I found some gay porn and tranny porn on my husbands computer. I'm concerned that he is gay or maybe has bisexual tendencies.. however... we have great sex together. Sometimes he likes to use anal toys but I heard that was just beacause the "male 'g' spot" was there so I wasnt' too concerend but having recently found this porn makes me question his sexuality! Is my husband gay?

Do you know for sure that he downloaded this? I know sometimes you can download something else, for instance a song with an odd title (sometimes not even all that odd) and all of a sudden you start getting a bunch of porn in your inbox. For instance, I downloaded a country song called 'Daddy's Hands' one time, and I got some horrible things on my computer after that.

Does he have any other gay tendencies? Does he hide other things from you? Do you not have very good communication? You just might want to confront him with what you found, and see how he reacts. That should be very telling to watch and listen to how he responds.

Don't worry your husband just enjoys the anal "G" rattle lol. Nothing wrong with that maybe you can get into it too and rattle together. (double sided) mmmm

The big question here, I think is... "How would you feel if your husband told you he found other men sexually attractive"? Would this bother you, or are you open to it. I know of a few relationships that this has happened in, and after the truth comes out that way, it depends on how you feel about it.
If you have an open/honest relationship with your husband, ask him about it. Or maybe just some day when you are out in town with him, check out a guy, and girls as well, and see what his responses are.
Honesty is best, even if it's not necessarily what you want to hear.

A LOT a guys enjoy butt play with their wives and have absolutely no gay tendencies. It feels great to most open minded women, and it would feel the same for him.

As far as that porn goes? Maybe its just morbid curiousity. Sort of like few people can drive past any car crash without looking. Does that mean you want to be in a car crash because you looked? Obviously not. Try not to read something into this that isn't there.

Well, did you ASK him?

There are, as far as I'm concerned, two ways to know if someone is gay:

1. They tell you that they are gay
2. You walk in on them having sex with a member of the same sex.

If you can't talk to him about what you found on his computer, your relationship has more problems than just your insecurities about whether he is gay.

It may be that your husband is "upping the ante" in order to have sexual release... plain porno is not enough stimulation, sex with a partner is not enough... so he has to take porno to another level to get off.

This is classic behavior of an addict.

Time to talk to your husband and both of you go for counselling to get clarity on the issue.

Never forget: Happiness is the goal for our lives. :)

It may be that your husband is "upping the ante" in order to have sexual release....plain porno is not enough stimulation, sex with a partner is not enough.....so he has to take porno to another level to get off.

This is classic behavior of an addict.

Time to talk to your husband and both of you go for counselling to get clarity on the issue.

Never forget: Happiness is the goal for our lives. :)

I'll dissagree... and not give you a reddie for it. You just have a real bias when porn is involved. Porn for guys is no different than soap operas or Romance novels are for women, because guys are visual... women like things described out like in those books.

This is not at all behaviour of an addict, its behaviour of an open minded couple. Any issues are related to sexual inhibitions imposed upon them growing up. And lingering guilt of doing something they enjoy. A LOT of couples engage in this. And they do it because its mutually satisfying for them. Personally I'd rather have a wife that likes to do that then a woman whoes idea of wives duties being laying on her back and "putting up" with missionary every week or so, no oral no anal, and nothing the least bit kinky. And there really are women like that out there, too many of them.

Unless he has unexplained absenses or ANY indications he is enjoying a Beef Bugle then don't sweat it.

I'll dissagree....and not give you a reddie for it. You just have a real bias when porn is involved. Porn for guys is no different than soap operas or Romance novels are for women, because guys are visual...women like things described out like in those books.

This is not at all behaviour of an addict, its behaviour of an open minded couple. Any issues are related to sexual inhibitions imposed upon them growing up. And lingering guilt of doing something they enjoy. A LOT of couples engage in this. And they do it because its mutually satisfying for them. Personally I'd rather have a wife that likes to do that then a woman whoes idea of wives duties being laying on her back and "putting up" with missionary every week or so, no oral no anal, and nothing the least bit kinky. And there really are women like that out there, too many of them.

