shared our thoughts... to help you... go online and help someone else, your problems won't seem so hard.

I feel closer to you people than I do him. The man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with has abandoned our dreams and hopes together. I feel so far from him:( I appreciate the feedback and I cry reading it but its facts and what I need to hear, notr what I want to hear, and for that I am grateful. Thank you.

I am 49 with 5 kids... one of my boys left for war, and came back to me - almost died - he is now a mayor of a city. I have been single for 5 years. I have a small business, and I have been through what you are going through... just be patient, let him be him. You can't control him. Let love find you! Thank God for unanswered prayers... my man isn't talking to me, because I stood up for myself. You can too. Stand up for yourself, and get to work, stay busy...

God bless your heart. XO

Stay extremely busy, clean house, take on another job, work your tail off. He will wonder, trust me, if you don't bother him... respond. Only respond lovingly act excited to hear from him... when he calls or text you!

But what if he doesn't. My birthday is on the 20th of this month, so I bought myslf a ticket to the dominican. It's good I know, but when I return this will all be waiting for me. I want to leave y phone on so that when I get back I can see if he's called. Whydo I still feel for him when it's him who dumped me off.

You feel for him because you were dumped... and you loved him. Did you expect to get dumped and all of the sudden wham... I don't care for him anymore?? That isn't realistic. He had been contemplating dumping you for a long time, thus was more prepared than you were to handle this situation. You have extremely low self esteem, which is common in a lot of people... but it quantifies your emotions when you get dumped. You will come out stronger and better however, just trust me on that.

He knows how much I love him and how much this has hurt and is effecting me. I don't think that he will call because he doesn't think I will want to talk to him because of how this al went down.

OK you just answered yourself. He knows, give him time.

You, for the sake of YOU, have got to get yourself under control. You get that? Take control of yourself. You cannot do anything about what he does. It is a hard fact to face and I know EXACTLY what you are dealing with. Make a promise with yourself that you can do this, you can get over this and YOU can move on! The emotions you are having are running your life, and that isn't the right situation to make any decisions in. Give yourself time to let your emotions run their course so your mind can make a clear and concise decision based on facts and reality.

It's hard but I totally agree with kctiger. Hang in there.

It's so hard, I truly thought we were meant to be, but I guess not!

Everyone has that "meant to be relationship." Some have multiple. It becomes obvious, though tragic, that you usually only realize you 'thought' that once you break up with someone you truly loved. There isn't always a clear answer that helps make sense of this world, but there is ALWAYS a better ending awaiting... ALWAYS. That is what's great about life. It may not show you the why, but in the end you will eventually see the why not... (Yeah.. a bit confusing huh? )

Yes... lol can you simplify this?

I may be still in the denial stage, granted it has only been 3 weeks. I still though think that he's watching hockey or football on the night they are on. I know time will heal and eventually I will think of him less and less. I wonder if he thinks of me a lot too?

I just mean that as hard and unclear as it seems now, everything happens for a reason. Takes a lot of crying, and letting go of emotions to realize this, but it is true. Sherin I am in the midst of dealing with an absolutely painful break up, like yourself. I know it is hard, BELIEVE me, but once you get through the emotions, you will eventually realize that this situation WILL NOT beat you!

Yes, of course he thinks of you, but like I said he has had the time to deal with this situation since he broke up with you. It is, and believe me, will be fresh with you for a long time. Time alone will not make things better. Your pro-activeness in getting your life together will determine how you get over this devastating situation.

I am doing what I should be doing, keeping myself busy and holding my head high but it hurts, never felt hurt like this, in regards to losing someone that is still there. Over the last year I have buried numerous people all who were close to my heart and I have learned to live with the non existence of them. But to know that he is just streets away and I can't have him tears my heart out. He knows I love him and I would take car of, never cheat him, never betray and still he did this.

It is always easier to accept death, because you know that there is NOTHING you can do to fix this. There is no false hope in death. You know that you will NEVER have that person back. It is the false hope people get when they break up (or especially are dumped) that really make it hard to deal with. To know that the person you still love has moved on and that is extremely hard to accept.

Why then do I stille have hope. Yes yes because I love him I know but there is something inside, a very small something that tells me if I leave him be and let time pass that he may very well come back and admit he was wrong and want to try again

You thinking like that will only prolong the pain. I can't do anything to change your mind. I said the same thing, so I don't blame you. Hope is natural to have, after all is a part of human spirit. This kind of hope you have though is self destructive and needs to be squashed.

