Hey guys... a lot of you don't know me, I'm just a stranger, a name and voice over the internet, but I had a message to bring you here. This is for those of you who are out there hurting, and in pain, and in what I affectionately came to call "the dark" - that time when the skies are grey even when the sun is shining as bright as ever. When nothing seems okay and everything seems broken and you honestly feel like you are at the end of the game and that is it.

I just came to tell you that one day, ONE day, you are going to be free. Yes.. you.. you right now reading this message. You will be free. Free of the pain and out of the dark. You are going to reach a point in your life, a lot sooner than you think, when you will forget all about this now and it will be a fleeting moment when you pause for a moment. And then you will smile, or chuckle, and you will put it behind you and once again forget.

To those of you that are fresh... You only have one mission now: make it there. When your day is going really tough... just think to yourself... "I can do one more day, I have one more day left in me". Last it. And then the next day, if things are tough again... "I can do it, I have one more day left in me, I won't let anything stop me...I can do this for one more day". Keep that thought in your mind. One more day.

You can do one more day.

You will look for answers... sometimes there are no answers to find about why things happened the way they did. No answers that will satisfy you. Do not drive yourself crazy looking for these answers. Know yourself and your flaws.. we all have them.. try to fix your ones. That is what counts.. making yourself into a better person by facing your flaws. But as for ultimate and final answers as to "why?".. let it go.

I know that is hard to do. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To let it go. I don't know what triggered being able to do it for me... At one point I just said outloud "**** sucks. But there are no answers so what can I do?" I said that to my friend and he looked at me and he nodded. He agreed. And as soon as I had voiced it, the thought blew me away. It set me free. Another thing that set me free: eventually, you get tired of suffering. I recently spoke to someone... this someone thought I STILL hadn't beaten myself up enough about it. That is what she said. It blew me away that she still wanted me to be down. I walked away. "**** sucks but I paid my dues and did the time and I paid for all my mistakes and wrongdoings with 3 months of suffering. I don't deserve to suffer any more."

When you have decided you have paid the time, you will let go too. You will tell yourself you don't deserve to suffer any more and you will BELIEVE it. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. That part is up to you.

No contact is scary, but it does help the healing. When you are fresh, you are confused. Going no contact makes sure that confusion stays with you and does not get made worse by other parties involved. Once you do go no contact, you will only have yourself, your friends, and your family. But mostly yourself. You are going to walk some hard roads my friend. Some dark, winding roads, with pain that I would not wish on my worst enemies. But I PROMISE you, it DOES get easier, and being there will make you so much stronger in the end, you will come out of it so proud of yourself and who you are as an individual.

Let the people here and the stories of those who made it out be your candles to guide you home.

Good post Jai , glad your feeling better about yourself :)

I liked these posts about moving forward, which is not easy but not impossible. The thing I appreciate is that your pain is actually helping the rest of us so in that regard it is not in vain. This gives some meaning to what you are going through, where as she's just an idiot that didn't see what she had, so while she's cold hearted and not suffering, she's also not moving forward, where as you are even in pain. I hope that all makes sense.

I liked these posts about moving forward, which is not easy but not impossible. The thing I appreciate is that your pain is actually helping the rest of us so in that regard it is not in vain. This gives some meaning to what you are going through, where as she's just an idiot that didn't see what she had, so while she's cold hearted and not suffering, she's also not moving forward, where as you are even in pain. I hope that all makes sense.

Thank you.. and yes. I understood where I failed in the relationship, I wrote out a list of my flaws, the deepest ones I could pull up that even made me feel ashamed. And one by one I started to cross them off...

Whereas she rebounded with some guy 8 years older then me (and her), because and I know this for a fact - she can't be alone.

I met her the other day, chuff... she is the same person she has always been. She has not grown at all. I went to catch up as friends.. She still plays the same games.. she cried.. she told me she was still in love with me.. that she made a mistake.. that she was not in love with him, but that she can't leave the other guy, because she can't bring herself to break his heart but she could break mine (these were her words). She said "he really loves me, Jai" but the way she said it didn't convince either of us.. to be honest it made me want to laugh. They have been together for less than two months.

She is basically confused and dangerous. And for the first time since the break up I looked at her and knew I deserved better.

I went home and thought about it and it all just made me feel incredibly sad. Sad that it had come to this, sad that she was so messed up (she is basically the psycho ex at this point for many reasons), sad that I had somehow contributed to this through 3 years of ups and downs. In fact I was more sad for HER then for me. My friends constantly tell me I am not responsible for the way she leads her life. And, even though I know and agree with them.. I still want to take the blame. When people look at the two of us now, I am surprised they see me as the one better off. I took a long hard look at myself, for three months now, and I made great strides.. and from talking to her, she has not.

I decided I would offer out the olive branch of friendship. Just friends, nothing more. That lasted for two days.. then she attacked me, accusing me of being a womanizer, empty, and a yuppy thrillseeker. She was out of line.. but also so wrong about it all. A womanizer? Wow... She said I was so ugly on the inside to her now it made her sick.

That was the end of that... I casually disarmed her, wished her good night, and then slowly and sadly started removing the little ties she had started making back into my life over the past few days. I could not bring myself to say goodbye again to her. I've said goodbye so many times now thinking it was final, the idea of doing it again made me want to vomit.

I think part of what you are now experiencing is the realization that comes with coming out of love, and that is love hides you from who you really were with. You are now seeing the kind of person she really is, and in many respects that is a great thing for you. Yeah, she's rude and cruel, but this is the real her, this is how she really treats people... even the ones that care about her the most.

What a refreshing read :) thank you

I needed that.

Good on you and keep up the good work!

I think part of what you are now experiencing is the realization that comes with coming out of love, and that is love hides you from who you really were with. You are now seeing the kind of person she really is, and in many respects that is a great thing for you. Yeah, she's rude and cruel, but this is the real her, this is how she really treats people......even the ones that care about her the most.

Yes. I told her when I met up with her that I forgave her a long time ago for leaving - she was unhappy, and it could not have been easy to do. I held no hard feelings and was just glad to see her.

However.. to drag me back there to those feelings.. to hold me like that, and tell me those things.. She wanted me, but I told her that I was not a homewrecker and wouldn't do anything stupid (it was probably stupid enough to go). I did not want to add "cheating on her new boyfriend" to her list of issues to have to deal with. To do all that.. to tell me she still loved me.. that she didn't love him.. but that she was still not going to be with me.. And then to launch the most vicious personal attack I've ever had launched at me only a day later...

It was hard to take. Yes.. I had a lot of flaws when she left me.. but I don't have those flaws anymore. Things are different now and although I still believe I was the one that failed the most in our relationship, I am not the one that is failing now. Trying to have her back in my life for the past few days has just hurt me. I still have feelings for her.. if the last meeting was any indication.. but I had enough self control to not let her cheat on him with me. I was sick of making the wrong decisions and that one was screaming disaster.


what a refreshing read :) thank you

i needed that.

Good on ya and keep up the good work!!

Thank you :) I could do with a hug.. she held me at the park the other day and it almost made me have a break down.

Congrats on coming so far! It's nice to see the results of people taking our advice and seeing that we aren't doing this because we are bitter but we do it because we have all went down that road and trying to save you guys from more heartache