Unless he has unexplained absenses or ANY indications he is enjoying a Beef Bugle then don't sweat it.

I also will refrain from giving you a reddie, maybe. Are you serious? You are comparing soap opera's and romance novels to full blown gay porn? The OP had a serious concern, and just because you like to be kinky, and you are open to anything, it doesn't sound like the OP is. It is also not fair or correct to say that people don't engage in the same type of sexual behaviour that you do, is a result of having inhibitions "imposed" on them while growing up. This may be the case in some instances, but don't make a blanket statement like that. It just has no warrant or merit. I actually think it's sad that you would think that you seem to think that if a wife doesn't want to do anal, or other kinky things, that they must just be doing "wifely duties" I think you're a little over-sexed dude. Women are not your play toys, and to say that there are ACTUALLY some women like THAT out there, and TOO many of them, like it's an epidemic or disorder of some kind, is a ludicrious statement! You said nothing in your answer to address the OP's legitimate concern. This was her first question on this forum, and this is how you address her question? :rolleyes:

Oh and thanks for your reference to "Beef Bugle" . That was absolutely unnecessary, and very rude! :mad:

WOW! This one has strayed way off course. IS your husband gay? I don't know, have you asked him about the porn. Remember, porn is an addictive trap just like tobacco or drugs. Once hooked it is very hard to break the habit because porn feeds the sensory part of the brain. I think you need to ask him about the porn you found, but you also first need to be prepared for the answer. If he is/or has had gay sex, then you need to stop all relationships with him, get yourself tested and quick. You do not want to contract an STD just because he was foolish.

I'll dissagree....and not give you a reddie for it. You just have a real bias when porn is involved. Porn for guys is no different than soap operas or Romance novels are for women, because guys are visual...women like things described out like in those books.


So my turn to complain about biases. I really hate it when people say "men are this and women are that." I don't read romance novels or watch soap operas (and they definitely are not a turn on!). Does that mean I'm not a woman? (Hint: No.) Men who follow sports closely are very interested in the soap opera aspects of which player is being wooed by which team, how players are getting along with team mates, etc. Does that mean they are not men? What is the point of these narrow definitions of what it means to be a woman or a man? I don't think these stereotypes help anyone.

As for the OP, yeah, she needs to ask him if he's gay, at least if she really wants to know. Maybe they are happy as they are and she doesn't really want to know. A difficult call only the couple can make.

WOW! This one has strayed way off course. IS your husband gay? I don't know, have you asked him about the porn. Remember, porn is an addictive trap just like tobacco or drugs. Once hooked it is very hard to break the habit because porn feeds the sensory part of the brain. I think you need to ask him about the porn you found, but you also first need to be prepared for the answer. If he is/or has had gay sex, then you need to stop all relationships with him, get yourself tested and quick. You do not want to contract an STD just because he was foolish.


I agree half and half with what you say here. She does need to ask him about it, and be prepared for any answer he may give.
However, if he has had "gay sex", this doesn't mean she needs to cut relationship with him. Gay sex is no more or less safe than "straight sex". Both hold equal amounts of danger of STD's. Getting tested is a good idea, regardless though.:)
It is also entirely possible, that just because he likes to watch it, doesn't necessarily mean he wants to experience it, or has already done so. It could be a fantasy thing, and if that's the case, then it could go either way. Some people want to act out fantasies, while others like to keep them fantasies, so as not to ruin how they view them. i.e. I love my fantasies, but wouldn't dream of acting on most of them.

The bottom line is this:

There is NO "sign" that someone is gay. There is no definitive behaviour that someone might be gay--just as there is no definitive behaviour or sign that someone is NOT gay.

EXCEPT THIS:

They have sex with the same gender.


The only OTHER way to know if someone is gay is if they TELL you they are gay.

Any other sign, warning, action, or stereotype is really NOT going to tell you anything other than that you have an overactive imagination, and communication issues with the person you're wondering about.

