Okay so I really don't know how to begin this one. But I guess I would have to start from the beginning and hope that this doesn't evolve into a mini novel (Sorry if it does)
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. In the beginning I used to do everything for him. I would buy things for him and his room (when he was living with his dad) I would cook, clean and make sure he was OK as far as his health, his goals, having money in his pocket for lunch etc. I am a caring person by nature and love to nurture and care for people (especially family). Eventually my boyfriend and I decided that we loved each other enough to move in together. It was wonderful at first. But somewhere down the line things took a turn. He got comfortable with me doing the cooking, the cleaning, the caring. I begin to get sick of it. I grew tired of cooking, cleaning, caring for him when he was sick. To give you a few examples: When I would get sick I'd get a "Damn you look sick" or "Here take this" VS When he got sick I'd hover all around him asking and making sure his every need was met. He drives and I'm just learning when we would have bad weather I'd have to beg him to drive me to work. And then I'd get so tired of begging, because he would never want to get out of bed, that I'd just say to him never mind. But I would still expect him to jump and say I'll take you out of love and respect for me. I'm only older than him by two years. Sometimes he acts so immature that I can't stand it. I motivate him with his goals. Support him. I try and help him in anyway that I can. All I want is to be treated the same way that I treat him.
Present Day: I've been having horrible periods lately. I was diagnosed with PCOS. Most of the time I'm fine but then there are those days I feel vulnerable and depressed and wish that he would cater to me and my needs and baby and pamper me. And whenever I get my period it's like I become invisible to him. He won't kiss me, cuddle me, show affection. When I don't have my period he's the most affectionate person (My theory is he knows he can get some) I've spoken to him countless times. And I must admit he would try and please me, but then it would fall right back to where it was then we would get into another discussion where I would cry he would say I'll try and do better... It's like this weird cycle. When I approach him I feel like he's laughing, like what I'm saying is going into one ear and out of the other. Then he tells me that I'm putting too much pressure on him. That I need to give him time to adjust. But I feel that if I don't voice my feelings he will keep getting comfortable with the situation the way it is. And he is the same person who told me that he could adjust to anything in record time. I'm at my wits end because I love him to death, but I'm not happy. I've tried everything I can think of. Talking. Waiting. I've tried showing him what I like and need. I've tried ultimatums, threatening, I've even tried to walk away. Nothing seems to get through to him. I've run the gauntlet of emotions. I've even considered cheating. I just don't know what to do anymore. :(:confused:

How about this?

1. Stop being his mommy. He can take half of the responsibilities of being in a relationship.

2. Stop nagging. Let him know you are hurt when he does x, and then leave it alone.

3. If you really think he's never going to change (I don't think he will, personally), then leave. Don't make a production about it, don't do the whole drama thing. Just calmly state that you are no longer happy being his mother and his sex toy, and you're done and you're leaving.

How about this?

1. Stop being his mommy. He can take half of the responsibilities of being in a relationship.

2. Stop nagging. Let him know you are hurt when he does x, and then leave it alone.

3. If you really think he's never going to change (I don't think he will, personally), then leave. Don't make a production about it, don't do the whole drama thing. Just calmly state that you are no longer happy being his mother and his sex toy, and you're done and you're leaving.

Number 1. Although his mom has passed I know that I can never take her place (Why would I want to I'm only 25)

Number 2. If you read the post you'd see that I don't nor have I ever nagged and if you think expressing your feelings is nagging then I would say that you have a slight problem.

Number 3. I am no drama queen and would never make a big production out of leaving. Do I think he will change? I'm not sure.

Sounds to me like you are "addicted" to your boyfriend... and the bad way he treats you.

You are a free woman; you can take charge of your life and move out into the world on your own and make a go of it. That would be a whole lot better than living this misery for the next 25 years and complaining and blaming all the while. :)

Take a chance on happiness! There are lots of great young men out there... give yourself an attitude adjustment and go find one. :)

You are taking on the mother role to him whether you see it or not. He became comfortable that your doing everything for him. Instead of cooking, cleaning, taking care of him, etc let him stand on his own two feet and do things for himself. He became dependent on you and you was comfortable catering to his needs but now your getting sick of that role and want him to step up. However it seems that he's incapable of doing this. Now your stuck with a big baby that can't pull his own weight.

I think you knew he was like and you can't wake up one day and expect change. I think he will continue to be this way and if you can't talk to him about or he can't take you serious than it take to quit this relationship. Does he even have a job? Your too young to be playing the role that you is.

Number 1. Although his mom has passed I know that I can never take her place (Why would I want to I'm only 25)

Number 2. If you read the post you'd see that I don't nor have I ever nagged and if you think expressing your feelings is nagging then I would say that you have a slight problem.

Number 3. I am no drama queen and would never make a big production out of leaving. Do I think he will change? I'm not sure.

It sounds like you're in a sensitive place. As far as the suggestions from synnen go, I think you may have read them a little differently from the way she meant them to be read. Even in adult relationships, it's not that uncommon for one of the partners to "baby" the other. This counts if you're being held responsible (or offering) to do all of the chores, and to nuture him when he's sick, etc.. . everything but the butt wiping, which by the way, I have heard a woman did with her husband (yuck!). On the surface, all of those things (except the bathroom stuff) are good things. No, they're wonderully loving gestures. But if you combine them with someone who certainly doesn't seem to appreciate the meaning, time and energy you've put into those actions, it does become a different story.

I don't think she suggested that you are a permanent nagger (I don't see your post as nagging); I think she wanted to express a tone or an attitude that could be most effective in communicating with your male partner. The same goes for the last part. They're just suggestions, and I think she's trying to help you to see some simpler solutions to what may seem much more complex to you sometimes. It's good to have people who assert their opinions and advice. In fact, that's just what this site is for. :)

I feel for you, I really do. I know that you can feel at the end of your rope in a relationship, still love the person deeply, but not feel ready, for whatever reason, to break it off. It's clear that you can't go on living the way you are. Do you think you or your partner would benefit from a little couples therapy? If he's really not listening to you, he might hear your words better if they're being interpreted through someone else. If you really have exhausted all of the other options, as hard as it may be, you might just find yourself with two options left: accept all of it or move on.