Hi I am 31 years old with a good education but no job.Two nice , healthy kids a very loving husband and good sex life... but I am constantly irritated, angry and always on the edge.
I have tried yoga, past life therapy, gulping down anti-depressants, prayer circles etc... nothing seems to life the cloud of depression and anger from my being... nowadays I just don't feel like talking to anyone , not even my family! My mobile is constantly switched off and I am so pissed off with the whole world and most of all with myself!

I desperately need help... my husband and parents have kind of.. given-up on me... please help me... for the sake of my girls aged 7 and 5! Pleeeeeeese someone help me!

Hi, needhelp kutchs!

So, what are you angry about? Is there one thing that makes you really irritated over anything else?

Thanks!

Ya I am angry about not being able to take decisions for myself on my own.I am angry about making some wrong decisions in my life.I am angry about not using my life constructively... not living it up... not using my talents to the full and now I feel incapable of doing anything about it .I am generally disgusted with myself, my house... just about anything... God knows

What paying or salaried jobs have you had?*

*during the past 15 years (before and during child raising)

I 've worked as a nursery teacher, also as a content writer working from home for a year and a half!

What is your education in?

I do have another question also, and that would be what are some of the things that you feel that you're really good at doing? But, please do address the question that Wondergirl asked first, please.

Thanks!

I have a masters degree in Business Administration done Full time!
I am good at talking to people, organising things, writing , public speaking.. I was good at all this once upon a time!

I have a masters degree in Business Administration done Full time!
I am good at talking to people, organising things, writing , public speaking .. i was good at all this once upon a time!
Perfect! Better than I could ever have imagined! (And you still are good at it all... trust me, you are.)

Craig, you want to say something? Or I will jump in.

Do you have any free times during the day, or are you very involved with your kids and their school and being a homemaker?

Part 2 of that is, do you have any free time in the evenings, any evening?

I'm working on it right now!

Common guys ! Speak up

Originally Posted by needhelp kutchs
I have a masters degree in Business Administration done Full time!
I am good at talking to people, organising things, writing , public speaking.. I was good at all this once upon a time!


Originally Posted by Wondergirl Perfect! Better than I could ever have imagined! (And you still are good at it all... trust me, you are.)
Yes, I'm sure also that you're still good at those things!

I sense that a big part of your frustration and anger is that you're not doing the things for which you were educated and trained and also those things that you know you have really good abilities to do. Would that be correct?

Another couple of questions - What sort of things have you written and have you ever written any poetry?

I know that you have a lot of questions coming at you right now! Please do take your time!

Thanks!

I have free time during the day when my kids go to school and I have a full time maid who cooks and cleans as well.
Evenings are not free as my husband has social commitments as an Army Officer wherein I too have to go ; by order!

And don't forget my questions about what free time you have during the day or evening!

No I have never written poetry but did ghost writing for a number of hi-profile people and also wrote for a content writing firm that employes people to write on anything and everything... no poetry ever... no

I told you I have free time in the mornings about 5 hours , but none in the evenings

Wonder girl left... r u still around clough

I'm still here...

I'm not sure that Wondergirl left. It's possible that she might still be "cloaked". I made myself visible as being online when your question appeared because I wanted to make sure that you knew I was still online.

I'm here, have been sprinting into the kitchen to wash dishes.

Would you be available to do something for a few hours several mornings?

Sorry folks!For being rude

I just turned on my "porch light" so you can see me now.

I hate all these Army Wives around who just dress around like manequins and waste their lives gossiping.. I fear I will become like them too

Wondergirl say something... Clough...

May I ask where you live? In what area or country? I'm guessing Canada.

No no far far away... although human maladies are universal... I am in India

Ah. You had spelled "recognizing" with an "s" so I guessed British, and am partially correct. Your husband is stationed in India and you are U.S. citizens? Or you are Indian? (I work with several delightful Indian women, so am just mostly curious.)

How you are is mostly a matter of the choices that you make for the way for you to be. Sometimes it can be hard and take a lot of time to realize that.