I also will refrain from giving you a reddie, maybe. Are you serious? You are comparing soap opera's and romance novels to full blown gay porn? The OP had a serious concern, and just because you like to be kinky, and you are open to anything, it doesn't sound like the OP is. It is also not fair or correct to say that people don't engage in the same type of sexual behaviour that you do, is a result of having inhibitions "imposed" on them while growing up. This may be the case in some instances, but don't make a blanket statement like that. It just has no warrant or merit. I actually think it's sad that you would think that you seem to think that if a wife doesn't want to do anal, or other kinky things, that they must just be doing "wifely duties" I think you're a little over-sexed dude. Women are not your play toys, and to say that there are ACTUALLY some women like THAT out there, and TOO many of them, like it's an epidemic or disorder of some kind, is a ludicrious statement!! You said nothing in your answer to address the OP's legitimate concern. This was her first question on this forum, and this is how you address her question? :rolleyes:

Oh and thanks for your reference to "Beef Bugle" . That was absolutely unnecessary, and very rude!! :mad:

Where was gay movies mentioned... I read pictures into the original post. But still. Going out and paying big bucks for gay porn shows a real preference... free bootleg internet downloads might be no more than curiousity. You have to be careful there.

Well I'm sorry for any guy that's married to a woman that is that closed minded that oral and/or anal is off the slate. That's the sort of people that have sex once a month or so after 17 years of marriage.

I've dated more than a few women like that in my youth. And I do not regret having passed them over for more even one day. They were dull as anything once the new girl excitement wore off and I saw how dull the same thing over and over would be.

You are welcome to your opinion and to not indulge in either of those. It is your body after all. And its also the prerogative for any and all guys to pass you by as a result. That's their right.

And if this prudish behaviour wasin't "Imposed" upon them from an early age, then explain your level of bitter excitement over those of us that enjoy it? I'm curious to hear your reasons. But remember YOUR opinion isn't the only one that counts.

I have to admit I'm a little confused as to the issue at hand because I think it's got lost here. I do agree with Smoothy that porn is different for men then it for woman, I think the point he was making is that men are visual, where as women are emotional and that is why generally speaking men like porn and women like soap operas.

I disagree when he says that women who don't like anal are pruddish.

That being said, Starbuck I think is comparing gay porn to soap opera's and is there a difference. I'd probably say so, although I agree that it could be some sort of curiosity to see as opposed to be into. I've gone to websites that feature video's of people dying and if that happened in front of me I'd be freaking out where as on the internet I sort of see it but it's "out there" not near me... if that makes sense. I guess I'm saying that I would not say gay porn means someone's gay, but perhaps could be a curiosity of how other people do things "out there."

I have to admit I'm a little confused as to the issue at hand because I think it's got lost here. I do agree with Smoothy that porn is different for men then it for woman, I think the point he was making is that men are visual, where as women are emotional and that is why generally speaking men like porn and women like soap operas.

I disagree when he says that women who don't like anal are pruddish.

That being said, Starbuck I think is comparing gay porn to soap opera's and is there a difference. I'd probably say so, although I agree that it could be some sort of curiosity to see as opposed to be into. I've gone to websites that feature video's of people dying and if that happened in front of me I'd be freaking out where as on the internet I sort of see it but it's "out there" not near me...if that makes sense. I guess I'm saying that I would not say gay porn means someone's gay, but perhaps could be a curiosity of how other people do things "out there."

Adj.1.http://img.tfd.com/wn/63/17F434-prudish.gifprudish - exaggeratedly proper; "my straitlaced Aunt Anna doesn't approve of my miniskirts" priggish (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/priggish), prissy (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/prissy), square-toed (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/square-toed), straight-laced (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/straight-laced), straightlaced (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/straightlaced), strait-laced (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/strait-laced), straitlaced (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/straitlaced), tight-laced (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/tight-laced), victorian (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/victorian), puritanical (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/puritanical), prim (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/prim)
proper (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/proper) - marked by suitability or rightness or appropriateness; "proper medical treatment"; "proper manners"



What I mean is from religious or other influences growing up they feel Oral or Anal is not proper and the right thing to do based on outside influence of what is "proper" behaviour..