The way I think, yes, can be altered but my feelings are saying something different. It's like there was no real explanation all he said was "It's gunna be this way because that what I want, I love myself too much" The whole sitution is bullsH$t and I have so many feelings, sad, angry, confused, insulted, betrayed, just bad vibes. I just want it all to go away.

Who cares what he said! You need to face this. It won't go away, that is a cowardly way to think about it. Face your feelings, deal with them and emerge a better person. That is your only option. It does no good to blame him, unless you use the way the situation went down to motivate yourself to do good. Never let another person beat you! You are better than that, so MAN UP and deal with it (yes I know you are a female).

Yes I am all of that, and strong I am, but right now I feel like soft ice cream melting all over the place.

Of course you do, and that is fine. Melt all you want, but eventually you come back together and are better than ever! I am here for you and feel for your situation. It gets better, it really does.

But I cry, I cry like I've never cried before. He's not doing that. He is going to work, coming home eating dinner and watching t.v. Every day he does the same thing and now it'd just not with me. I miss watching ball together, having baths, making love, this is so painful. He doesn't want that anymore:(

Sherin I am literally going to reach through my screen and shake you!! Wake up. I know it's hard, but YOU are the one breaking yourself down. He CANNOT hurt you anymore, only you can. Do you realize that?

Him = Dead to you!

You = Only thing that matters!

You>Him : Simple Equation

Get to work and pick yourself up!

I know. You are 100% right. I have to concentrate on me from now on. What city are you in? Curious that's all!

Kansas City, Missouri

Good luck kid! Listen to the YouTube performance in my link. Guy's name is Aaron Lewis. His voice has single handedly given me an ispiration to get off my A$$. The song will make you cry a river of tears, but just listen to the lyrics.

Thank you:)

There's no guaranties on how it's going to work out when I don't know the kid. But you're best chance is to give him his space and let him figure out what he wants. The worst thing you can do for yourself is act desperate even if you really are. Everybody is different so it would be impossible to put a timeframe on there. It would be as little as a week or 2 or as much as a couple months. I was in a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with my after 2 years. She knew I loved her and just like you said, toward the end when I told her I loved her, she said "I know" or "Yeah".. I gave her time and let her decide what she wanted and after a month she asked me out again.

I gave her time and let her decide what she wanted and after a month she asked me out again.

DO NOT try and move on or give him space thinking like this!! Move on because you can do better... move on because you want to... move on because you HAVE to. There is someone else out there, someone that would never put you in this pain. Don't move on because you think it will bring him back. Screw him!

I know that people change and maybe he has, but my feelings for him have not yet, but with time, kctiger, they will.

Understandable... just remember your feelings do not dictate who you are or the character that you have. Your feelings are irrational emotions right now.

Irrational emotions indefinatly. I'm trying my best:)

That's all you can do. You'll be fine

My mom told me that I should speak with a psychologis in regards to this situation. I don't know if I should go, I do have insecurity and jealousy issues that need to addressed cause if I don't they will haunt me on my next realtioship. I don't know if I should go?

Go, I have done it before. No shame in making yourself better, none whatsoever. The only thing that matters is that YOU become a better and stronger person. It never hurts for a professional opinion.

Did it help you. They are so expensive and my insurance only covers 200 $ a year and that's like 1 visit. I feel so weak about all this and I do know that it will get better, but...

Yes, it helped me. I used to be EXTREMELY insecure and freak out whenever my ex went out. She was off at college, I was at home working, so I was very paranoid. Helped me a lot. I actually saw a counselor of some sort and not someone who had a PHD in Psychology (probably spelled that wrong, but I hate that word). Thus it was much cheaper.

This whole time I thought you were a women. Or are you? I just wish things could have been different for us, everybody thought we were so good together and we believed it at one point too. I wish it wasn't like this as do most people who go through this type of issue. I don't want to loose my hope, but I have no other choice do I?

All man! All man! Why did you think I was a women? Yes, you must first lose your hope to find yourself. When you find yourself a whole new hope emerges...

I'm not sure. I just felt it. You are a smart MAN, just haven't met many like that. No offence. I miss him kctger, I just miss him.

I know you do. I still miss my ex as well. It will get better. Turns out I missed my 'old self' more than I actually miss her. I have changed a lot since we broke up, and I mean A LOT! I never want to go back to being the person I was.

Do you ever feel like you guys will get back together?

