This is about my ex boyfriend, we broke up about 2 weeks ago. I wanted to take a break, but he decided to end things, for various reasons. I have another post with more background on it if anyone cares to look further into it.

I don't know how to keep continuing our "status" post breakup. We are not together and are not planning on getting back together, but it's more complicated than that. We've both been extremely dependent on each other, have no other friends really. I realize that it was a mistake that we were not so independent, and while I feel like I can move on from this and meet people and learn how to depend on myself more, he feels completely the opposite and I don't know what to do.

We were together for 5 years and were best friends. I'm not sure if cutting off contact for good is the right thing to do or not (perhaps someone can give advice on that too)... but the thing is that I really worry about him. He's been depressed his entire life, as far as he's told me. He was never really happy, always had anxiety attacks, rarely wanted to leave the house. He's been to counseling, taken medication, nothing helps him. He says that it would be for the best if we don't talk anymore, but then he keeps contacting me and saying how he feels hopeless, worthless, like the time we were together was a waste. He has said repeatedly that when he wakes up in the morning he wishes he was dead, or that he wishes that he had been successful when he attempted suicide several times over the years. Honestly I have no idea what to do. This has been extremely difficult just in the breakup itself without having to worry seriously about his mental and physical well-being. I don't want to tell him to not call me anymore, because if he needs to talk to someone, I don't want him to feel like he's alone and has no one to go to. But I know that he needs to find it in himself to be strong and depend on himself and not me.
I have a lot of things of my own, my own personal demons I'm trying to deal with. I just feel like I can't handle both of ours.

Any advice would be appreciated

Help him find a counselor he can talk to and depend on. You are right that this is very hard on you. It's difficult to know if he's really threatening suicide or just manipulating you, but this is going to exhaust you if it continues. And if he makes another attempt on his life, it is bound to make you feel like you didn't do enough. This is a form of blackmail, although it may not be intentional. It's hard enough breaking up with someone after 5 years without being their sole confidant and counselor too.

Help him find a counselor he can talk to and depend on. You are right that this is very hard on you. It's difficult to know if he's really threatening suicide or just manipulating you, but this is going to exhaust you if it continues. And if he makes another attempt on his life, it is bound to make you feel like you didn't do enough. this is a form of blackmail, although it may not be intentional. It's hard enough breaking up with someone after 5 years without being their sole confidant and counselor too.

Thank you for your response. He is really adamant about not seeing any more counselors since he's seen a few already, but I am seeing one now as well and I'll ask her what she thinks.
Thanks for your support

Talking to your counselor sounds like a good idea. I hope she is supportive and can recommend some names for him. If he is adamant that you are the only person he can talk to, he is being unreasonable.

Take care and good luck,
asking

You two have a sick relationship going there.

Chances are, with some therapy for each of you (separately), you will come out feeling much better and STRONGER than you are now, and more capable of making friends(especially him).

You have to know this::: You are only responsible for your own well being when dealing with adults, responsible to be honest in all ways.

YOur ex is trying to hold you as an emotional crutch, an emotional hostage to his mental illness. You have to break free from him. You have been more than kind over the years.

As long as he has you to lay depression on, he won't even try to benefit from professional care.

It's for his best good as well as yours not to have any more contact.


My very best wishes during this difficult time, :)

You two have a sick relationship going there.

Chances are, with some therapy for each of you (separately), you will come out feeling much better and STRONGER than you are now, and more capable of making friends(especially him).

You have to know this::: You are only responsible for your own well being when dealing with adults, responsible to be honest in all ways.

YOur ex is trying to hold you as an emotional crutch, an emotional hostage to his mental illness. You have to break free from him. You have been more than kind over the years.

As long as he has you to lay depression on, he won't even try to benefit from professional care.

It's for his best good as well as yours not to have any more contact.


My very best wishes during this difficult time, :)

Thank you.

I just worry that if we stop talking there is a thin line between him doing something harmful to himself and him deciding to get help. I had not been the greatest girlfriend by any means and I hurt him a lot. I feel like maybe I made him feel worse over the years rather than better. I don't know that any of that is true but it makes me feel that I owe him a lot for all of his efforts to keep us together and be there for me over the years. But I will think about what you said about not keeping in contact anymore, I can see where that would be the best option.