Anal is pleasurible for both parties assuming they are at least a little open minded about the subject.

Of course it's the right of any individual to not do something they don't want to do... just that a persons inhibitions can and do influence their relationships with others. And it's the right of the other individual to move on to another person for what they feel is an excessive inhibition or prudishness. Man OR Woman.

Dealing with only the question the OP asked...

This is my opinion and nothing more.

Concerning his liking anal stim, I wouldn't use this against him. I'm as straight as they get. I love women. Don't want to have sex with a man. Don't want to have sex with a woman and another man in the room, let alone touching me.

That said, anal stim is one more "hot button", whether male or female. During intercourse, if a woman used her fingernails to stim the "guys" and/or light anal stim, its out of this world. One adventurous lover once used a small vibe on me and it felt incredible. Its an awesome addition to your sexual lexicon.

I've joked before that I don't need a girl-girl-guy threesome... I just need a lover with more hands, fingers, and mouths. ;) multiple stimulations distract the mind and let you get more lost in the moment through sensory overload. Anal stim is just one more opportunity for pleasure.

Porn. I hate the battles that go on over this. I'm middle of the road. When used well, it's a good tool. When used poorly, it can be awful for a relationship. I don't believe that because a person likes war movies, they will shoot someone. I believe a person can see something sexually erotic and never choose to experience it.

My partner was raped as a teen. Again as a pregnant mother. Yet she still enjoys reading erotica, some of which has a domination angle. Just because she reads about BDSM doesn't mean she is going to do it or want it done to her.

That said... when things are off in the bedroom, or general intimacy is lacking, and someone finds something like this, it does concern me. Then perhaps its time for a talk.

But, as stated, unless he admits to being gay or you catch him... the only thing you know is that he has searched out sexually explicit material.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I have never had a boyfriend that got off on gay porn. Just the opposite, I've heard some say they prefer the girl-on-girl stuff because it lessens the chance they might accidentally glimpse some other guy's balls. I'm surprised the guys on this board seem to be of the opinion that straight guys generally like looking at gay porn. Maybe I need to get out more. But, whatever.

I agree that someone might happen upon that stuff in one's wanderings on the web, but most guys I know would lose interest the second they figured out there wasn't going to be any female genitalia to look at.

That said, it is taking it to a whole new level when someone likes it enough that they say, 'gee, I want to download a copy of this to my own computer so I can look at it again and again and again,' that to me says the guy is at least bi.

I would also respectfully disagree with the poster that says there is no definitive behavior that makes someone gay other than having sex with the same gender.

I believe what makes someone gay, or maybe bi, is that they are sexually stimulated by and desire sexual relations with their own gender whether they ever act on it. You can be celibate or a virgin and know yourself to be gay or bi or straight or some other combination I have never heard of.

Like a straight guy who gets off on tranny porn.

I don't think any married man should be watching porn and ESSPECIALLY not gay porn- big red flag I am afraid

I didn't say those were the only behaviours that MADE someone gay.

I said those are the only behaviours that will let you KNOW someone is gay.

Big difference.

I dont think any married man should be watching porn and ESSPECIALLY not gay porn- big red flag i am afraid


So women should not watch soap operas... should not read romance novels... and most certainly should not leave their houses without their Burqa and not be seen with unrelated men, You know like the Taliban imposes? Its not far off what you insist men should be doing...

I pity any man involved with a woman that refuses oral or anal (can you say booooooooring)... because they are very pleasurible when someone isn't a closed minded prude. Unless they are equally closed minded they should move on or their sex life will be incredibally dull and boring.

And YES I am qualified to make that statement... I've dated women who were prudes, had all sorts of sexual inhibitions and other issues... and I've dated women with none of those issues... and I did marry a woman that is neither a prude or closed minded. And over 17 years later we still have the sex life we had when we first married... better in fact than we first married and just as frequent (and by that I mean every day).