Do you have the use of a car? Are you near a village or city? Are you trapped on the Army base? Tell us about that. It will help us understand what you are up against and perhaps what opportunities you have.

You I regret all the wrong choices I made... I am an Indian living in India

Absolituely trapped in the Cantonement

The reason that I asked about writing poetry, is that I'm wondering if you have ample enough outlet for your self-expression artistically, such as in the writing field.

Not being able to express oneself in some sort of artistic way, (there are many, many ways of self-expression and to me, how one does them is truly an art), can cause a person to have anger and resentment built up in inside of themselves because of the lack of being able to self-express.

Please don't mind my Spellings... going crazy you see!

ya I regret all the wrong choices I made...i am an Indian living in India
No, not wrong choices. I don't get that feeling. You are in a certain place in your life now, and you (and we?) will figure out how to help you keep all of you intact and happy in that place. (As life goes on, those places change and new opportunities pop up, so you have to stay on top of things to watch for them.)

ya I regret all the wrong choices I made...i am an Indian living in India

Being regretful, and I might add, feeling guilty, if that's the case, can hamper a person's ability to move forward into the future with a positive and proactive plan and attitude. It's best not to be letting the past govern our lives in the here and now. We can't undo what has happened in the past but only learn from it and move ever onward and upward with our lives! That too, is a matter of choice...

Please don't mind my Spellings....going crazy you see!
Your spelling was perfect--British education.

I think the first thing you have to do is stop kicking yourself.

Promise us, from this moment on, you are going to do your best to think positively.

You have two new friends (both of us very smart and good at problem-solving). We plan to walk you out of your dark tunnel. We have flashlights to guide you out.

How to move forward with my life... Clough that is what I cannot figure out... that is what makes me so angry... and when I see my husband so happy and contended with everything in life... I feel even more frustrated and guilty and sick and angry...

What would be your heart's desire? To write?

Ya you are right just stop feeling guilty... to begin with... you are right... no more kicking myself

No my heart's desire would be to be able to interact with people , talk to them , help them like in a boarding school be with young children... or be with some NGO etc

Craig (Clough) and I have both been in a similar place to where you are now, and someone with a flashlight found each of us to guide us our of our dark tunnels. So we will do that with you. Of course, you will have to hold one of the flashlights, so we aren't doing all the work.

No my heart's desire would be to be able to interact with people , talk to them , help them like in a boarding school be with young children.... or be with some NGO etc
Are you anywhere near a library?

Ya you are right just stop feeling guilty...to begin with ...you are right...no more kicking myself

And, no more raking yourself over the coals, so to speak! You can overcome doing that, you know! :)

I'm looking forward to some form of self-expression from you that's positive and proactive. It would seem that writing something would be the way to go!

What I'm suggesting is that you write a song...

Yes, you can do that!

I and Wondergirl can show you how to do that.

What do you think?

You sure.. Thanks... let me see if it works... I'm not feeling too optimistic right now but am ready to walk nevertheless

You write a song about my frustrations :)

Isn't gtalk faster than this this is so slow...

I was even thinking she could start a blog. That's very easy to do now. In fact, I plan to start my own before the end of the year. There is a good web site that gives all the help one needs. Readers can comment on anything the blog owner posts. Photos can be posted, plus a journal or stories or essays or poems. Here's one that was started just for fun and has turned into an international sensation with a book coming out in November --

The Daily Coyote (http://www.dailycoyote.net/)

A blog could be only one thing to do.

I atarted a blog and left it after 2 months didn't work you see

I need to go to the root cause of my anger to be able to root it out completely... I cannot answer the question... Why am I so angry and disgusted with my life and everybody around??

You could eventually become an expert here on this site, perhaps the Hindi expert or a parenting expert. Of course, first you would become regularly involved in the site by helping people and answering their questions, finding your niche, and feeling great satisfaction along the way. It's a form of writing and expressing oneself.

I atarted a blog and left it after 2 months didn't work you see
I wonder why it didn't work.

Ok, let's concentrate on the anger.

