Hi,
My son is five and started Grade 1 in September. He is not six until 31 DEC, so is by far the youngest by a few months in the class. We have recently moved to Canada from the UK so he has had a lot of change lately. However, he adores school and cannot wait to go each day.
Last week I had a note sent home saying that they had received three written complaints about my son (on the same day) hitting and kicking others in the playground. His teacher has spoken to him about the hands off policy but asked me to reinforce it. She also said that the other parents "were taking it out on her". As this was the first we knew of our son's behaviour I was very concerned and a little annoyed about the note. We spoke to our son severely asking him to tell us what had happened. He admits he had hit others but says it is the game they play and that he always says sorry.
A few days later I received an email from his teacher saying she had had another complaint. When I talked to my son he says he hadn't hit anyone but when they were playing he thinks he may have caught someone by accident.
I spoke to the Vice Principal this same day and asked what he thought. He said that he did think this behaviour was unusaual for him and is going to try and observe him in the playground.
I am at a loss as to who to believe. I feel his teacher just assumes he is a bully and is not very supportive. Whilst I appreciate the VP trying to observe him there are 3-400 kids in the playground with only 2- 3 suprvisors. It will not be easy. My son says he is always getting hit or pushed at school and called names but doesn't like to tell so I have never bothered the school with it. However he gets confused in what he can remember about what happens. This behaviour is very out of characteristic for him. He goes to an after school programme and the leaders there cannot believe he would do such a thing and we see no signs of this behaviour at home or at any social activities with other children.
I am also concerned that the school received 3 compaints on the same day (apparently). It seems a bit strange. If there had been an incident with that many children surely someone would have seen it or told a teacher. But immediately the school have sided with the other parents without looking into what's going on.
My son is receiving punsihment at the moment as I cannot rule out that he could be hitting others. His halloween was cancelled and he is not allowed in his playroom for the weekend.
It is so difficult when I cannot be at the school to see what is happening. In fact no one has seen him do anything so we are all having to try and guess what is going on.
I am scared that he is going to end up being thrown out of school for what seems to me like games getting a little out of hand.
Any advice anyone has as to how I should handle this would be a great help!

Thanks
Wendy

You have to be on the same side as the teacher.

Your son must be properly socialized on how to interact with others. He is unhappy now and he needs love and attention from you along with guidance on how to make friends. :)

Best wishes to your family, :)

If you aren't getting complaints elsewhere about him, he's probably not a bully, but is reacting just as he says he is. Do you know any of the playground monitors or other parents who could be your eyes for you and observe him without his knowing?

Because many of the other children were in preschool and/or kindergarten together and thus know each other, he may be considered the new kid who has to be tested and measured. Would it be possible to invite another student over to your house or to a park or a playground or lunch at McDonald's? This way your son would gradually get to know the other kids one at a time, and they would get to know him. Also, you could observe the children's interactions and behavior in public, and might gain some insight on how your son and the other children relate to each other.

No one wants to hear that their child is being a bully. You look at their sweet little faces and say "not my child" But it can happen.

He is very young to be in 1st grade. What is the average age of the other students in his class? Normally, at his age, he would be in kindergarten.

I think that the fact that there have now been 4 complaints (assuming from different parents) that you need to take this seriously. Work closely with the school to figure this out. Try not to immediately go on the defensive - I know it is hard - but doing that puts you and your son at a disadvantage. Just be open to what they are telling you and stress to them that you are trying to "fix" the problem. And that you would like to work together to find an explanation for this.

If it was a "game" you need to tell your son that it still isn't right to put your hands/feet on anyone else. That if hitting is part of the game - he doesn't need to play.