I don't think we will EVER get back together. She doesn't deserve me, at all. Now, there are times I wish we would get back together, but that is just the easy way out. It is easy to stick with something your comfortable with than it is to find something new. She is already dating another guy anyway. I love her to death and would do anything for her, but I am also a realist, and I now care more about myself. I have the greatest friends in the world, and I mean that 100%. I don't need her, and I never will. I realize that now.

I s there a possibility I could get back with him? I know you could kill me right now for asking but I am so hurt and I miss I'm and love him I just want to know, but you probably don't know either

There is always a possibility. Always. I can't stress enough that certain situations make you who you are. My break up has turned me into an incredible person, with even more change to come. I really NEED you to understand that by going through this you become sooo much better. It is in turmoil that we find out who we really are. Don't be afraid the dark times... cause without the bitter, life just ain't as sweet!

Also, I am only a year older than you are. I am not all knowing or some sort of relationship expert. I am going through your situation, just further along. That is the only reason I sound 'smart' right now.

How long did you date her?

4 1/2 years. She was the 'love of my life.' YACK!!

I think no matter how beautiful you are, you were still very insecure in many ways. It is wonderful you are getting help, that’s hard to realize but your doing it BRAVO!! :)
I think it was not only the petty stuff that turned him off, like Facebook and the post ups I am sure it was your insecurity within yourself too!
Right now, I think you should concentrate on YOU and fixing your issues. I do not think you and him (or another man) could be happy again, like it was in the beginning until you fix what’s broken.

Sorry to hear that, but it's get better, so I've been told :)

Right... it does get better!

With a lot of time, heart ache and crying.I didn't know humans had so many tears. I am happy for this site and I will help others as you all have guided me. Thanks deeply.

Yeah, this site does wonders. It really does wonders when you can start to help others (like yours truly). Good therapy. Good luck!

Likewise:)

I'll b back I'm sure.

Well, until then, good night and God bless!

Xo

Quick question: I have belongings at house that aren't that important like my clothing, lingerie, my boots. These are material things that can be replaced and I have multiples of. Everything in that house will remind him of me.

Good... let it. But don't use it as an excuse to call him. Clothing and lingerie are not important by the way... DO NOT worry about his thoughts, just worry about what you can control.

Will do !

If when I leave to go on my vavcation to come back to see if he called should I call back?

Don't get mad at me!

All of this is up to you. I can't tell you what to do. If you want to get over him then NEVER contact him again. I know that isn't realistic though, I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't get mad at you. I don't judge people in these situations. I know how hard it is, but just try not to let him control your actions.

It's not that I don't want to contact him ever again I 'm just afraid to hear what he would say if we did get each other on the phone.

So don't contact him... simple as that.

But what if he wants to see me or hook up to talk? Which he probably won't but we do't know that. That is where I am compltley ignorant and am so bloody confused with this

Grrr

I can't offer you anymore advice. Just go with it and be strong. You can do it... bloody? Are you from America or England?

I am a Torontonian with Irish parents:)

Got to love the Irish. I too have a lot of it in my blood. The good thing is that we always know how to drink after a hard day!

Yes yes we do. But I find that makes me more emotional so I try to steer clear from the drink, if you know what I mean. But yes, God Bless the Irish!

Morning, I couldn't sleep at al l last night I woke at 3 and have been tossing and turning since:( I had weird dreams about him that we met and he was so shady and mean to me. I feel like today. Missed a test this morning. Not feeling the hottest.

Morning sunshine!! What you are going through is to be expected. Happened to me too, so don't feel bad. Takes time, like we have said. Also, take Tylenol PM about two hours before you go to bed. It is a non addictive medicine that can help you fall asleep pretty quick. No, it is not bad for you either.

Everything he said to me that night on the phone is repeating in my head " I can't see myself with you for the rest of my life", " i love myself too much t keep this going', " you are so hard to get through too". Why so cruel, all I did was have insecurity and jealousy issues I never hurt him like that.

Like I said, it is still fresh on your mind and will be there as long as you let it. Get up and do something. Take a long walk, something that will force your mind to focus on something else. Easier said than done, I know.

I feel so mad and angry at him right now for doing this. If he did call I don't know if I would want to talk, it would be so weird and sucha useless conversation. I'm just venting I know and I know that it is still very fresh but my God,I don't understand why this is happening. I did everything for him and loved him unconditionally and he dumped me! Go figure. I have such animosity towards him, and his sister as close as we were she hasn't emailed me or called to see how I'm doing? She knew too that I didn't want this. I feel sick over this situation and could vomit every time I think of it!!

