Is there any options in New Hampshire law to grant there wishes thanks Ray

No. You can, however, file for a change in custody do to this.

Do I have the right to a backround check on this person if he is to have interaction with my kids Ray

I would do a background check if you truly feel that there's a need for it. My husband's ex-wife wouldn't give him the last name of her new boyfriend that she was moving in with until 3 months later; we found out the guy had 4 OWI convictions and was still married when she was dating him. What a lovely world we live in...

Best place to dobackround check and can I use plate on car to do so Ray

I use the Circuit Court website to search people, but that's only Wisconsin. I don't know if New Hampshire has the same type of website. You could try an online website if you have his full name and approximate age.

Plates aren't going to help you much because as far as I know, the only people with the ability to run a plate is the police and they can't legally give you that information... at least in this state.

You have a right to do a background check on anyone as long as you are willing to pay for it. However, the only thing you can do with the results of that check is use it as evidence in your petititon to change custody.

You have a right to do a background check on anyone as long as you are willing to pay for it. However, the only thing you can do with the results of that check is use it as evidence in your petititon to change custody.

Absolutely; hence my statement about doing the check "if there's an absolute need for it." Too many people try to get some dirt on their ex's new partner without any need for it... not saying that's the case here but it's a common problem.

It's hard to close your eyes at night when you can't be there to protect you kids from the unknown I just thank god that I have them four nights a week (every weekend) I lived my life to have kids and then to have my hands tied on the purpose I hold so true to protect and rise my kids to maturity Thanks Everybody Ray

How old are the kids?

No you have no say, you can ask for custody of the children if you want to try

My daughter is 13 and my son is 8 married for 20 divorced for 6 years Ray

It tears you up when the people you love ask you to keep them save and your hands are tied not to mention it's from there mom putting her needs before them feeling save at their home and I'm respecting their wishs not to extend the family Ray

Frankly, at their ages, they should be able to handle mom's boyfriend

I don't say this because their mine but they have been able to keep their child like innocence and are super sweet kids leaving them venerable and wouldn't be able to handle any boyfriend espesily then the mother is already ignoring there plea not to disrupt their surroundings Ray

Why would they not be able to handle your ex's boyfriend? At 13 and 8, they should be able to accept that you and their mother are not going to reconcile after 6 years of divorce.

That kind of handling yes safety and the unknown no 3 month old boyfriends moving in no maybe I left the part where moms choice's are not always good child oriented Ray

My step-kid's mom does everything that is self-oriented. If you read some of my latest posts about her, the latest thing she told the 8 year old is that she "can't afford floss." Even with that type of parenting, the kids are able to handle who she dates, and they're only 8 and 6.

i don't say this because their mine but they have been able to keep their child like innocence and are super sweet kids leaving them venerable and wouldn't be able to handle any boyfriend

You aren't going to like this, but if this is the case, then you haven't been a good parent. The 13 yr old, especially, should be mature enough to deal with this. The 8 yr old may need some special handling to explain it, but he's old enough as well.

Its all well and good to try and protect your kids, but if you over protect, then you don't prepare them properly for when they finally have to deal with the "outside" world. To truly protect kids these days, they have to know what the dangers are so they can recognize and deal with or avoid them.

so your saying I should have thought my kids disposable values instead of committing to values and goals two wrongs don't make right if mom throw her family values away follow right be hind her etc.ect. Ray

I'm having a hard time deciphering what you're trying to say because you're not making complete sentences or using punctuation.

What Scott is saying is that there is no reason that your children, at their current ages, should be able to handle a new boyfriend. If they can't, then they've been far too sheltered from reality. Divorced parents date, that's a part of life. If your ex has found someone who makes her happy, your children should be able to see and accept that for what it is, not telling you that they need to be "saved."

so your saying i should of thought my kids disposable values instead of committing to values and goals two wrongs don't make right if mom throw her family values away follow right be hind her ect.ect. Ray


No that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that you need to teach your kids what values you think best for them, but also make them aware that other people value different things and teach them how to deal with such people.

so they should throw their values away for their mother ? Ray

You really need to open your mind a bit. You seem to have a very closed mind that is viewing things in black and white. But too often things are more shades of gray.

One thing you have not identified is what your objection is to the boyfriend moving in. Is it simply an objection to two people leaving without benefit of marriage or do you have some objection to the bf's character or what?

If its just an objection to cohabitation, what you say to your kids is that you strongly disapprove of her actions and you think they should also. But under the law, you have no way to stop it. You tell them we don't always get what we want or what we think is best. Sometimes we have to deal with things that are not pleasant and this is one of those times.

Their the ones saying they don't want an extended family. So I treat them like a car ,house ,what their just something use parade around . Because their kids it's be shutup and follow. I don't know about yourself but when I had kids they became number one and became number two . Ray

You need to get off your high horse and pay attention to the advice you are being given.