You are really a positive person "Wondergirl"... what a wonder!
That's the problem... there are so many opportunities and so miuch to do but no way to even begin!

What sets you off and makes you angry--at home, socially, with other women, with men, with children, while shopping..

That's the problem...there are so many opportunities and so miuch to do but no way to even begin!
You have to start in one spot only. And yes, there is always a way to begin.

Sometimes a patron at the library where I work tell me he (or she) wants to write. I ask what has been written so far. The answer is... nothing. Guess what I say next.

Socially - those other Officers' Dumb wives definitely,
At home - kids not listening to me,
With husband- he's never stressed about anything and always smiling... that really irritates me

Now you will tell me how lucky I am to get a husband like that and that I should not be irritated... I know that but still I am angry and frustrated... the trouble is I know it all and still can't help myself

ya write a song about my frustrations :)

Exactly! It won't be hard to do!

It's probably been so slow on this thread because many times we help people on threads simultaneously. In addition to you, I have been working with two others here tonight. I'm usually not darting around between threads this much. Didn't want to leave them hanging... I think they might not be online anymore, though. Tonight has been kind of unusual in that way because this night of the week is usually pretty slow...

Do you play the piano, other instrument or sing at all?

Thanks!

I don't pretend to be Freud, but do you remember getting frustrated as a young person and getting angry about things, or is this more of a recent development?

Why do you say the officers' wives are dumb?

Give me a "for instance" about the kids not listening to you. A lot or just once in a while?

I remember turning 29 and thinking it may as well be the end of my life. I had one child by then and couldn't imagine being 30 (ancient! ). And all I felt I was good for was washing dishes and making meals and cleaning house (and with a bachelor's degree too), and no one cared about me and my brain at all.

I used to get frustrated a lot as a young girl , so I met the first man I met when I was 19 years old to escape from my home where my parents ( both hi-profile educationists) were always fighting.I completed all my education after marriage.

I find the other ladies Dumb because they do not talk about anything other than clothes , jewellery and discussing other women's private lives... I feel disgusted looking at them.

... So I married the first man...

Wondergirl can't we talk on googletalk?

I find teh other ladies Dumb because they do not talk about anything other than clothes , jewellery and discussing other women's private lives....i feel disgusted looking at them.
I totally understand that! I'm not a hair and nails person. I am clean and dress well enough, but can't stand to endlessly talk about stuff like that or other people. I would rather talk about religion or politics or ideas or books I've read.

wondergirl can't we talk on googletalk?
I've never downloaded that. I have MSN and Yahoo messengers. How do I get googletalk?

Do you have a gmail account?

I googled it and found it! Yay me!

How about I download it and we chat on it in about 24 hours from now. I should go to bed soon. (It's 12:42 a.m. here and I am supposed to work at the library Sunday afternoon.) Could you wait until then, until my evening on Sunday?

You're on the other side of the world, I know.

Sure wondergirl see you soon. Good night and sleep well

sure wondergirl see you soon. Good night and sleep well
Wait just a minute! I want you to do something constructive until then. What could you do?

Craig, are you still there?

You tell me what to do ?

Oh, I think that chatting outside of this thread wouldn't be good for maintaining the integrity of the thread. If you do that, then it's very difficult for others to know what information exchange has taken place. Others may also come along who might have similar issues and having all of the information about responses to the original question might also be a great help to them with similar issues that they're having in their own lives.

Other folks might also be able to really give some great advice, but would be reluctant to do so because they don't have all of the information because they know that some of it's missing from the thread.

For one thing, I didn't come on this thread and made effort working on it thinking that it would just go off somewhere outside of this site where I wouldn't be able to participate. Please do keep things on the threads after they've been started. Doing anything else, like communicating in other ways, outside of posting on a thread would not be keeping in the spirit of why this site exists in the first place.

Thanks!

ya tell me what to do ?
How about if you deal with the children differently somehow. If they don't listen, sing your instructions to them or whisper your instructions to them (like a secret) or write your instructions in block printing on paper. Do the unexpected. Shock and surprise them. Get away from the ordinary.