I believe there are four stages/emotions of a break up: anger, denial, depression and sadness (not really in that order)... wonder which one you are in...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I would have to say a teaspoon of denial, a tablespoon of depression, a cup of sadness and room full of anger. Grrrrr


All jokes aside, I miss him:(

This is my last comment on this thread as it seems bordering on insanity how much I have posted:

Hope: this isn't just any old word. You can hope for different things. In a break up, you should NEVER hope you get your ex back. That is just up to God, and up to life. What you HOPE for is that you get better. You hope you can heal from this... you hope you can move on... you hope you can be stronger at the end... you hope life isn't really this unfair... you hope the pain goes away... and lastly, you hope to someday be happy.

That is the hope that matters, and that is the hope that will get you somewhere. Start on this track, and let life take care of the rest.

:) Thanks

It's been 3 and a half weeks, with NC and I feel weird. I feel like we are fading from each other. I don't want this to happen.

That is the point of NC. It is emotional detox... If you are an alcoholic and go to detox, you will eventually start to lose the craving. Same thing here.

This is a forced feeling, I have to force myself to move on and forward without him. He doesn't know what he wants or thinks at this time that he doesn't want me. I know I WANT him, and I WANT us to be together but I have to push all my feelings into this deep dark detox hole and move ahead with my life? That doesn't seem right. I feel like shouldn't shouldn't feel these feelings, but I do because I love him, he doesn't love me, and it was me who got dumped. I understand that the greatest strength comes from the weakest point, but I am forced to move on, I am forced to stop thinking of him, I am forced to push him out of my head and life...

I am sooooooooooooooo drunk right now and am turning to this site instead of doing something syupid like calling him right now. I miss him, I love him, he doesn't know what he is missing!! SUcker!!

Stay away from the booze if you can... Poor decisions can come from it, but since you didn't contact him and posted here, it seems you are mature enough to handle it. Keep on chugging along. It will get better.

I know I should but he's hurt me enough for me to know that I would NEVER call him. So I leave for Dominican on SUnday! I'm excited enough but I still feel really $h*tty about all of this. Him and I were supposed to go away for New Year's, doesn't look like that that's happening though. My birthday is on Thursday, why do I want him to call me? This is all still pretty freash and I wake up every morning with so many questions, questions thaqt haer unfve been answered but still haven'tt sunk in to my thick skull. He doesn't want me, he doesn't want to be with me, ( we did have fun together many times and our sex was amazing) I just still love him annd miss him dearly. He will ne never find someone like me who can love and care for him like I did or could have. Sad sad story.

The first month of NC is really hard. You will have all sorts of emotions and feelings going through your head right now. This is just your mind healing itself. The mornings and the nights will be rough as well. That's why YOU NEED TO STAY BUSY. The trip to the Dominican is GREAT. You need to acknowledge your new freedom and LET LOOSE.

Remember, you cannot act on these feelings to contact him. Nothing will come out of it except MORE pain and hurt.

Be strong!! These feelings will pass and you will find how strong and independent you can be on your own. That alone will be enough to attract a guy much, MUCH more suited for you.

Stay Strong!

Maybe he wasn`t suited for me. I am outgoing and lovable person who likes to go out and have fun, all he ever wanted to do was sit home and watch sports, never wanted to go to a c lub or bar to be social, but I fell in love with him. I appreciated that he didn`t want to go out and spend his money frivoulously. I mean we are two different people, but opposites attract right. I feel like .

Like my whole world has crumbled around me. I have great friends and a family that loves me dearly. He didn`t want to be apart of that. That makes me sad. He judged me and my family, we are no Brady bunch that`s for sure, but we do have love for each other. He said Ì`ll always have love for you, I don`t want him to even do that!

This guy was OBVIOUSLY not suited for you. You have completely different interests than he does. You want to go have fun... while he wants to sit at home like a worthless bump on a log.

I can guarantee you will find someone MUCH better than him.

Plus, don't ever let someone judge you and your family. Your family is there for you NO MATTER WHAT, unlike this a$$.

