Hi I just need some advice, I have been with my husband for 6 and a half years, we have 2 children and one on the way, we have a good marriage and he is a good husband loving and supportive, but when we first met, he told me in great detail about his past and old girlfriends, he was my first proper relationship so I thought it was OK,it did hurt but I expected it to, I didn't let it effect me till we started talking about getting married and having children, he has said some hurtful things, like ex's being better in bed that me, him still having feelings for one, being engaged 3 times so our engagement didn't mean much to him,talking about sex with someone else in the middle of us making love, always saying that he wished he already had children, even when I was expecting our firsts, going on about how much he spoilt his ex's yet always being tight with me, and so on, I did try to push it away as I loved him and wanted our marriage to work,we did argue about it o and off over the years,till one night I just lost it and he ended up telling me that he had lied about a lot of his past, but still not fully the truth, now 6 years later I found out that none of his past was true at all, he did a lot of lying to his mother for attention and it spilled over to our relationship, now a lot of people say well I should feel lucky to be his first everything and stuff, but I can't seem to get over the hurt from all the lies, as he knew he was hurting me, and still didn't stop, he would swear on mine and our kids lives that he was being honest, when all the time he was lying, some of the lies I can get over, but it's the ones that really hurt at the time, then finding out I was hurt for no reason at all. I just would like someone to tell me how I should get over it, as apart from this our relationship is perfect.

I would suggest some professional help to get your relationship back on track before there is a hugh train wreck. You are feeling hurt and now are wondering what else he has lied about? He is a compulsive lier and he needs to learn to deal with that. Get professional help please.

I have already been for help with a counsellor a few years ago as I thought it was my problem, not being able to deal with his past, but now it was not that at all and I didn't need to go as it as him that was doing it, your right I still can't fully believe him, and am always thinking will there be something else, but he has promised me there is nothing.

You went for counselling? But not your husband? Why not? I think you both will need professional help to get through this one.

Yes as it was me that was getting angry and starting most the arguments, so I went for help, my husband did not as he has no time to fit it in, as he is busy, I don't know how counseling will help us, I just want a guarantee that this won't happen again, and wanted some advice on if I should get over it or am I right to be feeling like this.

There are no guarantees, just hard work with two committed people. If he has no time to work on his issues, or to learn to work with you through communications, and shared goals, how can anything change??

Has he changed for the better on his own? Your feelings are there and are yours, understandable, but what of his??

Of course he has changed oh yeah defiantly, that's what's making it so hard, he is no longer stuck in his own self destructive world, he is very sorry, and sorry for still hold back on some lies, he can't tell me he loves me enough, he makes up for all the hurt by telling me all the things he should have said before, like how special I am to him, how happy he is that I am his first everything, he even took the steps and confronted his mother about how she made him feel, and how that effected him, and that he feels stupid having girlfriends just because that was the only time she gave him attention and made him feel normal, and how that effectively turned to lies and how it has now effected us, he has come along way,I asked him to see someone and he will, but its having time to fit it in, I just feel so lost, he is the man I love and want to spend my life with, but the hurt goes so deep, and I'm scared I'll be hurt again.

Being happy is a risk we all take, and just have to work through, and deal with those feelings. Try not to look back over your shoulder, and look ahead, and be willing to work together, as that's what you'll be doing forever, working on being happy.

I see another problem here. He works too much and therefore has no time to deal with the only think that matters in life? Red flag! Apparently he still has his priorities wrong. Family MUST be number two in your lives not work. Work is somewhere down the list at around number 13 in importance. I am seeing way more than lying here as problems. You BOTH MUST get some professional help and fast before this blows up in your faces.

Well its actually uni and deadlines that are getting in the way, which I don't want wrecked as it is our future, if I asked him to give it all up to get help he would, but we have a future and children to think about, yes there was more to it than lying, for him it was his mother and on a self destruct mission that I happen to get in the way of, as I suppose when we met it was at a bad time in his life and in that respect if he had known at the time, then some space would have been better, for me the issues are just feeling let down and hurt by the man I love, he assures me that he is sorry and hates himself for everything.

Excuse after Excuse. You've asked for advice and people are giving it to you. TAKE IT. You have a difficult time seeing the picture when it is presented to you. You told use what you wanted us to know and when theings are brought up that are problems you deflect them and excuse them. These are the things that have caused you pain. If they were so easy to ecept you wouldn't be on here writing about it. He does work too much and yes it is your future, but if you don't fix how you feel inside about your husband how long is that future... think about it. Re-read what people are offering and be open. Good luck.

You do yourself, and your family a grave disservice, holding on to past feelings, and your not dealing with the now of the situation. Do you need help with letting go, and moving forward??

Don't let today's stress (there is always something to stress us), bring up the past feelings.

I think your showing signs of some poor coping skills, and that's something you can work on yourself, with some guidance.

I was dealing with it fine for well over a year, till now I find out there are more lies, but he is getting help soon as we find someone, as I need him to deal with what ever is going on in his head,