Yes I put my daughter first and often did things I felt were not the best for me but best for her. But there were other times when I knew that protecting her from unpleasantness would ill prepare her for what she needed to make decisions on her own. Sometimes you have to do what's required and not what you want. That's life.

There's nothing wrong with putting your kids first; that's one of, if not the best thing you can do.

The problem is that your children are manipulating you. You cannot cater to our children's desires 100% of the time; that's what happens to people like Paris Hilton. They say they don't want an extended family... why? What is it that they're objecting to?

So now I should bring her up to have ten boyfriend's by the age of eighteen .then live with another five by the age of twenty one .then have three kids with three different dads and go on welfare your right real sound advise. Thanks but no thanks Ray

Guess what: you married her and had kids with her. Don't play the martyr.

Here's what I see going on. You still want your kids raised as though their parents are married. Which would be wonderful but their parents are divorced. I too have put what is best for my kids first and I also have to agree with Scott that it is possible to over protect them and then what happens when they get smacked in the face with reality. Just last night my five year old (rather than falling asleep) saw some of the news and came to tell me that it scared her because there was a story about some sicko guy out grabbing trick or treaters last night and he was caught and jailed. So, we had a talk about why it's important for her to stay with me or her dad when we take her tomorrow (which is now tonight) as well as other times. We also talked about what to do if (god forbid) something like that really did happen to her. It might not be pleasant but your kids need to learn that their parents aren't together anymore and it's okay that they date other people because they aren't married. Maybe you should try to talk to your ex and both of you talk to your kids so that they know that just because their mom has someone new dosen't mean that they are second fiddle or that she dosen't love them. There probably will be some jealousy just because they, like many others, won't think that anyone is good enough for their parent. I have been fortunate enough to have been raised by my married parents and my children are being raised by their married parents but the divorce rate is so extreemly high that it is unreasonabel anymore to expect that to be the norm so kids will have to know how to deal with it.

Guess what: you married her and had kids with her. Don't play the martyr.

I'm out of greenies but I have to say this answer is great.

That doesn't mean your kids pay the price. You made them you ow them your undivided attention till they become adults and than you move on. It's not by littering the world with mistakes and trying relationships like your at an amusement park with them in tow that's not going to give us a better young genaration . Ray

What if mom 's new boyfriend is that sicko on TV not so good dad . But it'll be okay honey just close your eyes and go to sleep sweet dreams . Ray

It sounds to me like you're bitter about the divorce and want to play the savior to your kids. Doesn't happen in real world.

No I am not bitter it was a twenty year ride was gifted two great kids and would give my life for them to stay that way . If I only acquire the respect of my two kids for giving them my best try at a normal life then I'll stay single till it's achieved . Ray also basically your saying maybe if the kids want to go out and try new parent for a while so be it just sit back they'll figure it out. It will be some good life experience for them. Ray

Did you not want to get divorced? This is America you can't force her not to date just because you are willing not to date. If you think you can win custody of the children by all means get a lawyer and go to court but arguing about morals on a legal board isn't going to get you anywhere.

It sounds to me like you're bitter about the divorce and want to play the savior to your kids. Doesn't happen in real world.

I hope I'm their savior I put them here I wouldn't expect anybody else Ray

what if mom 's new boyfriend is that sicko on tv not so good dad . but it'll be okay honey just close your eyes and go to sleep sweet dreams . Ray

You know you keep twisting our words and perverting them. Either that or you haven't a clue what we are trying to tell you. But the above quote is just the OPPOSITE of what we are saying. We are telling you that your kids need to be taught that there are sickos out there and they need to be aware of that and know what the signs are so they avoid or deal with it if they do encounter it.

I've asked s few times WHY you (or your kids) object to the BF moving in and you've never answered.

You have three people now telling you the same thing. You are free to ignore our advice. But the bottomline is there is nothing you can do to prevent the boyfriend from moving in unless you can prove he's a danger to the kids.

Are your kids in any phyiscal danger? Has he beaten or hurt your kids in any way? Is he a cruel person and why don't your kids like him? I think that they don't like the fact that mom has a new guy in their lives but please ask them why they don't like him. Why not just move them in with you?

Why not just move them in with you?

It's not that easy; he has to file with the court to have this done. He was already given that advice. Numerous people have already told him to go ahead with the background check if he really thinks it's necessary.

He seems to think that his 13-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son are incapable of handle their mother dating and doesn't want to hear anything otherwise.

It's not that easy; he has to file with the court to have this done. He was already given that advice. Numerous people have already told him to go ahead with the background check if he really thinks it's necessary.

He seems to think that his 13-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son are incapable of handle their mother dating and doesn't want to hear anything otherwise.

Well if the kids are not in danger then they will just have to accept moms boyfriend. The kids cannot tell mom who to date but they do have the right to voice their opinion to mom and dad. I hope that the kids do respect moms boyfriend and I think eventually they will be able to deal with him. They don't have to like this man but they should respect him and I hope dad makes sure they show respect to this guy. As long as he is not a perve or an abuser then I think they will be okay.