Your much better than him and you will find someone much better than him... I promise.:)

Maybe I will find much better, but it`s him that I want. I can still go out and have fun without hi. I don`t know all I know is that my heart hurts and I can`t help to always think of him and want to be with him. He doesn`t want that nor does he want me and that sucks. I can`t control what he feels or thinks but he left so abruptly and so harsh. I feel insulted and all the great things I ever did for him and his family don`t amount to nothing. He said all the times we fought take over all that, so mean and hurtful. I doidn`t deserve thaT . Who knows if he will ever call me or regret what he`s done. Maybe he doesn`t even know the answer to that. His parents ¸getting divorced in the next month and that is going to hurt him so much. I know how he feels about it and he`s not going to do too well with that. I feel bad for him and I don`t want him to go through that alone:(

I know it`s not my problem, I just feel bad. I`ve done it, it`s not easy to do, especially alone

Well.. you have to let him handle this on his own. Don't let him put the burden of his family issues on you.

You may not see it right now, but YOU WILL FIND BETTER. You know what you want and it's not him! You have to believe that. Don't keep thinking about the past.. it's called moving on for a reason. You move FORWARD from the pain and suffering and become stronger

In times like these you must listen to your HEAD, not your heart. You already know what you have to do...so it's time to be a strong woman, pick your heart up off the floor, STOP DWELLING, and carry on with out him. You also need to start talking about this with your family and friends... they are there to support you.

They are but I find that they tell me what I want to hear at times, afraid of hurting my feelings. I need an objective view, someone who is not so emotionally attached to me, that`s why I`m hear and venting as I`m sure my fam is sick of hearing about this. Thank you for taking the time to understnd how I feel and giving me your advice. It meanss so much. I thought he was thew one, we talked about family, kids, long life together. Now, back to square one. I have so many feelings running through my head and I have these weird nightmares, often not being able o fall asleep after. I wish this wasn`t happening to me and I wis that we could be together but it`s not going to happen. Brutal.

Well.. you need to stop thinking about him.

You need to go out and find something to do to occupy your time and your mind.

Maybe try joining a club or a gym. After my ex broke up with me, I enrolled in Martial Arts and joined a gym. So during the week I do stuff at work then either go to the gym or Taekwondo class. The intense workouts really drain me so by the time I get home I just want to relax and fall asleep. Plus, I can't argue with the fact that I am really getting in shape.:D

Good for you! I wish you all the best. Keep up the good work:)

You can do the same you know? It is easy to lay around in self pitty questioning the world, but that gets you no where. Time to pick yourself up and get moving!

Hey, there you are. I know and 'm doing my best I can. I got my test results back and got 97%. Just think had I not been thinking of him I would have got 100. I just feel like, well you know how I feel, not goo, but getting better. Those damn nightmares won't ease though. I know they will with time.

You think I would leave you forever?? Come on kid... That is awesome on the test. You are a stud! There is no way I could have taken a test after my break up... The nightmares will come and go, but then you wake up, look in the mirror and realize that you are still there and have so much to offer some lucky guy! Time will be your best friend right now, and this website.

:) Hey, hope you're doing well today! Question: If he doesn't call does that make him a coward?

And winner winner chicken dinner? What does that mean??

And winner winner chicken dinner? What does that mean ?????

It is from a movie called "21" with Kevin Spacey.

If he doesn't call... it doesn't matter! The time is now for you to stop questiong him and start questioning yourself... as in why in the hell do you still care? I know you love him, but he is probably out having the time of his life right now... why shouldn't you be enjoying yourself and making yourself happy. Let me ask you an honest question: When was the last time you thought about yourself?

Honestly. I think about myself more and more and I do see a big improvement. But when him and I were together, yes I puthim first, I shouldn't have done that and maybe that one of the reasons I am in this situation. I do love myself, but I often even before him had a hard time enjoying my own company, I always need to be around people. Been like that since I was a kid. Not to mention my parents divorce really f$#@ed me up. I know now that I must never put anyone before me because at the end of th day or the relatuionship for that mtter, I 'm the only one I've got! By the way he is not having the time of his life, I think he is oing the exat same thing as before, just without me.

Well, one of you should be having the time of their life... might as well be you first huh?

I suppose. It is a definite that between him and I am the more spontaneous and active of the two. I just miss him and I miss him. He knows that I want him and it kills that he doesn't give two rats asses!