Also, write something. Anything. How about stream of consciousness about the Army wives and what they do and how you feel about what they do? Just let it all out. No one will see it except for you.

Good point, Clough! So let's continue on with this thread for a while and see what happens. Whatever we could do on Googletalk, we can do here. After all, we are courageous and inventive people!

Don't tell the children you will do things differently. Just do them. You want to keep the children a bit off balance, so you won't be so predictable to them. Life is an adventure!

I have more ideas for the future.

And mentioning Googletalk and then saying we will stay with the thread is instructional for anyone reading this.

I am writing and feeling much better... :) Ya craig is right let's just stick to this thread... after all it is here that I found help... someone else too might be helped by my problem and its solution:)

Hi, needhelp kutchs!

I'm still here, but very tired. Would you be willing to vent some by writing something on another thread that you might start on this site? Doing so might help you to gain some self-confidence and self-esteem that you really seem to need. Depending on how you respond, I can direct you as to how you might do it. If you don't want to do it, that's okay too.

Thanks!

You, I am tired too... lets meet up sometime later bye :)

Okay, that's fine! I wish you a good day and all the best to you! :)

Hi, needhelp kutchs!

I'm curious as to if you had a resolution to your problem and if so, how you were able to come to the resolution.

Thanks!

Hi clough,

Ya I was able to resolve the problem and I used all the techniques that wondergirl told me ;plus the best was I thought to myself "do I have a problem now; just now, in this moment".The answer was always a resounding "No"
That really helped.
Secondly, I am beginning to focus more at the work in hand rather than any other distraction.Like if I am typing this reply then I am typing and eveerything else is forgotten.No multitasking.
Plus I got a job as a content writer, sitting at home working 4 hours everyday.. 150$ a month... keeps me busy...
I have also joined guitar classes and as far as those "dumb" Officers wives are concerned; I just give them the cold treatment so saves me the trouble of getting into any useless conversation with them.

So that's that... multipronged attack.It helped :) although I do have my temper tantrums , but the intensity is less and the frequency and duration decreased!

I am so very proud of you! You had lemons and you made lemonade! You even went 'way beyond our suggestions by thinking of your own solutions. You go, girl!

And yes... you were the first ones to help me out, plus it did me a world of good to think that 2 people (clough and you)so faar away... are helping a complete stranger half way round the world!
Cheers to AskMe Forum! Thanks a lot.

Hi, needhelp kutchs!

Or, if I might address you, if you don't mind, Gayatri! I'm so happy for you and glad that you're able to now come up with positive and proactive ways that you can cope! I'm also glad that the advice from Wondergirl was helpful to you so much!

Please do know that you're contact information in the previous post was removed to protect your privacy. We would hate to see you getting spammed because your email address was listed on this thread. There are those who go searching out the Internet for exposed email addresses that they can then send spam email.

I mentioned something earlier to you in this thread, about self-expression and writing a song. If you're still interested in doing that at some point, would you please let me know? I already know that you like to write, and taking guitar lessons would also seem to be leading in a positive direction for your self-expression.

Thanks!

Thank you Clough for removing my id.I never thought it could be spammed.That was so very thoughtful of you all at the forum!:)

Ya I would love to write a song... although never written one... but why not?! :):)

Thanks, needhelp kutchs!

If you post it in the Writing forum area, that would be best. You can do this and be successful at it! I'm greatly encouraged that you're taking up the study of playing the guitar!

I have to go now though...

I will return later tonight. For me, it's now almost 11:00 A.M. and I really do need to be getting to the tasks that I need to be doing for today so that I can earn a living for myself.

You could title it something like "How do I put my song to music?" Or, maybe even, "I would like to put the lyrics to a song that I wrote to music".

I would love to see what you write and welcome the opportunity to put what you write to actual music!

If you keep it simple, that would be best. You'll get the idea as to what is being composed in a short while. I can compose really complicated things, but to start, it would be best to keep it simple. What we write together might even be something that you could play and sing along with on the guitar!

You would ask about something in the Writing forum by clicking on the following link.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=361

Thanks!