Men, particularly married men have the right to watch porn... assuming its descrete and not accessible by their children if they have kids.

At no time have men given up any rights to things they enjoy when they get married.

Now this does not include having a squeeze on the side, or fequenting a brothel. Porn does not equal infidelity.

I dont think any married man should be watching porn and ESSPECIALLY not gay porn- big red flag i am afraid

Who are you to judge anyone who uses the word prude with this close minded thinking?

Men, particularly married men have the right to watch porn
. . .
At no time have men given up any rights to thinghs they enjoy when they get married.

Now this does not include having a squeeze on the side, or fequenting a brothel.

Smoothy,
How do you (S) decide what rights married men have and don't have in a marriage? Isn't that up to the parties involved to negotiate? Or is this written down somewhere? You seem so certain about this. I'm puzzled where this certainty is coming from.

Also, do you think married men have more rights to porn than unmarried men? Your first sentence seems to imply that: "particularly married men."

I assume you feel the same about women watching or reading porn? I take it from your other posts that your wife reads romance novels. You sound kind of dismissive or disdainful when you talk about that, like you don't respect that option. What if she was instead watching large amounts of porn showing gay (men on men) sex. Would you prefer that or be fine with that?

Smoothy,
How do you (S) decide what rights married men have and don't have in a marriage? Isn't that up to the parties involved to negotiate? Or is this written down somewhere? You seem so certain about this. I'm puzzled where this certainty is coming from.

Also, do you think married men have more rights to porn than unmarried men? Your first sentence seems to imply that: "particularly married men."

I assume you feel the same about women watching or reading porn? I take it from your other posts that your wife reads romance novels. You sound kind of dismissive or disdainful when you talk about that, like you don't respect that option. What if she was instead watching large amounts of porn showing gay (men on men) sex. Would you prefer that or be fine with that?
For one I was responding to a poster that thinks the man has no rights to do anything... ask for anything and she the woman has all the rights to do all the demanding.

And if you see the comments about romance novels... its in the spirit of sarcasm. I know people who do not speak english as a native language might miss that point easily.

What Gets me riled up is someone who is self righteous about refuseing oral and anal... and then getting indignant because her boyfriend, or husband looks at porn.

As a man... and a married one... I make these statements. I am an adult... I work for a living as as a result I have the right to some forms of diversion. Porn being one... and a beer when I want one. I do not believe I have the right as a married man to have a girlfriend on the side or frequent prostitutes for example... Porn is impersonal. And there is no interaction between the parties.

I've dated women that wanted to dictate everything... but contribute nothing... I didn't date them for long.

And Married and Single guys might have different rights. Single guys can bang 5 different women every night if they can get away with it... Married guys gave that up when they married.

As far as watching porn... both have the same rights there. Women are equally fine watching porn or reading it... they have that right as well. Whatever type floats their boat. The exception to that rule being of course kiddie porn... nobody has any business messing with that toxic stuff.

Porn is not chat rooms however... I am not fine with married people and chatrooms unless their spouse is fine with that. Because it involves interacting with others in that environment.

Who are you to judge anyone who uses the word prude with this close minded thinking?


Lets see... anti-oral... anti-anal... and anti-porn... hmmmmmm

Which party is the one that's closed minded again? Its certainly not me.


Damn I missed out on all the fun the Puritans had... nothing like getting excited over a flash of ankle.

I would not necessarily worry too much about it. I would guess a big part of him viewing this material is strictly curiosity and perhaps some mild fantasizing.

If you question is " is my husband gay?" then my answer is yes or at least bisexual if he is getting sexually stimulated by gay porn.

Do you know for sure that was his porn he downloaded? Could someone else have used his computer?

If the case is no one else used his computer and he was looking at the gay porn then how does that make you feel?

Are you worried? Concerned he'll leave you for a man? Then your answer is time can only tell.

But If your happy in your relationship and sex life... enjoy and quit doubting it because plenty of us women would kill to be happy in ours.