So I leave for my trip tonight. Getting excited! BUt not really. I had a pretty solid sleep though. My friend took me out for my birthday dinner last night and that was nice. I still don't get ithis break up thing though. ( I know tiger you'll probably want to shake me)lolbut.. I think the thing that gets me the most is that we are not on good terms. Of course I know NC NC NC and I have no plans on breaking that by no means but, I don't feel comfortable talking to him even if he did call and he probably feels the same way. We were together for a long time and to cut somebody out of your life like that is horrible. I feel horrible, I'm doing things for myself and I feel good, but I miss him like the deserts missthe rain. I feel like I'm being punished. I am by no means an angel but we could have worked this out. We had fun together and as days go by I seem to think ofd the good times opposed to the rotten times. I have no idea what he is thinking, or doing, or with, and yes many would say that I shouldn't care, but like he felt he couldn't change the way he felt about me, this feeling I have is not going away. It maybe will but brutal in the meantime. I wish things were differerent, I wish I could have changed the way things went down, I mean we spent the whole weekend together and then when I went home on Monday he decides not to call me, and when I do he tells me he was trying to avoid this, That's utter bull$hit. I was with you for two years, we shared everything, and now you try to avoid breaking my heart? Is that coward or what? What is the definition of coward? Someone who doesn't want to face the music? Someone who is hiding something? Someone who simply doesn't give a ? Anyway. I'm going on my trip with all inten to bask in the sun, swim in the ocean, and forget about this world I live in. But... it will all be here for me waiting when I get back. I can run from having to go to school, or needing to go to work but I CAN NOT run away from my heart!

I CAN NOT run away from my heart!

You don't have to run from your heart, as you're a human being with feelings. You do have to learn to cope with your feelings, and what life throws at you, we all do.

Its called growing pains. We all go through it, and grow from the experience.

Your turn!

So, I'm back. I had an amazing time! The people, the foofd, and the DANCE. I loved it, I wish I could live there on the resort with these people. What a beautiful beautiful place. VIK Areans Blancas Resort, Punta Cana, Dominicana Republica. Time of my life. Sooooooo, he called my phone on my birthday. Who would have thunk. His mom sent me a text and his sister sent me an email. I sent out a mass message thanking my friends for my birthday wishes I received while on my trip. My birthday was on Thursday and I hired a professioanl photographer to take pics of me of the beach. I felt like a Victoria Secret model, no joke. I needd this trip. So, in this email I sent out some of those pics with it. Is it bad that I sent them to his sister? Am I hoping that she'll show him and I can rub it in his face this way? Anyway, I really have no desire to all him back or takl to him. He basically only called me to wish me a happy birthday, right? If I was home and I picked up his call that would have been so awkward? I don't really have any desire to talk to him. I DID think of him on my trip, every couple I saw, even the serenity from the ocea reminded me of him, and I cried maybe twice. I am very disappointed that this happened to us. It's been over a month since we spoke and I don't know if we will ever speak again. Who knows? But I do know that I willl booking my next trip very very soon, mi amigas!

Well happy belated Birthday! Sounds like you had a good time. It is always good to go on a big trip after a sad event occurs in your life. It is getting pretty cold where I am, so I would love to be on a beach right now! Keep us posted on your progress. And, you know you shouldn't call him back. Keep on moving forward.

So his sister emailed me back asking where I went. I just said Dominican Republic. And that's it. I don't want to talk to her anymore:( Because he called me on my birthday, do I have to call him on his? I don't want to! Because he only called me to wish me a happy birthday right??

No, don't call him on his Birthday. You owe him nothing.

Okay!

So, I knew it. Once the day came that I cut down on thinking of him and feeling like a bag of , I wake up this morning to a text message from him!! A picture of us that I took on his phone of us kissing and he wrote under it, Where did we go wrong? What does that mean? He wants to know why HE *d up, or he misses me, or he just wants to talk. I'm not sure but I don't really want to deal. It took me so long to get to where I am am and so much support from you angels that I don't know what to do? What does he want from me? Why do I feel bad but good at the same time?

Its so obvious. He just wants to know that you still want him.

He's like a hunter chasing prey that he knows is just about to give in. The moment you actually do give in, the hunt is over again and he will go back to normal/uninterested. You have the power now, use it wisely.

He's not only sent the message this morning, he also called me today at 4. I was so scared and I had no idea what to say so I never picked it up? What do I do now?

Ignore him! Turn your phone off, change your number... or, you could pick it up and play right into his hands. It is your choice. You are an adult and can make any choice you want. I would not pick it up and I would move forward, not backwards.

You would seriously do that?

Yes. I have been in your position. So, you pick the phone up, talk for awhile, hang up and you then are left posting on this website about what everything meant. I actually did change my number. Protect yourself, don't open yourself up for more pain and more questions.

What if this is my chance to make it better, to change the way things were and be happy together. I'm so confused, What if he needs me right now?